Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

Hi countrylover.

I didn't get a brilliant night's sleep last night (DC4 only 3 weeks so not supising!) and DH has taken the DCs shopping (and DC4 is asleep) so I can get some sleep but I can't really do sleep on demand! So I laid in bed feeling grumpy and then decided to get up, showered and do some housework and although feel tired definately feel more positive Will just go to bed early tonight!

It is cloudy here but not raining so will try and get out in the garden this PM. Need to go to buy some veg. seeds at somepoint as I grew some last year for the first time and it was really rewarding.

Positives of day- try and have a general tidy and clean and sort some things around the house.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Welcome CL - I'm glad that you have recognised your PND and took action - always a positive move!

becky I know what you mean about sleeping on demand, I'm the same.

I had a lovley lie in until handyman started banging. I don't like to do anything until I have had a cuppa at the weekend so waited for hm to go (took an hour) and then came down. I am waitig for DH to come back from running some errands and then am going to tackle house/DD1/2's bedroom > Positive for today - am going out with DH for a meal - have got a babysitter.

DD3 has opened the cupboard and took about 50 dvds out!

Still struggling, sorry I don't have much to add to the conversation right now. To add to things, DS3yrs fell off in preschool and managed to get a nasty lump on his head which looks awful still and gave him a black eye as well! He's been seen in A&E and we're just monitoring him right now.

Hello, was just looking through the thread and it made me feel so much better somehow to know that I am not the only one. This is my 2nd bout of PND, started last summer I think but didn't really face it until Xmas & started on ADs. I feel quite disappointed that it's happened again as I'd managed to stave off depression for a long time in between (have been prone in the past). Fair enough I did go and have twins this time so they're now 17 months and have 3yo and 6yo as well.
Anyway, thought I'd say hullo and then lurk...

Hi accessoize, welcome! I'm glad the thread has helped, you are defintley not alone! There are lots of us PNDers!

DH is having a much needed lie in, I am up with my girls. Me and DD1 are still ill, bloody bug.Grrr. I am having a cuppa and then going to get on - must finish tidying DD's room before her friend comes for tea tommorrow.

Positive for today - tidy DD's room and get rest of house to an ok standard.

Hi Countrylover!!! Good to hear from you
Hi accessoize, welcome!

I had the BEST TIME EVER learning how to blow glass at the weekend. I highly recommend it to anyone: the liquid glass centre near Bath. It was bloody brilliant! I want to do more!

We actually left the house today as a family! (DH borrowed a car we could all get in!). Had a lovely time in the city but not much sleep still so very fuzzy headed.

Just psyching myself up for the week ahead now. It feels quite ok when DH is home but so overwhelming when on my own.

AQ- your life sounds as hectic as mine only you are a bit further down the line- tell me it gets easier!

BBL- glad you had a good weekend

Triggles- keep going. Take one hour at a time like me and count every little achievement

Thanks all. Glass blowing sounds fab, wish I could do anything like that round here, need a hobby to get me out of the house!
Becky, what ages are your dc's? sorry haven't read whole of thread yet. Tis lovely when you push to get out of the house, always worth it!

Mine are 3 weeks (!), 14 months, 2.6 and 3.9 so it is still a bit of an effort to go out!

I am feeling much better physically.

DD2 is having a friend over for tea and her room (or her side) was a tip! I have just finished making it to a passable standard although I have'nt hoovered very well cos the hoover is playing up. Just the rest of the house to do now.

DD3 is at nursery - as much as I heart her I love having a couple of mornings to myself (well sort of DD1 is off school sick)

Positive for today, have arranged to have coffee later on in the week with new friend and have arranged a night out with another couple. wo-hooo.

Ok. Spoke to my mum on the phone the other day, she is doing alright and my father goes into a nursing home this week. He's not best pleased, but it is what is best for both he and my mum and their health, so that's that. And we have gotten through the 1 year mark of FIL's death. So some stress relieved for me a bit.

DS3yrs is better now - bump on head still (although not nearly as large thank goodness!) and a black eye from his fall at preschool - but the initial "head injury" window has long passed now. He went to preschool today and had a lovely time. Bit of relief for me there.

