General support thread 3

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome x

I had a home visit from the consultant once. I was about 1-2 weeks postpartum and needed a medication review. My DD was slightly premature so we had no plan in place for how I would take qutiapine during labour! Obviously this is a very different scenario to yours. But that's three of us having a home visit.

hi hope it is ok for me to join. i have been really struggling. nearly took all the pills i have stockpiled. i am a single parent and can't leave kids but they are no longer enough for me to stay for. i have no partner no support and a few friends but they are busy in own lives. i am just fed up of fighting self harm and taking the pills seems easiest. hope i didnt post in wrong place

Hi all, I’m still here! ☺️ thank you for thinking of me @Helplessandheartbroke Im doing ok at the moment, how are u?

this thread really helped me when I was at my lowest so glad it is still active, @yummytummy welcome and so sorry you are struggling, definitely post here if it helps xx

@yummytummy I know how it feels to feel like there's no end to your pain and the absolute slog of getting through each hour let alone day. When I was at my worst people would say it will get better and I know it's a cliche and probably won't mean much now but it absolutely does. I've has 3 major breakdowns in my life and I can remember feeling the absolute hopelessness each time. But each time it did get better. Sending hugs. Xx

Thanks for the kind wishes. I can hope it gets better but can't see any light right now. Is there anything that helps?

I spent an entire night having nightmares because M and I spoke before bedtime. I made a mistake (again) thinking we can have a polite conversation.

Soon, she started trauma dumping, telling me which one of her friends has been locked in a psych ward for 15 years, who has dementia, started talking badly about her friends and family.

At the end of (stupid) me trying to have a polite conversation, my body was so drained yet fueled with Adrenaline at the same time that I had no chances of sleeping.

You know what's frustrating? Knowing what your problem is. That problem staring right at you in the face and you unable to do anything.

This is why I take Escitalopram to numb me so I can live with her. But I'm so bloody burnt out and tired living with a narcissist that I don't get to make any changes in my life.

FFS I need a mother, not a toxic frienemy who perpetually makes my MH worse.

I don't need therapy or meds. I need a safe place to live.

I'm sorry for waffling on. I'm just really angry at myself for falling for the same trick yet again.

Hi @yummytummy

Welcome, as others have said, it sounds really cliché. When other people say it gets better, and you wonder how because you yourself can't possibly see how. I have been there myself.

It helps to post here because it's not Instagram. You have real people here, real problems and real lives. It's not Instagram highlight reel.

Honestly, all you can do sometimes is get through a crap day and that's a win. Or take a walk. Or take a shower. You won't get any snide comments here like on AIBU or Relationships where people are judging you.

A lot of us are in different places in our lives but we have all been in some dark places. You're not a problem because you're struggling x

I am sorry to hear about your SH wishes / struggles. Are there any apps that could help ?
Calm Harm (I have just googled. Never used )

Side by side (Mind charity) is a great forum - always people to chat to and support you on there.
x

thankyou to everyone wo has posted messages of hope. the smallest things feel so big i can just about do school runs and feed kids and go to work but not much else. am not really eating or sleeping and i am on medication quite a high dose but it is very up and down. the weekend was bad as kids were with their dad and friend i was to meet on sun cancelled and its so hard as i dont want to necessarily say to friends please meet or i might do something as its a lot to put on them but it is really really hard

@yummytummy you are being far to hard on yourself. Managing to sort your kids and go to work is huge when you feel like you do.
At my worst I didn't even leave the house for weeks. You are doing really well. X

Yes @yummytummy it sounds like you are achieving a lot, especially while feeling unwell. Can you do anything to lighten the load a bit? Make life a little easier? Like quick easy food for children in the evenings etc. When people have to cancel plans we have made I take it hard. Feel like it’s a personal rejection and it hurts. When probably it is nothing to do with me, just that they are too busy, running late, sick kids… I have to try really hard to keep that automatic thought at bay, it makes me feel worse and less likely to reach out when I most need it. Do you think this could be similar for you?

So the psychiatrist is coming on Wednesday, as it’s the only time I am child-free. I can’t talk openly with son in house and possibly listening.

I’m still not sure why he is coming or what is happening but 2 people I trust say I am really not well, and my thoughts are not making sense. I probably need a bit more help. Keeping safe has been a real struggle. I’ve achieved though- 24 hours without any SH. I don’t know what the rules are here for discussing the topic. So I apologise if I shouldn’t have said. It’s been very hard, and I am exhausted from all the mental effort it takes to resist. I’ve had vicious voices all day long apart from a short patch when I dozed on the sofa with the help of diazepam. I probably shall not sleep tonight now, I feel a bit scared to look at MN after the stuff last night. Even thinking about the possibility of seeing images of child abuse is hugely triggering for me. Brings back memories and I feel like a frightened hurting little girl again. I will keep away for a while I think.

I hope you all have peaceful nights.

Hi all

Cannot sleep so just been catching up.

@NealsBackYard the understanding from ds isn't quite there yet. I'm sorry to read last night's post. Were here for you if and when you're ready. Please call your gp in the morning for some rl support. Thinking of you!

@Whycantgiraffesdance hello misses!

@snowfoxglove I think the sooner yours and dm living situation changes the better for your mh! Hope things can get moving for you lovely.

@yummytummy completely agree with the wise ladies of here. You sound like you're doing amazing! I can imagine the loneliness when dc are at their dad's. Do you have any interests you can look at filling your time with?

Yes, this is great advice - we often take these things personally (friend cancelling ) when there is probably a different reason.

CBT helped me realise this x
If this happens again, can you still do something nice for yourself eg a bath, read a book, watch a comedy etc.

I get this too, I've cancelled on a friend this morning and given a long detailed reason!

Sorry for waffling on about this. I think I'm having another setback. I can't get out of bed again and find no joy in things I liked.

When there is distance and when we are being cordial, it's all right. But she is hoovering, and occasionally leaving gifts. She will act decent one day, and then become a monster (intermittent reinforcement).

I just went in to check on her, and she overwhelmed me by talking trash about her brother, saying things how one of her ex was locked up in a psych ward for 15 years.

Of course, it makes sense to trauma dump and act like a drama queen to your daughter who is already struggling with anxiety and depression. Why not neglect me instead of making me feel worse?

Sorry because I know we have mums on here but I don't think this is a normal struggling mum.

This is why people stay for so long in toxic relationships. You are so burnt out just trying to keep your head above the water, and that takes all you have.

I was doing so well doing LC. Sorry for waffling on everyone, I just see this huge problem staring at me. I know if I could fix it, it would be better but I'm too weak to do so.

@snowfoxglove don't apologise! Sorry I'm just seeing your post. Have things been any better today?

@Helplessandheartbroke Thank you lovely x

It's been up and down but not as bad. How are you doing? I hope everyone is okay.

Hey sorry I've not been on. How is everyone?

Hi, I've been doing really well recently...I have an essay due at the weekend and other deadlines I get more stressed about but this time less, dispite being behind.... maybe I'm avoiding it too much. This morning I feel a bit tearful and maybe the begining of a migraine..on my day with a 2 year old. I don't get them often so only have paracetamol and ibuprofen at home.

Since the summer I've been intentionally keeping myself busy so I can't slip back into my apathy/ depressive state I was postnatally. I mostly wished I didn't have my baby, thought what would happen if I threw him, or just abandoned him and his big sister....i love him now. Other people with postnatal depression have said they still loved their babies, I couldn't honestly say I did love him as a baby. Now I do, he's funny and clever and I don't want him to get ill or hurt. So I'm doing well, except when I have a moment of peace I just feel so exhausted/ unexpected emotions.

Hello, how is everyone’s weekend going? I hope that life is treating you all kindly.
I think I have messed up. I was under the Home Treatment Team, had home visits, including from their psychiatrist, (who was actually very nice). But this last week I’ve not felt safe enough to talk to them each time they have phoned. It’s been staff I haven’t known or felt ok with, so I have just told them I was ‘fine’ and that I wanted to be left alone, and sleep. I felt too exposed, vulnerable and humiliated to expose my reality to strangers again and again. I was sick of not being believed and scared of putting trust in people only to be let down. So now I have been discharged from their care, because I wouldn’t engage. I felt like all they wanted to do was medicate me with diazepam, zopiclone and promethazine. No change to my antipsychotics or antidepressants. I have taken all their pills, nothing changed, just feel sick.
I don’t know where I go from here, I feel like I was wasting their time, wasting energy, I have nothing left.

@NealsBackYard I'm sorry to hear you have lost support. Please know the system has let you down, you've not messed up. When I was under mental health care and disengaged far more than you but they didn't discharge me because I was pregnant at the time. Can you refer yourself back, even if there's a wait? To you have other real life support?

I just keep failing. I tried the GP today but that failed too. No capacity. Did the online message thing, but got text back saying she was full, try again another day when she’s there. She only does 2 days one week, one day the next. So that’s not likely to work out. I thought I was being really brave asking to talk to her. Now I think I’m seen as attention-seeking. She did prescription for dressings for my cuts last week, but pharmacy can’t get them in that size, so I haven’t got any. Another fail. Using kitchen roll and masking tape.

sorry for the moan and misery. Has anyone here had some nice things happen lately?

I saw daffodils which normally make me smile, but I just felt kind of flat. Grey inside. Can’t sleep either. How do people function with poor mental health? Like jobs and things? Do any of you have voices and see weird things? I’ve got lots of noise, and there’s beetles in the skirting boards.

My cleaner /helper comes tomorrow. I haven’t spoke to any humans for about 10 days I think. Apart from Home Treatment Team’s brief discharging visit last week.

yes sorry for negative moans. Do you all have families, friends, jobs and do things? How do you do it?

@NealsBackYard everyone is on their own journey.

Sorry that your lonely at the moment. I have a very people focused job and 2 small children so find I crave some alone time. Or sleep.

Also, I'm feeling a bit of a fraud on this group as I don't have very servere mental health problems. In the past, when my mental health was worst, I wasn't working then I didn't know how to improve things.

My life is pretty good.at the moment, with a quiet undercurrent worry that sometimes could blow it all up/ I crash. I'm trying to do daily art or journaling.

My 2 year old is a joy at the moment. As well as being a pain, eg with sleep and food he is so cute and funny. We're on holiday, and I'm exhausted but mostly having a good time. Children aren't sleeping so well not in their own beds. I am finding with the lack of sleep, I did feel panicky in a supermarket, which I had problems with 7 years ago, but I managed to take some deep breaths.