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Original poster

Anyone else struggling with anxiety?

1000 replies

mooseloose · 12/01/2009 22:10

I've been off work nearly three months now and am just really fed up with myself now. i've refused any meds but I just cant get over it. I started my counselling last week, and am hopeful she can sort me out. it was caused by by son having an accident, and juggling work etc which just got too much and made me cry.
Id had a lot of panic attacks but they are getting better but now I just feel worried when i go out, and that i want to cry.
Today I just can't breathe. I don't know if i'm worse today because i'm due on too.
I just really feel i've lost my way and lost confidence in myself, and i dont know what to do to get myself back.
I'm all crabby and wound up with people too - no patience.
I think the doctor is fed up with me too and i'm also worried she won't keep giving me sick notes, i'm never usually ill.......

OP posts:
blissa · 05/03/2009 11:17

So do I but I'm not organised enough to place the order in advance, and I'm not paying extra delivery just because its the weekend! How long have you been doing that? It's something I'd like to do once ds is at school

morningsun · 05/03/2009 11:24

About a year.The course is ten sessions going thru a file of topics and getting to know the others in the group.Its really good i would recommend it to you definitely.They pay petrol and there are courses etc you can go to.

blissa · 05/03/2009 11:42

It's definately something I'll look into, got a while to go before I'll have any real child free time though!

morningsun · 05/03/2009 11:47

yes,just to clarify the course was actually just chatting about being a volunteer and communication etc I managed to make it sound like further maths or something!
Do you work and are you off sick or are you a sahm blissa?
I've been a sahm and volunteerings a good stepping stone for me.

blissa · 05/03/2009 12:06

I've been a sahm for the past 8 years. I suggested to my sister that she does something similar as she is finding it difficult to get a job after 9 years. I think it would be a good confidence booster too

morningsun · 05/03/2009 12:10

yes it has been for me.I'm not naturally all that confident anyway and being a long term sahm can be a bit isolating.

blissa · 05/03/2009 12:17

Yes it can and I've never been one for toddler groups, etc. I was never prepared for how lonely motherhood could be, it was only when dd1 started school that I started to feel less isolated

morningsun · 05/03/2009 12:38

When my older two were little i took turns in friends houses for play and coffee.
With my youngest we were more remote and i tended to stay home more,it was great preschool but i was gutted when he went to school!
sounds a bit sad doesn't it?!!

blissa · 05/03/2009 12:41

No it doesn't. On one hand I can't wait for him to start school, but then I feel mean. On the other I hate that they're growing up so fast and I wish I could do it all over again!

morningsun · 05/03/2009 12:54

Its lovely when they're at pre school a few mornings or afternoons a week you get the best of both worlds then

morningsun · 05/03/2009 13:21

going to drop the work off in town...
see you later

blissa · 05/03/2009 13:54

Sorry morning, ds wouldn't get ready and it was a rush to get him there on time! Decided against Tesco! See you later

Original poster
mooseloose · 05/03/2009 18:47

hi girls, soory I've not been online, had a busy day yesterday - birthday visiting! It was getting on my nerves cos the sun was out and I just wanted to come home. The house is a tip. I have a mountain of ironing to do, and am really sleepy. I seem so tired lately.

Had my counselling and she said not to think about work until Easter, it is 'levelling'. I must look that up online now. I think she means to stay up and not fluctuate. i think she means if I go back too quick i will crash again.

I had a really horrible feeling the other day. I was in a bookshop getting revision books for ds. had my head tipped on one side reading the titles ( I bet you are doing that now imagining !!)
But all of a sudden this feeling of dread, an odd feeling, just washed over me completely, and I really really so needed to cry, really wanted to bawl out loud! I just felt awful all over, just horrible. It passed in a few minutes but i was so shocked it came out of the blue when all i was thinking about was 'physics'.
Counsellor said maybe it was so extreme because i am generally more relaxed and so noticed the contrast! And maybe its no different to before but if my anxiety was so high before it wouldn't be such a jump- if that makes sense?
But i felt like this on my birthday too - really terrible. I felt so bad that i really can understand why people think about, and do doing silly things , when they feel soooo low and can't get away from it......
sorry - thats a long post! makes up for my absence!

