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Original poster

Not invited on holiday

404 replies

semicharmed · 12/04/2022 15:03

Namechanged as embarrassed and don’t want any IRL people to read this Sad

I have a group of friends I’ve known for years, we’re all very close (supposedly) and all do similar jobs (met during training), we usually try to go away somewhere once a year.

I went onto social media over the weekend and saw them away having a lovely time on a break I wasn’t invited on and never heard about Sad, we have two separate group chats on two separate apps so there must be another group I’m not part of for this to have been organised without my knowledge, and to have it rubbed in my face on social media is pretty hurtful.

Would you confront? Or just say nothing and distance yourself? I can’t imagine ever doing something so hurtful to a friend. I’ve been in tears over it wondering why I’ve been excluded but I don’t want to say anything....in case I ruin their trip BlushSad

OP posts:
Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 16:09

But we’ve never met up in a ‘let’s exclude the others’ sort of way, and certainly not for a bloody holiday!

OP posts:
Kindlethefourth · 12/04/2022 16:12

Please please don't post something on social media. Retain your dignity and rise above it. Believe me I understand. This was me 15 years ago and it hurts so much doesn't it? Over those 15 years I have seen one of them -the organiser of the holiday-exclude other people time and time again. Just like you I had friends in that group who were embarrassed by what had happened but no one challenged Queen Bee and I am afraid in your case if you write something passive aggressive they will all start justifying the self to each other through guilt . I am happily on a better place now. Realised I am a good person and one not so nice person is not going to bring me down but it hurt for a long time and am sure contributed to depression issues and lack of self-esteem. Focus on the real friends, those who are worthy of your friendship. And if you see the others on the holiday, play it cool, retain your dignity but don't make it easy for them if they try to explain.

ReallyIrish · 12/04/2022 16:13

How many people are there who went?

HavfrueDenizKisi · 12/04/2022 16:13

@TheSnowyOwl

I’d just distance myself. Why waste time asking them to justify or lie about why you were excluded. The truth is that for whatever reason you weren’t wanted. You deserve better than to have people who don’t want to be with you as your friends.
This with bells on.
babyjellyfish · 12/04/2022 16:14

That's horrible, OP. I would ask the person you are closest to what's going on.

debwong · 12/04/2022 16:15

When you see any of them again, you might say "So, what have you been up to lately?" and put the ball properly in their court.

debwong · 12/04/2022 16:16

But don't give it too much headspace.

dapsnotplimsolls · 12/04/2022 16:17

I'm sorry this has happened, what a shitty thing for them to do. I agree that you should wait until they get back then contact the one you're closest to.

ElenaSt · 12/04/2022 16:18

You have three options.

  1. Don’t say anything and see what happens next, if you are ignored or dropped from other outings or sense a coolness from them in the group chat.
  1. Write something such as - ‘Why didn’t I know about this, I would have loved to have joined you all?’ and see if anyone replies and what the reason is why you aren’t invited.
  1. Block them all and accept they aren’t that keen on you for whatever reason and make new friends.
cafenoirbiscuit · 12/04/2022 16:19

This happened to DH and I 12 years ago and it hurt like hell. When I asked why we’d been excluded 2 of the women absolutely went for me. We’ve got better friends now, and you will too. Smile sweetly and distance yourself from them all - silence any chats and unfollow social media. Keep busy. This too shall pass.

gingerhills · 12/04/2022 16:21

It's a horrible thing to do. If I was you, I'd be gutted.

But there's no point in confronting them. Hard as it is, I would focus entirely on building new friendship groups - several of them.

NotTheOW · 12/04/2022 16:22

I feel like a little child who hasn’t been invited to a birthday party I had something similar to me and I felt exactly like this. No matter how hard I tried to think of a logical reason it stung.

