Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

BBL Oh, I hope you get some sleep! It's so difficult looking after ill children when you're exhausted yourself. I remember having chicken pox when I was 5 and it was miserable! Poor thing! Hope you're all feeling better soon.

Triggles (((((hugs)))))), love and strength to you.

BBL it is cr*p not getting enough sleep. BBLs new mantra "This too will pass"

I am still not feeling great, I forced myself to go to babygroup and then went for lunch with another mum, was nice! I am going to the docs on wed (she wants to see me to fill in Edinburg depression thingy) and I am hoping to gets ads to shift this bloody bug. GRRR. I am on a course tomm and have a few things I need to do this week but am planning to take it e-a-s-y. I hate being ill, 'tis Sh*t.

Actually BBL think I need that mantra too!

I think that's a good mantra for all of us: This too will pass. It will. I just wish it would hurry up sometimes!

DS3yrs had his first day of preschool today. He loved it, although I was a little wobbly. We finally got the car back today as well, as it went in for MOT yesterday and had to have £200 worth of repair work done to pass MOT. They brought it back to us this afternoon. Thankfully, MIL came over early this morning and gave us a lift to take and pickup DS from preschool. She's so helpful and supportive, I really appreciate her.

I am having some crying jags, and still feeling unable to cope, but am at least sort of holding on ... feel a bit like I'm clinging to a rope most of the time, but making myself go through normal everyday stuff. Slightly just a bid to keep my sanity, and hoping that pretending to be feeling okay will fool myself into feeling okay here and there. But having troubles holding on to it all the time...

DS3yrs had his first day of preschool today. He loved it, although I was a little wobbly. We finally got the car back today as well, as it went in for MOT yesterday and had to have £200 worth of repair work done to pass MOT. They brought it back to us this afternoon. Thankfully, MIL came over early this morning and gave us a lift to take and pickup DS from preschool. She's so helpful and supportive, I really appreciate her.

I am having some crying jags, and still feeling unable to cope, but am at least sort of holding on ... feel a bit like I'm clinging to a rope most of the time, but making myself go through normal everyday stuff. Slightly just a bid to keep my sanity, and hoping that pretending to be feeling okay will fool myself into feeling okay here and there. But having troubles holding on to it all the time...

sorry. double post, stupid computer.

Not doing well today. Slept 1 hour last night and that is despite taking a diazepam to help calm myself down - didn't work at all. DS2's birthday today. I feel like I am loosing the plot. DH was quite harsh with me this morning and forced me to get up, shower, get dressed and be cheerful. He's probably right to do that but I just need a hug and to cry and cry and cry right now. What is wrong with me? Why can't I sleep like a normal person anymore?? Should I be taking medication or keep persevering without? Problem is I started taking floxitine or whatever it was called and it made the sleep ten times worse and made me feel really ill. Don't know what to do but feel like I am on the brink right now. I was doing so well too.

Triggles- so sorry to hear about your Dad. That must be really hard for you right now.

BBL- I think the sleep thing is a mindset. It certainly is for me. I sleep so much worse when I feel I "need" to sleep. Like if there is an important day the next day or like now when the baby sleeps and I know it is the only chance will get. DH and I haven't slept in the same bed for years no because I have got in the mindset of thinking I won't be able to sleep next to him, which makes me very sad. I try and talk myself into thinking it doesn't matter if I get no sleep and have to get up the next day, I will survive and this can help, but not always. I really sympathise with you as I know it is themost frustrating thing.

I had to go for a hospital appt with DS1 today and he is now on the list for gromits. I asked friends to have DS2 and DD and just took DS1 and DS3 AND survived al the juggling of kids in differnet places etc!

I am having alot of overwhelming moments at the moment. I know most people would with 4 very young children but I feel very guilty on them all as I feel I can't give them all the attention they need and can't get out and about with them as much as I would like so feel they are missing out on things. I know it will get easier but a bit in the thick of it at the moment and just taking on day at a time.

becky7000 I think that's all we can do, is take one day at a time, look for the positives and hang on until the next day. I know I have many days that I am just barely coping, but grit my teeth and think "okay tomorrow has GOT to be better.. it just HAS to...." and that's all that gets me through. That and being there for my kids...

BBL I have been fighting with my sleep as well - completely exhausted and yet having difficulty sleeping. I'm a bit afraid of taking meds to sleep - worried I will sleep too heavily and not hear the kids. But, like you, don't know the answer. I was so exhausted today that I literally fell asleep sitting up on the sofa - luckily DH was up and just took over with the kids, and apparently made me lie down (although I don't remember as I was so far into sleep at that point). I woke up a couple hours later.

My whole family is going through a serious Jeremy Kyle stage right now, which I won't go into, but let's just say I cannot deal with the stress of it. I will worry about the health of my parents (my dad's failing health and my mum's resultant health problems from overstretching herself caring for him) and try to ignore the rest (mainly sibling issues) as not worthy of stressing over.

