Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

have managed (with a lot of effort and a bit of help from DS1) to move some of the stuff out that needs to be upstairs to be sorted. Stuff that exH just dumped in there when he "helped" the other week to bring stuff from my friens car into the house (bloody heavy/awkward shaped stuff).

Floor is disgustingly dirty, not going to be able to wash it, so will just have to hoover it and hope it doesn't look too bad.

Also realised I didn't have enough clean mugs or teaspoons so have had to load the dishwasher up and put it on a quick wash........

have given up in here now, the table is clean (courtesy of DS2........well cleanish.....), there is space to get to all 4 chairs, I have clean mugs and spoons.

Really don't have it in me to get any more done.

Hi all, I've been reading this thread for a few days and would love to join! Excuse the long introductory post.

I have 3DCs and am 24 weeks pregnant with a DS3. I realised last year that the extreme anxiety, stress and social anxiety I suffer is due to OCD which in turn makes me very depressed (GP agreed when I finally was able to tell him exactly what has been going through my head on a day to day basis for the last 26 years since I was about 12 - probably the hardest thing I ever did). I am having CBT and and was feeling better but since getting pregnant again (let my broodiness get the better of me ), I am definitely having plenty of low moments and can feel things getting on top of me again. Especially with the DCs being off school at the moment, coupled with feeling really rough with this pregnancy - headaches, extreme tiredness, bloatedness, SPD etc, much worse than my others which I presume is my age catching up with me! I have also had a terrible relationship with my mother (between the ages of about 8 when she married my stepfather and 22 when I left home for good). My CBT therapist says I should discuss with her how I felt as a child to try to get to the bottom of why she treated me like that but we get on so well now - we even kiss each other when we see each other after never being affectionate when I was child - and I don't want to upset her which is weird after all she put me through!

Am moving house on Saturday and have not got far on the packing as have absolutely no motivation , been out all day today with the DCs, any excuse just to not be in the house with it hanging over me!! Luckily as we don't need to be out of our current house until Monday, DH has told me to leave it until he's off work from Friday and we will do it together room by room. Only moving 10 mins drive away but still extremely stressed about it!! At least DD and I have been over to the new house this week and bleached it from top to bottom [my OCD!] so it is pristine for when we move over - won't stay like for long though with my 3 DCs, I can't imagine anyone having messier kids than them and they are not toddlers anymore!!

I have been getting up later with the DCs being of school as well (between 9-10am) which is making me feel like shite! DH leaves for work at around the same time and the fact that he's made the DCs breakfast, made his own lunch and brought me a coffee in bed makes me feel like even more shite!! Must try and get up at a decent time tomorrow.

welcome bigmomma and good luck with the moving!

right, well I took a pregnancy test, been feeling weird but thank goodness it was negative feel rather funny though.

anyway, off to have a shower before masterchef! wouldn't bother but we're going to DD's friends birthday party tomorrow morning and I want to be vaguely presentable.

DS (7m) is so cute today, it's cheering me up no end, been demanding to eat my food (!!!) and very nearly crawling.

Good Luck moving house BigMomma.

TF that sounds good enough for your meeting.

I am sat on the sofa exhausted have a funny feeling I have done too much today and have another busy day tomorrow.

DH is currently on the phone to someone who has asked if they can drop in tomorrow on their way to somewhere else. DH asked me if it was ok and I said yes. I'm now feeling a little anxious, I need to vacuum, will they want anything to eat?, what have I got in?. I was going to Tesco tomorrow anyway but now I suppose I will have to go early just to make sure I'm back in time. Now I feel my day won't be my own and I feel a bit panicked - all because someone wants to pay us a friendly visit - stupid isn't it?! And I'm rambling.

Well done TF (and DC) for clearing and cleaning your dining room.

I'm hoping you are right MMM, and me being aware of the relationship with my own mother will help me to have a better relationship with my own children. I can't imagine for a moment my mother ever sitting down and thinking how her behavior may be affecting me, maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so.

Before the bombshell of visitors tomorrow I was having an ok day. Woke up, made tea, back to bed with tea, chat with DH, bit of MN, breakfast, dressed (didn't have a wash but had a bath late last night so thought I could get away without today, although I did clean my teeth) made lunch, washed dishes, music rehearsal, put drying up away, made dinner, almost finished washing up just got the grill pan soaking.

Feel a bit better now, will vacuum before the Tesco run in the morning so I'm not in a mad rush just before they get here. Luckily I only cleaned the bathroom on Sunday, will just need to wipe round the loo.

Welcome BigMommaOfAlmost4, congratulations on your pregnancy From your post it sounds as though you have a very supportive and understanding DH. Well done for opening up to your GP, I can imagine how hard that must have been.

Thankyou for the reassurance seashore, what you've read makes sense. It's wonderful to here that you've raised your daughter to be confident and creative - a pheasant and a fox!

Evening everyone,
Just about to go to bed - feeling like a failure again, as really haven't achieved very much today at all. Am away Friday - Monday, and have to do loads tomorrow to compensate for not doing much today all week
Allegra - would love to meet! I'm central - near Covent Garden. Not sure if ready to come to a birthday party (lots of people scare me slightly, and I become all hermit like ), but would love to meet another time.
x

morning all, just logging on quickly as I've got to get us ready for a (very small) birthday party at my friend's house, need to leave at 9. takes 2 buses to get there. aaaaaaaaaand breathe!!!

but I'm dressed and got the kids' clothes ready. DD and I have had breakfast.

feeling slightly wobbly, now I know I'm not pregnant I'm wondering why I've been feeling so odd, appetite all over the place (not a usual depression symptom for me!) etc. also rather that my clothes don't fit but I feel like I don't deserve new ones yet. DH keeps insisting he'll treat me to some, but I said no as I wanted to lose some weight first. Some chance! It was going really well until the depression kicked in a few months ago.

