Any therapists / counsellors out there who can give advice about transference?

[LostThePlotEncore]

As the title suggests really. I’ve been seeing a therapist since the end of last September and becoming a bit obsessed. I crave the space to feel heard and appreciated. I’m dealing with complex ptsd from SA.

It’s integrative therapy and I go every 2-3 weeks. I couldn’t afford to go more often and to be honest I’m not sure my brain would cope with more sessions.

I’m still here and now off work. Still struggling.

Hi OP, well done for hanging on in there as that is tough enough.
Are you still seeing your therapist and have you worked through your feelings about her?

Hi @Sleepalldaylong i am still seeing her and the feelings come and go but they are still more present than not, if that makes sense. I think she is possibly aware but there’s been do much crap to wade through I’ve still not been bold enough to be 100% honest. Then she hugged me before Xmas and wished me well and that was too much someone being to nice to me. So I’m just bumbling along.

Then she hugged me before Xmas and wished me well and that was too much someone being to nice to me.

This is another reason to tell her, and besides, this will be the crap to wade through. If any of her integrative skills include a good grasp of psychodynamic theory, then the transference stuff could very well be a better way to do therapy than ignoring it.

I’m not sure it is professional for her to hug you in any circumstances.

She did ask permission first. I don’t have a session for a while and wondering whether I can do this. It’s so hard.

You might have already mentioned this, but why aren’t you seeing her weekly?

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It does seem you're maybe not getting as much out of counselling as you could be because you're not willing to be honest with her.

On the other hand I think the therapist even asking if it's ok to hug is completely out of order when the client is an abuse survivor, and possibly also even if the client isn't. I don't think I'd be too comfortable making myself emotionally vulnerable if I was the client in that situation.

?

Cos I need time to process in between appointments i think. Weekly would be hard for me.

I’d had a tough few weeks so I think it was just as a result of that and it being Xmas.

Understood but it sounds like you find the breaks between sessions difficult too.
My therapist has just gone on long term sick leave so I’m feeling a bit abandoned. I can’t face starting with someone else but I definitely find it hard without anyone to talk to.
Sorry you are having such a difficult time too x

In any circumstances is unhelpfully rigid. I'd never recommend a therapist hug a patient, but you can never anticipate a aituation and sometimes reassurance (very rarely) is more important than therapy.

Admittedly, I only work with under 25s, but if a patient said this to me, I'd offer to see them 2x per week or more.

May I ask why?

The precise reasons vary, but a fortnight of processing time is a lot, so my first assumption would be that the statement is defensive of something. For you, I might wonder if you are avoiding the possibility that you need more, maybe protecting yourself from an anticipated rejection in that need. Or maybe the processing time is because you lose the work and it takes time to recover it to process (so more often compensates and prevents the loss) There's also always the possibility that the processing time is actually to avoid the closeness in therapy, which might be part of why the transference frightens you, or could be because you're worried about getting better (everyone has a bit of this)

Ooh there’s a lot to unpack there @ExecutiveRubber but you’ve hit a few good points. The therapist herself suggested longer time in between appointments to give me time to process and prepare for the next time. I’ve often wondered if she can sense the transference and is keeping me at bay, so to speak. I know she sees some clients weekly but I have never asked this, plus I would also struggle to afford this. I think deep down I am avoiding the transference so although it’s hard because I think more frequency would help in some ways, I don’t want to get too close.

I am not a therapist, but if she senses the transference and is keeping you at bay because she's uncomfortable with it she's probably a crap therapist. It would seem more likely that it's solely your own avoidance that's at play here and you're maybe projecting your need for avoidance onto her. Unless she's ever done or said anything that makes you think she's avoidant.

@LostThePlotEncore
I think deep down I am avoiding the transference so although it’s hard because I think more frequency would help in some ways, I don’t want to get too close.

This is the conversation to have with her.
Also, if cost is an issue, ask that too. I know therapists who have £100+ hourly rates, but also have some patients they see for £20. I also know one who sees a teenage girl for 50p. People do shy away from the cost conversation but it's just another part of the therapy discourse.

I know I need to be more open and honest but I find it hard. I mask an awful lot and hide behind a facade.