Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Shit. My mum is losing the plot.

178 replies

charliecat · 06/06/2008 10:31

This has been going on for the past year or so, she has a neighbour who when he first moved in, was noisy, keeping her up at night etc and driving her up the wall.
Nwow he is quiet, but she has came COMPLETELY obsessed with him.
Her whole life is about him.
The most extreme example I can give you is one day in her garden , she was pottering, and the neighbour shut his window and left his flat, and in her head he had been watching her, was irritated her so she followed him in her car with intention of running him over.
Now all he had ACTUALLY done was shut his window and left his flat, the rest was imaginary, in her head.
She has just popped by my house, she couldnt ring me because he would hear...shes been racking in his bins.
Ive just rang her best mate, and I said asd long as she doesnt run his over or go to his door and its all in her head its ok.
She said its too late, she went up to his door and tryed to kick it in.
My brother has paranoid schizophrenia. Even when hes ranting saying hes going to kill people they dont section him.
How can I make mum see the irrationalness of all of this?
Hes quiet....because hes listening to her. ARGH
Its not him, its her.

OP posts:
luvaduck · 06/06/2008 13:53

good luck charlie will check in on this later

telling her you are seeing gp about thyroid meds is a great idea

you could just turn up at gp - tell her gp wants to see her about meds and make emergency appt and explain to receptionist beforehand so she can warn GP?

charliecat · 06/06/2008 14:22

Well, that went well I got her out the house by saying come do recycling with me.
She didnt take any of it well. None of it. She still couldnt explin why he knows where she is in the house, why she was justified in going to run him over after he shut his window.
She said she wanted to kill herself last time we spoke(and i dont know when this was) because she could tell I didnt believe her.
Parting sentence was Her saying I will fucking run him over.

OP posts:
charliecat · 06/06/2008 14:23

Oh this was screamed and shouted across a car park near her house.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 06/06/2008 14:24

oh fuck

so much for that advice

well she is clearly not well

did you speak to the gp

charliecat · 06/06/2008 14:26

will do.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 06/06/2008 14:48

in all honesty, when it's reached that stage, I find it easier not to disagree. You don't have to actively agree but if you can umm and ahh and talk about the weather or a spider or a cobweb or something in the newspaper because you need to focus on YOURSELF not feeling shit too and you may not be able to distract her but at least you will distract yourself from the madness.

You've done well calling the GP. It might be worth asking for a home visit if you feel she won't go in but good luck whatever happens.

southeastastra · 06/06/2008 14:48

hope it goes ok cc

EffiePerine · 06/06/2008 15:06

oh dear . I hope the GP is helpful.

charliecat · 06/06/2008 15:44

Hmm, I have put a note through her door saying I dont not want to argue with her, or fall out with her but she isnt thnking straight and theres only me around to try and rationalise with her. That if I was going round trying to kick in peoples door what would she be saying to me?
She left me a voice mail saying she would get back to me via note through the week.
I have just remembered why I wrote to the doctor, but didnt send last time. My big huge hulk of a brother was in her front room crying his eyes out having a mini nervous break down........and my was playing LOUDLY a tape recording of her neighbour being noisy saying Listen Listen Can you hear that...bla bla, meanwhile my brother was falling apart and she was completely oblivious
The neighbour was quiet, so she was playing him on tape??!!

OP posts:
charliecat · 06/06/2008 18:08

Er, we cant force the issue. Fuck me.

OP posts:
charliecat · 06/06/2008 18:10

I have just had a 3 minute conversation with her doctor. We cant force the issue. I cant do anything unless she comes to me.
If she does do anything to herself or him then it (what?) will be forced upon her.
Useless.
Seriously. Fucking Useless.

OP posts:
Buda · 06/06/2008 18:13

Oh God. Not helpful.

zippitippitoes · 06/06/2008 18:26

that is useless

i assume your mum lives by herself?

charliecat · 06/06/2008 18:27

yes she does

OP posts:
wingandprayer · 06/06/2008 18:30

Bloody hell, that's just awful. Well what do you do when someone is too ill to be able to help themselves for heaven's sake? There must be a protocol for dealing with these things, like when someone has dementia and needs someone to step in for them?

zippitippitoes · 06/06/2008 18:31

you could investigate the community mnental health team

but i expect you know that these things are not easy

i think it must depend where you live

zippitippitoes · 06/06/2008 18:32

all you can do is try and keep communications going with your mum i supose

gp sounds useless probably anxious to go home too

wingandprayer · 06/06/2008 18:35

Sorry, just to clarify that last post was meant in a general (and frustrated on your behalf) sense - I wasn't asking you charliecat why you don't know what other options there are. I can't imagine where to go for help if GP refused to - perhaps Luvaduck can advise if she's still around?

tiredemma · 06/06/2008 18:35

Is there a duty GP in your area for out of hours?

