Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

My oldest has 'hurt' her ankle, last week she fell and mil made a big deal sbout it, she seemed fine, had a dancing lesson on saturday and said ankle hurting again. So I took her to see gp - he said it is fine. She was skipping down the hill with her friend tonight but tonight has been whining on and on about it? Just don't know what to do/think? I can't help wondering if she is attention seeking

Does anyone else feel like they're constantly failing, at everything they do? Christ, I can't even harvest my online farm without critising how I'm doing it, how other peoples farms are better. I really am pathetic.

Am supposed to be going out on Saturday for DPs birthday and I am terrified. I'm scared I won't have expressed enough milk (have expressed 10oz so far), am scared something with happen to Bryn whilst I'm out, am scared something will happen to me... And I'm scared I won't be able to put on my normal social "Everything is right in the world " face. DP is great, he knows everything, and has always supported me, but his friends don't, nor do I want them to. This will be my first baby free time that lasts for longer than twenty minutes, and I swear if the psych hadn't ordered me to start going out without him, I would find an excuse not to go. Its so stressful.

Not that I'm not looking forward to it... But am so scared and down and lifeless, I don't want to ruin it for DP

I'm such a mess. Just want to sob. The only thing keeping me from doing something stupid is the little man in his cot next to me. Have to stay strong for him. Or at least pretend to be.

Sorry. Just needed to get it out.

Erika big hug sweetie. You are NOT failing. PND is not your fault. Your feelings are part of that. You are a fantastic mum. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world. You will cope. You are a strong person. A weak person would not be able to cope with depression and a new baby - it's a huge burden.

DS3 is having his second set of jabs today.

Hi folks, dunno if I should be here or not. Think I may have pnd, but it could just be hormones. Started a thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/910014-Hormone-come-down].

I'd forgotten about the anger. Three times in three days I have lost it. I've been so angry I've shouted and sworn at 2yo DS (and then promptly burst into tears), screamed at the world in general at the top of my lungs, and I would have physically hit DH if he hadn't been on the other end of the phone. As it was the phone went flying across teh room.

I know I should go to my GP, but I feel like a bit of an idiot. Whenever I walk in there and she asks me how I am, I just compulsively say I'm fine in a really cheery manner. After DS was born I went to the GP convinced I had attention defecit disorder - she was understanding and reasonable and referred me for a mental health assessment which came to nothing. I dropped it as after ds was about 14 months the symtoms (i.e the same ones I have now) got better. When I got pregnant, they completely disappeared. I dont want to go back to her convinced I've got some other disorder.

I just wish there was some easy way I could be the way I was when I was pregnant with DD.

What should I do? Should I go back to the gp, if so, how should I approach it?

Hi Naetha, I don't know what to suggest but I'd talk to your health visitor first. Where I live the health visitors run a group for mothers with PND and I have found it invaluable so far. We meet once a week and just talk about our individual issues and talk about coping strategies. It has really helped me put a lot in perspective and I've made some good friends there who understand what I am going through. There might be something like that in your area. I went to my GP when I first felt wrong and he just perscribed me pills, which in my case I don't think are the answer.

I don't feel anger at all. If anything I feel the opposite: apathy. And I feel really quite protective over my other two children - I just want to cuddle them all the time, which they don't seem to mind. I cry a lot though. I'm just so tired all the time and tired of lying in bed wide awake at night. Insomnia is bloody pants.

Naetha - I think it would be good to talk to someone - either your GP or HV, whichever you're more comfortable with.

I was up for awhile last night as I was aggravated. I had just gotten the baby asleep and was putting him in the cot, when DH came in and started talking to me and woke the baby up. I know it was a bit irrational, but I had a go at him about it. I was sooooo tired and just wanted to settle the baby (as the 3yo was already sleeping) and was looking forward to getting some sleep. But then baby wouldn't go back to sleep, and DH couldn't stay to help, as he had to go to work (he works nights). I was so angry (not at baby) that I couldn't sleep for awhile, so ended up staying up for a few hours just steaming and trying to find something to do to take my mind off it.

