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Original poster

Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

236 replies

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 06:13

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

OP posts:
PortiasBiscuit · 09/04/2023 14:00

Men are on all these bloody apps and think there is an infinite supply of women out there, they can’t settle because there might always be a better one along next. It’s incredibly childish and they will all end up sad and lonely.
You are better out of that particular shit show.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 09/04/2023 14:04

Lol. Maybe he shat the bed and wanted to get you out the house because he was embarrassed.
Haha.

2bazookas · 09/04/2023 14:35

Be grateful it's over. Best result.
He got you to an empty house just to have sex (maybe not even his parents house). He used you , screwed you, dumped you.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 09/04/2023 14:37

PortiasBiscuit · 09/04/2023 14:00

Men are on all these bloody apps and think there is an infinite supply of women out there, they can’t settle because there might always be a better one along next. It’s incredibly childish and they will all end up sad and lonely.
You are better out of that particular shit show.

These threads always bring out the "all men are utter twats and women can do no wrong" brigade. So tediously predictable. 🙄 🤦🏻‍♂️

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 14:43

OP here there is a few things I just decided to add that maybe helpful - some of you asked me if it was the first time of us being intimate and the answer is yes … On Friday late afternoon he wanted to have sex with me and he asked me if I had tried anal sex before (sorry for being graphic) and I told him no … so he said he would like to try that with me … he tried but I felt so much pain and I told him to stop. Later on in the evening we had normal sex… the following day he said he really wanted us to try anal sex again and I told him that it wasn’t for me so ended up having normal sex (but he was struggling to get an erection) He only got hard when he was trying anal sex with me, which to me was odd… he ended up telling me that he gets a lot of anxiety before sex and that he is ashamed of it ( he said he really wanted to please me but he said he felt like he had let me down) I even questioned if he is gay due to the fact that he only got turned on when he was having anal sex with me but this was his response “i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship” and he then apologised for putting me through this … I apologise if this was a bit too much but thought it was important for me to add that …

OP posts:
Dyslexicwonder · 09/04/2023 14:45

Sounds like he is gay, sorry.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 14:45

Yeah… OP. That makes a massive difference to what has happened here. Sadly, you aren’t physically compatible. And it seems that he has a few hang-ups regarding sex that he really needs to address. He is not in a position to be a good partner for you.

category12 · 09/04/2023 14:46

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 14:43

OP here there is a few things I just decided to add that maybe helpful - some of you asked me if it was the first time of us being intimate and the answer is yes … On Friday late afternoon he wanted to have sex with me and he asked me if I had tried anal sex before (sorry for being graphic) and I told him no … so he said he would like to try that with me … he tried but I felt so much pain and I told him to stop. Later on in the evening we had normal sex… the following day he said he really wanted us to try anal sex again and I told him that it wasn’t for me so ended up having normal sex (but he was struggling to get an erection) He only got hard when he was trying anal sex with me, which to me was odd… he ended up telling me that he gets a lot of anxiety before sex and that he is ashamed of it ( he said he really wanted to please me but he said he felt like he had let me down) I even questioned if he is gay due to the fact that he only got turned on when he was having anal sex with me but this was his response “i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship” and he then apologised for putting me through this … I apologise if this was a bit too much but thought it was important for me to add that …

This kind of changes everything. What a dripfeed 😂

Please be glad you were dumped by this bloke. You really don't want a bloke who can only get it up when trying to put it up the shitter.

BadNomad · 09/04/2023 14:48

Oh come on. You purposely kept all that out of your OP. You knew fine well what the issue was.

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 14:48

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 14:43

OP here there is a few things I just decided to add that maybe helpful - some of you asked me if it was the first time of us being intimate and the answer is yes … On Friday late afternoon he wanted to have sex with me and he asked me if I had tried anal sex before (sorry for being graphic) and I told him no … so he said he would like to try that with me … he tried but I felt so much pain and I told him to stop. Later on in the evening we had normal sex… the following day he said he really wanted us to try anal sex again and I told him that it wasn’t for me so ended up having normal sex (but he was struggling to get an erection) He only got hard when he was trying anal sex with me, which to me was odd… he ended up telling me that he gets a lot of anxiety before sex and that he is ashamed of it ( he said he really wanted to please me but he said he felt like he had let me down) I even questioned if he is gay due to the fact that he only got turned on when he was having anal sex with me but this was his response “i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship” and he then apologised for putting me through this … I apologise if this was a bit too much but thought it was important for me to add that …

Well you could have said this in the beginning! Be glad you’re rid of him, you’d be under pressure every time you had sex to do stuff you didn’t want!

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 14:49

Well...
the insistence on trying anal with you on first time sleeping with you is a red flag that he's a selfish wanker. Exploring unorthodox and non vanilla stuff is fine but within the context of a safe and established sexual relationship! Not first time. Twat. He's clearly got major sexual hang ups and that is probably a huge reason that he's ended it. You've dodged a bullet.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 14:49

Given time you will be really glad to be rid of this man. He would have incessantly pushed you for anal sex and the relationship would have ended up failing.

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 14:50

With the drip feed it’s like the original post is completely irrelevant! Not great OP to add such a significant drip feed.

Friendofdennis · 09/04/2023 14:52

you’ve had a lucky escape

Ladybug14 · 09/04/2023 14:56

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 14:50

With the drip feed it’s like the original post is completely irrelevant! Not great OP to add such a significant drip feed.

