General support thread - come on in

[Kielyflower]

I couldn’t see a recent one of these so thought I’d start one.

I just feel I need to do something positive so will hopefully share some more thoughts later that I hope will help - others as well as myself.

In the meantime, feel free to check in as, if nothing else, it helps to feel less alone.

You can hold my hand if that helps. I'm lost too but at least we can wander together?

FWIW I think you are very brave.

That would be nice 🥹 I'm just so tired 💚

Thank you all for the welcome. It helps to feel like I'm not so alone.

I tried to reach out to my sister today and tell her a bit about what's been going on, but then she started asking for more details than I want to talk about, and in my light-hearted way of trying to deflect the questions I've put my foot in it instead. Sort of wishing I hadn't said anything now. I'm trying to be a bit more open with people about struggling but then it just feels like it backfires and makes everything harder.

hk1993x I don't have much words in the way of support, but know you are not alone either.

@EmmaEmerald thank you for sharing and were honestly here for you. I'll set up a new thread later as we're running out of room. Can I ask where your old friends are? The ones that helped you through the breakdown? X

@hk1993x holding your hand lovely. Try and get an early night. Feel free to pm me any time x

@jbiscuits it's good that you reached out. At least your sister is aware now and she will be there if you need her x

I had to pick up a prescription today for my fluoxitine and propranolol so I've had them much later in the day than normal and I felt like I was having a full on panic attack earlier! Shaking and heart racing. I still dont feel right x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5052344-general-support-thread-2

Gonna get a hot bath and an early night. Manages to eat something, first thing in 3 days.

I'm just getting frustrated because I don't know what I'm feeling other than sadness or numbness 🥹 I'm due to speak to the MH nurses tomorrow then back on Friday for another ECT but I don't even know what's going on. What's the plan after that? I have honestly been such a recluse today and just avoided everyone and everything.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, sending hugs back ❤️

@EmmaEmerald I just wanted to ask if you think you feel any better now off of AD's? I'm on Escitalopram, and I still get anxiety and panic attacks but I can't seem to access endorphins and dopamine.

@jbiscuits It's good that you reached out. We can't know how some people will react, but you're making steps and fighting.

@hk1993x I also think you are very brave and holding your hand. 💐 Getting a hot bath and an early night sounds like a good idea. We are here hun.

@Jk24 It's very kind of you to think of all of us and create a new thread. Thank you sweet. I'm so sorry to hear that you had a panic attack, it's so scary, they just come out of nowhere, right? I hope you feel better right now. I had an anxiety attack today, too. I think it's chronic stress.

@Jk24 Answering here rather than the new thread so it doesn't get too confusing. My friends basically disappeared over 2020 lockdown etc so loneliness going on for ages now - efforts to meet people have been awful - so no more of that!

My breakdown was late summer last year. Probably wouldn't have had one if not so isolated.

To complicate things more, I was actually dating for the first time in about 15 years when I had the breakdown. So this poor chap I was dating ended up doing a bit of looking after me 🤦🏽‍♀️ I ended the relationship because it wasn't right for many reasons.... I probably would never have agreed to our first date if I hadn't been so friendless! I'm not interested in dating.

So a recap of the last 18 months

November 2022 - mum had a stroke and a fall and all was chaos for a few months

April 2023 - I moved (to prevent the stress of long trips to mum's, previous attempts to move fell through so this stress accumulated)

Start dating this Poor Chap

May 2023 onwards (lost track) Mum has four hospitalisations and refuses carers

July 2023 - I have full on nervous breakdown. Mum enters respite care for a few weeks for me to recover.

Poor Chap helps me by feeding me etc and generally being a shoulder, eternally grateful.

August 2023 - I end things with Poor Chap.

Mum returns from respite care and refuses care again for a few months

November 2023 I think I'm headed for breakdown #2 and eventually she accepts a small amount of formal care.

I can't recall a lot after that but over Christmas, I went five weeks without seeing anyone except my mum. It was awful. I always find Christmas awfully lonely now.

