Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 ··· 16 17

Original poster

I'm getting a termination

419 replies

Sadandveryupset · 10/01/2008 10:28

Hi !
I have posted few posts on my present situation. DH and I had a condom failure, took the MAP and it didnt work as I'm now pregnant. It's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, it's my third pregnancy.
I cant keep it because I have already 2 young daughters, we cant afford to have another one. I'm so so so sad to have to go trought with it. If I keep it, it's going to wreck my family, I'll never be able to look after 3 young children, we'll always be poor, not being able to afford a house. I love my dds so much and I want to anything I can to be there for them at every levels. Has anyone been in my situation ? How do you live after such a trauma ?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 14/01/2008 21:49

cracking post, psycho!

true, too.

best to you, summer.

paddlinglikemad · 14/01/2008 21:52

its not an easy decision either way (I have done both) and immediately afterwards I felt very relieved and wanted to move on , it didn't hit me until weeks later but you manage and cope the best you can, somehow it has made me a more appreciative parent to my three DC's ..and yes I do beleive in signs and all that 'malarkey' I felt I was going against what was meant to be by having a termination but I went ahead because at the time physically, financially and mentally I could not have coped with four kids under 6yrs ...lots of women make this decision everyday ( hence the places being so busy..) for lots of different reasons.
I did the 'if you woke up in the morning and you weren't pregnant how would you feel?' 'test' and my answer was 'relieved that I didn't have to make a decision'....you will know what is right when you come to it, if you decide when you get there that you need more time then walk away...

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 22:02

Message withdrawn

paddlinglikemad · 14/01/2008 22:04

will be thinking of you tomorrow , check back in with us if you can when you feel ready

psychomum5 · 14/01/2008 22:08

you are not a coward.....please stop thinking that.

a coward would hide and not talk it thro in the way you are doing.....in fact, a coward would not even be where you are now as they would be too scared to even meet and fall in love with someone in case they get hurt.

you are strong woman making a hard hard choice.

and strong women everywhere make hard choices everyday......tis what makes the world go round.....and behind every strong man there is a stronger woman!!!!

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 22:12

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 14/01/2008 22:13

you can take us in your heart and head....

saturdaynight · 14/01/2008 22:19

Summerfruit, the last few days seem to have been such a rollercoaster for you but there has been so many wise words and kindness shown on this thread. I hope all this support will give you strength to do whatever you have to do tomorrow. You have not made this decision lightly. Best wishes take care - there will be people here for you should you need it.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 22:23

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 14/01/2008 23:14

thursday?

sorry if you have metioned this, but why also then specifically?

take as many in your heart as you need, and we will all be thinking of you.

and when you are ready, we will be here supporting you again for as long as necessary.

and don't forget......strong lady, well loved by family.....you will be ok. and maybe not straightaway, but sometime again, you will be at peace too.

and don't forget......you still have choice. don't forget that......if you get there and it isn't right for you at that particular moment, you still have choice.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 23:17

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 14/01/2008 23:25

oh.......sorry......I thought it was more 'simple' than that to be honest.

many many more hugs......you are really suffering.

is DH there supporting you still?

I hope he is...it isn't just you going thro all this, it is him too, and all his feelings. I know you have said that you both agree, but I hope he is physically supporting you too.

and drink by all means, but not to numbing effect (altho I can appreciate why you are of course). but try to stop before tomorrow, it nmy effect the way the tablets respond in your body.

please don't punish yourself.....this isn't something that is deserving of punishment.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 23:32

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 14/01/2008 23:37

i hope you find some peace, summer, however it goes.

i've not been in your shoes, i'm sorry you're in such a place.

just wishing you the best.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 23:40

Message withdrawn

saturdaynight · 14/01/2008 23:40

Summerfruit, have you, or can you arrange, counselling for the future? I remember how you're feeling- I went out and got very drunk the night before my planned termination, and though I made a different choice in the end, the whole thing was like a surreal nightmare. Even now, 13 years down the line, it is like it all happened to someone else.
Perhaps you do need to look ahead and see beyond these few days. If you are very sure that this is right for you, and not just the right thing to do, remind yourself of the reasons why it is so.Focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, your future.

notjustmom · 14/01/2008 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psychomum5 · 14/01/2008 23:47

no.....you need this to make sure you are making the right choice.

and just because you didn't make this choice before, doesn't make this the wrong choice, tis just a different choice.

you are scared......and FWIW, anyone would be as it is such a choice.

not one woman makes this choice lightly (well, some out there must, but they are women who have been so scarred in their lives already that they have bricked up their hearts to feelings and no longer feel anything)

if you didn't feel like this, then you would not be able to love your DD's the way that you do!

please please though, don't do this because you are scared of the alternative.......do it because you are wanting a life for your daughters that otherwise you won't be able to give them, or do it because otherwise you will not be the same anymore, and by that, that it will make you less than what you are now. (do I make sense?).

and don't in anyway feel as tho the choice is definate....it isn't until you get there.

and make sure you listen to your heart and gut right up until then. and then make sure this is right for you!

don't forget also....the people there will be trained to listen, and altho it may be busy, you are still a person who counts so make sure they do listen if you need them to.

Summerfruit · 14/01/2008 23:54

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 14/01/2008 23:56

well, you won't find peace if you're angry at yourself.

it was an accident.

now, you have to make a decision that you can live with, regardless of what's happened to everyone else.

if you can be okay with a termination in the long-term and it will bring you relief, then it is for you.

if not, well, then it's not.

notjustmom · 14/01/2008 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psychomum5 · 15/01/2008 00:01

expat is right......if you are angry you won't find peace.

and if I was going on that last post only, then I would have to say "stop, and don't go tomorrow"!

you cannot make a fair and judgemental choice such as this in the emotional state you are in right now, as for ever after you will hate yourself more and wonder "what if?".

plase please please take some more time.......this is HUGE....this is life changing, and FWIW....I don't think this is the path you want, it is the path you think you want, and that is a whole other place!

altho of course, you may still reach this same choice even with more time and councelling......but please please don't go there on anger.

Summerfruit · 15/01/2008 00:05

Message withdrawn

notjustmom · 15/01/2008 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2008 00:09

um, but summer, if it were unwanted, you wouldn't be sitting here typing all this out.

you'd have just gone and done it and it would be done and dusted.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 ··· 16 17