Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

Hey, DS1 is a Ben as well. Hmmm.....

Oh my god just bought a six foot toy snooker table for DS2's birthday - only just got it in the car. Where on earth can I hide it? And wrap it? And where are we going to put it when he's not using it?? Am I bonkers or what?

None of my DSs is a Ben! I've got a Luke, Josh and Toby. All with four letters - total coincidence.

BBL hahahahaha That IS an interesting problem! Does it collapse or fold up at all? If not, I'm thinking you're going to be eating dinner on it!

None of my brood are Ben.....they are all girls!!!

How you all doing. BBL Hehe at your snooker table, my friends PIL bought her DSs a snooker table and it does not fold up so it is taking up rather alot of her living room - she is not happy.

I have actually had a really good day so far...I had a lie in (DD3 has been up even more than usual with a temp) and have made a really good start on de-cluttering my kitchen....OMG it is a bigger job than I thought and the top of the cupboards are a lush mix of dust and grease So my positive is plan decluuter is underway and we having a family games night on the wii.

Positive for tommorrow.... carry on decluttering. Oh the joy!

My normally considerate and sometimes frustrating DH is going to get whacked in the head at the rate he's going today. I had another rotten night for sleep, but need to function. Life, right? Well, he went to sleep around 8:30am and then had to get up early (at 1pm) as his family was coming to visit. Not my fault, I might add, as his mum called and asked if they could come at 2pm as they had plans in the evening - actually a family get together for DIL's birthday, which we were invited to, but unfortunately had to decline due to DH working tonight and the kids being tired and cranky (as well as me being exhausted). So .. he's up from 1pm to almost 6pm, then went back to bed. Fine. But he was crabby and agitated the whole time because he was tired. Well, hell, so am I, but is being crabby going to change that?? And what point is it being short with me and the kids...we're tired too! So.. he puts DS2 to bed, and then upsets DS2 over some stupid caterpillar toy, so DS2 is having a wobbly and screaming and crying... right over the monitor into where I'm sitting with DS3, who had just fallen asleep. But is now awake....grrrrrrrr And where is DH? In bed.... double grrrrrrrr

He's not normally this annoying. But I truly hate when being tired is used as an excuse to randomly grouch at everyone around you. If that was true, I'd have free license to bitch all the time, right?

It does fold up but it is still huge

DS2 is sat near me staring at his tea. Sigh. I thought my egg fried rice was really nice but not in his opinion. DS1 is watching Come Dine With Me and DS3 is having some quality daddy-DS3 time somewhere upstairs.

hi ladies, I can't believe I've only just come across his thread, and I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to read all of the messages yet, but I just wanted to share some good news (which I know is rare when you have PND, as I've suffered since ds (nearly 2yo) was born, unknowingly for 13 months). Anyway, I've been on ads since last may. I forgot them one night last week, then I got a stomach bug and couldn't take them as I was trying no to be sick and coulsn't stomach the ad nausea. I was better after 4 days, but felt good without the tablets so thought I'd experiment and see how I went.
It's now been 12 days since I took them, adn today I feel different (it's been coming for a few days, but today feels like a breakthrough). I feel like I've surfaced from inside a bubble, and I feel upbeat without having to make an effort. I'm not swearing off my ads and thinking I'm completely cured just yet - if I start going downhill again I'll restart the pills and seek counselling again, but I haven't felt like this since before PND, so I really think it's a big step on the road to recovery.
I just thought it would be nice to let you all know that there is hope, as I know what it's like to feel that you'll never recover, and to feel like you're constantly battling to feel "normal" and everything is such a huge effort.

Good for you! That's great! Dig the name by the way

I can't get on here very often but i need to get something off my chest and have you all give me a good slap with a wet fish!!!

I have crashed over the last 2 weeks and also developed paranioa and am obsessed with the fact DH is having an affair and will leave me. (He works 7-5 comes home for dinner and to see the kids and then goes back to work until midnight-ish) I know he is doing both his work and that of an absent manager and is stressed about it but I cant get it out of my head that he is off seeing this one person in particular who he sees out of work, meets at the gym etc etc. Felt v low at the beginning of the week and went back to the Dr who has upped my AD's and referred me for counselling. I have explained how I feel to DH and what I am thinking but have had zero emotional support or positive reassurrance from him. It's like he doesn't care. Now I am noticing that he is coming home every single evening since monday and telling me about some activity he will be doing with different females. ie, night out with miss x and her shift colleagues, tonight's was he is soon off in a group spending a weekend in a different city for Miss y's birthday etc etc. (Particularly galling as he cant even spare me a few hours to go out for dinner/cinema etc)

I initially thought he was making excuses for evenings/nights away due to an affair, but now I am wondering if he is pissed of with my PND when he is stressed out and is actually saying it to be nasty iykwim? He has never mentioned all these other women before I disclosed my paranioa.

Go on - slap me please - i need it

Welcome Edward and Spotty Spotty I sorry that you are feeling so low. I am sorry to say this but your DH sounds like a bit of a twunt. Can you sit down with him and make it clear what a bad way you are in?

I'm thinking the exact same thing Not4! I have spoken to him on several occassions since Christmas, just ends up me getting 'emotional' and frustrated that I get nothing back from him. Knobhead

Oh spotty ((((hugs)))) we are here for you.

spotty hun that does seem a bit odd. (((((hugs))))) to you (much more therapeutic than a slap ) So sorry you are having to deal with this when youare already so stressed. please vent as much as you like, we are here anytime

Hey, its EM under a new name... Haven't got time to read all at the moment (DS just finishing off feed), but am feeling very confused right now. I've started cutting again after nearly a year but it seems to be helping. I'm not thinking about starving / throwing up / ending it all like I was. But I know its wrong as I didn't mention it to my psych. Ugh.