Absolutely agree. What a waste of fucking time. You knew exactly what the problem was from the outset 🙄

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 14:57

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 14:43

OP here there is a few things I just decided to add that maybe helpful - some of you asked me if it was the first time of us being intimate and the answer is yes … On Friday late afternoon he wanted to have sex with me and he asked me if I had tried anal sex before (sorry for being graphic) and I told him no … so he said he would like to try that with me … he tried but I felt so much pain and I told him to stop. Later on in the evening we had normal sex… the following day he said he really wanted us to try anal sex again and I told him that it wasn’t for me so ended up having normal sex (but he was struggling to get an erection) He only got hard when he was trying anal sex with me, which to me was odd… he ended up telling me that he gets a lot of anxiety before sex and that he is ashamed of it ( he said he really wanted to please me but he said he felt like he had let me down) I even questioned if he is gay due to the fact that he only got turned on when he was having anal sex with me but this was his response “i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship” and he then apologised for putting me through this … I apologise if this was a bit too much but thought it was important for me to add that …

Massive drip feed. OK ignore my previous posts - he’s messed up!

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 15:06

Apologies for not mentioning earlier about the sex part as I thought it would be too graphic to share. I don’t know why I attract gay guys. This is the third guy that might be gay that I have been with ( is there anything that I’m doing to attract gay men in the closet?) I had a three year relationship previously with a closeted gay man and when I found out I was totally crushed. I just want a straight man that’s into me …..

OP posts:
Sailingaround · 09/04/2023 15:06

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 12:58

I remember a thread where the woman suddenly got the ‘ick’ while having sex with her (fairly new?) bf. Responses were pretty much everyone saying dump him and get him out the house as soon as possible (he was still asleep in her bed). The guy hadn’t done anything wrong she just realised she wasn’t into him. No one was making her the bad guy. So much hypocrisy on MN.

Show quote history

If that thread was a couple of months ago I remember it well. She wanted to wake him up at a ridiculous hour to get him to leave as she had just got the “ick”.

Not everyone was in agreement - I know I certainly wasn’t. Think opinions were split. In the end he woke up at a normal time and left.

IMO it was shitty behaviour on her part and shitty behaviour from OP’s ex. I feel he knew he wants to split up with her but decided to have sex with her anyway. Not once but twice that weekend.

OP, it’s best just to draw a line under it. Somewhere along the line he clearly didn’t see a future between you and as much as that must hurt and he wasn’t that respectful it’s best just to leave him to it and find a better guy in the future.

I suspect it may have been the class/money thing but equally he could have had his head turned, you’ll never really know.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 15:08

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 15:06

Apologies for not mentioning earlier about the sex part as I thought it would be too graphic to share. I don’t know why I attract gay guys. This is the third guy that might be gay that I have been with ( is there anything that I’m doing to attract gay men in the closet?) I had a three year relationship previously with a closeted gay man and when I found out I was totally crushed. I just want a straight man that’s into me …..

OP, just because he’s into anal doesn’t automatically make him gay. Come on. It’s a pretty normal thing for guys to enjoy anal sex. This guy certainly has sexual hang-ups though.

Exhibity · 09/04/2023 15:11

BadNomad · 09/04/2023 14:48

Oh come on. You purposely kept all that out of your OP. You knew fine well what the issue was.

I agree , that's hell of a drip feed.

category12 · 09/04/2023 15:11

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 15:08

OP, just because he’s into anal doesn’t automatically make him gay. Come on. It’s a pretty normal thing for guys to enjoy anal sex. This guy certainly has sexual hang-ups though.

Show quote history

I think "feeling lost in his sexuality" indicates some level of confusion over his orientation.

Sailingaround · 09/04/2023 15:14

just seen the update, well that is a massive part of the story you left out! I think you’ve pretty much answered your own question now.

You aren’t sexually compatible, whether he is gay or just been watching too much porn or something else…who knows, but personally I’d find it a bit suspicious if a man struggled to keep his erection during PIV sex but he was Ok for anal. I’d never do anal so it’s something I actively ask men early on to make sure they’re not into it because I’d hate to be asked.

Btw, the fact he effectively pressured you into doing it by asking you two days in a row when you said it wasn’t your thing is another reason why this is no real loss for you. He lacks respect and consideration so my original point still stands.

QueenSmartypants · 09/04/2023 15:14

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 14:43

OP here there is a few things I just decided to add that maybe helpful - some of you asked me if it was the first time of us being intimate and the answer is yes … On Friday late afternoon he wanted to have sex with me and he asked me if I had tried anal sex before (sorry for being graphic) and I told him no … so he said he would like to try that with me … he tried but I felt so much pain and I told him to stop. Later on in the evening we had normal sex… the following day he said he really wanted us to try anal sex again and I told him that it wasn’t for me so ended up having normal sex (but he was struggling to get an erection) He only got hard when he was trying anal sex with me, which to me was odd… he ended up telling me that he gets a lot of anxiety before sex and that he is ashamed of it ( he said he really wanted to please me but he said he felt like he had let me down) I even questioned if he is gay due to the fact that he only got turned on when he was having anal sex with me but this was his response “i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship” and he then apologised for putting me through this … I apologise if this was a bit too much but thought it was important for me to add that …

Oh, you are well out of it!!

No loss there and his sexuality has no bearing on your desirability so put those worries to the side.

xLuz · 09/04/2023 15:23

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 14:49

Given time you will be really glad to be rid of this man. He would have incessantly pushed you for anal sex and the relationship would have ended up failing.

Yeh, well shot of him. Is this a thing women have to put up with now? Being pressured in to anal sex? What a turn off.
I'd rather be single.

Ladybug14 · 09/04/2023 15:31

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 15:06

Apologies for not mentioning earlier about the sex part as I thought it would be too graphic to share. I don’t know why I attract gay guys. This is the third guy that might be gay that I have been with ( is there anything that I’m doing to attract gay men in the closet?) I had a three year relationship previously with a closeted gay man and when I found out I was totally crushed. I just want a straight man that’s into me …..

Men who want anal sex aren't necessarily gay! Hmm