Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

236 replies

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 06:13

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

OP posts:
AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:45

As for "I'm not attracted to men but .. . Mah sexually blah blah"

Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/04/2023 19:47

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:39

he wants anal the first time you have sex?

This.

Quite weird and to me quite horrible.

The very first time you have sex, it's ass sex. What a lovely start to the full physical side of a relationship, not.

What struck me is that he then, having seen you were in pain with it, couldn't continue, didnt enjoy it at all (and no wonder) .... Asked you to do it again not long after/the very next day !!!!!! WTAF.

Also to me, noone who is not attached to men, needs to say "I'm not attracted to men but ..". It's a given, it wouldn't even occur to heterosexual men to say it/need to say it.

But his sexuality blah blah..... Something major is going on with him.

He's not fit for a relationship, he's not fit for good sex, and also he's a cheeky, rude, disrespectful c*nt essentially throwing you out of his parents place early after inviting you for the weekend.

Run in the other direction. This guy is a fucking mess.

You don't need to be around being treated like shit and pandering to his special snowflake baval.faxing issues, whatever the fuck they are.

He's fixated on anal sex (which lets face it, is nasty for most women), had ED, is shit at sex and is a flaky, rude, fucked up header into the bargain.

I'd stop communicating with him at all.

I missed this gem but I think it came later.

Does he/OP want anal sex for cultural/religious reasons for the first time as you’re considered a virgin by some cultures/religions if it’s anal?

Agreed though, anal sex isn’t comfortable or pleasant for a lot of women, certainly not the first time having sex.

Again, OP please dump this sad loser.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 19:51

Does he/OP want anal sex for cultural/religious reasons for the first time as you’re considered a virgin by some cultures/religions if it’s anal?

The op hasn't mentioned any such issues from her side and it appears to be him who suggested it - twice.

I've heard of this nonsense but only at the female side - because they can claim their vagina has not been penetrated/hymen not broken completely.
Ive not heard of anything like it from the male side.

Thisgirlcan21 · 09/04/2023 20:06

I think he maybe pushes people away if they get to close. Maybe thinks he should be having porn type sex hence the anal. Which can be painful. He needs to grow up. Why should he invite you there then ask you to leave. I would stop communicating with him. Tell him to only contact you if he sorts his head out. Or block him if your done. I don’t think I would give him another chance you deserve better.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 20:18

I think maybe he's a selfish, naval gazing, closet gay, porn addled narcissist who acts with no manners or respect for people.

He shouldn't have been unblocked on old phone for her to receive his BS little hoovering messages since apparently he's not done fucking her around yet.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 20:18

*op's phone

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 20:23

He "pushes good ppl away"
He's not arrested to men but there's something wring with his sexuality
He pressures for anal sex the very first time (?) he had sex with his lovely gf.
He pressures for it again shortly after even though she clearly did not enjoy it one bit.
He can't keep an erection with normal vaginal sex.
He dumps and essentially throws his newish gf out of his family home a day or so into a planned weekend, like throwing out trash. .... And has the fkg temerity to be texting her afterward moaning about his issues.

Look at this picture op.

Is this healthy, functional, respectful relationship material?

No, he is most definitely fucking not.

He's fuck your head up and waste your time material.

You'd also need a permanent butt plug by the time you're finished with him.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 20:24

*He's not attracted to men but there's something wrong with his sexuality

immigrant002 · 09/04/2023 20:29

He is gay!

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 09/04/2023 20:44

I don’t think he’s gay just probably a unhealthy unrealistic addiction to porn. Either way bullet dodged.

PatchworkElmer · 09/04/2023 20:45

Do 👏 not 👏 reply 👏 to 👏 this 👏 loser 👏

category12 · 09/04/2023 21:25

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 19:06

Update: He just messaged me here is what he said ”I'm just at home but I've been thinking of you. I'm really sorry for my behaviour on Saturday. I keep pushing good people away from me”

Dear god, don't get reeled in.

He should be sorry for his behaviour, and you need to value yourself enough to walk away from a bloke like this.

babyjoeytribianni · 09/04/2023 22:29

What the fuck op. Do not reply to him.

He wanted anal THE FIRST TIME and then again even when it had hurt you?!

Stay far away from him. You are much too forgiving if you even wanted to continue with him after that.

Sainsburysbunny · 09/04/2023 22:38

Please don't go back there OP. Please!

JFDIYOLO · 09/04/2023 22:41

Please don't go back - He will ruin your life

Punkyspunky · 09/04/2023 22:49

He’s done you an enormous favour. He’s gay- felt disgusted having sex with a woman and couldn’t wait to get you away asap.

Surely men aren’t expecting anal the first time? even after a couple of months of knowing each other?
OMG women aren’t having anal with ONS are they???

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/04/2023 23:02

SoShallINever · Today 11:30
Both of you are allowed to end a relationship at any point. It doesn't make the person who ends it a bad person.”

Absolutely this.

JoanThursday1972 · 09/04/2023 23:08

He has to be gay.

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 23:09

OMG women aren’t having anal with ONS are they???

I know a woman who told me she did but alcohol was a huge factor.

I think there's something seriously wrong I our society when a man thinks he can ask for anal sex the first time he has sex with a new gf, and she feels that's in any way normal/reasonable/like she should oblige.

ballsdeep · 09/04/2023 23:21

Op he’s hoping you’ll come back so he can guilt trip you into having anal with him again!!
‘Let’s try again and see how compatible we are!’

meaning - let’s have anal again because that’s what I really mean. We aren’t sexually compatible because I love anal and only get turned on by it. And on his parents house. Ergh

palelavender · 10/04/2023 06:48

After your update, I have to say I'd have been begging for a lift to the train station. It sounds awful. Basically, he threw you out because you didn't want to have anal sex. I don't think he is entirely heterosexual either which is okay but not the sort of relationship he seemed to be offering.

GuevarasBeret · 10/04/2023 07:06

palelavender · 10/04/2023 06:48

After your update, I have to say I'd have been begging for a lift to the train station. It sounds awful. Basically, he threw you out because you didn't want to have anal sex. I don't think he is entirely heterosexual either which is okay but not the sort of relationship he seemed to be offering.

I also would have begged for a lift to the train station.

Honestly, just block him and pretend it was all an escalating nightmare from which, thank god, you have woken up.

who cares about his feelings- he certainly didn’t care for yours the whole weekend.
It would only be downhill from here.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 07:07

Dyslexicwonder · 09/04/2023 14:45

Sounds like he is gay, sorry.

No it doesn't.

It sounds like he is a controlling porn-addled misogynist who can only maintain an erection when he is humiliating a woman.

You are well rid, OP - block him. It's upsetting and you are hurt by his behaviour, but he has told you wo he is - believe him.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 07:09

ballsdeep · 09/04/2023 23:21

Op he’s hoping you’ll come back so he can guilt trip you into having anal with him again!!
‘Let’s try again and see how compatible we are!’

meaning - let’s have anal again because that’s what I really mean. We aren’t sexually compatible because I love anal and only get turned on by it. And on his parents house. Ergh

THIS ⬆

Don't respond to his messages. Just block, move on, and chalk this down to experience.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2023 07:15

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 19:06

Update: He just messaged me here is what he said ”I'm just at home but I've been thinking of you. I'm really sorry for my behaviour on Saturday. I keep pushing good people away from me”

DON't Respond - please, for your own peace of mind and self-esteem fo not allow this man to suck you back into his orbit.

Just BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK.

He may well try "love bombing next. IGNORE EVERYTHING.