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Original poster

Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

236 replies

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 06:13

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 09/04/2023 15:36

Wanting anal sex doesn't make him gay. Pressuring you into it the first time you are intimate does make him a disrespectful AH though. It is fine not to continue a relationship with someone you are not sexually compatible with, it is not fine to try and push them into doing what you want regardless. Be glad that he did end it rather than keep putting you in situations that made you uncomfortable.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 09/04/2023 15:40

AuntMarch · 09/04/2023 15:36

Wanting anal sex doesn't make him gay. Pressuring you into it the first time you are intimate does make him a disrespectful AH though. It is fine not to continue a relationship with someone you are not sexually compatible with, it is not fine to try and push them into doing what you want regardless. Be glad that he did end it rather than keep putting you in situations that made you uncomfortable.

Perfectly put.

Dyslexicwonder · 09/04/2023 15:41

I think OP said he told he was unsure about his sexuality that's what made me think he is probably gay and not getting hard for PIV.

SparklingLime · 09/04/2023 15:43

He's messed himself up with porn. Please look at your boundaries, @lovewarandroses. As soon as he tried to pressurise you for anal sex, you would have been sensible to have got straight out of there.

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 15:50

Sailingaround · 09/04/2023 15:06

If that thread was a couple of months ago I remember it well. She wanted to wake him up at a ridiculous hour to get him to leave as she had just got the “ick”.

Not everyone was in agreement - I know I certainly wasn’t. Think opinions were split. In the end he woke up at a normal time and left.

IMO it was shitty behaviour on her part and shitty behaviour from OP’s ex. I feel he knew he wants to split up with her but decided to have sex with her anyway. Not once but twice that weekend.

OP, it’s best just to draw a line under it. Somewhere along the line he clearly didn’t see a future between you and as much as that must hurt and he wasn’t that respectful it’s best just to leave him to it and find a better guy in the future.

I suspect it may have been the class/money thing but equally he could have had his head turned, you’ll never really know.

Show quote history

Yes it was that one.😁

The drip feed on this particular thread has made the original post completely redundant. It’s stupid to leave out the most important part of a post only to mention it pages later. Wasting people’s time on advice that isn’t relevant once the real issues are revealed. I’d put that on the pile of annoying threads along with reverses.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/04/2023 15:57

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 15:08

OP, just because he’s into anal doesn’t automatically make him gay. Come on. It’s a pretty normal thing for guys to enjoy anal sex. This guy certainly has sexual hang-ups though.

Show quote history

This!!

since when did being into anal sex mean someone is gay?!!

Dyslexicwonder · 09/04/2023 16:00

This was the phrase :
i’m not attracted to men but I do feel lost in terms of my sexuality and how to have a healthy relationship”

Giletjaune · 09/04/2023 16:03

Based on his actions I would send the “fine, you were shit in bed actually”, msg as was suggested earlier!

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 16:13

Giletjaune · 09/04/2023 16:03

Based on his actions I would send the “fine, you were shit in bed actually”, msg as was suggested earlier!

Seems a bit stupid to put that given the drip feed.

MaireadMcSweeney · 09/04/2023 16:20

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 15:06

Apologies for not mentioning earlier about the sex part as I thought it would be too graphic to share. I don’t know why I attract gay guys. This is the third guy that might be gay that I have been with ( is there anything that I’m doing to attract gay men in the closet?) I had a three year relationship previously with a closeted gay man and when I found out I was totally crushed. I just want a straight man that’s into me …..

Being into anal doesn't make a man gay FFS. He's got sexual dysfunction issues but it doesn't make him gay.

Bansheed · 09/04/2023 16:25

Three months is a standard milestone. If you survive that, then two years was the next break up patch. Otherwise marriage seemed to happen.

It hurts, if you are the wrong side of it but it really isn't as personal.as it feels. It is a compatability issue. Give yourself some time off, cry, hang out with your nice mates then dust yourself off and start again.

category12 · 09/04/2023 16:25

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 16:13

Seems a bit stupid to put that given the drip feed.

Show quote history

I dunno, he was shit in bed. Couldn't get it up, only wanted anal, hurt OP = shit in bed.

Although I probably wouldn't go there, since he's probably all messed up in the head about it and we do our best not to mess up people further.

I don't know why people are jumping on the OP about him possibly being gay - he said he wasn't but also lost in terms of his sexuality, so it sounds like he isn't altogether sure what he is.

Thighlengthboots · 09/04/2023 16:26

x2boys · 09/04/2023 13:17

There month,s isn't really long enough to.have a gradual decline ,though maybe he realised that he and Op.were not compatible?

Show quote history

Sure, so then dont speed it up by suggesting a weekend away then! Asking someone away for the weekend and then asking them to leave halfway through is shitty, it doesnt matter if its a male or female doing it, its not a kind or decent thing to do to someone. If you arent sure about someone then take time to figure out what you want before you put them in such a position. I HIGHLY doubt he thought he was deeply in love with the OP on Thursday before they went and then at midnight on Saturday morning suddenly realised he wanted to split with her. He would have been having doubts way before this and he should have expressed those to her BEFORE suggesting they went away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 16:28

xLuz · 09/04/2023 15:23

Yeh, well shot of him. Is this a thing women have to put up with now? Being pressured in to anal sex? What a turn off.
I'd rather be single.

