General support thread - come on in

[Kielyflower]

I couldn’t see a recent one of these so thought I’d start one.

I just feel I need to do something positive so will hopefully share some more thoughts later that I hope will help - others as well as myself.

In the meantime, feel free to check in as, if nothing else, it helps to feel less alone.

Hi lovely @Jk24

I know exactly what you mean. Been a rough of couple of days here as well too. You have been under a lot of stress caring for your DS. I would say go easy on yourself but it's easier said than done, I know. We are going to get through this together xx

I have been very assertive with said family member and setting boundaries, so stressful and kinda hating myself too but I will persist with GP, thank you for your support hun xx

@snowfoxglove thank you sweet! Ds had a lovely evening I don't know why I'm so hard on myself....

Assuming said relative is a parent of sorts.... what would happen with their care if you moved out?

Definitely ring gp tomorrow and ask for a referral to talking therapies, they've helped me loads but please consider the added pressure you're putting on yourself becoming carer for the family member that makes you so miserable! Xx

@Jk24 Hi lovely, I hope you managed to get some rest and that this upcoming week is kind to you.

Are you able to get some time just for yourself? Do you have some things you do to recharge your batteries? I hope you get some help and people to help with DS so you don't burn out.

Oh my family member would be fine without me, they are very active, have their partner and friends. For some reason they enjoy spending time with me, but that time together is very draining for me as it brings out my childhood traumas and triggers my PTSD. It wasn't nice growing up with a loveless person.

Thank you for being here, I don't feel like I deserve it but it helps a lot to have someone I can talk to like you xxx

Hi all, sorry I’ve not been around much, I’ve been away.

@snowfoxgloveIt took me too long to break away from the toxic person in my life. Tbh I still haven’t managed it but it’s more on my terms now.

Sometimes these things must unfold in their own time but I’d urge you to be more selfish about what is and isn’t good for you in terms of spending time with this person.

I hope you don’t mind me putting my thoughts down.

You more than deserve the kindness of others on this thread.

Like with @Jk24 being hard on ourselves is definitely a theme in all this.

Hope today is a good day for you both and everyone else here x

Hi all, still here. Woke up to another round of anxiety 🥹

Back again tomorrow for another ECT round, this will be number 3. Apart from forgetting a few things I haven't noticed much difference yet. I asked what I am actually being treated for and they said major depressive episode, ocd and panic disorder. First time I've heard panic disorder 😪. How many more diagnoses can I fit under my belt?

I told the mental health team that I have been taking cocodomol (I know this isn't the anwser) but it actually makes me feel some sort of hope and makes me engage in things and conversations. I never take over what I should I'm always fearful about being ill.

I've got some big decisions to make about uni, do I continue paramedics or go on to do midwifery? Friends have raised concerns about the trauma I will get exposed to as a student paramedic which I am aswell..

Sorry for the long rant. I just feel numb and lost, this has been the longest I've been unwell apart from when I had PND 7 years ago. I'm still on fluoxetine, which done its job for a while but I've been on lots of different things over the years that have always gave me horrid side effects.

I've made contact with a person centred Councillor also as the NHS has a massive waiting list.

I just want to feel well, and somewhat normal. I have 4 kids and a dh that I love so much, never thought in my life that it would be resorted to ECT. I just have my fingers crossed that it works.

I hope all you lovely people are okay and I'm grateful to be able to post here and talk with yous ❤️

@snowfoxglove I'm afraid ds was up until 3.30am I'm now working away while he sleeps. I'm positive the lack of sleep if deterring me from being well again. Tiredness brings out all kinds of thoughts and feelings 10 fold... I told dh I need an early night tonight.

You absolutely deserve to have us on this thread as we all do. It's been a huge support to me talking to you ladies without judgement so I thank you too.