right well better go, would love to meet you Londoners - am a bit further out as I'm in Crawley (about halfway between London and Brighton) - but it's doable... not for a while though

hope everyone has a good day

well I am up, have had coffee and tea in attempt to wake up....and the boys are in front of telly watching Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs dvd (bad mummy emoticon- well it's the holidays...)

tiger totally understand children's parties with strangers not for everyone! (I am an atypical depressive- so I don't get social anxiety particularly, but I know most people do when they're depressed...)

claireinthecommunity I think the fact that you've thought and reflected about your issues with a daughter etc will make you a great mum- depression is hard but the trick is not to pass it on. I had 2 boys and it was kind of a shock, I think I'd wanted a girl originally so that I could 'undo' all the damage my mum did with my sister and I...which would not have been a good idea!!

I had terrible PND with ds1 and made a lot of mistakes I regret and the kids are now having to endure a lengthy divorce but they are still great, kind, lively little boys. I do worry about their future sometimes and what I may have 'done to them' with my depression but at base, I love them and I've tried my damnedest to shield them from it...

we can def meet up some other time. xx

Morning everyone! Hello bigmomma! The sun is shining here and that has put me in a good mood. But today's agenda is .... wait for it ... contain your excitement ... shopping for a new iron!!! Yeah!

We're all up. DH is 'working from home' today. DS3 is bouncing in his bouncy chair, DS1 is making everyone breakfast (well trained) and DS2 is eating his shreddies. I'd better go join them

ah now why haven't I trained ds1 to make breakfasts yet - probably something to do with the fact that his idea of breakfast would be a pile of chocolate biscuits...

Morning everyone - we're off to London today.........until tomorrow night.

I've booked a hotel for the night so I didn't have to get up silly time tomorrow and make it a proper trip

DS's have no idea where we're going today - just told them we'll be going out in about an hour

Wow TF that sounds really good fun

I am up and about, about to head off for job interview number two but there are tests involved in this one not totally sure that it will go well but I have to try.

morning all
sorry toccata, I have just asked ont he slatterns thread 'where this one is'

didn't look hard enough

get out of bed done
feed the kids breakfast done
put a wash on
put the wash in the dryer
do the washing up
go to the post office
eat something
take ad's done
drink juice

What are you interviewing for LM? I also need a job atm- an academic one though so they'll be hard to get...

Hello .

Managed to get out of bed a bit earlier today - think it helps that the sun is shining today.

claireinthecommunity I have just realised I was talking to you on a citalopram thread last night.

I too hate people "dropping round". Some people probably love it but I need to be totally prepared and stress about it.

We are going to a friend's house later on so need to wash my hair. Haven't done for a few days and it has definitely reached its limit .

Morning all.

Question: the postman rings the doorbell at 10.30 and despite having been up since 7.30 you are still in your PJs. Same PJs you were wearing when you answered the door to the postie yesterday...what would you do? Answer or ignore?

Answer! I don't care! I once answered the door to a courier with just a towel on as I had been in the bath.

I would answer. DHL man came about 1:30 a couple of days ago and I was in my pyjamas. Am in pyjamas now. It is holidays .

answer, wouldn't even think about it

get out of bed done
feed the kids breakfast done
put a wash on done
put the previous wash in the dryer done
do the washing up
get a passport photo
get postal order for driving licence app.
get postal order to pay drain bill
fill in driving licence app. form done
go to the post office and post this two things
eat something done
take ad's done
drink juice done

completely forget that dd1 was supposed to be going on a day trip with the carers trust done

get a phonecall asking whether she is coming and then race around like a twat trying to cobble together a lunch (frozen sandwiches and crisps ) only to find that my car battery is completely flat done

be forever endebted to the lovely lady who came to the house to get her even though it is putting them behind done

decide what to have for tea
take some toys back up into their room
put away dry clothes

alle - I am interviewing for web IT jobs, have no idea how to turn my brain into something useable. My current work have pretty much told me they will end my employment as soon as I am fit for work so need to find something else first.

I am back now and the interview went ok. Have had something to eat as I was feeling really light headed thats it I am afraid.

get out of bed done
feed the kids breakfast done
put a wash on done
put the previous wash in the dryer done
do the washing up done
get a passport photo done
get postal order for driving licence app. done
get postal order to pay drain bill done
fill in driving licence app. form done
go to the post office and post this two things done
eat something done
take ad's done
drink juice done

completely forget that dd1 was supposed to be going on a day trip with the carers trust done

get a phonecall asking whether she is coming and then race around like a twat trying to cobble together a lunch (frozen sandwiches and crisps ) only to find that my car battery is completely flat done

be forever endebted to the lovely lady who came to the house to get her even though it is putting them behind done

decide what to have for tea done
take some toys back up into their room done
put away dry clothes done

Gut kitchen cupboards and clean mess done
put washing on done
put load in tumble dryer done
put dishes in dishwasher and turn on done
empty dishwasher done
clean ds's fish tank done
strip ds's bed done
called recruitment guy about feedback done
pay ds's morning nursery done
write envelope for sick line done
go to b&q and get paint for hall to cover chocolate incident done
touch up the paint in the kitchen (4 months overdue ) done

left:
drive to docs and get sick note and change app for next week
call hv to tell them i have changed gp app
pick up ds from nursery
get diesel in order to get ds
make ds's tea
find time to play with ds as ordered suggested by my hv
put ds to bed
sort washing from tumble dryer
sort ds's food for going to mil's tomorrow
sort ds's clothes / over stuff also for tomorrow

collapse in heap on sofa and not move again for a week