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Original poster

I'm getting a termination

419 replies

Sadandveryupset · 10/01/2008 10:28

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 15/01/2008 15:01

Thinking of you

mollyjoe · 15/01/2008 15:42

So thinking of you, this happened to my husband & I a few years ago & I had a termination so I know how you are feeling. sending you a big hug.xxxx

notjustmom · 15/01/2008 16:11

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Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 17:11

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psychomum5 · 15/01/2008 17:15

hugs....busy,,,,will be on in a mo

expatinscotland · 15/01/2008 17:18

big (((HUGS))), summer!

i hope you can find some peace with whatever decision you make in the future.

meemar · 15/01/2008 17:19

Summerfruit - have followed your thread but haven't posted before.

Well done for giving yourself more time. The tone of your posts really suggested you needed it. I hope you feel a bit calmer and wish you the strength you need for your decision xx

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 17:23

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RubyRioja · 15/01/2008 17:31

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psychomum5 · 15/01/2008 17:33

sorry for the rapid post earlier.....was on the phone but scanning MN, and as you popped up I needed to acknowledge you, IYGWIM.

I think that today, you have made the right choice.

I know you are still very scared and confused about where you are still headed, but you really really need more time to know how you really truly feel.

I do think that you deep down want this baby as much as you wanted your beloved daughters, and they are that loved that you will find the room in your heart for this new one without making them ever feel as tho they don't count as much anymore.

and as I said before, how do you know that this will make their lives poorer for being one of three? you may find that all your lives will be that much richer

psychomum5 · 15/01/2008 17:37

altho, that said, if you still decide that termination is still the right choice, at least you have thought about it more and so will be at peace with yourself much more than had you gone today.

time will bring you the answers that you crave.....time and your feelings.

ignore any and all other people right now......especially your mother.....and think about what YOU want.

and also, don't think about what may be better for your daughters......better for them is a happy mummy who is confident in her choices and is not one who is hating herself.

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 17:45

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 15/01/2008 17:54

ooh.....something else I forgot to say...

NorthernLurker · 15/01/2008 18:09

Good to hear from you Summerfruit. Giving yourself more time to decide sounds like a very sensible plan and it's so good to read that your dh is supportive of you in this.
Am rather & at your mum - how does she feel her being gutted is a helpful reaction? You are quite right to focus on what you and dh want to do.
Can I be a fussy mother for a minute and ask - did you change your wet clothes when you got home? Wet feet is the last thing you need right now! Take care of yourself - may I offer a hug or two as well.

ScoobyDoo · 15/01/2008 18:14

Hello Summer, i also agree you have made the right decision for today, i think you need to write down the pros & cons & also go with you heart how you feel both ways, how it will effect you both ways & if you can live with that or get through it IYKWIM?

I wish you all the luck in the world, keep talking it might help you.

(((((hugs))))) for you xxx

kaz33 · 15/01/2008 18:58

Oh summer - I felt when you emailed me that you had not thought the whole thing through. You didn't seem to have the calmness about the decision that I made a month ago. I am happy that you had the bravery to turn around today. Take more time to feel, not just think.

You really need to try and imagine this child in your life. If you feel joy and happiness then that may be your answer. I didn't feel like that, I felt dead and empty when I thought about another baby.

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 19:16

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tulip27 · 15/01/2008 19:19

How are you feeling now?

notjustmom · 15/01/2008 19:29

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princessmel · 15/01/2008 19:33

Hi Summer, I've been reading this thread since it started but not yet posted. I didn't feel I'd be able to say anything as usefull as the other poasters had already written.

I had to take the MAP twice last autumn/ winter time. Both times I panicked in case it didn't work.

I really feel for you. I hope you come to a decision thats right for you and your family.

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 19:35

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emiliosmum · 15/01/2008 19:36

Hi Summer - just wanted to say i'm really happy that you are taking more time to think this through. just a thought..if you go for a list of why you should or should not have a baby then there will probably always be a bigger list of reasons (money,time etc) why not to go ahead! and going on those reasons hardly anybody would bother having them.

also, it may be helpful to try to detatch yourself from what your mother says - she does not know what is best for you and your inner peace - only you do and it sounds like she is projecting her own feelings on this subject onto you. I'm not saying that she is saying those things coming from a bad place - maybe she genuinely thinks she is helping you and wants the best for you but it seems as though what she has said has gone against your gut feelings.

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 19:48

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emiliosmum · 15/01/2008 20:06

maybe look at it from a different perspective in that the childminding is something you could still do in the future even if it's not the immediate future. Whereas the decision you are making now is a final decision and obviously you can't go back if you decide to go ahead with the termination and then later regret it - however if you go ahead with the pregnancy then the childminding could be something you can come back to (?)and maybe there could be another way of earning money until you are able to do that.

I know that's a lot of variables in there and i don't know the ins and outs of your situation or even if it would be possible for you to delay a return to childminding -so i'm sorry if i've spoken out of turn..

magsi · 15/01/2008 21:33

Summerfruit, I have read almost all of this thread and have been glued. I myself have had two terminations and am ashamed to say so. They were both in my 20's. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about my decisions now, 15 years on.

I have since had 3 children and am married. they are 6, 4 and 2.5. I sometimes wonder about what I would have had. Whenever I hear the word termination or abortion, I shudder and feel dirty inside. On one hand what I did is my selfish little secret that I will never ever forgive myself for. One of my children is disabled and to this day I am sure this is my punishment for the decisions I made. Sometimes I get terrible anxieties about my children now and think something else has to happen to one of them because of the 'other' abortion I had. Silly, I know, but I will remain tortured by my abortions for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, I would not be where I am today if I had gone through with the pregnancies and strangly stand by my decisions.

I will always think of my abortions as the lowest point of my life.

I am not trying to be cruel in writing this, I just wanted to let you have an insite as to how the decisions I have made in the past have stayed with me and will remain fresh in my mind.

Make sure if you go through with the abortion, that you are 100% absolutely sure you are making the right decision for YOU.

Thinking of you.