Please ring the gp today about talking therapies xx

@Kielyflower how have you been recently? I know you were having a tough time last week xx

@hk1993x vent as much as you need. Were all here and holding your hand. Well done on exploring your options at uni!!! I think either of those career paths would be extremely rewarding. You've got so much to look forward too in the near future. 4 kids growing up, a great career path. Keep reminding yourself all that is because of the work you've put in. You're amazing xx

Morning ladies. Not doing to badly here. Feelings of anxiety still there a little but mainly in check. @snowfoxglove you said in your earlier post about irrational thoughts about things that haven't happened. Do you worry that things may have already happened or do you worry about future things. This is the part I really struggle with. My intrusive thoughts are always about the past. 'What if XYZ happened and I don't remember it' etc etc.
This is the bit I'm not sure how to handle. My brain wants this absolute 100% certainty that nothing bad has ever happened ever but I don't think 100% certainty is really ever achievable. How do you get to be ok with 99.9%??
@hk1993x how have you been coping with the ECT? Do you have to have a general anaesthetic with it everytime?
@Jk24 lack of sleep is the worst.
Hope everyone has an ok day. X

Yeah I have to get put to sleep, it's all done within an hour or so but it's exhausting. I'm so scared it changes me.

I feel angry because I have a diagnosis of ocd anxiety adhd depression and now panic disorder? I can't have all these. There must be an umbrella term or something. Right now I dunno what I feel, like I feel numb.. I could cry if I wanted to but my head just feels heavy x

@hk1993x that sounds tough. I suppose a lot of conditions have overlapping symptoms but I can understand having that many diagnoses would be overwhelming. X

Hi all,

big hugs to everyone feeling out of sorts today!

@hk1993x when do you have to make a decision about uni? I guess it is worth considering that you will experience a lot of trauma that comes with being a paramedic, my friends mum had PTSD when she retired from being a paramedic, not saying that to scare you but it obviously comes with the territory of the job! Obviously with any nhs job you are going to have to deal with loss but I guess being a paramedic comes with more trauma than other areas. What is your gut telling you lovely?

how has little ones sleeping been @Jk24? have u had any time off over the holidays?

hope everyone else is ok xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance he went to sleep at 3.30am and no can't have time off as my colleague is off with a family emergency. How are you x

Ah that’s a bugger, hope you get to take some time off when they’re back! Apologies if u’ve already said but has ds always struggled with his sleep or is this a recent thing? It’s so hard when your not getting enough sleep isn’t it, really feel for you @Jk24 🥺

im not too bad, I feel like I’m two entirely different people at the moment, one that wakes up filled with terror and anxiety in the morning and another who resembles at least some sort of sane, slightly less anxious version of myself the rest of the day! 🙈

@hk1993x I wouldn’t read too much into the diagnoses, I think they’re all linked anyway. FWIW you sound like you’re doing ok, although I know posting on here is not the same as functioning fully IRL.

In terms of the ECT changing you, I’ve struggled with this even with ADs but I’ve learnt that even if it does change you, so does everything in life and also that a slightly altered version of ourselves is preferable to the version that is mentally very unwell.

I’m not too bad thanks @Jk24, kind of readjusting expectations of myself. I feel a bit sad that I’m not enjoying life more but again trying to be realistic about things. I read recently that really humans are built to respond to the challenges of survival so I am aiming to practice gratitude for surviving! And weave in some positive stuff aswell.

Got a few months left to make a decision in regards to uni. I have no idea what my heart is telling me to do.. I just wanna get this treatment out the way first and figure the rest out going forward 😪

It's so exhausting isn't it? Battling inside your head everyday and you just feel defeated xx

Tried to get an early night and ended up ordering a new handbag amd scrolling for a new dress for dsis wedding as I can't sleep! Hope ds sleeps through!

@Whycantgiraffesdance I call it my mask but hopefully you're not masking it and you are generally feeling a little better.

@Kielyflower I'm with you. I really think we will slowly just learn to live it.

