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Original poster

Please someone help me

141 replies

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:19

I'm so low I don't know where to turn. Having strong suicidal thoughts. Please can someone talk to me I just need to feel less alone for 5 minutes

OP posts:
Original poster
solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:55

Thank you, I can't express how grateful I am to those of you who are replying and making me feel less alone. I feel like I'm setting an awful example for my child. Look who I chose for her father, an emotionally abusive arsehole. What have I done 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:56

I'm just sitting in the dark on my youngest DC's bedroom floor crying. My adult dc brought me toast and cup of tea, I can't eat it. I can't even stop crying for a few minutes. Everything is such a mess and all I can think is the relief that not being here anymore would bring.

OP posts:
TicketyBoo11 · 05/09/2024 18:57

Hiya. Sounds to me like HE is the one who’s failed his child…but you’re still there. The strong, constant, supporting force in your children’s lives. I think we underestimate how important we are to our children, even if we think we’re rubbish-they think we’re great and we are..you are.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 05/09/2024 18:59

Firstly, I promise you your kids are NOT better off without you. I've known adults whose parents took their own lives and they never get over it. That may sound really harsh but I feel you need tough love. Suicide is not the best option when you have children, they will never get over it. They will always have to tell people their mum took her own life.

Do you have a friend you could call, or ask to come round and spend the night with you?

Could you maybe put something on the telly that would distract you? I know whenever I feel sad I can put Friends on and it will turn my mood around. Might that work?

Please please don't ever think your kids are better off without you. You are the most important person in their life. You are their home. You will totally derail them if you hurt yourself xx

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 05/09/2024 18:59

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:55

Thank you, I can't express how grateful I am to those of you who are replying and making me feel less alone. I feel like I'm setting an awful example for my child. Look who I chose for her father, an emotionally abusive arsehole. What have I done 😢

Please don't blame yourself.

Sometimes a partner doesn't turn out to be who we thought they were or hoped they were.

You haven't failed your child. She wouldn't want exist without you! And certainly her life wouldn't be better if you were gone. 💛

TheChosenTwo · 05/09/2024 18:59

You haven’t failed anyone.
Your kids would be in a far worse position if you weren’t here anymore, I can 100% promise you that. 💐

Pantaloons99 · 05/09/2024 18:59

@solowpleasehelp I call the Samaritans a fair bit due to my situation which is very difficult to cope with.

I think they are great - they never talk about the Police or reporting anyone. It's not policy to report you for suicidal feelings.

Just give them a call lovely 🙏 Even just crying hysterically to them for 30 mins could really help you process all your pain right now.

TicketyBoo11 · 05/09/2024 19:00

Toast and a cuppa always makes things better, how lovely of your eldest to make you that. You see, you’ve raised a good un there…🙌. Dry those eyes and get it down you, take a deep breath..

Shiningout · 05/09/2024 19:01

I thought samaritans was for people feeling suicidal and you were anonymous, how did they report you to social services and your work?

UmbrellaEllaEllaElla · 05/09/2024 19:01

Meant to say 'your child wouldn't even exist without you.' And your children sound gentle and compassionate- bringing you tea and toast. You must be a wonderful mother.

Countingcactus · 05/09/2024 19:01

You are absolutely not a failure and this WILL get better. I agree you should talk to the Samaritans and it’s completely confidential - but if you really don’t want to then you could have a text message conversation with SHOUT as a first step: https://giveusashout.org/get-help/ They can help you to figure out the next steps after that.

Sending hugs and strength ❤️

Get help - free, 24/7, confidential mental health text support service

Feeling anxious, stressed, or need support? Shout is free, confidential and available 24/7. Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a conversation with a trained volunteer.

https://giveusashout.org/get-help

PaillettenBedeckt · 05/09/2024 19:01

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:55

Thank you, I can't express how grateful I am to those of you who are replying and making me feel less alone. I feel like I'm setting an awful example for my child. Look who I chose for her father, an emotionally abusive arsehole. What have I done 😢

I'm sure you did the best at the time with the information you had available.

The world wouldn't be better without you in it, at all. I know you're very sad and upset, but people would miss you terribly.

Original poster
solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 19:03

Shiningout · 05/09/2024 19:01

I thought samaritans was for people feeling suicidal and you were anonymous, how did they report you to social services and your work?

