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Original poster

Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

236 replies

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 06:13

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

OP posts:
Oubliette86 · 09/04/2023 08:12

Was he on his phone shortly before this sudden change of heart happened? I’m another one who thinks he suddenly needed you gone because of another woman.

Do not take him back when he invariably comes crawling back with some excuse about getting scared / overwhelmed with his feelings etc.

ClaireEclair · 09/04/2023 08:17

The exact same thing happened to me when I was in my 20s and I’m still none the wiser. As it happened so soon after sex I was convinced I had a disgusting body for so long. I moved on though and I’m happily married now. But it does still confuse me. I asked for an explanation and never got it. At the time he said he needed to concentrate on his exams.

Extrafries · 09/04/2023 08:18

I'm in agreement with all these posts, he's obviously a player and it wouldn't surprise me if he contacts you at a later date when he finds himself at a loose end, my advice for what it's worth is to move on, you say that your self esteem has been damaged and that's understandable, however, don't let this define your opinion of yourself, sadly men like this are all too common, you won't be the first and certainly not the last to have fallen prey to one. Move on and try not to give him any more headspace.

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 08:35

Look, OP, you need to face facts. No decent person does this to someone. No one. Yes, it's painful, but he's done you a favour. Move on.

Poppyblush · 09/04/2023 08:37

Block and move on

JFDIYOLO · 09/04/2023 09:01

G Great that you found out what he is really like before you moved in together got joint debts had baby etc This is the best possible outcome for you In that you are free of him with no ties.

samestyle · 09/04/2023 09:16

Make it his loss, do not give him the opportunity again to go hot and cold on you. When men behave like this, they basically just want you around for sex but not to build on a relationship, hence why you were invited while his parents were away. Just block him.

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 09/04/2023 09:17

Are you sure he isn't married/in a relationship OP? the sudden need to send you home makes me wonder if a wife/partner was unexpectedly returning from a trip or something

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 09/04/2023 09:22

I’d message him and say, “yes, thinking about it, you’re probably right. I think last night sadly proved we’re not compatible”.
Give him something to worry about.

Livelifelaughter · 09/04/2023 09:33

Hmm...I don't think he has/has another girlfriend lined up. I think he may have felt over whelmed that things were moving too fast and he felt a bit suffocated; not your fault.
The thing about sex is that actually men can become very emotionally intimate after it; I found in my relationship my bf would often emotionally open up after sex and start telling me how he felt in the relationship.
I think your relationship was also at the stage where it would turn more serious and that may have been too much.
None of this is your fault, absolutely none of it. I am sorry, you must feel awful.

CorvusPurpureus · 09/04/2023 09:36

Does he spend a lot of time at his parents' place?

I reckon he's got a Kent girlfriend, you're the London girlfriend, & either she got in touch herself, or one of his mates who knows her & would snitch did.

& he suddenly realised that he either pretended not to be there (tricky if say his car is in the driveway) or got you off the premises sharpish.

You're better off out of it whilst it's still early days - imagine wasting more time on this dickhead! Bullet dodged.

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 09:46

UPDATE: He just sent me this message “I'm really sorry to hurt you. When I met you I felt like all I wanted to do was make you happy rather than focus on whether we could be compatible, I did have the hope it could work long term. I'm just sad it turned out like this because it's not something I wanted and I feel awful too”.

OP posts:
CantWait01 · 09/04/2023 09:49

If it was the first time you had sex, it makes sense as in the type of thing that happens after a one-night stand. If not, that was awful of him and I would be hurt too.

CantWait01 · 09/04/2023 09:50

Well it’s still awful whatever, I am just thinking of what on earth could have happened to make him change his mind so suddenly.

Ladybug14 · 09/04/2023 09:53

He feels you're not compatible

That's fair enough

He didn't have to throw his toys out the pram and send you home mid weekend

Is he 14? What a selfish prick

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 09:53

Just to make it very clear he has no other girlfriend… he actually lives in London ( like me ) he had to go to Kent this weekend because his parents has a dog and he had to look after the dog ( whilst his parents are in Spain) and also we always video call each other when he was in london after work ( if we were not meeting as well as when he was in Kent ) and he only went there like twice since me and him have been together. I spent majority of the time with him and also he was not even on his phone when we were together. In fact it was me that was on my phone. I had to tell him to check his what’s app to check the pictures that I had sent him and he said he had totally forgotten that he had a phone. It’s all very strange .. however, he did say he felt that we were moving too fast and we should take it slow and a few minutes after he said oh please forget what I said and let’s just enjoy our Easter holiday together and I said to him how can I forget what you just said to me …. I’m still very hurt by this but I hope I will feel better with time

OP posts:
KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 09:54

I’m sorry OP, that must really hurt.

But it sounds like he just wasn’t feeling it. That’s often the way in the early stages of relationships - you have high hopes, but as time passes you realise they’re just not the one for you. And often the realisation comes when you’re spending more time together than usual. It was cruel of him to despatch you home like that, but it would have been awful for both of you if you’d stayed the rest of the weekend when he’d clearly decided the relationship was over.

