General support thread 3

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome x

Hi all

Sorry I've not been on. Noone is a fraud were just on our own journey x

@NealsBackYard I'm sorry you're struggling. Do you have no real life support from family or friends at all? Can you look at a hobby etc?

Hi all,

As @Helplessandheartbroke nobody is a fraud or failing. There is no benchmark in terms of how bad we have to have in terms to get help or a kind word.

@NealsBackYard I empathise. Sometimes depression just comes out of nowhere and then we are kinda stuck in it.

I'm also less than great these days. So I understand when you say how things feel grey and hollow. I wish things would be different, you know?

And that's why we're here for anyone who needs it. @snowfoxglove what's happening lovely? X

Here's a long read/stream of consciousness.

I'm feeling a bit down today. I just tried and failed to get my 2 year old down for a nap, have just layed down and am glad my husband has decided to take children out. He's training for a marathon and missed his run yesterday so know that's what he wants to do. Lots I could be getting on with... I guess I have a lot of long term stress (getting up in the night then early with 2 year old, study, work, my DH wanting a 3rd child and I'm 90% sure I don't) something this morning triggered me to just become quite dispondant. We were going to visit a nursery together but I realised the time 10 minutes before the appointment. DH was out so I called him, then called the nursery they couldn't do it later. My DH is often better at time keeping than me and the nursery appointment was the only appointment of the day so I was relying on DH being aware of the time. It brought up some old resentful feelings I have about my husband missing school tours for DD because he was hungover. Then it was more on me to choose primary school, allthough he had an input, he just dismissed the school he'd not visited and I think we made the wrong choice and our DD should be at that one. She's in year 2 and DH has been teetotal for nearly 3 years but I realised I've not got over that. I wanted to talk about it when ds napped but he's fighting it today.
I'd like to do councilling with my DH but he's not up for it, he's said what will be the end goal of it.

@NealsBackYard hope you're feeling a bit better/ got to speak to people irl

How are we all doing today?

@2in2022twoyearson did you manage to speak to dh? Glad he's gone sober sounds like it was needed. Also sounds like he knows when you need a minute which is important.

I'm OK more recently. I was worried about finished counselling after a year but I've been ok x

@Helplessandheartbroke yes I did and he said, well I can't change what happened I'll not do anything like that again. And yesterday he took the children out for a couple of hours so I could have some spare so that was nice. Glad you're doing ok.

@2in2022twoyearson as difficult as it is you need to try and leave it in the last and live in the moment. Sounds like he's really trying to be a better person and we all make mistakes and deserve forgiveness. It will just cause you both more distress If not. I hope that doesn't sound harsh I say it out of kindness x

@Helplessandheartbroke you're 100% right and not harsh at all

Hi ladies. Sorry haven't posted for a while. How are you all?

Hi, it's been very quiet on this thread. I've been enjoying the sunny weather but been feeling mum guilt. This morning I felt stressed. my DD is just rude to me, I'm not very organised and often late. She's started arguing if I try and hurry her up and be angry at me with the mention of being late (she hates it). This morning, ds got up early and was stroppy and testing my patience. Later, I'd set a timer of when we need to leave for school. As soon as it went off she stroped about not wanting to be late and ds not rushing to get shoes on. She annoyed me enough for me to go upstairs to get some headspace and get a few things together so I could go out with ds after school rather than home. We ended up being late as I'd not factored in car scraping, and I couldn't run with ds, I told her to run ahead but we watched the gate close, had to go through the office and she nearly cried.

Does anyone do positive affermations? To me they often feel insensere but they're worth a go. I looked through I list and chose some that resonate....
I've chosen 2 for today:
I deserve time to rest and recharge, I am doing a great job.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote in a journal I am strong and focused. Today will be a productive day.

Hi all

Sorry I've not been on. Been a mad week.

@2in2022twoyearson mum guilt is awful but needs must! Sounds like you're making positive steps for yourself which is great x

Hi all, not been on for a while. Feeling a little bit meh today so come on for some solidarity! I think it’s the time of year, reminds me of how low I was a year ago and sometimes it triggers the anxiety 😟

hope everyone is ok on this sunny Friday? Xx

Hello Giraffes, I’m only newish to this thread, but I hope it’s ok if I say hello and reply. Sorry no one replied yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day wasn’t it. Not so great today.
I identify with this time of year being difficult. Have you managed to move forward over the last twelve months? If you have, that is amazing and inspiring. Looking back is often painful, I reread some journals recently and barely recognised myself. I hope that today has been easier for you.
I will write a second post about how I am doing.

