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Original poster

Not invited on holiday

404 replies

semicharmed · 12/04/2022 15:03

Namechanged as embarrassed and don’t want any IRL people to read this Sad

I have a group of friends I’ve known for years, we’re all very close (supposedly) and all do similar jobs (met during training), we usually try to go away somewhere once a year.

I went onto social media over the weekend and saw them away having a lovely time on a break I wasn’t invited on and never heard about Sad, we have two separate group chats on two separate apps so there must be another group I’m not part of for this to have been organised without my knowledge, and to have it rubbed in my face on social media is pretty hurtful.

Would you confront? Or just say nothing and distance yourself? I can’t imagine ever doing something so hurtful to a friend. I’ve been in tears over it wondering why I’ve been excluded but I don’t want to say anything....in case I ruin their trip BlushSad

OP posts:
Dairymilk50 · 12/04/2022 17:00

@AlternativePerspective

I was going to say that this is hurtful and that you should confront them until I read your last post.

If 3 out of 7 haven’t been invited then that is entirely different as it’s just a group of friends going on holiday. When you have groups of friends it’s inevitable that some of those friends are going to do things without the others, and it’s a bit off to assume you’re going to be included in everything that any of those friends do.

And tbh that is a bit of a drip feed, because if you’d mentioned from the outset that half the group had gone away then you would have had different responses.

They’re not excluding you, some of them fancied doing something together and that’s entirely normal within a friendship group.

If you mention anything you’re going to look incredibly petty.

This. I didn't realise before I posted!
Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:00

@AlternativePerspective

I was going to say that this is hurtful and that you should confront them until I read your last post.

If 3 out of 7 haven’t been invited then that is entirely different as it’s just a group of friends going on holiday. When you have groups of friends it’s inevitable that some of those friends are going to do things without the others, and it’s a bit off to assume you’re going to be included in everything that any of those friends do.

And tbh that is a bit of a drip feed, because if you’d mentioned from the outset that half the group had gone away then you would have had different responses.

They’re not excluding you, some of them fancied doing something together and that’s entirely normal within a friendship group.

If you mention anything you’re going to look incredibly petty.

The other two who haven’t been invited have never come on any trip they’ve ever been invited on, but they have always still been invited.
OP posts:
WhydoesthesunalwaysshineonTV · 12/04/2022 17:02

I think part of the reason I don’t want to ask is because hearing why I wasn’t wanted or why I’m not good enough for the people I love like sisters will break my heart.

But it already has broken your heart op. Just ask.

thebabynanny · 12/04/2022 17:02

I'd want to know the reason whether it's

  • last time we went out you said you hated camping
  • we only had 4 spaces in the car
  • it was a spontaneous trip just for the people that also do x activity
  • I thought Jill asked you/she said you didn't want to come
  • totally forgot you existed

Once you know the reason you can decide if it's reasonable or not. If you never ask them you will always assume the worst.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:03

And every time they’ve declined a trip, it’s been mentioned (negatively) by the one I suspect has done the organising this time. I have never not been on one of the trips. I can sort of see why the other two haven’t been asked, so it feels like it’s totally different to why I haven’t been.

OP posts:
chesirecat99 · 12/04/2022 17:04

That is totally different from what your first post suggested. It sounded like you were the only person excluded.

Only half of the friendship group is on the trip. It's normal for large groups of friends to do things in small groups/pairs as well. You said yourself that you've met up separately with the 2 people you are closest to in the group. This is no different.

Cottagepieandpeas · 12/04/2022 17:05

I think being one of three not on the trip puts a totally different perspective on the situation.

As pp said, it's a few friends going on a trip. A group of seven people is bound to have sub-groups.

TizerorFizz · 12/04/2022 17:06

@semicharmed
I guess you now have to decide how much they mean to you. In your shoes, I would wait to be contacted by them. If they don’t, you know where you stand. I strongly advise you to move on. Feeling excluded is unpleasant. Don’t subject yourself to it in the future.

Being left out when other mums organised a NCT picnic lead me to realise I wasn’t wanted. Did I need these people? No. I didn’t. I moved on. Never spoke to any of them again.

