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Original poster

Could we have a support thread for those who have manic depressive illness / bipolar disorder?

185 replies

electra · 24/08/2009 21:47

I don't see it talked about much here but it is quite common - I can't believe there are not other Mners who have it? Even if you name change it would help to hear how you manage your lives with it, etc.

I take medication, having had times where I didn't want to /self-medicated with alcohol etc....I find that it helps but I do still have relapses and after dd3 was born had to go into hospital for a month because sleep disrupted nights and stress with family made me get unwell.

All in all I find it exhausting to live with as well as frustrating.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 17/09/2009 22:07

im am very happy to hear that sunshine ,in fact you have just made my day.i think you are doing the right things,take things slowly,and keep yourself busy so you dont have time to focus on the negative side of life.And as i said in my last post ,just get yourself through each day.Animal sare also very good therapy for stress and so i really hope you get to do something you would enjoy.

thesunshinesbrightly · 17/09/2009 22:11

i think you should do this for a job, your great with people, i feel so much better just talking to you on here thankyou

mummylin2495 · 17/09/2009 22:14

i have been told that before and i very nearly decided i would ,but then i changed my mind and decided i would rather just help if i could without getting paid to do it ,i think somehow that would change things,so im happier like this.Anyway i dont actually know all the answers,i only know what i know !!! does that make any sense ?

thesunshinesbrightly · 17/09/2009 22:18

awww thats a shame you would be fab anyway we need you here

mummylin2495 · 17/09/2009 22:24

ok ,ill stay here for now anyone who will listen is good and there are loads of people on this sitewho would also listen to you,but of course i do pay a particular interest because of what happened to my sis.i know how awful it was for her and how she needed someone to talk to her.When you can talk to others ,it means you are not alone anymore, which I have noticed a lot of people are.Everyone needs someone for something,and i am no exception to that sometimes

mummylin2495 · 18/09/2009 17:50

hello to all,hope you are managing to cope as best you can.The weather dosent help anyone though does it ,really gloomy here today.

Original poster
electra · 19/09/2009 21:11

Hi all, sorry I haven't posted for some time. I seem to have sunk into a rather nasty depression. I am feeling truly awful. At times like this it is so difficult to get past all the negative thoughts. And cocacola - thanks for posting that because you are right and I often worry about my children. I think it must be very hard for any child who has a bipolar parent and I am sure they know that at times like this I'm not completely strong enough for them

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 19/09/2009 21:40

sorry to see this electra,im sure you must be feeling utter crap at the moment.I do hope that you will get support,as much as you can and that this episode will soon pass.I know that anything i say will not make you feel better ,but i can say that this thread will support you as much as possible.Dont bottle up all your feelings and keep things to yourself.Have you had your medication changed to adapt to this new bout of depression ?

Original poster
electra · 19/09/2009 22:32

Thanks mummylin - my psychiatrist has prescribed an anti-depressant for me to take in the morning as well as my other medication. The last time I had this was May 2008 but the pregnancy made me feel well for 9 months. I have been thinking a lot about self-harming and that I would be better dead because I'm not ever going to be able to lead a 'normal' life and I'm very upset about my inability to cope alone - my parents are having to help me. I have also been feeling upset about dd3 and all the stuff that went on with her father. Initially when he left the country he kept in touch but when he found out that I decided to have her he has refused to talk to me ever since - it's hard to cope with because he always said he loved me but I can see he obviously didn't. It is hard to put into words how I feel but it's almost like I feel other people think I had no right to have her and I'm bad for doing so. I'm aware though that I don't really think about these things when I'm well.

Sorry to ramble....I suppose it helps to type it all.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 19/09/2009 22:40

oh electra ,of course yoyu wouldnt be better off dead ,and neither would your children or any of your family.Plase dont think this would make everything right ,it wouldnt, it would leave so many people in despair.You know it is the nature of your illness which is making you feel like that ,and i have no doubt that to you it is a genuine feeling.But its not the answer,there are people that love you dearly and would be devastated if you took that route.I dont know the story about your dd3 but you have written enough to show me that you chose to have her and love her.You do not have to tell me anything,its your life and its not my business.I am here to support you if you need someone.

Original poster
electra · 19/09/2009 23:00

Thanks mummylin - you are very kind. I do know that although I feel terrible it probably won't last forever, because I have been through this before and I am definitely not as bad as last time. The problem is that whatever is in your head at any given time is your reality then. I know that I must not let the illness destroy me.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 19/09/2009 23:06

no you mustnt let that happen ,but in a way you are lucky because you know that you can get better as you have been hrough it before.I am sure it is all very real for you. am glad you have your parents to help you out ,are they able to say at your house or do they take the children off to theirs to give you some space,either way whatever they can do to help is a bonus for you.It must be extremely worrying for them.

mummylin2495 · 21/09/2009 12:11

hello to you all ,i do hope you have all managed to cope over the weekend.and i also hope that this week will be a good one for you all.electra how are you finding your new meds ?

Rones · 21/09/2009 21:21

Hello all again... I've been away for a while hence no posts but been catching up on the thread - everyone is right mummylin, you are a real support and help!

I've been on citalopram for a couple of weeks now and the side effects (horrible!) only lasted a week fortunately. I'm feeling OK and have just survived a week away with my family in law - so much for not drinking on the AD's - I had to have a small tipple every night (except one) to get me through!