A small amount of cleaning done, which helps me somewhat. I am having dreadful cramping today and feel a bit ill. I don't even want to think about what my iron level is, and even though I can't take the full dosage of iron supplement yet (due to diverticular complications), I have started taking half dose of iron, figuring that some is better than none.

Ooops. nappy change, more later.

Hi there,

Gosh it is quiet on here. I am having a busy week.....I picked my car after 2 weeks in the garage! then I did an emergency house tidy before friend came (this was yesterday) today I was on a course and then went to a friend's for tea. My eldest is still off school ill. Luckily DH has been around to help out.

Tommorrow, my other mate is coming for lunch....so more tidying!! And I've got baby swimming. Friday, baby at nursery in the morning and then baby singing in the afternoon. I might have a quiet week next week....

not4 hope your eldest is feeling better soon! Sounds like you've been keeping busy! I've found that getting out and doing things (no matter how much I dread it) seems to help me a bit. I can honestly say that I could see agoraphobia setting in if I didn't make myself get out and do things.

DS3yrs started preschool, and he loves it. So twice a day, 4 days per week, I HAVE to get up and leave the house, to take him to preschool. THAT gets me moving! And I'm making myself take ONE of those mornings and take DS7months and go into town, and just browse around the high street, enjoying the fresh (or should I say freezing this week?!?!) air, and possibly having a coffee or something. Trying to get some better cleaning habits going as well. I'd like to get a shower routine going, as it seems like I never have my shower at the same time each day - sometimes morning, sometimes evening. Drives me nuts. But not sure I really want to get up quite early to do it first thing in morning as I'm a bit loathe to cut into what little sleep I get. Hmmm... decisions...

How's everyone else doing??

Argh... slight mini-meltdown today. It all comes down to DH having a strop. He doesn't even realise he has raised his voice, so when I point it out, it's a shout of "I'm not raising my voice!" Um, hello? How many times?!?!? I can only assume it's a male thing? And he normally goes to sleep at 9am. So at 8am, he's saying "so do you have everything sorted now so I can go to bed?" Um, NOOO!! Because (as always) I plan on him going to sleep at 9am, which gives me time to get washing up done, laundry started, some general cleaning, and even possibly a shower without having kids underfoot! I realise I COULD do this stuff later in the day, but it would be with 2 little ones tagging along, and it makes it twice as complicated and takes twice as long! It's not like I'm swanning off to have fun for an hour, ffs, I'm CLEANING!! Ok, rant over.

Honestly, DH can actually be quite helpful, but OMG some days he makes me crazy as he just doesn't stop to think that I have a set routine for the most part, and if he deviates from it greatly, then he throws MY whole day off. And then of course, because I'm not the most stable emotionally, I either rage about it (meaning holding it in and feeling angry and ill all day) or get upset and end up weepy all day. And then I hate myself for being that way.

Anyone else do this? Or am I just mad??

Hello! You are not mad triggles that is normal. I've spent a few days tearful this week (which I have actually found very theraputic; when I first felt PND symptoms I couldn't cry and felt numb all the time which was more distressing to me).

We've had a mixed week. I've been feeling much better, sleeping much better, feeling generally more myself but DS3's skin is the pits at the mo. GP is not at all helpful and seems to think I am a neurotic mother. Today his skin is red raw so we're trying him on lactose-free milk but to be honest I don't think it is lactose that is causing it, just a gut feeling. I'd love to be proved wrong if it helps his skin. If this doesn't work then we'll have to try dairy-free milk if such as thing exists. Perhaps if I'd persevered with breast feeding we wouldn't be doing all this now

Anyway: we've done lots of positive things this week - making DS1 a Mr Strong costume for school, going to baby massage, going to Children's Centre Services drop-in, shopping for mother's day pressie for my mum, in fact we've hardly been home.

Hope everyone is doing ok and at least it is the weekend now. Take each week one at a time, that's the best thing to do.

BBL thank you - I do sometimes have that numb feeling, and I would say (after thinking about it a bit) that I agree that at least the overactive feelings are better than the numbness, although I think it's a slight margin. When I have felt numb, I don't feel alive, like I'm not here and can't pull up out of the water at all. I think it just shocks me that I can go from tearful to raging and back to tearful and all over the place so rapidly. Even when pregnant I wasn't this bad emotionally.

