Any therapists / counsellors out there who can give advice about transference?

[LostThePlotEncore]

As the title suggests really. I’ve been seeing a therapist since the end of last September and becoming a bit obsessed. I crave the space to feel heard and appreciated. I’m dealing with complex ptsd from SA.

So I kind of bit the bullet and talked a little bit about how I feel. I didn’t go into detail like I have here but hinted at the attachment in a jokey way. Enough for her to say she wasn’t going anywhere and that she totally understood how vulnerable I feel.

Do you feel better for having broached the subject OP?

I think so although I think I embarrassed her!

That’s great if it helps you get more out of your therapy going forwards. She shouldn’t be embarrassed so maybe you misinterpreted that?

Well she went red. Perhaps she was t expecting it or had a hot flush!

I’m still here and still hanging on….

Well done OP, sometimes we need to give ourselves credit for hanging on because that can take a lot of strength and determination when life is tough. How are you finding your therapy sessions now?

I’ve had a longer than normal break between sessions due to holidays etc. Still finding it very tough if I’m honest. The attachment is very very hard and it’s feeling trickier as she is now sharing more about herself. This only ever happens at the end of a session as a way of dispelling the tension or moving the session to some sort of normality but it’s so hard. I have hinted at the transference/attachment or whatever the mess it is and I know she is aware I think. There’s just never enough time to get everything out and I feel I could be sat there for years to come!

@LostThePlotEncoresending you a huge hug. I'm in the thick of this too and am about 2 years in with talk of it ending soon which has sent me into a spin and so emotional! I haven't got much in the way of words of wisdom but it's all normal and you're not alone. I'm still too ashamed to admit my attachment after all this time (he's male but it's non sexual) so I get it!

Hi FlipFlop thanks for replying. It’s brutal isn’t it. I am just feeling so stuck at the moment. My feelings of attachment are not romantic just wish I had met her as a friend. But then I guess the dynamic would be very different. I just don’t have many close friends and when we do go off piste in our sessions, I do feel we genuinely connect. But it could be that she is just exceptionally good at her job and just pretends to connect to get the work done. It’s an absolute mind fcuk.

@LostThePlotEncoremassive hugs. I feel similar. I feel the connection but then wonder if its just all an act and then I hate it when he mentions other clients as I feel jealous and don't want to know (obviously he doesn't go into detail). Just the talk of the ending of therapy absolutely broke me. So much emotional pain, it's definitely brutal lovely and I'm sure loads of us go through it. Sorry for hijacking!

How long have you been having sessions @flipflop76 ?

Almost 2 years of weekly sessions @LostThePlotEncore. Its flown by though!

I was doing so well with everything, even managed to space appointments out a bit more. But it’s all come back after a session yesterday. I’m so tired.

When you start enquiring of your subconscious mind about difficult things, it IS tiring! Does this mean you may have made some progress in recent sessions?

Hi Garlic, yeah I felt I was making progress and not feeling so incredibly attached to my therapist. I’d started to spread appointments out a bit more and just generally wasn’t thinking about it all as much. I went yesterday and for whatever reason, all the attachment is back.

Oh, well done on your improvements! Don't worry too much, it's never a straight line. Two steps forward, one step back is still progress.

I always need a nap the day after an appointment. Why is that? When I say nap, it’s a proper 3 hours.

I’m no expert but I would take that as a good sign. If it was just a relaxing chat then it wouldn’t be addressing difficult issues.

I'm an expert.
It's fine.
Emotional work is just as hard as physical work. Imagine if you'd been sprinting for 50 minutes?

Anyone still around for an update from me?

Ok, so still having sessions every three weeks. Have managed to admit that I worry about being too much and that she may one day realise I am beyond help. I’ve told her I hate goodbyes. I’ve asked how long this whole stuff will take and whether she will be able to last that long. So I’ve asked and been heard. I feel a bit more relaxed when going but I don’t always wants to go, if that makes sense. One hour is never enough.

Yes, I know just what you mean! Therapy's intense and quite draining if it's any good, so it's natural to feel like you'd rather do something easy instead. Then, when you find your flow in the session, you want to keep going.

Well done on telling her your fears about your therapeutic relationship. You've been open and honest; this is likely to be really helpful. I know it was difficult for you - you're allowed to feel good about doing something very constructive for yourself 🤗

Thanks Garlic. She has said that she is committed to whatever the journey needs or takes. I just wish there was a map!

I don't know her modality, or your finances, but some therapists see patients more than one hour per week. Traditional psychoanalysis is five sessions per week.