Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Shit. My mum is losing the plot.

178 replies

charliecat · 06/06/2008 10:31

This has been going on for the past year or so, she has a neighbour who when he first moved in, was noisy, keeping her up at night etc and driving her up the wall.
Nwow he is quiet, but she has came COMPLETELY obsessed with him.
Her whole life is about him.
The most extreme example I can give you is one day in her garden , she was pottering, and the neighbour shut his window and left his flat, and in her head he had been watching her, was irritated her so she followed him in her car with intention of running him over.
Now all he had ACTUALLY done was shut his window and left his flat, the rest was imaginary, in her head.
She has just popped by my house, she couldnt ring me because he would hear...shes been racking in his bins.
Ive just rang her best mate, and I said asd long as she doesnt run his over or go to his door and its all in her head its ok.
She said its too late, she went up to his door and tryed to kick it in.
My brother has paranoid schizophrenia. Even when hes ranting saying hes going to kill people they dont section him.
How can I make mum see the irrationalness of all of this?
Hes quiet....because hes listening to her. ARGH
Its not him, its her.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliecat · 06/06/2008 20:09

Only my gp has a Email addy. Or I would. Is that ok? Havent sent it yet.

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 06/06/2008 20:09

Perhaps you could send it to social worker too??

zippitippitoes · 06/06/2008 20:12

oh wow charliecat

ime when patients and their family start writing this stuff they do take notice

MinkyBorage · 06/06/2008 20:14

yes, send it now whilst it's raw and fresh in your head, or you'll carry on tweaking it forever. It's a very clear and sensible explaination of what's wrong with your Mother. I hope that she receives the help she needs very soon.

Original poster
charliecat · 06/06/2008 21:29

harman has said she can hear me saying it outloud but was loling at me...lol so waiting till the morn till she proofs it for me. Also going to ring the police tommorow. Say im concerned. See what they say.

OP posts:
flake · 06/06/2008 21:38

I have had this with a parent too and its very hard to deal with because they just dont see things you way no matter how much you try to tell them.
for mine it wasnt untll being sectioned and given appropriate medication that the recovery started.

Original poster
charliecat · 06/06/2008 21:57

Hi Flake You know even if she WAS sectioned, I know that round here that 28 days actually means 2 days Which would not be enough time for any medication to kick in, that they then rely on her taking voluntarily. Which she wouldnt, because AFASC shes not ill.

OP posts:
luvaduck · 07/06/2008 02:14

god that is outrageous - i'm so sorry your gp was so spectacularly unhelpful (and negligent IMO)

yes SS or police is an idea
i would prob try out of hours GP first

excellent email

will read all and post more in am (look at time, shit)

thinking of you

laidbackinengland · 07/06/2008 07:58

Charliecat - you did well yesterday, but were not give an appropriate response from your GP.

There have been some changes in the MH Act recently, but my understanding is that as 'Nearest relative' you have a right to ask for an assessment under the mental health act (see link below).

www.mentalhealthshop.org/products/rethink_publications/nearest_relative_fac.html

I wonder if you could quote this in your letter and say something like, 'as the nearest relative I would like to exercise my right to request assessment for my mother'. Now, approved social workers don't like assessing on the request of a family member as it is so open to abuse - however, I think it might propel your GP into further action if they feel you know your rights.

Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 09:24

Thank you everyone, I have now forwarded the email, just adding how scary he going to kick his door in was as he could have retaliated.
The doctor WAS negligent. I agree. I could feel the bloody running down to my feet. He couldnt give a feck. Was monotone, repeating the same sentences.
And he said he wasnt going to write anything down. In other words if my mum goes upstairs with a carving knife then he didnt bloody know.
I want it on her records that they DO know. He could have pretended to give a shit, the Mind helpline number, or maybe she needs to talk about this with someone.
My mum actually, has had all this with my brother. At one point he was homeless with frost bite on his face. And he had kept saying no no I like living outside. It was social services that sorted him out with a hostel, etc etc.
I seriously think she needs some anti something pills to take away the delusions that its all about her and hes living his life around her when the actual fact is its her living her life round him.
You know a sainsburys value tissue box? She had written all over one of those, all about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 09:49

I am away from the Surgery until Monday June 16th. Any clinical issues will be dealt with by my partners on *. Any prescription queries can be sent to [email protected]
Would you believe it??

OP posts:
laidbackinengland · 07/06/2008 09:50

At least the email will be passed on to the other partners...a good thing I think.

Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 09:53

Im not sure it will be will it? the stars are the clinics phone number

OP posts:
laidbackinengland · 07/06/2008 09:57

Ok then. Maybe print off copy of letter. Drop it in to practice manager and say you want it dealt with as normal GP on holiday.

Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 10:00

Her gp is the one I rang, this is my gp ive emailed...only another 3 to get too! Am logging off for weekend now, may post drunkenly as rickman/harman as will be at her house till tommorow.
Will print off monday. Sigh!