FIL died one year ago tomorrow (4th March 2009). It's probably going to be quite a stressful day here. We all miss him so much, and DH was just devastated. I am worried about how I will cope with this, along with the worries about my father's condition. And I can't sleep......

BBL - Have you tried any alternative therapies for insomnia - not sure what, maybe accupuncture?

Becky 7000 - You sound like you are doing a great job, love, love, love big families. Just remember that all the cuddles and giggles make up for most things!

Triggles (((((hugs))))) Thinking of you today.

Morning all, I slept like a log last night, fell asleep on the sofa, crawled into bed, woke at 6am! But after 11 hours sleep in 3 nights that's to be expected. I still have the anxiety about sleep and wish I could just throw it away. It's been quite a bad week though with chicken pox, parties, birthdays. Nothing like what you guys are dealing with though and your poor sleep in understandable.

Triggles big hug for you today. These sort of anniversaries are very hard. Take good care of yourself and your DH today.

not4anotherday am using hypnotherapy with a good deal of success but just had a bit of relapse I think this week. Confidence breeds confidence though and now I am in a bit of a lack of confidence hole again! Ah well. Climb back out again.

DS3 and I are attending our first baby massage class today - today's positive.

BBL Oh love baby massage, my baby is too big now!

I'm just relaxing with my 2nd cup of tea, DH has sorted the DC and taken DD2 to school (DD1 is not feeling well). I still feel cr*p!!! I have docs this morning so hopefully will get abs to clear this earache/sore throat once and for all.

Positive today - um, guess going to docs to try and shift bug/ try and get kitchen sorted out a bit. Not very exciting!

Can I ask whether any of you are taking anti-depressants / St John's Wort / other medication for PND? I'm not taking anything at all, just want to know what everyone else takes or doesn't take and what you think about the path you've taken to recovery? My reasons for not taking were: it made me feel really ill, made the sleep worse, won't help with the sleep, and also I'd been through this twice before without medication and got better with just talking, family, fresh air, activities, positive thinking, etc.

i am typing one handed, baby asleep on me. i am taking ads - stopped for a while - started feeling depressed again, feel much better now back on them. i did'nt take ads last time and got better when dd2 was 2.5 - decided was'nt going to suffer this time!

What type do you take? Do you think I am a bit bonkers to try without? I didn't actually know I was depressed with DS1 and DS2 until DS3 came along and I thought about it. I'm guessing that I got better around about 8-10 months with the other two, not sure really. It was so gradual looking back. I just accepted the anxiety, worry about their health, etc, and sadness as life with a new baby (didn't know about mumsnet then).

Not sure what they are called, will let you know. No defintley not bonkers . The way I look at it is why suffer when you can take something that may help.

BBL- I am on Setraline. I am bf DC4 and that's the one they said I could have. I had very bad PND after DC1 and didn't go on ADs. No PND after DC2 but then started after DC3 and took ADs straight away with great results so decided to have them this time too rather than get too bad. I also had sleeping tablets between pgs.I will try and remember the name. I could take them whilst bf when I felt I really needed them and they worked well.

I don't thinkyou are bonkers for not taking ADs but they may help you if you need extra help.

I have survived another day. That's how i feels at the moment just surviving but at least I am doing that.

Positive of the day- hung my washing outside for the first time since about September

Hi all, it is interesting to see how differently we are all dealing with this. I feel a bit brighter today as slept relatively well (why is my mood so strongly determined by sleep?).

Positive for today: going to a place near Bath to stay the night for glass-blowing day tomorrow. This was my birthday present from DH.

Negative: leaving my family! It will break my heart even though it is only 24 hours. I will worry about DH as DS3's sleep is so awful at the moment and DS1 getting over chicken pox. Am I a bad mother for leaving them?

BBL NO,NO,NO You are not a bad mother. Go and enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

Morning Everyone,

I am feeling loads better today. I am not sure if it is the abs or mind over matter, I decided that I was getting up and on with it today (the house looking like a complete sh*t hole helped with motivation) Must go DH has just made me lunch!!!

I have had a quite a productive day. I have tidied up so the house does'nt look like a complete sh*t hole looks better. I took DD3 to jojingles but now I'm not feeling too good again so I'm planning a pretty quite night with Dh and some wine.

My positive today is jojingles and tommorrow who knows?

why does'nt my crossing out work?

hello everyone,

i have been following your thread with interest and me and BBL are old friends

just posting really to say that after struggling for six months with this damned PND (second time for me...grrrr, why did i have to get it AGAIN?), i finally went to the doctors today.

i have been having cbt for six months and whilst it helped get keep my head above water for a while, the past two weeks have been almost unbearable with regards to anxiety and misery. i have been sleeping reasonably well which was my initial problem. so i knew there was something wrong when, even with eight hours sleep under my belt, i was still feeling that hideous sense of impending doom.

anyway my lovely GP has prescribed me with AD's and i feel strangely relieved.

relieved to have finally admitted to myself that i do have pnd again and relieved to finally be sorting it out.

i'll let you know how i get on and nice to meet you all.

xx