RampantIvy · 12/04/2022 16:26

@worriedatthistime

I always wonder why if someone has been excluded people then post it all over social media - just why Or have the guts to tell them before hand
So do I. It is such a hurtful thing to do.
Pinotwoman82 · 12/04/2022 16:28

I think how your feeling is perfectly normal and I definitely think you should raise it with them. Something very similar happened to me a few years ago and I never said anything, now and again I wish I had of as it caused resentment and now I see none of them, at the time a week later they were all going to come round mine for wine and nibbles, I thought I’m good enough for you to eat my food and drink my drink though! I didn’t find out through social media though so it was kept hush hush

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 16:30

They haven’t rubbed your nose in it!

You haven’t probably entered their thoughts. You are hurt because you perceive the relationship as being much closer than they do.

Bellyups · 12/04/2022 16:33

I’m sorry but I’d have to ask why I was excluded. I’d then distance myself.

Gonnagetgoing · 12/04/2022 16:34

Sounds very hurtful and deliberate. You could ask them but beware they may make excuses as to why you weren’t invited.

An example re my friends. Once we all went to a historic place for a weekend and didn’t tell one person as she’d been very vocal in the past that she hated historical houses, castles etc but she enjoyed going away on weekend trips. One memorable time we went to Stratford on Avon and she whinged about us visiting Shakespeare’s houses and I think even went off with someone else in our group to do something different.

She was a bit put out that she hadn’t been invited by we told her, it was to Quarry bank mill and you told us you don’t like visiting historical houses/places of interest. Didn’t go into detail. The mill was our main thing to do. I couldn’t have coped with her moaning either!

AryaStarkWolf · 12/04/2022 16:35

@semicharmed

I do have a particularly close friend within the group who knows I have always struggled with feelings of abandonment and anxiety so I will probably speak to her at some point and just ask her honestly why I was excluded. I don’t think my reaction is necessarily normal as I don’t think most people would be this hurt or upset but it’s knocked my self esteem for six and I feel truly horrible about myself which is something I’ve managed to keep under control for years Sad
I think it's a pretty normal reaction, were you the only 1 left out? That's actually really mean. I'd definitely bring it up with them and tell them how hurt you were
CrazyTimes123 · 12/04/2022 16:35

Very hurtful and I’m not sure what you’d gain by addresses it tbh - what excuse could possibly excuse that anyway.
I’d comment something nice but distance myself.

Anyway, you can come and join my holiday that 4 people agreed to go on but have now dropped out, and I’m going to lose all the deposits that they never forwarded me when they said they would !

People can be shits unfortunately x

WonderfulYou · 12/04/2022 16:35

I would definitely say something.
Not in a confrontational way just like it looked so much fun, if you guys had invited me I would have definitely come too.

I don’t think they’ve purposely excluded you else they wouldn’t have put it on SM.

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 16:36

I went on when do once

During the stay one of the hens posted on FB

The bride to be received a text from a “friend” demanding to know why she hasn’t been invited.

We were all utterly perplexed. This “friend” was very much on the periphery. Yes part of general messaging groups but not close knit. The main messaging group didn’t have her and no one socialised with her other than birthday bashes when lots invited.

She had a very different view on the relationship, which none of us shared .

amymorris01 · 12/04/2022 16:37

I would feel really hurt too. What a load of bitches. They arnt true friends even the ones you say are close to you, they would have told you. I would ignore them and find new friends. Dont let these selfish people get you down.

ancientgran · 12/04/2022 16:37

@semicharmed

It’s probably my anxiety talking but I just feel like they’re all having a big laugh about what they’ve done while they’re away. I know logically I probably haven’t even crossed their minds but I can’t help feeling so sad.

This is the first true ‘group’ of friends I’ve ever had, when I met them I truly felt like my friendship was valued and wanted and I’ve never felt like that before and at least two of them know that. I think that’s why it hurts so much Sad

I'm so sorry they have done that to you. I'm not sure what is best to do but I hope you are OK.
Cherrysoup · 12/04/2022 16:37

I’d be devastated. I’d have to message my mate to ask wtaf.

MillenialInDenial · 12/04/2022 16:38

I'd have to throw a message in the group chat saying something like omg camping looks like your having a great time would of loved to joined you, see how it lands and hear the excuses and then avoid the lot of them for the foreseeable what a horrible thing to do.