Spotty - sounds like your DH is acting like a bit of an arse tbh. I hope you find some of the support you need here.

Edwards so glad to hear you're coming through the other side of things There is always light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes we are blinkered to it! So happy your blindfold has come off

Hope the rest of you are okay, back in the proper day time!

Thanks Triggles, and love the name SBA!!!

Glad it seems odd to others and no-one said it was me being overly obsessed xx

sirbob The cutting may feel like it is helping but my love it is not really. (((hugs))) We are here for you.

DH is having a well earned and much needed lie in, I am up with the 2 youngest. I had a pretty good night's sleep, baby seems better - no temperature, yah! I am going to get on with de-cluttering today, hopefully will at least get the kitchen finished. Just having a cuppa.

SBA I like the name, too! I have to agree with not4 that while it may make you feel more in control or more "there" (for lack of a better way to put it), it's not helping you. We are here, definitely, but please talk to someone there as well, so you can get help regarding the cutting. I see you didn't mention it to the psych.. I know it can be upsetting to divulge something that might indicate problems again, but hun you really need to say something about it. Let us know how you're doing..

I am having a rather tense day. Could basically scream, I am so upset. I can pull myself out of it, but only for moments at a time. It takes quite a bit of effort just to be civil to DH right now, not necessarily because of anything he's done (although to be honest I'll still quite aggravated with him), but because the stress keeps piling on, and I feel like I have nobody to talk to and nobody to share the load. I can, for the most part, retain the patience with the boys, as obviously it is not their fault, although I do struggle here and there. I could very easily crawl in a dark corner and just stay there today. I don't want to talk, I don't want to listen, I don't want to eat, I just want to hide out and make all the stress go away for awhile. Some days it is just too much to have to be the one that holds things all together and deals with everything. I feel like I'm coming unglued and I can't tell anyone about it. My family is somewhat estranged and wouldn't care or understand anyway, they have their own problems. DHs family is caught up in their own stuff and honestly I feel a bit invisible to them (and a bit prickly to be honest) lately, and DH is grouchy and unapproachable lately. I refuse to speak to a health care professional - the HV is a nutter, last time I spoke to GP I got a lecture about my anaemia (which I've been for as long as I can remember) and about my pelvic exam I had last July needing to be repeated (it came back fine, but THEY lost the results, so are insisting I need to have it repeated ), instead of helping me deal with the real issues. I've gone all week with very little sleep, to the point where I am now having difficulty sleeping. I can't decide whether I'm more angry at DH or just don't care right now and don't want to even talk to him.

Sorry.. didn't mean to go on a complete rant... nowhere else to go with it....

See, now I feel like a hypocrite as well, telling SBA to talk to her psych, but refusing to speak to one myself...sigh

Now I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to talk to someone, Triggles I hope today is a good day for you.

hope everyone is having a good day.

My DH is going back to work tomorrow after his paternity leave so it will be my first day on my own with DCs. I am a bit nervous. DC1&2 are in preschool in the morning so just DC3&4 but then all 4 PM and I have a midwife appt to get to!

I am going to cancel registering the birth in the morning until a saturday when I an go with just DC4. Think it would be a bit ambitious for my first day!

Going to cook a roast later and just generally trying to get on top of things for the week ahead.

Oh Triggles hugs to you too. I am on and off here if you need to 'talk'.
TBH I am also estranged from my family and although my inlaws are ok I don't have the best relationship with them. Is it possible to see a different gp? Also is there anyway you can have a break away from your DCs - just some me time - even if it just a couple of hours? At my local children's centre there is a creche where you can leave your DCs for a few hours, anything like that by you?

Hi Becky7000 Good luck for tommorrow. How do you get all your littles about, have you got a triple buggy?

I have not got much decluttering in the kitchen to do now, then a quick clean round and that will doen, thank the stars.

Just a double buggy. When they reach 2.6 they have to walk!

not4 unfortunately, there's not anywhere or anyone nearby that I would feel comfortable leaving the boys with, and DH has been so grouchy and impatient that I'm not comfortable leaving him with the boys just to get away. I don't want his being cross to be taken out on them. I'll think about seeing a different GP. There's one particular one that I see for my diverticular disease (she has it too, so is not only knowledgeable about it but sympathetic as she knows how painful and disruptive it can get), I could possibly make an appointment with her. The diverticular disease has been worse lately anyway due to all the stress. Problem is that DH works all week, so it means either I will have to ask him to cut into his sleep (which involves crabbiness) or drag both boys with me to the appointment. I'll have to think about this a bit. I honestly feel that it's not necessarily at this point about a break from the DCs as much as it is simple support needed right now. I can deal with the kids if I have someone I can talk to and feel like I have some support. Right now I just don't. Well.. except for on here.

We're here for you as much as you need

DS3 really cranky today - I'm sure it is his eczema. DS1 and DS2 watching Come Dine With Me again - what is the alure of that programme to them? It's really bizarre. DS2 loves Grand Designs as well. Cbeebies? Pah! That's for wimps!

We've been to town today and I treated myself to a book: My Sister's Keeper. I'm hoping it'll make me cry and be grateful for what I have got!