General support thread - come on in

[Kielyflower]

I couldn’t see a recent one of these so thought I’d start one.

I just feel I need to do something positive so will hopefully share some more thoughts later that I hope will help - others as well as myself.

In the meantime, feel free to check in as, if nothing else, it helps to feel less alone.

The appt went well, I think the biggest thing I struggle with is putting too much pressure on myself to ‘get better’ and to not beat myself up if I have a bad day! I think we’re all guilty of that though! She also suggested meditation to help calm me when panic sets in, does anyone else find meditation helpful?

@snowfoxglove sounds like the right decision if you were on the fence about it, have u tried Talking therapies through the nhs, or is that just my area that offers that?

@Jk24 i think you are so hard on yourself, you have been a great support on here to so many, you are definitely a good person 😘

happy anniversary @hk1993x I hope you get to celebrate in whatever form u can manage today xxx

@Whycantgiraffesdance I find meditation helpful. I've got the headspace app. It takes a bit of getting used to but now when I put it on, most of the time I feel much calmer. X

Thank you @Ilovedogs1 i have got that one but don’t think I’ve ever really given it a proper go! I’ll have another look x

@snowfoxglove "like you, I feel very lonely and I need some face to face human contact but I also worry if someone might take advantage of me. It's so much money and I can't really afford it. I also tried so many things but I don't know if this is yet another dead end or...?"

When you say take advantage, what sort of thing are you thinking? In terms of lacking friendship, I don't see how a therapist can help me there but you might feel different of course.

If you can't afford it and your experience of therapy isn't good (like many people) then I wouldn't go into debt for it, or run low on funds etc.

I am at the stage where if I thought I'd benefit from a coach, I'd go for that. I don't have much experience of therapy but I think forwards looking coaching would be better for me.

One of my big concerns about a coach is that, say I had weekly targets, if I didn't meet them, I'd feel I'd wasted my money and let someone else down too.

I see you've decided against it with this lady, and I don't think I'll do anything paid for either.

I'm conscious everyone is different of course, but I think I need to push myself forward without help for now.

I'm trying to sort some life stuff this week, but very slowly. I've managed a little bit after work but not much. It's the type of stuff that could be done in a 1/4 of the time if a friend helped but I have to move forward knowing there's no help.

A small bit of progress is still progress.

sorry if that was a ramble. Being cogent is not a strong point for me right now.😳

Sending hugs ladies. Hate were going through this x

I've been prescribed mirtzapadine 15mg as my concoction of everything else does seem to work. Has anyone got any experience of this? I am really worried about weight gain - I've gained weight and it's making me lack confidence enough as it is x

Hi @EmmaEmerald

I empathise a lot with you. I, too, took a class hoping it might connect me with people. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good. And I didn't make any friends, but not because I wasn't open, more like the vibe wasn't right.

I feel like I might benefit from a Coach more, as well.

What people say about therapists is that whether you click with a person or not more than their modality. A lot of people (especially Psychiatrists) tend to get snobby and condescending. When doing therapy, sometimes people tend to feel very bad before they feel better -- and this isn't a good thing if one is extremely vulnerable. When I got through traumas was by compartmentalizing them, not by talking about very traumatic events in front of a person who is acting all high and mighty and cold and whom I seldom see.

Friends, including people on MN and IRL, have helped me much more than therapy. Even on occasion I did talk to a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist who did help, it was more because they displayed their vulnerable/human/friendly side.

When I say taking advantage, I mean that it just sits wrong with me. If I broke a leg, it would all get sorted rather quickly and people would be understanding. But when it comes to MH, it just bothers me that getting help is seen as "luxury" when people struggle for it for years, decades even.

(To anyone else reading, I acknowledge that there might be good therapists, and I'm not discouraging anyone to get help. I'm just talking about my experiences, and I didn't have much luck so it's subjective.)

Any yes, absolutely, small progress is still progress

@Whycantgiraffesdance I'm glad your appointment went well. I definitely struggle to get better when I'm having a bad day, so I understand.

I tried out Headspace after @Ilovedogs1 suggested it before (they also have their Youtube channel) and meditations (and affirmations) used to help me reduce stress. When having a panic or anxiety attack, distraction worked better such as stimulating computer/tablet games or TV shows.

@colouringindoors No experience with Mirtzapadine but perhaps someone else has wise words? Welcome to join in.

How are we all doing? Sending everyone on here Unmumsnetty hugs 💐This thread has been a life saver

Its only 9.30 and I already feel doom and gloom. I know recovery is a process with ups and downs but when I'm having a down I'm terrified of it becoming as bad as it was last year. Having a rotten cold isn't helping . Already looking forward to bedtime. Sorry for the negativity today. ☹

@Ilovedogs1 I understand. I hope your cold goes asap.

I sort of dreaded getting up today because there's nothing in the diary to look forward to - and I cannot follow the advice most give that I should create it, because I can't magic up company.

@snowfoxglove I don't have a good impression re therapy. I have a couple of experiences, they weren't awful but they weren't as good as speaking to an understanding person. I am actually quite shocked at the approach taken by some therapists. Of course if people have good ones, that's great.

I think I need patience and luck to a large extent. When I think about what I've gone through in the last year, it's not terribly surprising that I still feel bad but sometimes life just goes through tough patches. The time is going relatively quickly, which I appreciate.

@Jk24 thanks for the hugs, love a hug.

I wonder is anyone on this thread is lives close to other posters? Not sure if anyone is comfortable sharing general location ie I'm in the NW

Can I join?

Had a full blown breakdown a month ago. Have been on sertraline for just over 4 weeks, and have just upped from 50mg to 100mg after several panic attacks. Now I've got horrible headaches and it feels like the room is spinning instead. I've got a lovely DH who has picked up all the slack despite his own health issues, but I feel so guilty that I've basically not been functioning for the last month.