Anyway, if you read all of that, you deserve a prize! I'd like to hand out virtual glow sticks for fun and novelty value 🤗

This evening I have retreated into a book, a very old book by the much discredited Dr Raj Persaud.

I am remember it helped me when I was in a really bad situation about 20 years ago.

It's very much geared towards helping yourself and as I read it, I can see that some of the advice would probably be very controversial now. But I think it's good to revisit something that helped in the past.

@Jk24 Cross posting so didn't see while I was typing my long post
So sorry you had a panic attack, hopefully you feel more stable now? Is the propranol daily or as needed?

@snowfoxglove I don't feel different post AD but it got complicated, trying different ones and I had problematic side effects, so while I'm taking nothing, I'm spared those problems at least. They served me well for 20 years+ though.

I could access normal feelings while on them, but I know many people can't and say they feel zombified? I didn't have that problem, they "normalised" me for years.

@EmmaEmerald you've had so much to deal with! No wonder you had a breakdown. I myself basically had one over Christmas. Breakdown on me...

Always suffered ocd since I can remember. Always self managed despite obvious compulsions so I'm sure people thought I was weird. March 2020 gave birth to my gorgeous ds, lock down hit right away.... definitely developed pnd but again I just got on with it. Sept 23 ds is diagnosed asd. Ds doesn't sleep. Dec 23 had to make the heartbreaking decision to have my ddog pts. Before his time but kindest thing for him (or would have lived with no eyes) so over Xmas and through January I would say pretty much a full on breakdown. Losing ddog was the catalyst for me.

Mumsnet has been a huge help to me so if I can support others too, I'd love to. ❤ sending a hand hold and you're not alone, we're here.

@snowfoxglove I'd miss yous too much to not do a new thread! See you over there x

@jbiscuits a hello from me also. I understand you being cautious about disclosing to much but MH issues are just as much a valid illness as anything else. I had a full on breakdown last year, pretty much non functioning for about 6 months. I remember thinking it would never end. Things aren't perfect but they are definitely better. Hang in there.
@hk1993x I also think you are very brave.
@EmmaEmerald sending you a big hug. Xx
Hope everyone else is ok. X

I have anxiety, depression, ocd, adhd and apparently panic disorder. Just feel like im getting labels everywhere 🥹 I'm just so tired and trying to stay alive for DH and kids, even though they deserve so much more ❤️

@EmmaEmerald I'm sort of feel like a Zombie. Before I had highs and lows (anxiety and panic attacks), now I still have those same lows (anxiety and panic attacks) but highs are reduced 75% percent.

I can't cry, and when I take a run, for example, I just feel tired -- there's no endorphin high.

I think it's hugely important to process one's emotions (if they are not overwhelming) otherwise it's hard to heal. Experiencing new things helps us (me) overcome past hardships. I'm firmly believed that Escitalopram is maintaining me depression and I'm stuck in a samey loop every day.

@EmmaEmerald I'm sort of feel like a Zombie. Before I had highs and lows (anxiety and panic attacks), now I still have those same lows (anxiety and panic attacks) but highs are reduced 75% percent.

I can't cry, and when I take a run, for example, I just feel tired -- there's no endorphin high.

I think it's hugely important to process one's emotions (if they are not overwhelming) otherwise it's hard to heal. Experiencing new things helps us (me) overcome past hardships. I'm firmly believed that Escitalopram is maintaining me depression and I'm stuck in a samey loop every day.

@EmmaEmerald I'm sort of feel like a Zombie. Before I had highs and lows (anxiety and panic attacks), now I still have those same lows (anxiety and panic attacks) but highs are reduced 75% percent.

I can't cry, and when I take a run, for example, I just feel tired -- there's no endorphin high.

I think it's hugely important to process one's emotions (if they are not overwhelming) otherwise it's hard to heal. Experiencing new things helps us (me) overcome past hardships. I'm firmly believed that Escitalopram is maintaining me depression and I'm stuck in a samey loop every day.

@snowfoxglove @Kielyflower @Ataloss44 @Takemeback2thestart and anyone else please join us on the 2nd support thread x