It was the crisis team who did that

OP posts:
YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 19:04

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:56

I'm just sitting in the dark on my youngest DC's bedroom floor crying. My adult dc brought me toast and cup of tea, I can't eat it. I can't even stop crying for a few minutes. Everything is such a mess and all I can think is the relief that not being here anymore would bring.

@solowpleasehelp

Would it help if your 18 yo didn't go out?

if it would ask them not to. If you were my Mum I'd want to know 🤗

how old is your youngest? Will they be up again or are they down for the night now?

your kids BOTH need you!! Neither of them would be better off without you. Promise!!

Your eldest has brought you tea & toast ❤️can you imagine how devastated they'd be to loose you!!

ha ha. That reads odd. I meant they love you, they're doing their best to care for you, not that it was a waste of time.

you are the little ones whole life, YOU are HER MUMMY!

Original poster
solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 19:06

I know you are right that my children would be devastated to lose me, I know this deep down. It's him who has made me feel worthless inside. It's all he ever does, he's worn me so far down with subtle emotional abuse that I'm just a shell now.

OP posts:
IOnlycreatedaccountforthispost · 05/09/2024 19:06

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 18:56

I'm just sitting in the dark on my youngest DC's bedroom floor crying. My adult dc brought me toast and cup of tea, I can't eat it. I can't even stop crying for a few minutes. Everything is such a mess and all I can think is the relief that not being here anymore would bring.

it might be a relief to you but it would destroy your children’s lives. Children never, ever move on from a parents suicide and they will live with the feeling that they were not good enough to keep you here. It is so hard when you are feeling so low but remember your kids will never ever be better off without you!!!! ❤️

Original poster
solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 19:07

Youngest might wake up once for a wee but she sleeps quite well otherwise. Eldest has plans to go away with a friend so I can't ask her to change that, it wouldn't be fair.

OP posts:
Mayyay · 05/09/2024 19:08

You're not alone. We're all here

TicketyBoo11 · 05/09/2024 19:09

When I get in a real funk and things are weighing heavy I find doing something physical brings a brief moment of positivity.
Don’t judge me….I get the hoover out. Or, I clean the bathroom. A positive physical thing that brings good..I feel like it’s a job well done afterwards.

YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 19:11

solowpleasehelp · 05/09/2024 19:06

I know you are right that my children would be devastated to lose me, I know this deep down. It's him who has made me feel worthless inside. It's all he ever does, he's worn me so far down with subtle emotional abuse that I'm just a shell now.

@solowpleasehelp

do don't let the cunt 'win'. You know he's an emotionally abusive cunt if the highest order! Now is the time to put your little one (&you) first and know you WILL get through this.

Take your 'shell' and fill it with love from both your children. They love you. How can you feel worthless when you look at your two kids?

he's an utter bastard, don't buy into his shit.

LifeExperience · 05/09/2024 19:14

Your children still need you and you have not failed them. You're upset and crying. That's natural and normal because of what he's put you through.We all cry sometimes. You are there with your children and that is the definition of a good mother. You are there for them--be proud of that.
He is the one who failed you and his child, and you can't blame yourself for that.

Hang in there, OP. You'll get through this.

YeahComeOnThen · 05/09/2024 19:18

@solowpleasehelp

can you take your tea (you might need a fresh one now!!) outside. Front door step if that's the best you can do and just get some air. It works for me when I'm anxious or overwhelmed. At times even standing at a wide open window has been my only option!

then can you have a shower (another bliss for me, but not if it's a 'chore' for you) and either get into bed with DD or take her into yours. Nothing like small warm bodies to for generating calm, hopefully you'll get some sleep & chat to us again in the morning.

Cece54 · 05/09/2024 19:21

You called him out on his behaviour and he walked out !! Girl, that was brave of you for standing up to him !! Bloody good for you.... That's not failing... that's getting back some control. I wholly agree with a PP... your daughter brought you tea and toast, so she's a loving caring young woman... raised by YOU !!!! He's not worth your tears. You deserve so much better. And your wonderful kids will get you through it. They need you, and clearly love you. Focus on that, and not on the prick who doesn't deserve a second of your head space!!! We're here for you.

Gawjus · 05/09/2024 19:22

We are all here for you honey

NetflixAndKill · 05/09/2024 19:31

Have you got any in your life close? A mate? Your mom? Trust me, them kids need you now more than ever. You are in the pit right now but it doesn’t last. You’ve recognised your feelings, now you need to act on them. How about if you call 111 and tell them how you’re feeling? They more than likely will have a mental health crisis team in your area to help. You’ve got this 💕