My DD invited a lot of her university friends to a birthday drink (lovely cocktail space by The Thames) a few years ago. Loads came but 6 girls all said they could not come for a variety of reasons. Later DD saw them all out together when one of them posted pix on Facebook. So they were not at the theatre, visiting parents, or abroad etc etc. Ok, they were doing something else, but they all lied. DD called them out and moved on. Are they missed? Not for a second. They were not real friends. Real friends are honest. Real friends don’t leave you out. So just ignore this group and move on in your life. It was nice while it lasted.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:06

Not really. The four that have gone (+ me) are the only ones who have ever gone away. The other two have never wanted to go but have always been asked.

OP posts:
Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 17:06

Talk about extra info!

Ok over and out.

Flammkuchen · 12/04/2022 17:07

Don't reply yet, OP and sleep on it. It is hurting and you need to decide whether you want to try and salvage anything or find new friends.

If it's normally 5 of you who go, and now just 4, that's pretty shitty.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:08

@Heythere13

Talk about extra info!

Ok over and out.

It wasn’t overly relevant as the fact still stands that the ones who go away don’t include the other two who haven’t been asked, because they have self-excluded themselves from every trip we’ve ever taken. Read the multiple comments I’ve made explaining that.
OP posts:
ElenaSt · 12/04/2022 17:12

It makes a complete difference to find out that three of you were not invited.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:14

I suppose it makes a difference if you don’t read the comments where I’ve said I normally go on every trip but the other two have never been.

OP posts:
palmplantcirca1980s · 12/04/2022 17:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NameGoesHere · 12/04/2022 17:14

Ask in the chat what people are up to as the sun is shining or something?

ElenaSt · 12/04/2022 17:14

You said that you love them like sisters.

That sounds pretty intense even for close friends that I’ve known each other since school days.

Perhaps that’s the problem and they do not reciprocate your level of intensity within the group of friends.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:15

Posted too soon.

Because somehow I have been dropped from the ‘going on trips’ group and not by my own choosing - the other two always choose not to come.

OP posts:
Cakeandcardio · 12/04/2022 17:15

Let me tell you in no uncertain times that these people will think they can be bitches and treat you how they want. They will have mob mentality with the posting online and justify it with something you may have done. But if you just cut them loose and absolutely ignore them, they will be shocked to the core. I suggest just completely ignoring them. I've done the same thing in a similar situation. The other person was so smug and high and mighty. Then I just cut them loose. It shocked them. So do it. If they ever ask why, just say you didn't want to be friends with a group who could exclude you so easily. It will hurt like fuck initially but you can do so much better.

Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:16

@ElenaSt

You said that you love them like sisters.

That sounds pretty intense even for close friends that I’ve known each other since school days.

Perhaps that’s the problem and they do not reciprocate your level of intensity within the group of friends.

I do. We’ve all described the relationship as such, it isn’t just me.
OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 12/04/2022 17:16

I agree with you OP - there is a core group of 5 who have been away before and you were the only 1 of the 5 left out.

My thoughts:

  • Don't feel bad. I bet it isn't you. I bet the Queen Bee one you've mentioned a few times engineered leaving you out. I bet the others still consider you a friend and either didn't know you weren't invited or felt bad about it. It's entirely possible that on the other chat one of them might have asked about you and QB may have said "oh I don't think semicharmed can come" or similar
  • I think you need to bite the bullet and deal with it before your next big meet up. I would arrange a coffee or something with your closest friend and just ask in a straightforward way
Original poster
semicharmed · 12/04/2022 17:17

I’m not ridiculously overbearing or anything, I am perfectly normal and don’t make a huge show of demonstrating my love. Confused

OP posts:
maddy68 · 12/04/2022 17:18

I would just like the photo so they all know you have seen it.

Next time you see them I would ask if there was a reason you weren't invited it does seem odd. Is there another reason eg you can't get away without kids or you have mentioned being skint etc?

WhydoesthesunalwaysshineonTV · 12/04/2022 17:18

But if you truly are like sisters what’s the problem asking them op?

UnconditionalSurrender · 12/04/2022 17:18

There was a thread similar to this recently. Turned out the micromanager/mean girl of the group had left someone out and told everyone that she was busy and couldn't make it. There's no point in trying to be nice and not hurt their feelings. They have hurt yours. You are not really going to get over this and think you are still a part of this group if they decided they wanted a weekend away without you. They must've known this and decided it didn't matter. I'd just politely ask why you weren't invited. It might just have been one person that organised it.