Currently laughing to myself because the GP said I fit for anxiety as well as depression, which hadn't really occurred to me, yet here I am rereading this post over and over again and worrying what complete strangers will think of me posting 🤦‍♀️

@jbiscuits well you’re definitely in the right place! Welcome! No one will ever judge you here but as a fellow anxiety sufferer I understand the fear x

5th ect session yesterday. Woke up today feeling anxious, sore throat and flu symptoms.

Fxck this mental health! It's absolutely destroying me 🥹🥹

Had a good day yesterday. I got along with the dreaded family member, no arguments, I helped and spent time with them and I had a massive anxiety attack around 9 PM. I couldn't sleep until 3 AM, and had nightmares all night.

This just doesn't work. The only thing that helps is spending as little time with them as possible. My body automatically tenses up around them whether they've been okay or mean.

@jbiscuits I felt embarrassed too when I first came on but it's okay to be who you are. You need help and support and MH is as valuable as physical health.

@hk1993x I'm sorry you are suffering so much hun. I completely empathise. We are here for you. I wish things get better for all of us.

@Jk24 @Whycantgiraffesdance How have you been doing lovelies? How has everybody else been doing? Sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back.

@jbiscuits hello and welcome. Dont ever feel embarrassed. Were the nicer group of MNers on here ;) x

@hk1993x did you get any further clarity? X

@snowfoxglove that's great to read until I got to your evening. I couldn't sleep last night either. Hope you're doing better today x

@Whycantgiraffesdance hope you're ok lovely x

No, currently sitting on my couch crying. Feeling so lost and useless. I don't deserve my DH or my kids. I am the biggest waste of space ever x

I wish I could give u a big hug @hk1993x you are not a waste of space you are just going through a really hard time! All the various clinicians, doctors, nurses etc I’ve seen over the last few months with regards to my PND have said repeatedly you need to be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for not being the wife/friend/mother you think u should be at the moment… it’s so true my lovely, please remember that ❤️ you haven’t done this to yourself, it is out of your control and you are doing everything you can to make yourself better! I know it’s so so hard but never think you are a waste of space, you’re babies and your husband will testify otherwise! X

I would like to offer hugs to those who need them.

I'm sorry if this seems really trivial, but I don't know where else I can say it.

I have reached a level of can't be bothered-itis where I don't even know how much they can't be bothered-itis is affecting me. Does that make any sense?

I did a proper workout last night, first time in about a month, which was good. So I had the high after but today I'm just really tired and low. I know that I am very emotionally disregulated but I don't know how to change that.

I know people follow the acronym HALT, if you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, be careful what you do and say.

And I know how much difference it would make to my life if I wasn't lonely.

But this is where I am so what can I do?

I have also hit the point where I can't motivate myself to keep my flat tidy because there's never any visitors.

I didn't think that I would ever happen to me - in 22 years of living alone it hasn't happened to me before, but here we are.

I feel like jumping up and down and saying if somebody actually cared about me, it would make such a difference, but at this point, I just would be a burden I suppose - and there's no one to listen to that wail of loneliness anyway.

Some people just seem to have the motivation to do things, no matter what. I wish I knew how to be that person.

Do you work @EmmaEmerald ? I just wondered if there was any chance of meeting new people that way? xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance I work freelance but it hasn't led to anything helpful in the way of meeting people who might become friends - and I think professional boundaries are crucial.

I'm not keen to go down the road of trying to meet people anyway - I tried it and I found it really damaging. Probably similar to how people feel about online dating.

Funnily enough, I just posted on another section today because I'm thinking of going back to salaried work, if I can get back in.

I am really struggling to motivate myself with freelance work now and that will lead to money troubles later on.

I'm struggling to motivate myself with anything at all really.

It’s really hard when you have no motivation, I’ve struggled with that for a while now, would you say you’re depressed @EmmaEmerald or is it just the loneliness you are struggling with? My PND has made my get up and go virtually non existent so I know the feeling!

but I’m not sure what to suggest if you are wary of meeting new people (quite understandably though from what you’ve experienced so far!) to help you feel less lonely! I assume you don’t have any family to reach out to either? xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance To summarise -
I've been in treatment for depression and anxiety for decades. I am so used to functioning while depressed, so used to managing depression, so when I had a breakdown last year, it came as a shock.

I suppose the friends thing is key because they kept me going for at least two decades.

I don't have anyone to help, no. I came off meds in November because they were doing me more harm than good, after several years. Tried others etc.

So I don't know what the next options are. I started numerous threads here and people are very kind and sometimes the kind words are how I get through the day.

Then sometimes I wonder, if I stop using MN, will I have to face up to things better and be more constructive with spare time?

I used Easter to write down all the things I've managed to achieve over the years, despite depression, and I was quite surprised, it seemed like a good list.

I feel like I've read all the books I could read but even my doctor (I had a good one before she retired) said "sometimes you have to wait for a change and sometimes you will suddenly wake up and feel better".

That has been true for me.

Also, I find when I read material about depression, it makes me feel worse. It did help when I was rock bottom. Obviously I know depression can render us completely unable to do things and have experienced that, but I'm not that bad at the mo.

I think the resources are mostly geared towards getting you out of rock bottom, but now I need something to help me get up from that first rung.

Hence I thought coaching might be an idea.

Anyway, I'm waffling. If I don't post, don't be alarmed, it just means I'm trying to be more constructive. It's so easy to vanish into an internet rabbit hole and do nothing, I find.

Thank you all for listening.💐

Not sure how I am feeling, feel lost 😔