She sounds very unwell Charlicat.

charliecat · 06/06/2008 19:12

Right have just really ranted on phone to her mate.
She hasnt rung her and said DD was a right cow today ...maybe JUST MAYbe shes having a think about what ive said?
I am serioulsy considering emailing her gp and all the other gps in the practice saying bla bla bla....i spoke to Dr bla bla, would like another opinion so thought i wold email the lot of you?

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 06/06/2008 19:16

I knmow this might sound extreme, but maybe you could talk to the neighbour? Perhaps he could complain to the police about her trying to kick his door down? That may get SS involved and someone might recognise that she needs a bit of support.

MinkyBorage · 06/06/2008 19:18

p.s. really for you to be dealing with all hthis. I think my mother is on the verge of a breakdown, but in a different way, and it's hard. You sound like you are having to be the only adult sane one in a crazy world right now. Good luck

Legend · 06/06/2008 19:20

You can call adult social services if you are worried about an adult. I did this once. I said I was concerned about their mental state and they went round to see what was going on. I don't know if this is harder to achieve on the weekend though but might be worth a try if you are concerned.

charliecat · 06/06/2008 20:04

Dear Dr , I am one of your patients
I am concerned about my mum who is under Dr . I had a telephone appointment with him earlier concerning her.
I have a schizophrenic brother and am aware that until someone is at risk to themselves or others then there is not really much anyone can do. But I would like my concerns noted, so that if something does happen then it is on file.
My mum lives on a ground floor flat and the neighbour upstairs was initially keeping anti social hours, being really noisy at night, appearing to drop things on the floor for maximum effect in the middle of the night, keeping my mum awake and really making her life a misery. Whether he realised the effect he was having on her is unknown, he improved a little once the housing association had been involved.
However, my mum is completely obsessed by him, to the point where she has asked me to look him up on the internet to see where he lived before, and today she wanted me to look in his bins, she said, to see if he is doing any schizophrenic writings. However, her best friend has told me that the REAL reason is because my mum thinks he is pooing in carrier bags as he doesnt flush the loo anymore.
I feel rather ridiculus writing this down:-(
Her whole life is him, instead of saying Oh im going to the co op to get milk, she is thinking and saying Oh im going to the co op to get away from him for a bit.
She thinks he is following her round her flat, I have pushed and pushed her to explain to me HOW he knows where abouts she is in the flat(bearing in mind he cant see her, or hear her foot prints, no glass ceiling) and she just gets INCREDIBLY annoyed with me and says HE JUST DOES.
She has even gone up the stairs and tried to kick his door in, and the police were involved, I have no idea what the outcome was.
There was an incident one day where she was in her garden and he shut his window in his front room and left his flat and she got in the car and followed him with intention of running him over. I kept saying to her today, what did he DO that made you think it was ok to go and try and run him over? All he did was shut his window? What else DID HE DO? And she doesnt answer, but in her head, she is justified in that, and the last thing she said to me today was I will run him over if I get the chance.
This clearly is not normal behaviour. Well not for her anyway. She can build a whole 2 hour scenario over one noise from upstairs...I turned the page of the newspaper, he heard me(really?) so he put his telly on because he knew i was trying to read the paper....bla bla
She wont talk on the phone, because he is listening, this is why I got concerned today, instead of ringing me she came to my house, so he couldn't hear, to plot me raking in his bin.
She said she wanted to kill herself the last time we argued about this because it was clear I didnt believe her. She has had a hard life and i have never heard her say she was suicidal about anything before. Her sister, and her best friend are incredibly concerned too.
She thinks he poisoned her cat. And when he cat had a stroke that was his fault too. Her car has been damaged, obviously him too.
If he keeps her awake she has a mental log of that, but even when hes quiet she will say He sat in silence for 3 hours last night...Er maybe he was sleeping? And how do you know he was sitting? I JUST DO!

This is a minute version of the past 8 months, I also must add that she has never drunk alcohol, ever, and has started drinking in the past few months.
I would like this noted on her file, I would also like any advice you you give me and just a little reply so I know this email has got to you.

Thank you.

OP posts:
MinkyBorage · 06/06/2008 20:09

Well done, it looks like you are doing everything you can. Are you copying in all the GPs at the surgery?