summerfruit.......hugs.
your head is speaking right now.....all the logical stuff is in there confusing you.
try to tune into your gut feeling. (I know that is hard, believe me I know that!).
try to think forward and picture yourself in a year, in both possible scenarios.
see if what you can imagine helps more......tis hard for me to help on this as I don't know you well enough but when I did this when I was going thro this, there was one piscture that stood out to be the one I hoped would be us....so followed that.
I read my words, and I feel as tho I am trying to lead you into having baby........I hope I am not.....I hope I am helping lead to to the 'right' life and choice for you and your family.
I will say this tho, and ignore or listen....
for what it is worth, I feel you are bringing your daughters up in a very loving and healthy enviroment. I feel that you and your husband quite rightly put them first in all your descision making. If that is the case, your daughters are growing up feeling very very secure in their places in your hearts, and in yours and their lives.
If I am right in this (and from your posts I have no doubt about that), then your daughters will except and love a new sibling, and neither one of them will ever ever feel displaced in your hearts/love/lives. 'middle child syndrome' is something that has been coined by someone who WAS displaced by their position in the family, and it has been jumpe upon to excuse the behaviours of other middle children.
this is never ever a certain trait that any child has to live up to.......it is almost like saying that any abused child will grow up to abuse others and that it is therefore not their fault in some way (not a good arguement, but the only one close at hand to use right now, so sorry).
what I mean is.......there is no definates, only maybes.....and all those maybes seem so huge in your mind right now as you are confused and scared.
you have no idea what the furture will bring......not one of here do.....will only have hopes, fears and dreams of that future.
what makes us is what we do when those hopes and dreams suddenly change.....and hope that we make the right choice that we can then get back onto the path that we hope and strive for.
whichever choice you make will always be with you, and will make you into the next person you are going to be.........you need to work out which person/mummy/wife you think is the one you are striving for, and head for that one.
and no one choice here is going to be the right one for anyone.....it will however be the right one for YOU....and then make your peace with it (and that is where councelling will be the helper).
and we are here to support you and hug you and reassure you