I was all set to end my life yesterday. Full plan, prepared, letters written etc. CMHT aware, referred to HTT, who came to visit on Thursday and declined to accept me again. I feel like I have just pushed the date back, not changed my mind. Yesterday was a significant date, the anniversary of a friend’s death, that’s why it felt so right to do it that day. I need to die because I am poisoned, contaminated and my blood is infected with evil. No one believes me, and it is so lonely and confusing. A gp has agreed to do a blood test next week, this is what has made me delay my plans. Sorting out my toxic blood would be better than dying, but I don’t know if it is possible. I know my blood is full of dirt, grit and the voices are constant telling me I will poison my son. I don’t want to hurt him, so I have to leave. It’s to save him.
Psychiatrist wants me to increase Risperidone, I know it is an antipsychotic- so for the voices and things, not a blood cleaning medication, so I am not sure why. I will try it for a few days. I feel so lost.
I am very scared. Don’t know how to get through these next few days, I’ve been taking it in tiny chunks and sleeping for about 10 minutes, then waking, repeatedly. And cutting. I’ve had enough. I need to fly, to free them. My CC is on holiday, my GP is off sick, HTT wouldn’t accept me on their caseload (advised the inevitable warm drink and distraction). I know there’s duty cover and 111 but I find talking to strangers so hard. Often it makes things worse rather than helping. I am sorry for blurting it all out here. Maybe mentioning suicidal feelings isn’t allowed? I don’t know. I tried to speak to my mum and she just shut down any difficult emotional discussion. Like it’s not permitted. Banned. Too dangerous.

So, yeah, not doing too good.

@NealsBackYard I'm so sorry to read how much you're struggling. I'm glad the gp are doing blood tests. If those come back clear will it be enough for you to accept? Can anyone help care for ds until you're better? Sending solidarity ❤

So sorry I missed your post @NealsBackYard and I’m so sorry life is so hard for you. Are u feeling any differently today? Do you have any support in real life beside your mum? X

Thanks both. I have a cleaner (who does a lot more than clean) so that helps. She came today. But it means the house looks presentable and like I am coping when MH teams visit, possibly not a true perspective.

Will I accept the blood results if they come back clear? Hmm that’s a really good question, and if I’m totally honest, I’m not sure. But if I feel they are fake/ not accurate tests for the right thing/ I am being lied to, I don’t know what I can possibly do.

I want to talk to my real GP, I trust her. I haven’t been able to despite trying for weeks. If she could explain the results to me I think that would be helpful.

My mum took my son for most of the day today. He’s back now and really grumpy at me. She’s coming to get him in the morning as well. And his dad will have him for a bit on Wednesday. This is good, but in some ways I am safer if he is at home. I can’t die with him in the house.

Increased meds are making me feel dizzy and groggy in my brain. Like I’m being dumbed down. Do any of you have antipsychotics? I’m on two now.

Thank you for asking after me. How are you doing?

Hi all

It's been very quiet on here. Does that mean some positive things are happening for everyone?

Hey @Helplessandheartbroke how are u going?

im doing ok thank you apart from having a horrible sickness bug at the moment! 🙈 so much going around!

how is everyone else? X

I'm doing well..ISH. I drank wine for the first time in ages recently, a bit too much the second time. Since then I've been thinking about drinking if I'm feeling low or stressed, like now, but I know it's not helpful. Yesterday I thought I could get some today as I've passed an assignment. I sometimes wander if I have manic depression, or it's just normal mood swings. Yesterday I was feeling great, thinking about how much nicer individuality my tongue centre was, and how well I am doing at work. I was a bit too hyper to study though. Then today when my ds was napping and I tried sorting out some things in the attic, seeing things I'd bought and not used/given to my children has really brought me down.

@Whycantgiraffesdance I'm not too bad thank you. Sorry to hear you're not well and I hope you're better soon! It would have been my ddog birthday yesterday so I lit a tea light next to his ashes. I hope you knows how much I love and miss him x

@2in2022twoyearson don't feel guilty. There's all sorts in my shed and loft that I've not pulled out for ds. I mean they're obviously not missing it. I've been enjoying the odd mid week wine too so I cut it out this week and I'm waiting until tomorrow x

@Whycantgiraffesdance hope you're feeling okay. I think my 2 year old ds has a mild tummy bug. He was very lethargic and had a temperature Saturday evening.He's not had d and v, but he had a lot of poo yesterday, off his food, occasionally lies down, when he's normally always on the go. Last night and this morning he was doing these sicky noises but a healthy poo, so I sent him to childminder with my fingers crossed.