AIBU?
He has a son ?? 😢
CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:49
So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.
anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.
im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.
what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.
Zanatdy · 17/01/2023 20:52
Well I’d be asking him why he didn’t tell you, and why he contacted you in the first place when your profile said you don’t date people with children. If children are important to you and you don’t have the money for private IVF then yes end it, as that’s got to be the deciding factor if you feel strong about it.
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/01/2023 20:53
SmileWithADimple · 17/01/2023 20:52
Ditch him OP. He's lied to you and he'll stand in the way of your plans to have children. Better to end it now before you get too attached.
Definitely. He’s a liar. You don’t need that in your life. Disappointing but he’s intentionally misled you so thank your lucky stars you found out now. I’m sorry.
CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:57
I think he knows he’s messed up. My face gave me away when he told me. He keeps messaging me saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell me etc.
if he’d told me from the start I might have just about accepted it, but 12 weeks down the line I’m annoyed. I haven’t replied but I know this is the end.
CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:58
TomatoSandwiches · 17/01/2023 20:56
If he read your profile and still went ahead, could he perhaps be lying about having a child as a way to get out of the relationship and have you end it?
Oh no he definitely has a son, he quite happily showed me pictures in the restaurant and he is the splitting image of him.
Chaz5rascals · 17/01/2023 20:58
I think I’m missing the point but when/how did he lie? Have you told him you need ivf to have a child? It’s very early days and I understand your online dating profile should have made your feelings about dating a parent clear but he may not have looked at it properly or he liked the sound of you and thought he’d contact you anyway.
CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 21:00
Chaz5rascals · 17/01/2023 20:58
I think I’m missing the point but when/how did he lie? Have you told him you need ivf to have a child? It’s very early days and I understand your online dating profile should have made your feelings about dating a parent clear but he may not have looked at it properly or he liked the sound of you and thought he’d contact you anyway.
He lied because he didn’t tell me he had a son. We spoke about kids on the 2nd or 3rd date, just generalised chat about did we want them etc . We both said yes but he never once said oh by the way i have one already.
TooManyChoicesNotEnoughDecisions · 17/01/2023 21:02
Does he have the money to pay for IVF?
Has he given any indication whether he wants more children?
You need to consider whether you actually have a better chance with someone where things are going well and looking hopeful, rather than continuing to date people who might turn out to be completely unsuitable anyway. I couldn't have pursued a relationship with someone who didn't want children, or who would refuse to go through with IVF, but if he's willing to save towards it as well, maybe this isn't a deal breaker.
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