Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

[Bpdqueen]

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

Do you seriously imagine he WONT NOTICE your BPD?

Of course he will, so it's far better to tell him yourself, your way, in advance. Give him the chance to understand and support you.

I would be furious if someone hid this from me and break up with them upon finding out on principle.

I agree with @MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg
and I’m aware it’s probably not a very nice view to have (sorry). I would expect honesty from the start so I could ask questions and know how it affects you and possibly me.

Of course you don’t have to tell the other person, but if and when you do then it could be an issue and you will both be more invested.

Would you break up with them if they didn't tell you within the first 3 months or do you mean if they didn't tell you ever

If you don't tell him now, he'll find out when you need his support the most. If it's something he doesn't feel he can deal with, I think it's better to find out now, OP.

Does anyone else know OP? Is there a chance he could find out from someone else?

Someone's bound to at least tell him about the arrests etc.

The majority of people who know no longer stay in contact with me. And others in my life very few of them know about my diagnosis.

What kind of person is he?
How do you think he would react?

It sounds like you have a good support network of friends and family who have stuck around so I don’t see why a man wouldn’t. But you have to tell him to see if he is that person. Hiding it doesn’t give him a chance to even try to understand.
3 months in is a perfect time to bring it up.

He has a right to decide if he wants to have a relationship with someone who has BPD and you are denying him that right. He may make that decision based on ignorance but you can't control that and it really isn't fair of you to try to.

Like a PP I would end a relationship immediately if someone revealed something this important after 3 months, not because of the diagnosis but because of the deception.

Tell him. But I also don't think you was wrong to keep it from him, 3 months isn't that long. Honestly, if he's not willing to stick about then he's not the right one for you OP. You can't keep this to yourself for the fear of abandonment. Be upfront and honest.

Hmm. I don’t think I would be happy to have this hidden from me. What if (at 3 months or whenever you choose to tell him down the line) you’re more invested in the relationship, you tell him and he decides he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore? Won’t that hurt even more for you?

He's amazing, kind, caring, protective funny. I think if I tell him the first thing he will do is Google bpd and believe everything he reads and be gone.

So go armed with information that tells the real story of BPD. This is what it is and this is how it affects me and those around me.
Tell him that you want to help him to understand.

A lot of people will tell you that he needs to be informed but I just strongly disagree, you don’t need to disclose anything to anyone if you don’t want to and people trying to get you to do that need to realise the damage that can be done because of ignorant views on mental health.

Honestly, if you are having fun with this guy and he is too, just don’t tell him. He doesn’t actually need to know and you deserve to be loved for who you are not what society says you are.

Rather than ask you for a frank and honest conversation about how it affects you personally?

That would be a strange thing for any kind, caring and protective person to do, don't you think?

3 months in I think its something he should know presuming you're considering a long term relationship? If you're just having a fling then fine.

When im well i don't agree with my diagnosis but everytime I have an episode and end up in hospital or getting arrested I kind of see their point

You can't keep this from him, your condition can have a huge negative impact on him and his own mental health.

He doesn't need to know that his girlfriend's mental health disorder can make her 'overly emotional. Obsessive, unreasonable, aggressive, dramatic, and manipulative.'?

And that she's been arrested and hospitalised in the past because of it?

Really?

It depends how bad your symptoms are.

I dated a man with BPD (undisclosed) and found it very difficult and confusing. After 6 months, he seemed to cycle more quickly and get triggered easily. I saw a therapist for the final year of it.

His was extreme - traditional 'I hate you. Don't leave me' stuff with abrupt splitting and rage. Before that, I always thought BPD was a sexist diagnosis young women got.

If your symptoms are milder, don't disclose until you feel comfortable.

I have high functioning bipolar so very rarely tell anyone.

Erm, I’m not entirely convinced she’s any of these to be honest. That is just what ‘people’ have decided to label her as and that could be every bit to do with how people perceive mental health conditions in society and not her.

And even if she was, since when do people have disclose their every personality traits. I’m sure you have negative attributes like everybody else does but don’t tell whoever you are dating. He can figure things out himself.

Well those were the words from people who actually know the OP, unlike you and I.

My negative attributes have never got me arrested or hospitalised.

Of course he needs to know if the OP wants to continue the relationship.

Thankyou these are just how others describe me and I do believe a lot of that is based on my diagnosis and wouldn't be said so freely to a person without bpd

You can lie by omission or tell the truth. He is going to find out one way or another - perhaps the hard way.
I read a lot of men's forums and they know what BPD is and what it means for a relationship. He will have heard of it.

On this thread from just a few weeks ago posters seemed to think that withholding important information for 12 weeks was significant.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4722491-he-has-a-son

How does/has your BPD affect your behavior OP?

And why were you arrested if you don't mind saying?