Think I'm going psychotic again

[NotQuiteUsual]

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

You tell your DH how you feeling, he’s not going to judge you. He will get you the help you need. I prose and can reassure you your children are very, very real.

This sounds truly terrifying. For you and your family.

Is your DH aware of the full extent of the situation ? If not please get off mumsnet and talk to him. Now

Me and him already talked. Hes cooking dinner and because this isn't the first time by a long shot he's pretty chill about it, which is helping me feel more relaxed.

He says I should go to the crisis cafe up the road after ive eaten. I might do that. They're not very good with psychosis stuff but hopefully the nice peer support worker lady will be in.

Im so tired.but I already slept twice today. Its like there's two realities in my head at once.

He will presumably be back to work on Monday.

You have two children.

You need to get yourself to the crisis cafe as a matter of priority

He works from home and has flexitime which is super handy for supporting me.

But dinners just being dished up, I'll go once ive eaten something.

Please please do.

walk in to kitchen, smile on face and tell kids you’ve had a nap

Are you under the EIP team? Are you certain the crisis team won’t see you? Ours definitely would, we saw lots of patients that were suffering from psychosis.

What medication are you on OP? Is there a chance this could be caused by a change in dose or reaction to it?

OP whatever you do, please don't stop taking your medication. Definitely get some help. At least you've got capacity to recognise some of the signs. Go whilst you feel like this. Take care of yourself x

Im under EIP but they're closed for the weekend. My Cpn is from them.

Im on aripiprazole and venlazfine, no changes in medication. I've been doing trauma therapy lately though and its very triggering. But also very rewarding.

I dont like this at all. I want them to take me away to a ward and put me on new meds that dont poison me.

Get off mumsnet
Go downstairs
smile
eat
go to crisis cafe

Im here now. They're making me tea and im filling in forms.

Focus then
hide the thread

Im back from the crisis cafe. They nearly made me call crisis team. But they think its just a blip and after a good night sleep I'll be ok. They said my coping mechanisms are good and the fact I havr enough insight to hide from the kids is good. But call crisis team if I feel I need it. I dont wanna call crisis team but I will if I have to. Crisis team hates.me.

Im going to bed. Im so tired after that.

The crisis team doesn't hate you. And you need to get well asap for your children's sake. Wishing you a swift recovery.

Ive called crisis team because I feel like the kids are conspiring against me now. The crisis cafe said to call if it gets worse and that seems like its getting worse. A mh nurse is gonna call me soon.

You have absolutely done the right thing in calling. I hope they call back soon.

Please stop it.. OP is venting to what is supposed to be a MH thread. Her husband is clearly aware and needs to be 100% for the children right now.

OP, I am so proud of you for recognising this is happening and taking the necessary steps to get the support you need. I hope the crisis team will call you back soon. In the meantime, say the following out loud to yourself until you believe it…

my children are real
my children are not conspiring against me
we are safe
we are loved
I have support

I really hope they're real. My kids are amazing and literally the best kids you could imagine. It breaks my heart this has happened. I just want them back. I feel angry too that this has happened. I dont like feeling angry its such an ugly emotion. I want a hug but dh is busy with the kids

Depending on their age, will the kids be going to bed soon?

Until then, wrap your arms around yourself and feel the pressure.. listen to your breathing, let your heart settle… you’re going to be ok.

you are safe
you are loved
you have support
your children are amazing
your children are real

Sending you a big virtual hug

@NotQuiteUsual you are doing amazingly. You still have insight and have followed advice on what to do and when. You are keeping yourself and yoir children safe. You have told your husband and you are allowed to post here for support as much as you need whilst you wait

Crisis team called. It wasn't very helpful, they said it was all just an intrusive thoughts thoughts temporary. She didnt believe me. Im just gonna watch TV and try to sleep. I miss my kids.

Your husband can call on your behalf OP if you need him too. I’m sorry they weren’t helpful.