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Original poster

To anyone struggling right now...

178 replies

Notgettingbetter · 21/12/2021 18:02

... I'm sending you a hug (or some other equivalent if a hug is not wanted). You can get through this ❤️

OP posts:
hoochyhooha · 26/12/2021 17:42

@Notgettingbetter love and hugs to you today. Christmas is totally exhausting- the food prep, the emotions!
Cut yourself some slack, be very, very kind to yourself, a good rest tonight and you will feel better tomorrow.
Like Wolfe said, have a nice cwtch 🥰
Much love to all on this thread.

Wolfiefan · 26/12/2021 18:54

@Notgettingbetter the weather is grim. DH and I got soaked on a dog walk and brought back two filthy hounds.
My DD has hardly spoken to me today. She did manage to complain that her chocolate selection box has a bar missing. She didn’t get much sympathy. I bloody hurt after yesterday. DH had to do dinner.
I’ll do better another day. We can’t do more than we can do.

FunnyCradock · 27/12/2021 00:11

Struggling here too. There’s comfort in knowing it’s not just me & I’m sorry to hear about your own struggles (I wouldn’t wish this on anyone) but I do thank you all for making me feel less alone & less ridiculous.
My job (nhs nurse) has broken me & I’m at the point of complete collapse. I resigned yesterday, without anything else to go to (other than a new business venture doing aesthetics which isn’t busy enough to pay for life’s essentials) so that’s also super scary & making me anxious. But I cannot carry on. 16 years in the nhs and I’m a wreck. I’m a crap parent & a crap wife. I’m not available at all to the most important people in my life. I hate myself for it. I’m under the mental health team but it’s not enough. I had to call the crisis team last weekend, my thoughts were enough to scare me into it. My family don’t know what to do, I know they are scared too.
I used to be strong. I used to be resilient. I don’t know where that person went.
Sorry this sounds so self pitying. I hate myself for being so pathetic.

Sorry to hear that there are so many of us feeling so unwell. Love and hope for a better 2022 to you all xx

Original poster
Notgettingbetter · 27/12/2021 18:04

@FunnyCradock thank you for all your hard work in the NHS - I don't even know what your role was but I sincerely mean that. I don't blame you for quitting. I hope the next chapter in your life is better. You are not pathetic in the slightest and I'm sure you're not a crap parent or wife ❤️

OP posts:
FunnyCradock · 27/12/2021 19:23

That’s really kind @Notgettingbetter
I am a children’s nurse. I think I feel even more torn because I love the job itself. I don’t love the increasing pressure, the staff shortages (recently my ward had 11 nurses leave in the space of 11 weeks) or the lack of resources. I don’t love the inability to provide the care that patients deserve. My manager told me that I’m not coping because I put too much pressure on myself but I don’t know how can anyone do this job at anything less than 100%

I’m hoping next year will be much better than the past 2. If nothing else, being a nurse has given me a sense of perpetual hope that things can improve (at work I’ve been thinking that for the past 10 years so far Confused)

I hope everyone that is struggling has had a better day today. I do feel a bit more calm now that the Xmas madness is over.

Makinglists · 27/12/2021 19:35

Hugs to you all. @FunnyCradock we met some wonderful children's nurses this year when DS1 was ill - they gave so much of themselves - we are always grateful. Im sure you did - though how you do it day after day. You'll have helped hundreds if not thousands - time to look after yourself a bit. You made a differencexxx

ninnynonny · 27/12/2021 19:42

I'm back! Sorry and love to everyone struggling. We had a good christmas, although I had been dreading dd, who has a had a terrible year mental health wise, not coping. She did brilliantly and it was really calm and nice.
I'm still struggling so much but just don't let anyone see. I nearly let it all out this morning - dh is always worrying about me though and I know he feels that my counselling is making me worse. He's not wrong at the moment - but I cant explain that it's supposed to be for the right reasons!
I honestly don't know how people are happy. I would seriously not be alive if i didn't have my children and grandchildren - and dh of course. I don't know why people do live sometimes. There is simply so little good in the world - why do we bother??

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2021 19:46

There is good though. People who volunteer for charities. A lovely lady actually walked my mums dog on Christmas Day for her (cinnamon trust). The people who stop and chat or wave and smile when I dog walk. Who ask after me if they’ve not seen me for a bit. My family. Hugs from DS home from Uni are the best.

ninnynonny · 27/12/2021 19:54

I know that logically but it's all so small in comparison. Sorry - just really want to be 'normal'!