Show quote history

I’ve learned from MN that porn has changed a lot over the last couple of decades and is often violent.

Livelovebehappy · 09/04/2023 16:40

Be indifferent OP, ie, don’t message him again and just block. Silence in this situation is the best response. What a twat…

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2023 16:50

Good job u found out so soon that he isn’t the one for u.
don’t overthink it, he isn’t worth it, someone much more suitable will b waiting for u, block him and move on.

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 17:54

Those saying that wanting anal sex doesn’t make him gay - OK fair enough - but a man who can’t get aroused having anything but anal sex, with a woman he’s only been with for 3 months, and then saying he’s “lost” in terms of his sexuality……I’d say being gay is top of the list of possibilities.

OP in terms of him ending it with you - there was really no alternative. He embarrassed himself by being a mess sexually, and by opening up about it more than he was comfortable with. He must feel a complete fool with erectile dysfunction who tried to pester his girlfriend for painful sex. He’d be wanting to move on pretty quickly.

You’re well out of it.

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 19:04

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 17:54

Those saying that wanting anal sex doesn’t make him gay - OK fair enough - but a man who can’t get aroused having anything but anal sex, with a woman he’s only been with for 3 months, and then saying he’s “lost” in terms of his sexuality……I’d say being gay is top of the list of possibilities.

OP in terms of him ending it with you - there was really no alternative. He embarrassed himself by being a mess sexually, and by opening up about it more than he was comfortable with. He must feel a complete fool with erectile dysfunction who tried to pester his girlfriend for painful sex. He’d be wanting to move on pretty quickly.

You’re well out of it.

Thanks for seeing from my point of view … I didn’t mean that just because he likes anal sex that makes him gay but it was mainly due to the fact that he couldn’t get aroused with normal sex that was what bothered me ….

OP posts:
Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 19:06

Update: He just messaged me here is what he said ”I'm just at home but I've been thinking of you. I'm really sorry for my behaviour on Saturday. I keep pushing good people away from me”

OP posts:
Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 19:10

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 19:06

Update: He just messaged me here is what he said ”I'm just at home but I've been thinking of you. I'm really sorry for my behaviour on Saturday. I keep pushing good people away from me”

Don’t reply. Wait to see if he follows up with a more thorough and reasonable ‘explanation’.

FiddleLeaf · 09/04/2023 19:10

Congratulations for not spending another minute on this confused boy.

His own comment about his sexuality is enough for alarm bells.

Nailsandthesea · 09/04/2023 19:16

FiddleLeaf · 09/04/2023 19:10

Congratulations for not spending another minute on this confused boy.

His own comment about his sexuality is enough for alarm bells.

This.

it’s not you it’s him.
block him and move on

he wants anal the first time you have sex?

it’s not you it’s him.

The sex was about what he wanted and not what you wanted or needed or made you comfortable or that you enjoyed.

Never ever would a man I have dated asked for anal the first time / the only one that did it was after a year and I said no and he didn’t ask again.
He hurt you and then wanted to do it again.

Run for the hills lovely - he is not good enough for you. Set the bar higher.

The whole thing is off, everything with the phone - the lot.

Run away and don’t invest another second on this shit excuse of a man.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:39

he wants anal the first time you have sex?

This.

Quite weird and to me quite horrible.

The very first time you have sex, it's ass sex. What a lovely start to the full physical side of a relationship, not.

What struck me is that he then, having seen you were in pain with it, couldn't continue, didnt enjoy it at all (and no wonder) .... Asked you to do it again not long after/the very next day !!!!!! WTAF.

Also to me, noone who is not attached to men, needs to say "I'm not attracted to men but ..". It's a given, it wouldn't even occur to heterosexual men to say it/need to say it.

But his sexuality blah blah..... Something major is going on with him.

He's not fit for a relationship, he's not fit for good sex, and also he's a cheeky, rude, disrespectful c*nt essentially throwing you out of his parents place early after inviting you for the weekend.

Run in the other direction. This guy is a fucking mess.

You don't need to be around being treated like shit and pandering to his special snowflake baval.faxing issues, whatever the fuck they are.

He's fixated on anal sex (which lets face it, is nasty for most women), had ED, is shit at sex and is a flaky, rude, fucked up header into the bargain.

I'd stop communicating with him at all.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:42

*special snowflake naval gazing issues

In response to his hoovering, head fucking, self pitying message say ideally nothing or just;

'i wish you the best with working through your issues"

And gtfo there. This guy is bad news.

I predict it's not going to improve for any period of time.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:45

And as for being pressured into anal sex with new boyfriends.

I've tried it with husbands (only two, I haven't been married that many times) after long long relationships with intimacy and trust and familiarity built up.

It was shit, no pun intended. At the very best meh, at worst like a burning dose of diarrhea sensation. It's also apparently much more potentially damaging to female anatomy. I didn't try it again and I won't be.

If anyone but esp a new bf suggested anal sex, I'd suggest he try it first with me using a large strap on .

The entitlement and selfishness of these porn addled, fucked up "men".