In a few weeks, DH's work hours are being reduced. It affects us financially, but at least he will be here with me more. He spoke to his work and arranged it, as he was concerned about my health. This way he can make sure I'm getting regular sleep and eating normally (I've been skipping meals and kind of living on coffee some days, which I thought I had managed to hide somewhat) and he'll be here to take some of the responsibility for the kids and household stuff as well. And to push me to go out of the house as well. To be honest, it's such a relief. I have really been struggling, and I feel a bit like a lifeline has been thrown to me, knowing that in a few short weeks, he'll be here more and be helping me pull myself up a bit. Just holding out until then, really.

Hi everyone. I am still here but very tired and don't get a lot of time to come on here at the moment. Hope you are all doing o and have a good weekend.

Hello,

Sorry for my absence. I have been busy for the last week. I am taking it easy today cos I was ill then, DD1 was ill (still not 100%), now DD2 and DD3 are ill. So I told Dh he had to sleep on sofa bed and I was up with baby and DD2

How is everyone? Not good in our house: DS3 has thousands of chicken pox spots - I'm not joking when I say there is more spot than skin on his head and shoulders. I've rang GP but they don't seem too worried so long as he isn't too 'unwell' in himself. I'm sick with anxiety though. I can't cope with illness and the worry that comes with it.

not4anotherday hope you are all better. Sickness bugs are my idea of hell (more than chicken pox) as I have a phobia about sickness along with everything else!

Hi, I'm Puree and I have PND. I was diagnosed this morning. I have a 22 mth DD and one of 4 weeks. I'm just miserable and disappointed and ashamed that i am here once more (had it with DD1). DH had an underwhelming response so I'm feeling ultra-fragile at the moment and have come looking for 'a support thread'.

Nice to meet you all.

Oh Puree you poor thing. Don't be disappointed and ashamed. It can happen to anyone. I didn't think it would happen to me and I still feel really cross with myself for various things, being anxious, not sleeping, etc! But we shouldn't feel like that. Your DH perhaps doesn't know how to react. Congrats on your little DD by the way.

Hi puree I'm sorry that you are in the PND boat but glad you have found us. Do you think the feelings you have may be the PND talking IYSWIM. PND can make you very negative and harsh on yourself. Congrats on your new baby, be kind to you.

Waves to BBL

I have been a naughty girl and not taken my ads over the weekend and am feeling it a bit now - oops! I am tired but also feeling in my own world, not really sure what to say to anyone - feeling a bit odd. Does that make sense? I even left baby group early today cos i just had had enough which id=s not like me. Oh well a couple of days back on them and I'll be ok.

Thanks everyone. Strangely enough I feel a bit more positive today: having vented here and started on the meds, is obviously having a powerful psychological effect.

puree welcome and hope you are feeling more yourself soon!

Sorry I've been absent awhile.. I had reached a point where I just couldn't talk about it for a bit. Am still rather emotional and swinging wildly in that respect. But am trying to hold it together until Easter, as then DH is on less work hours and will be around to take some of the stress off of me. Right now I just hate myself and how inept I feel. Will attempt to get back into thinking of daily positives, as I feel it's important.

Hi,

Do you mind if I join this thread? I was prescribed sertraline today for PND, but I'm feeling very and about taking them. (I have DD1 who is almost 3, and DD2 who is 8 weeks.) It all came out when I went for my 6 week check - I managed to mix up the time of the appointment and turned up 30 minutes late. I promptly burst into tears in front of the GP. She was lovely, and asked a HV to come speak to me - one I'd never met before - who was also lovely. It felt such a relief to finally say how I was feeling. Anyway, she arranged an appointment with the community mental health people very quickly. The doc I spoke to today believed I had PND for a good 18 months after DD1 (which I pretty much knew myself.) I felt awful during that time - I came very close to putting an end to it all on a couple of occasions. I never told anyone how I felt. I was terrified of going back to that dark place whilst I was pregnant with DD2, and was so determined it wouldn't happen again (I sort of realise now that it was not really under my control.) Anyway, it's such a relief to finally have let this out. I told DH a lot of stuff tonight and I feel a lot better for it.

Anyway, I see I've written an essay . I'll stop and just say hello .