Anyway glad to be back home now.... feel so much better just for that! I'm going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and feeling a bit nervous so have been writing down lots of stuff because otherwise I find that I don't know what to say once I'm in there and almost feel like pretending that I'm just fine (if that makes sense...) Doing this is especially tempting when I'm feeling OK (ie. not horribly depressed).

I have a feeling that I have a milder form of bi-polar (cyclothymia) but I'll have to wait and see what the shrink says...

sending positive vibes to you all...

mummylin2495 · 21/09/2009 22:53

hello rones glad to see you again.before i ay anything else i just want to say that i may not have internet tomorrow ,this is playing up and we have to have the people out on wednesday,i dont want any of you to think i have abandoned you !!! now that is out of the way,im glad to see rones that the little break did you some good and also the small tipple !!! i wish you luck for tomorrow.It is a good idea to write things down otherwise you will get outside and think " why didnt i say that " I hope hat you are continuing to get support from your friend ,it will make such a difference to you.hopefully i will be able to get back on qickly,it may be that internet will work tomorrow but i cant be sure .Take care all.

differentID · 22/09/2009 17:50

ladies, Mummylin might not be able to get on tonight- it seems it isn't just her internet connection that's gone wrong, but her area. She will try to get on if she can but she asked me to pass on the message.

mummylin2495 · 22/09/2009 22:12

thanks id,well ladies i am here ,the net is back to normal and it was nothing to do with this end ,it was a local problem which affected many of us.Anyway im glad to be here ,rones hope it all went well today for you,the rest of you ,i hope you are coping somehowand that things are not looking quite so bleak for you.

Rones · 23/09/2009 19:14

Thanks mummylin - yes my appointment with psychiatrist went really well and managed get across the exact chronology of symptoms etc. and as I thought, he feels I have Bi-polar 2 (milder verson of bi-polar)... it totally ties up with how I've been although he didn't really want to put a label on it which I completely understand as there's a large spectrum and we are all individual. Anyway, I'm going to come off citalopram (just an SSRI isn't the best way to treat this) and start taking lamotragine, a mood stabiliser. I'm doing a full day CBT group workshop tomorrow which I'm feeling positive about albeit a little nervous.... I've had 1-1 CBT before (6 sessions) so it will be interesting to see what the group work is like....

hope you are all doing OK.

mummylin2495 · 24/09/2009 00:28

rones you are sounding very upbeat and positive.good luck with your treatments through the next few weeks,with the attitude you have im sure they will go well.i have to go to bed as i was up before 6 today to go to another town with a friend who had to go to hospital for tests on her brain,its been a very long day and i am knackered,hopefully a good nights sleep will get me back to good as new.I wish you all the luck in the world.speak to you soon.

Rones · 25/09/2009 07:42

Hi mummylin - sounds like you've had quite a bit on your plate - I do hope your friend has a reassuring result from her scan. It must be a difficult time. Hope you managed to get some much needed rest as planned.

you are right, I'm feeling quite positive about things but realistic also. I'm sure that long term improvement will take a long time, but that's OK. I went to a group CBT workshop yesterday which was very intense but so enlightening..... very interesting in a group setting!!

How is everyone else doing? love to all. x

mummylin2495 · 25/09/2009 09:22

Hi Rones,i hope that for her too.she will be devastated if there is something wrong and she has to have another brain op.I am keeping my fingers crossed for her.Glad that your meeting went ok , and its good to see that you dont have unrealistic dreams of being well in a couple of days.These illnesses are so complex they take a lot of sorting out ,but you know that eventually there will be an end to it for you.Just take each day as it comes,i used to say to my sister ,if you wake up and feel miserable ,dont make yourself worse by then worrying about it,tomorrow will soon be here and it may be the complete opposite.You are doing great by seeing these diferent people,who you know will lead to your recovery.

PurpleOne · 26/09/2009 05:23

Sorry I've not checked in.

Still not feeling great, ADs have kicked in, now they want to up my dose even more.
And am not sleeping at night...hence the time of posting.
I can see a little chick of light at the end of the tunnel, so something is working at least. But still feeling very numb, house is still a shit tip and taking things day by day. Hour by hour if needs must.

Now I'm waiting for them to up my dose and for me to swing the other way and have a burst of energy, do random shit and I have even applied for christmas jobs, yet I know I'm not in a good place to even think about going back to work yet.

My head really hurts right now. Not feeling tired but need to lay down.
Just checking in with everyone, hope your'e all well and managing ok. x

mummylin2495 · 26/09/2009 17:04

hi purpleone ,i have a feeling that they do up the ads,but im not sure about that.Glad at least you can see a little chink of light ,thats far better than not seeing any.i wouldnt worry too much about doing housework till you feel able to cope ,just do the things you can manage.Only you will know if you are ready to face work but at least you are looking to the future which is great.

PurpleOne · 27/09/2009 15:03

My darling DD1 slapped me last night. She left a handprint on me and my skin is still burning hot.
I'm ringing CAMHS in the morning - am sick of all this shit. Am sick of living.

mummylin2495 · 28/09/2009 00:06

purpleone ,i have only just seen your post,you arent really sick of living ,you are only sick of living life as you are now.please go back to someone if you feel you need more help.I wish there was something i could do for you ,but of course all i can do is to listen.You will feel well again ,but its a slow process and you have to go through it so you can come out the other side.hopefully i will be able to chat with you tomorrow.