Stuck between life and death . TW suicide

[Pullmybrainout]

Anyone else feel that they are stuck between life and death, struggling to get through each day and wondering what the point is?
I have a voice in my head telling me I need to kill myself and that I am weak and a fraud that I haven’t done it yet. I haven’t been able to focus my mind enough to order what I would need to do the deed online.
I’m tired of living like this and I don’t have any friends or family who would be upset so why haven’t I done it yet. Maybe I am a fraud.

Anyone else feel like this?

OP I am so sorry you feel like this. I believe you, however I don’t think you will always feel like this. Please get help in real life by calling Samaritans or going to a&e and explaining how you feel. There are people who can help you.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/

Samaritans +44-116123

You may feel like you don’t have friends right now but maybe those people are in your future. Maybe there is someone you are meant to meet or who you will help one day. You can find purpose. You are not a fraud. I think it’s worth asking for help and seeing if medication and talking helps. You can do this.

Thanks for your kind message but I have had lots of help over the years - psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, therapists, medication, inpatient stays in hospital. I did make one attempt a long time ago and nearly didn’t survive. I wish I hadn’t as it has been a long slog since then. I think some people are just beyond help. My psychiatrist made me promise to keep myself safe when i got let out in September but he is just worried that it could look bad for him if I did kill myself. It is too much to ask to keep on going. I can’t speak to them about it because it has consequences.

That sounds so hard. I’m so sorry you are suffering. I don’t think your psychiatrist is worried about how they will look I think they are worried about you.

Do you mean you can’t speak to your psychiatrist because of consequences? What consequences?

Please call or contact someone trained to help you OP. Do you have a mental health team?

Did the docs offer you anti depressants? It can be life changing. I've learnt that life is only as good as you interpret it. ADs might give you the courage to go out to clubs or events, meet people and start your next phase in life.

85258 is the text number for SHOUT, they can be really helpful but do get busy at weekends so you might be better with the Samaritans. I’m sorry you are feeling so low, are you on your own? Or do you have family or friends with you who you can talk to?

I can’t tell my psychiatrist how I feel or what I am planning because he will then have to take action to keep me safe.

I’m totally alone, no friends or family so I don’t need to worry about upsetting anyone.

This is beyond sad. Il be your friend 🤗

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

💐

Thanks, that made me laugh!

I'm so sorry you're suffering @Pullmybrainout , you poor thing. You deserve so much care and support. You deserve to be here too, to see this through and to get better. Depression is the worst illness. Your brain / mind wants you to stop suffering, which is understandable. But it needs a reminder that there are other ways through this immense pain, than suicide. Sending you hugs

@Pullmybrainout im sorry you feel so alone. I do think you need to talk to your psych. Are you worried about being sectioned? Maybe you need to be somewhere safe right now? Easy to say I know, I spend so much time avoiding hospital but sometimes it is a help I guess.

You are strong to reach out. What makes/made you happy? Could you have a bath? Read? Watch your favourite TV programme?
I have been where you are and what got me through was someone having to do a ton of paperwork and I didn't want to put someone through that - sounds stupid, but it was what it was.
Hopefully your post will get some of the great Mumsnetters to talk you through.
We are here for you

I’ve been out of hospital since the end of September though so I’ve had plenty of opportunity to do the deed, it’s all I can think about but I must be a fraud otherwise I would have done it by now.

you're not alone OP. We're here. Sending you a huge hug 🤗. Please speak to your doctor. You'll feel brighter, keep strong XOXOX

Thanks for all your kind messages xx

My dead dog has been asking me to come and look after him.

Not a fraud, that shows strength. You’ve done so well. When is your next psych appointment?

You are not a fraud. Part of you wants to live life... and you can. You really can live a great life.
Trust the hive mind telling you - in want of a better phrase - "you are worth it"

You are not alone. We might not know you but we still care. Well I do anyway, I can't imagine how hard it must be in your position but please know you are not alone xx

Therapy is weekly but didn’t go last week as couldn’t face speaking to anyone.
Psychiatrist is in four weeks time if I go.

I think your psychiatrist would want to take action to keep you safe. They are a doctor because they want to help people.

We are all here listening. People do care.

Please speak to your psych @Pullmybrainout . I cant imagine how horrible it must be having to go into hospital, but you need to do whatever it takes to put your health first. You sound very unwell and in need of care. You are not just unwell though. There is a part of you that is keeping you alive. That is posting on here, this is the part of you who is fighting to get you well. She may be a small whisper but I urge you to keep tuning in