OP posts:
blissa · 05/03/2009 20:23

Oh moose that must have been horrible for you, what your counsellor said makes sense though. Are you happy with what she said about not going back to work?

Original poster
mooseloose · 05/03/2009 20:46

Hi Blissa, pleased you came back! I have til next week on this note, and I do feel a lot lot better, but I had thought i would go back this time it ends, so I was surprised she said that! But i see she wants to get me as good as she can really, like with a back up store of goodness and relaxed etc!
I was last in work in Nov, and have come a long long way since then. the shakes were the worst thing - just constant, and my body didn't feel like mine. Made me feel so unsettled and on edge all the time- guess a viscious circle?
I get paid full pay 26 weeks and half for 26, so I am on 17 now, I think. If I go back on phased return I get my full pay, up to the 26 weeks. So I should be within that still.
I'm thinking about work now, so I must be getting ready. before I just panicked and couldn't even think about it. A friend say ' you'll know when you are ready for work'.

How are you?

OP posts:
blissa · 05/03/2009 21:01

I have 2 weeks of mning to catch up on
I think your friend is right, we need to listen to our bodies. Everyone keeps talking about the power of the mind and I'm only just starting to believe it. My confidence is slowly copming back, I'll think to myself I can go and do so and so and then I'll remember th PE and talk myself out of doing, like todays shopping trip. I still have a long way to go

blissa · 05/03/2009 21:04

God my typing is awful!

blissa · 06/03/2009 11:36

Morning all, I'm feeling pleased with myself as I managed the trip to Tesco this morning! Had a bit of a wobble, but managed to get through it even with ds running round all over the place. It's a start

Hope you're all ok x

morningsun · 06/03/2009 11:52

morning and well done!
am feeling not so pleased with myself as i feel lazy and tired again
must do housework
must do housework
its not working help!

blissa · 06/03/2009 12:01

Oh I'm not bothering today, a bit of washing thats all. Even if I do tidy up today it will look like I never bothered by Sunday!

The pile of ironing keeps staring at me though!

morningsun · 06/03/2009 12:22

did you feel ok on the tesco trip then?

blissa · 06/03/2009 12:28

Not at first, pushing the trolley was hard work and keeping an eye on ds was stressful. I started to feel a bit weird, my chest felt tight and I have this fear of fainting in public- not that I ever have, but I just told myself that its just anxiety and I'm ok and if I need to leave I just dump the trolley and run.

I didn't do a big shop, just enough for the weekend. My chest and shoulders are aching now and I wish I'd got something yummy for lunch!

How are you getting on?

morningsun · 06/03/2009 13:07

you did well
when my ds2 was a baby i had an allergic reaction to something,i was covered in wheals,urticaria and i didn't take anything for it as i was bfing.
it lasted months off and on and one day going to town with a friend [in separate cars] i felt faint and had to stop the car.I didn't faint i was ok,just hot and absolutely covered with these wheals.
I don't know for certain if there was a reason for feeling like that becos of the allergy but i think now i was anxious that i might faint and the baby was there etc
its only now i can see that the faintness was worry about fainting in view of the heat,i was anaemic,i was alone with the baby in the car etc

sorry to waffle what you posted reminded me of this incident and its interesting how the mind does affect the body,but i didn't actually faint i just got in a panic that i might while driving iyswim?

candyfluff · 06/03/2009 13:16

hi ladies not been on here for a while
i have upped my ad's to 45 mg now and have been feeling ok so far
just today been shakey hands and racing heart
not sure why really
maybe something to do with ds didnt want to go to playschool today and when i picked him up he was in tears,put him in the buggy for walk home and he instantly fell asleep so now im worrying that he's ill
i get so bloody anxious when the kids are unwell.
he's still asleep in the buggy.
how are things with everyone else?

morningsun · 06/03/2009 14:10

hi candy i'm fine glad you're doing well on the change in tabs
its horrid when they're ill isn't it but maybe he's just tired see how he is later and you could post if you're worried

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