Any therapists / counsellors out there who can give advice about transference?

[LostThePlotEncore]

As the title suggests really. I’ve been seeing a therapist since the end of last September and becoming a bit obsessed. I crave the space to feel heard and appreciated. I’m dealing with complex ptsd from SA.

It’s probably a combination of (no particular order)

her treatment approach
you and her fitting together well
It being the right time in your life

No, she doesn't have to say, but she might invite you to talk about it at some point.

Thanks Skinny, three reasons make absolute sense. I know that for her she’ll probably not be surprised or bothered but for me it feels massively awkward at the moment. Hopefully I can get it out in the next few sessions. I have no idea how many sessions I’m gonna need in total. How do I ask that politely?

Thank you.

You probably have a contract for open ended long term sessions?

how long you go on is up to you. She isn’t fixing you. Rather you are on a journey of self discovery and decide when it ends

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen or agreed to a contract if I’m honest.

We don’t usually have “contracts” like that. People sign papers 1) agreeing to treatment 2) agreeing to practice policies in re cancellation 3) agreeing to pay for services rendered.

Patients are free to quit therapy at any time and for any reason. I don’t sell blocks of therapy like a ballet school.

OP you really sound anxious—is that part of the diagnosis or a bit of a traumatic hangover from childhood experience? Perhaps instead of worrying about all these details you should try just blurting out “I am anxious! I get snxious just thinking about the therapy sometimes even though it seems to be going well.” At least tou will have let it out and this may relieve some of your tension.

I am very anxious and it is part of the reason I am having therapy.

Anxiety is awful. Just try admitting to it and see how that goes. Anxiety is a sort of rudimentary way of trying to ward off harm. Its almost magical thinking: if I ruminate on this I will solve the problem or avoid harm.

Taking action sometimes relieves it and from that space if relief you can glimpse your goal of living a more anxiety free life.

It sounds like it’s open ended contract then..you can always ask

I guess the next few sessions are going to be interesting!

She really won't be surprised. It possibly isn't even transference at all, although, arguably, all relationships have transference. Its perfectly normal to go through a clingy, obsessed, idolising stage in therapy, especially attachment based therapy.

It's just a phase and most of us experience it. Sometimes it manifests as you are experiencing it and sometimes it takes the form of a crush or even feeling like falling in love with them. Regardless of what sex or sexuality you are.

It passes. I'm mostly coming out of that phase now and settling into secure and comfortable stage. My therapist was neither shocked nor particularly bothered by it and said it was normal and just part of forming a secure attachment. .

That it wouldn't last much longer than my insecurity in the relationship and that once I was able to relax and trust in it, the crush would just fade away. He was right, it has.

I mean, I still absolutely would... and I'm pretty sure he knows that! 😂 But I don't really think about it much outside sessions anymore.

“I mean, I still absolutely would”

🤣🤣🤣

That made me really laugh too!!

🤣 I'm traumatised, not blind!

Haha!! Thanks for all the replies. Anyone who has experienced transference, please tell me your story!

Bump

If you’re in full psychoanalytic therapy or psychoanalysis the transference is the whole thing. You have wild and intense primitive feelings of love and hate towards your analyst! If you talk about them your analyst can help you understand them and still be there for you no matter what you have said to him/her.

I imagine your therapist knows about transference as she has had many years of her own therapy and knows what it is like to be crazy about your therapist.

Its a bit of a shock at first but you get used to it!

I didn’t realise that therapists have their own therapy but it makes sense. Is that during training or through their career?

A lot of therapists come to the profession with lived experience.

they will have had to have supervision in training where they can get guidance on client issues (anonymously)

and they may also have or have had their own therapy.

it’s normal and I think id much rather someone who has lived experience treat me than someone that is pure textbook

when is your next session?

if I get some time I will dm you about my experiences of transference if it will be helpful?

Skinny, that would be amazing. Thank you. Next session is actually Wednesday.

My therapist told me today that I’d been through sheer hell. And I cried.

Hugs for you @LostThePlotEncore. Hope you’re okay

Thank goodness! Sounds like your therapist “gets” you and what you need. Keep at it!

It feels like it’s gonna be a long road.