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 19:57

Thank you so much, @Notgettingbetter. I needed to read this!

I'm currently waiting for tests for fibromyalgia and I'm feeling so tired and drained all the time now. I'm just feeling so sick of everything. Its horrible.

Sending a big hug back to everyone else who's struggling ❤️🤗😘

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 20:00

@whatdoidonow11 I feel exactly the same as you do. It's awful, isn't it? Thanks

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 27/12/2021 20:08

Hello everyone, I'm sorry to everyone who is missing a loved one at Xmas, my dad died 5 years ago and there is just something missing from Xmas, like his silly jokes, and laughter and stuff.

My MH is just shit, I had a breakdown this time last year, lost my job, and dropped out of uni, it was horrible, I'm on better meds but it's still not enough, I'm just frozen at the moment, like I can't go forward. The panic attacks are back with a vengeance, and my anxiety is through the roof! It's too much sometimes.

I can't function like a normal human being, thanks to ADHD, and the issues with my back. Anyway enough of me whining.

Hugs to everyone struggling Flowers

Original poster
Notgettingbetter · 27/12/2021 21:23

@ninnynonny I know what you mean. I used to be glad I'm alive. I used to enjoy lots of little things and was able to appreciate a lot in life even when times were tough, but now I have severe depression and I can't seem to feel good about anything any more. Life becomes pretty pointless when there is no pleasure to be had - but my loved ones are absolutely not pointless to me so I keep going for them. It's really hard but maybe one day I will start to enjoy something again, maybe I'll be able to live for myself too.

There is a lot of good - so many kind people right here on this thread alone ❤️

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/12/2021 21:32

Lots of kind people here.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I have fibro. Good luck. Gabapentin has helped me. Always looking for ways to make it better!!

Grenola · 27/12/2021 21:54

Thank you. You have helped me this evening x

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 22:19

@Wolfiefan lovely to meet you 🙂 I've not been diagnosed officially yet I'm just waiting for a neurologist to advise me further, but of course it's like pulling blood from a stone to be able to get an appointment these days.

I have cerebral palsy too, so it's been hard.

I take anitriptaline (not sure if I've spelt that correctly) which is working really well. Am on cododermol too.

Thank you so much for the good luck wishes. Sending ❤️ to you 😘😘

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2021 22:21

Oh that does sound hard. Amitryptyline? I’d love some to help me sleep!!
I do hope you get answers.

ninnynonny · 27/12/2021 22:22

[quote Notgettingbetter]@ninnynonny I know what you mean. I used to be glad I'm alive. I used to enjoy lots of little things and was able to appreciate a lot in life even when times were tough, but now I have severe depression and I can't seem to feel good about anything any more. Life becomes pretty pointless when there is no pleasure to be had - but my loved ones are absolutely not pointless to me so I keep going for them. It's really hard but maybe one day I will start to enjoy something again, maybe I'll be able to live for myself too.

There is a lot of good - so many kind people right here on this thread alone ❤️[/quote]
It's horrible isn't? This is a lovely thread though. We can all understand each other.

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2021 22:23

I’ve been there. It’s awful. But one day you can look about you and smile. And feel joy. Hang on in there.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 22:48

@Wolfiefan

Oh that does sound hard. Amitryptyline? I’d love some to help me sleep!! I do hope you get answers.
❤️❤️❤️ thank you.

Yes that's it! I find it helps to get rid of the chronic pain at night, and it's great for helping me relax. 😘😘

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 22:49

@Wolfiefan

I’ve been there. It’s awful. But one day you can look about you and smile. And feel joy. Hang on in there.
@Wolfiefan 😘😘
Mumaof2dds · 27/12/2021 22:58

Mums out there who have been single and then move in with new partner of 3 years. Found it easy at all?

wildthingsinthenight · 28/12/2021 01:03

1am hugs for you all❤
This thread has been a big help to me not to feel so alone with it all

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 28/12/2021 01:47

Me too. I've only just arrived but so lucky I've found this wonderful thread. ❤️

Fishflakes · 28/12/2021 09:11

Thank you for all the kindness in this thread, I needed to see this. I wish everyone healing and feeling well.x