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 07/06/2008 11:05

if he is away maybe thats why he was so anxious to do nothing also he didnt record it because he doesnt want to have done nothing when he shpould have what a fecker

this is exactly why i have not been in the system for years

Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 20:40

Well I am feeling much much much better now. Harman got the details of the community policeman who has dealt with her over the neighbour and the door episode from the net and I rang him expecting the answer phone to kick in...Well he bloody well answered the phone and I started rambling about my mum and he knew who I was talking about
He was seriously nice, and said I agree there are some mental health issues, which made me cry and I had to get off the phone because I was a sniffling mess. But hes got my number and is gonna ring me next week.

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 07/06/2008 21:29

That's great, glad you're feeling a bit better about it, it's funny isn't it that when you're fighting (with your Mum/the GP/SS) it's easier to deal with the emotions then it is when you stop fighting!!?
Have a nice night tonight.

Dragonbutter · 07/06/2008 21:35

well done charliecat, you are doing a good job for your mum.

Original poster
charliecat · 07/06/2008 21:40

Argh, have drunk and feel weepy now. Tis the right thing to be doing.

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 08/06/2008 08:32

Oh poor you, it's definitely the right thing to be doing. Who knows where this will lead if she isn't helped! Hope you're feeling better this morning.

zippitippitoes · 08/06/2008 08:37

well he sounds helpful at least

perhaps there might actually be some community in community policing even...that would be hopeful

and he has takedn you seriously

well done for calling him that must have taken some guts..its the sort of thing i would hate to do because i am so lacking in confidence

you are doing the right thing to get this sorted by the way

i know this is what my dd1 would do for me if i was seriously needing it

Original poster
charliecat · 08/06/2008 12:02

Yeah im not entirely sure what help he can be, but its someone other than me who thinks shes not right. Although her best mate completely agrees she doesnt want to question or confront her or do anything but listen to her because she says she needs somewhere to vent. Which is probably right, but shes venting about delusions that are going on in her head(that are very real to her no doubt) but im not sure how thats helping, not sure how me having a screeching arguement with her is either...but
My mum didnt say anything to her best mate the night we had the shouting match, and eventually said the next day that we had had the biggest arguement we have ever had. Which is true(I wasnt sure whether she was going to say that i was getting at her, or trying to cause agro or whatever but she doesnt seem to have took it like that, which is wasnt but i thought she may) anyway she had thought about me saying Why did you think it was ok to go and run him over that day? What had he done to make you think it was ok to go and do that?
And shes came up with the very valid reason that it was a build up of all the stress and she just happened to pop that day.
Which almost sounds plausible if someones been disturbing your sleep for months.
But I do know at the time there was a lot of, I was in the garden and he couldnt stand seeing me getting on with my life, I was pruning my bla bla and he this, that, the other. I banged a nail in and he didnt like it so he slammed his window shut...
There was a lot of stuff going on in her head, that was PURELY in her head, and the neighbour hadnt done ANYTHING but...well YKWIM.
Mums friend wants me to write down all my points to mum, so that she has them in black and white? And can think about them at her leisure not we are screeching at each other.
Mum has also said she wont let him get away with this...and is prepared to end up in prison for it.
If nothing else I would like to write her a note saying, even the simple fact that you are saying that you would happily go in prison for him is utterly bizarre have you given it any thought as to what you would be doing while banged up? You seriously want to spend a few years in the nick over a man you have never actually had a conversation with?
Is this a bad idea? Is there any reasoning with her at all?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 08/06/2008 12:12

i dont know tbh

i do feel for her as i am not far off her age and i think it could be quite easy to end up like this having had shitty neighbiurs and mental health problems

combination of stress from your brother too over a long time and a bad neighbour is a very lonely problem because other people cant see iit as badly as you do

you could point out to her how much she would actually hate it in prison becaus ethere shoe would be irritated and peresecuted undoubtedly

you could try and suggest that she agrees for her own peace of mind that she wont keep thinking about him

so help her edvise some sort of distraction when she finds herself thinkign about him

maybe someone who knows about cbt could advise?

so she finds herseklf thinking i heard him move he is at it again trying to follow me..then she must say to herself no i must not think that i must think i should read a chapter of my book, listen to a radio programme, clean the toilet etc

not very good examples but maybe accepting she thinks about him then she has to stop and cosnciously think i will not let this take over my life it is silly and exaggerated and inaapropraite i must think x instead

Original poster
charliecat · 08/06/2008 12:28

Super Advice Zippi.
I have a fab site bookmarked at home abut cbt and it is exactly what she needs.
She does need to stop thinking about him and making everything about him, even the bloody silence is noted in her head, hes sitting, not moving. Ugh
I will see what I can print out at home.
TY.

OP posts: