General support thread 3

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome x

Hi all

How is everyone today?

@Livingingrey welcome. Hop on for a handhold any time. Share what you're comfortable sharing. No judgement here. I hope you can work through your recent trauma with help from your dh it helps to have a good support network.

I'm feeling a little daunted after having my last cbt session on Friday. It was a difficult session and knowing I've not got that face to face support every couple of weeks is making me nervous as I've been in therapy for over a year (since just before breakdown)

Is this a closed group chat, or is it ok to join? I don’t want to intrude if it’s an established group.

Everyone is welcome! Hi :)

Hi all,

Well finally depression hit. I slept severely badly for the last three weeks. I was functioning but I kept struggling with OCD and "what if" for so long and today I feel listless and have that "cba" and what's the point feeling.

I know I'm masking IRL and pretending I'm fine but doing this is also exhausting, and it almost always catches up. I'm so tired.

Welcome @NealsBackYard everyone is welcome and you're definitely not intruding 💐

@Helplessandheartbroke Thank you for asking. I don't know what I would study in uni but I would like to go and finish my degree.

NGL I have been unlucky with making friends, other than MN, so whether my DM leaves, I know I will have to leave as well.

Where I live is beautiful but so dull and snobby. People are so reserved which doesn't help because it's a small place to begin with. Yes, I'm grateful that I feel safe but I'm not going to lie, living here is really lonely. There must be more to life than avoiding DM and feeling numb while watching telly.

Oh I understand you're feeling daunted lovely. It seems like your CBT sessions were a tad hard but also helped you out a bit in terms of that face to face support and structure. At the same time I hope you learned some skills. If that particular person worked for you, there is no shame in asking if you can continue seeing them x

Thanks for letting me join. Sorry so many people are having a tough time of it.
I am not too well. Struggling. I know I’m sinking, just keep thinking about death. Waiting on GP to ring this afternoon. Psychiatrist phoned this morning but only could offer an app for CBT for insomnia. I had a look, but I’m not sure I have got the ‘right’ kind of sleep issue for it. It’s very lonely existing here like this.

I wish a calm and gentle evening for you all.

@snowfoxglove I'm sorry you've been struggling and that I didn't realise how bad things are for you lately. What's keeping you awake at night is it the thoughts?

Maybe if you go back to uni you could pick somewhere you might like to try and live? Somewhere that interests you more than where you are now? Hope you get some sleep tonight x

@NealsBackYard sorry you're also struggling. Did your gp ring and offer any better advice? Are you struggling with ocd?

Thank you @Helplessandheartbroke I don’t think I have OCD, although I definitely have obsessive thoughts sometimes. I sometimes feel I am collecting a selection of diagnosis labels depending on who sees me. GP did phone, she was lovely. But says she thinks I’m really not well. I am not sure what that means in ‘medical speak’. Hoping I’m not heading for admission. There is no time or space for me to be properly ill right now.
Do you have OCD?

Hey @NealsBackYard yes ocd and gad for me. Possibly some undiagnosed form of trauma too. How did you're gp leave it? How is she helping?

I also got diagnosed with gad a few years back. At the same time as mild to moderate depression. To be honest I don't think it's a good diagnosis, it's a bit broad and I think our society makes most people anxious so I wouldn't agree it's a disorder and a lifelong condition. It's temporary disordered thinking I had. I see a lot of anxiety with my colleagues for instance. This morning I'm pleased my son has gone down for his nap because he's been an exhausting 2 year old. I had a music session booked and thought it would be nice to go to a cafe then look round shops. Well, I chose a cafe that used to have some children's toys but is now the least child friendly space you could imagine. Eg produce at childs height, no heigh chairs. Pot plants, low tables and sofas arranged so you can't fit a buggy.

Thank you @Helplessandheartbroke

I don't know what's keeping me up at night. I feel like I'm always so tired. I didn't even have any fights with DM for three months.

But as soon as I get some sleep, she is there and she triggers my trauma and my OCD. So I never get the chance to properly plan and think about uni.

I'm so tired of having bad people guilt-trip me and try and use me. I won't trauma dump and go into too much detail but she intentionally undermined my uni and my relationships before.

I don't want to live entirely alone and isolated but I'm not too sure that living with someone who was toxic to you all their life counts as not being lonely.

One year ago she was relentless and I didn't know how to set boundaries and she constantly guilt tripped me and made my life unbearable. I'm still lonely but she doesn't get to do that anymore. I've set boundaries.

I'm sorry for waffling on. I'm sorry to see so much of us are struggling 💐

@snowfoxglove not waffling, venting. Wd all need it! Maybe is dm moves out and you got to uni you can look at shared housing? Then you'll have your own space but won't be isolated?

@2in2022twoyearson that's a shame about your cafe! Is there any others close by?

She was meant to be liaising with the Home Treatment Team, but doesn’t seem to have made contact yet. There is talk of increasing antipsychotics again, but I think my bloods are less than brilliant. HTT have been ringing or visiting me daily for a couple of weeks. Today the offered visit was from a man I’d never met before and I didn’t feel safe agreeing. I’m sure he is perfectly nice, but when there is significant trauma- including sexual assault- history, accepting strangers into one’s home is challenging when you feel well, let alone when you are already feeling scared and vulnerable. Later I ended up dissociating after a flashback and phoning in distress, got a man I knew fortunately. It’s been a tough day.

Yes, there is a lovely cafe connected to a gymnastics gym that runs toddler gym sessions, which is great. Just thought I'd go back to a place I enjoyed when my older child was my toddlers age, but things change and the non child friendly cafe is more hipster style, work on your laptop type place. Coffee was very nice though!

I'm sorry to read this. I can hear your pain in your post! Sorry what's HTT? Do you have some real life support?

Sorry HTT is the Home Treatment Team. (Used to be known as the Crisis Team or Alternative to Admission Team)

How kind of you to reply to me, and yes I do feel a lot of pain. Not much support around unfortunately, apart from people paid to be here eg NHS Mental Health staff or a woman I pay to help me once a week. I’m not very good at friendships. Desperately want them, but fail every time. Once people get to see what I’m really like, they don’t want to stick around. I don’t blame them.

I keep going because I have a son, he has a lot of additional needs, autism etc. And there would be no one to care for him with me gone. It’s not easy.

My GP was off sick today and is on annual leave next week. She didn’t speak to Home Treatment Team after all. So that was all a bit pointless.

@2in2022twoyearson a nice cafe that welcomes children can be so lovely. I remember spending time with my son as a baby in a coffee shop with comfy sofas. I hope you can get to a good cafe again soon.

Afternoon ladies. Sorry to hear so many having a hard time atm.
I'm doing better than I was a couple of weeks ago, anxiety levels a lot lower.
However I just feel so so tired all the time. I slept for 12 hours the other night and when I woke up I could have quite easily have gone back to sleep. 😴

Just wondering how @hk1993x is getting on as I know she was struggling over Christmas but haven’t seen any recent posts from her? Hope you are ok if you see this @hk1993x

@Blusterylimp yes I've wondered about her also. She's has such a tough time for a long time . X

@NealsBackYard I too have an autistic son. He's almost 5 and is currently non verbal. It's very hard but also an honour to care for these amazing individuals so I'm glad you've got a focus as tough as it can be at times. You sound lovely so maybe you're searching for friendships with the wrong kind of people.

@Ilovedogs1 hey! Always good to hear from you.

@Blusterylimp not heard or seen anything I'm afraid. Also not heard off giraffes either so hope both are well! How are you?

@Ilovedogs1 I can identify with the tiredness. A few weeks ago I was also sleeping lots, yet still exhausted. It doesn’t seem right does it. Winter and January in particular feel like a time of year when nature wants us to snuggle up cosy and warm in our homes, emerging once spring is here. When the light levels increase, I’m sure my mood lifts and I have more energy.

You say kind things @Helplessandheartbroke thank you. Does your son have any understanding of your difficulties? Sometimes mine can be compassionate but most of the time he is in his own world.

I had a visit from a MH nurse today and he wants to organise their psychiatrist to come and see me at home on Tuesday or Wednesday. This scares me. All I can think of is a Section. I don’t really know why it is thought necessary. Drs doing home visits is not normal. I’m suspicious.

Has this happened to anyone? What was the outcome? I don’t feel like I can refuse.

@NealsBackYard I've had home visits from a psychiatrist before. I think it's actually quite hard to get sectioned. Hope it goes OK. Xx

@NealsBackYard