I feel better this morning though.

Molly - our local surestart has the most horrible toddler group ever LOL. I went a few times, honestly TRIED to make a go of it, but simply couldn't deal with all the nonsense. And that was BEFORE I was even pregnant with the baby - I was taking our 3yo (who was 2 at the time). I have gone back here and there, just in case it's changed, but it hasn't.

Erica - would it help at all to take a little bit of time each day over the next few days away from your little one? Maybe have DH watch him while you go for a walk, go to the supermarket... anything just to get increasing small increments of time away to reassure yourself that he will be okay. It might make the transition to the longer time period on Saturday a little easier?

But is the toddler group in a children's centre? It is more the children's centre i was thinking of, Triggles...they have staff tere with a wide knowledge of all services available to parents, including parent support advisors who may be able to give you some practical and emotional support.

Morning everyone,

How is everyone today? Just a flying visit - I've got a sore throat/ear ache [angry} so just relaxing today.

Not4 - hope you feel better soon.

Doing okay today. Am up, washed, dressed - I even have make up on. Feel a little numb, but you can't have it all...

not4 - hope your throat and earache clear up soon - no fun feeling ill

erika - glad you're feeling at least up to the makeup - I always feel better when I can put myself together in the morning.

That being said, I had a lie in this morning - boys were up a lot during the night so I had very little sleep. So when DH came home from work this morning, he found me crashed out sideways on the bed. He snuck into the boys' rooms, took them downstairs and let me sleep. He fed them breakfast, got them dressed, made up bottles and picked up a little, and just waited patiently for me to wake up on my own. It was so nice to get a little sleep uninterrupted! Roles reversed now - DH went to bed now and I'm up with the boys. A bit off-balance as my morning routine got thrown a bit by it, but hey, no complaints in that regard. When he gets up this afternoon, I'm off to take a long hot shower I think. Feeling crampy and still worn out a bit, so I was obviously beyond exhausted this morning, as I didn't hear him come home or anything.

Triggles glad your DH is helping you out, it always makes it that bit easier, doesn't it?

Just something I've noticed. I was taking such pains NOT to let DH know how exhausted and stressed I was, thinking that he would be horrified that I couldn't cope (it's important to me that people think I can deal with things I guess). He, of course because I was hiding it so well, didn't realise how exhausted and stressed I was. Until I had a meltdown. And honestly, while you'd think I would learn from that, it actually took a couple cycles of that before it has finally started to sink in to me that DH is there to SUPPORT me and HELP me, and hiding that I am exhausted and stressed from him keeps him from realising it and being able to help. So I've been careful to share with DH how my days/nights have REALLY been, and how I'm actually feeling each day, and he has been more supportive. I think part of my anger that spiralled badly was that he couldn't SEE how bad I was without me telling him. But then I have recently reasoned to myself that if part of the problem is that he is at work lots and asleep (due to working nights) lots, then how is he supposed to see how bad I am without me telling him? (Yes, that was a bit convoluted, but hopefully it made sense!)

Bottom line - communication helps.

I am not sure if i have PND at all as I suffer from 'normal depression' anayway!

All i know is that i love my lo more than anything but she doesnt feel like she is mine, i sometimes find myself thinking i should not have had her, i want to escape the responsiblity and feel trapped and i find home life to be a bit boring. I feel a drag at the moment. She is 2, any one else the same? I hate feeling like this

Hi Erika, Triggles and sb9,

Erika - glad you are feeling a bit better, make lifts my mood too!

Triggles - I think you are spot on on the comms front, think it can be part of the pnd to think we need to do everything but they are DH's DC too! Glad you had a lie in - you sound like you needed it.

sb9 - Are you a SAHM? I have been on and off for eight years and have had periods where I have found home life very boring - still do sometimes. Have you go any hobbies or social activies that are not to do with being a mummy and re just for you? I bet you a great mummy of course you should of had her, 2 is a hard age.

Still feel rough - went to bed when DH came in - hence being wide awake now.

Positive action for tommorrow: Take baby to jo jingles

Sorry about my grammar.