Original poster
lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 10:01

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 09:54

I’m sorry OP, that must really hurt.

But it sounds like he just wasn’t feeling it. That’s often the way in the early stages of relationships - you have high hopes, but as time passes you realise they’re just not the one for you. And often the realisation comes when you’re spending more time together than usual. It was cruel of him to despatch you home like that, but it would have been awful for both of you if you’d stayed the rest of the weekend when he’d clearly decided the relationship was over.

Yeah funny enough he said the same exact thing that he had high hope for us and he said he realised that we are just too different ( well his family is very wealthy and mine is not ) but he always knew this about me ?! He also mentioned that he just realised that I was very going whilst he is more reserved ( but again he also knew about this) anyway it’s all very confusing.. it’s hurtful because I do feel rejected by someone I really liked. I hope with time I will be okay .

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 09/04/2023 10:03

In time op, you will view this as a lucky escape. To be intimate with you first and then dump you shows the kind of “man” he really is. This happened to me once, years ago. Then BF came to stay, we had sex and literally the second he was finished, he dumped me! I was….beyond devastated but when I look back now I realise what a drippy fucker he really was. Also, karma can be a total bitch and he got his - he was jilted at the alter about 10 years later. Whilst I know that must be an awful thing to have happen, I admit I did have a small smile about it……Take care op, you will be fine xx

Rewis · 09/04/2023 10:11

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 09:46

UPDATE: He just sent me this message “I'm really sorry to hurt you. When I met you I felt like all I wanted to do was make you happy rather than focus on whether we could be compatible, I did have the hope it could work long term. I'm just sad it turned out like this because it's not something I wanted and I feel awful too”.

If it was what's app then the thumbs up emoji is a good response.

Was this your first time having sex with him? Cause sex twice and then telling youto fuck off from a "weekend away" is a special kind of jerk. Thankfully it was only a few months so you didn't waste more time

Sainsburysbunny · 09/04/2023 10:12

I'm going to go against the grain here and say..

I do feel sorry that your hurting... HOWEVER...

You say your confused but he seems to have given you a very clear indication that he's not feeling it anymore.

If the situation was reversed and you were on Mumsnet saying I'm on a weekend with BF but not feeling it anymore, most responses would be to dump the guy as it's kinder in the long run and to send him home.

I agree with the posters that say he's done you a favour. He's not right for you OP. You deserve someone who wants you and won't treat you like this.

I don't think it's a confusing situation, he's being really clear. And since you've only been together since January you seem to be coming across a bit strong that this is so out of the blue etc. It's still really early days.

I'm not posting to be mean. I do hope you move on from this quickly and stop hurting. Was just my honest opinion reading the thread.

I have to say I find it bizarre on Mumsnet whenever women are going to leave a man most posters say 'you don't need an explanation to leave someone' and encourage walk away no explanation. This guy has given a perfectly reasonable explanation and is being honest that he doesn't think they are compatible and he's still getting grilled as being a bad guy. And being confusing.

category12 · 09/04/2023 10:17

Honestly. I think (like others) he got another offer from another woman he's been chasing.

He's saying he's sorry and we're just too different to not appear a total shit and keep the door open for a booty call.

Block him, you'll be doing yourself a favour.

WandaWonder · 09/04/2023 10:17

Sainsburysbunny · 09/04/2023 10:12

I'm going to go against the grain here and say..

I do feel sorry that your hurting... HOWEVER...

You say your confused but he seems to have given you a very clear indication that he's not feeling it anymore.

If the situation was reversed and you were on Mumsnet saying I'm on a weekend with BF but not feeling it anymore, most responses would be to dump the guy as it's kinder in the long run and to send him home.

I agree with the posters that say he's done you a favour. He's not right for you OP. You deserve someone who wants you and won't treat you like this.

I don't think it's a confusing situation, he's being really clear. And since you've only been together since January you seem to be coming across a bit strong that this is so out of the blue etc. It's still really early days.

I'm not posting to be mean. I do hope you move on from this quickly and stop hurting. Was just my honest opinion reading the thread.

I have to say I find it bizarre on Mumsnet whenever women are going to leave a man most posters say 'you don't need an explanation to leave someone' and encourage walk away no explanation. This guy has given a perfectly reasonable explanation and is being honest that he doesn't think they are compatible and he's still getting grilled as being a bad guy. And being confusing.

Yes this is what I think too

slowquickstep · 09/04/2023 10:18

amiold · 09/04/2023 06:33

Do his parents live in Kent or Spain? Is this real it doesn't make sense

I take it English is not your first language. They live in Kent but are on holiday in Spain.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/04/2023 10:19

Agree with Sainsburysbunny

It just wasn’t working for him. Would have been far worse to pretend for another couple of days.