@hk1993x one thing at a time sweet x

Hi everyone,

Many thanks for everyone who posted here, handhold to everyone on this thread xx

@Ilovedogs1
I know what you mean with 99.9% bothering you. Some things bother me but I can't also quite let go and be okay with 99.9%. Usually when I'm feeling or thinking like this, I'm chronically stressed out. What I do is play some games on my mobile as my distraction (they need to be good and take all of my attention) and gradually my brain gets used to 99.9%. Sometimes this getting used-to happens quickly, sometimes when it's a bit harder, weeks.

@Jk24 How did you rest? Did you get some rest? Yes when we lack sleep, some things and feelings get worse. Has DH been helpful? I'm hoping DS slept well. I hope you get some time for yourself lovely xx

@Kielyflower Thank you for your post yesterday, it really did help, I need to be more selfish with my time. Sometimes said family member doesn't even do anything malicious and they (probably) mean well but my body literally tenses up close to them. You're right, sometimes having terms more on your terms is good enough xx

@Ataloss44 @Whycantgiraffesdance @hk1993x and everyone else, how are things? Hoping you get some respite today

I'm OK, just got to the hospital. Sad that the most exciting thing I'm looking forward to is getting put to sleep 🥹

Going to ask today in regards to what happens after the ect, am I getting put on different meds, am I being offered councilling etc? I am in touch with a private Councillor but dunno if I can afford £40 a pop 🥹

Aw how I wish I could just wake up one day and the switch has been flicked so it all goes away 😴

I hope your okay @ssnowfoxglove 💚

@hk1993x It's probably a bit stressful as it's a different environment and you don't know what to expect, but I do hope progress happens 💛

I know how you feel wanting to wake up one day and it going away, I hope they help x

@hk1993x I really hope it's helpful for you.

Sending best wishes to everyone on what is here, another grey rainy morning.

I'm away with my kids and felt better for it the first two days, but no longer. Tired, achy, down. Weather is shite which doesn't help.

Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this

@colouringindoors I'm totally taking your point about the weather. It's a real struggle. It probably has a lot to do with how down some of us are. I think I might have to go back on antidepressants.

Today I am paying for having done that thing of repeating a familiar mistake....

So a couple of weeks ago, I booked onto a class that I don't really want to go to ....I book stuff mostly out of loneliness and the fact that outside of work, I can't seem to get much done.

Anyway today, I am battling the admin to try and get a refund on the class! I really don't want to go, what was I thinking!

Embarrassingly this is not the first time this has happened to me! I can't even remember, it's maybe the third or fourth time.

But I have actually tried going on some of these classes and I always end up just feeling exhausted and unable to cope.

I really need to learn not to book these activities in the first place. It's actually an achievement these days if I managed to get through a TV drama in the evening so why I booked a class again, I don't know.

Thanks for listening.

@EmmaEmerald hey (helplessandheartbroke here on old user name) do you have anyone that can go to the class with you to try it out?

@snowfoxglove did you manage to get in docs? Ds slept last night. Dh is up for work at 5am so helps where he can

@hk1993x good luck today x

What is the class @EmmaEmerald ? Is it one of those things where the thought of it is worse than actually going and you might end up enjoying it? I know the feeling though, I’m not great when it comes to doing things out of my comfort zone!

glad ds had a better night @Jk24 how are u today?

thinking of you @hk1993x and hope u get some answers to the questions u had!

i decided to go back on the pill today in the hope that it might help with the fluctuating hormones and my subsequent moods! I got it straight from the pharmacist instead of through my gp and she was so lovely! X

Thanks everyone. It's a creative writing class. I haven't got anyone to go with or frankly I wouldn't be going to a class.

It's just a way to try and combat loneliness really. I have tried so many things and they have all been hopeless. I'm usually on the crying thread talking about it (loneliness).

But yeah I really don't wanna go. I was trying to push myself off the couch.

And I have actually done this before, I've started classes and found that I cannot drag myself there and lost money.

I've tried different skills and been so bad at them that it's just ended up attacking my self-esteem really.

so yeah I need to learn the lesson - don't book classes.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Hi ladies

I've been absent a while. How is everyone doing?

We can also be cheerleaders to each other on here. :)