Positive activity today: go to children's centre drop in and then take DS3 to town to buy DH's birthday present.

Tired today because DS2 had nightmares last night! I slept fitfully too. But feel relatively chirpy.

Hope everyone else is ok today

I had planned on going out today with the kids, just to get out and enjoy the day. But not only is it a mucky day out, but the people from the windows place were supposed to come look at our front door today and schedule a day to replace it, and they said they'd be out this morning.... so we've waited around all morning and they're still not here at 12:30!!! I HATE waiting around for people that can't be bothered to stick to a general schedule or even bother to ring and say they'll be late. I planned on meeting a friend in town to have coffee and possibly take 3yo to play place, and now I can't. Not happy at all. God help the window people when they show up - or even worse, if I have to call them later this afternoon to find out where the hell they are!! grrrrrrrrr

Hi Triggles,

That is so annoying. Prehaps if they turn up soon you can still go out.

Yes i am a SAHM i do make time to go out with friends and do my own thing and hubby is really good. I dont want her to go to nursery until after 3 though so maybe i need to find more to do. I am struggling as i thought i would really love being at home and i do prefer being the main carer but something is missing... We wanted another one but now we have her both of us are not sure if we want another and i dont know why. Its like my hubby had PND too!

I finally had to call, and they've just been to check the door. Both boys are now napping, so the afternoon is now shot. I wanted to get to supermarket and pick up some new laundry detergent today, as 6 month old's eczema is worse with the new one we have. So I'll have to go tomorrow when I have more time or have DH pick some up after work. sigh

sb9 - sometimes I do think I'm missing something too, but in some moments of clarity, for me I think it's just a sense of independence again, which I am slowly working to recapture by getting out with the kids here and there.

Men can get PND apparently - or a male version of it.

I'm soooo tired - trying to be chirpy for the DSs. DS3 having a nap so will now persaude DS1 and DS2 to play in the bathroom while I have a bath. They quite like doing that!

Anyone got anything planned for the weekend / half term? I need to fill up half term. I've got Tues, Wed and Fri covered so far.

sb9 - I dunno it can be incredibly boring being at home all the time - I find that having something planned (where you go out and get to mix with other adults during term time anyway) most days helps loads. Men can get PND.

Becky - how old are your brood. Mine are 8, 5 and 11 months.
I have decided to keep half term mostly just me and my DC doing stuff, DD1 has a friend coming for a sleepover and we are going to the cinema one day too.

Am still feeling rough, mixture of ads settling down and a bug! Dh is being fab and has done loads! My neighbour has put me on a downer, she had a moan about all our recycling that we put outside to be collected after christmas today (not our fault it took a month to go because of weather), there was loads but that is waht we pay taxes for we do have 3 DC! Besides christmas was ages ago FGS. Now I feel like a right slattern (which I am but that is not the point....) Heho

Positive thing for tommorow: Hopeful just feel better

Morning - How is everyone this morning?

I am still feeling rough. Dh is being a star, he has done the shopping, sorted the DCs and has took them all out. He also bought me a bouquet of flowers and 2(!) boxes of choccies.

Bit fed up, feel so weak and my house is a tip, need to have a big, big clear out.

Hiya not4anotherday. Mine are 6, nearly 4 and 12 weeks. All boys. I've just got back from the cinema with the older two. We went to see 'Up' which I loved! They found it a bit scary in places.

Sorry your still feeing rough. I'm not too bad today as I slept ok last night. My mum is coming over later to hypnotise me! She's working on my sleep / anxiety issues.

Ladies- I had PND so badly after ds (now 10)- I had a dd (nearly 3).
I soldiered on, thinking everyone else was coping well- why wasn't I- must be me. It wasn't till my friend found me smacking dd so hard because she'd spilt some water, that she got me to the drs. I did 3 years on Seroxat, and came off it after that- very hard, but I did it.
Just wanted to say that it does get better- don't be afraid to ask for help and take any offer of help offered from friends, relatives etc.
Try and get some time to yourself- my salvation was every Saturday afternoon to myself.