Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Checking in to see how everyone's doing

Zoo how are you?

Despite the weather the beach, go ape and school shoe shopping were OK.

skip burned out tbh

Dd2 still awaiting to hear if accepted on sociology,has acute health anxiety and needs constant reassurance every niggle couldn't be covid as we don't really do anything but shop/go on walks.i spoke CAMHS consultation line which prompted a call from key worker who was I felt very defensive about fact DD feels bullied not heard."i suppose I could chase medic if you like" I struggled not shout or swear at her from pure frustration given I've just explained how unwell she's become.its like bang head against a brick wall. .

Youngest DD spent past 4days in bed with major gut pain.experience says stress related.i guarantee its regards school re opening.nothing can do there but offer anything will eat and mints/buscopan

DS gone completely off piste.attempts keep him doing low-level amounts schoolwork over summer has crash n burn.he rarely doing any of his routine stuff.everythings an argument

LEA still not returned calls regarding education for two week interim between paperwork signing for the school they chose and term beginning(meet on 15th sept all be well at local church)Sen support services said she had email that senior staff on hols,and gave to wait their guidance.that was 3weeks ago.

Mediation via teams is on 7th sept.next TAF is 16th sept,so lots coming up which always leave me feeling judged and stressed

I wish I didn't have send them back,based on the impact anxiety levels for all and that there's no way they'd do covid tests as struggle enough opening mouths for dentist...
I have acute anaemia and am already breathless,run downwith crap immunity and have palpitations.i suspect if I get it things won't go well and no one else to care for them

Oh Zoo, I'm sorry to hear you are all struggling and DD3 is physically unwell. Is there anything I can do to help?

Can you complain to the Head of Service about DD2 not receiving adequate support? I hope she hears from sixth form re sociology soon.

For DS write to the Director of Children's Services at the LA saying you have had no reply to your emails/phone calls about arrangements to ensure DS receives appropriate education and SEN provision from the beginning of term and the matter is becoming increasingly urgent. If you don't hear from them with arrangements within a week you will be forced to start Judicial Review proceedings.

The LA are responsible for ensuring provision in the EHCP is received and for providing education to those out of school, so they should be providing interim provision. If they don't you can force them to.

You don't have to wait for senior staff to be back, there will be someone there who can make decisions. SEN Support shouldn't tell you to accept that. I wouldn't bother with mediation, just get the certificate.

TAFs shouldn't make you feel judged, is there anyone to support you?

Covid tests aren't as bad as many make out. DS1&3 struggle with the dentist and are under the specialist community dentists but they have always coped OK with covid/similar type tests.

Good luck with mediation tomorrow Zoo.

I hope those who have returned to school haven't found it too traumatic, and it isn't too difficult for those returning tomorrow.

DS3 has had a few meltdowns about school. I had a long conversation with DS2&3's SENCO at the beginning of the week that was useful, followed by phone calls from DS2&3's teachers to discuss their needs. The same afternoon we met DS3's 1:1 in the school playground and DS3 and his 1:1 went to look at his classroom. School are going to get DS3 reassessed by the EP and OT because his reports are several years old now and he'd benefit from reassessment.

I find this time of year difficult which always shows in DS1's anxiety levels.

Skip it's AWFUL here with capital A
First day backdd2 was on lav til last sec with nervous bum,shake and cry all way there and I end up having get member staff escort her in.both came out withdrawn and miserable.after 6months of 2m distancing,wear masks wash hands at ever turn it's all now here santuse your hands with gel,wear maskin corridor and crack on.both girls simply hate it and are very unhappy.youngest scored very high on depression with RCAD scale had be prized out bed Saturday morning where she was lay in dark rub soft blankie to her face on verge of tearsdd2 had yelled at me all but constant and had multiple extreme panic attacks.im exhausted by it all

DS rev up in their anxiety vibes and motion school may be on the horizon for him

We have out last interview with psychiatrist on Wednesday through teams and may have his "diagnosis" by the end of the week.IASS felt be better attempt to halt mediation til this is done,but LEA aren't responding emails about that or D's lack education currently.meduator wasn't keen to cancel but seems daft go ahead on plan that'll likely change a lot come end of the week...
How are you feeling now things are opening back up,esp as you had a shielder at home for so long?

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I am not surprised you are exhausted! Sorry to hear the girls haven't coped well with the return to school. Was going in on Friday slightly easier for DD2?

Have you threatened Judicial Review? If you have get in touch with SOSSEN who can help with a pre action letter. If you haven't threaten JR, most LA's sit up at the mention of judicial review. I feel IASS are letting you down. Mediation is pointless, your LA are unlikely to play ball and you will end up at tribunal to get a decent EHCP. Even though you are awaiting confirmation of diagnosis you could be submitting your appeal to SENDIST while waiting.

I am terrified. DS2&3's school have been brilliant and have put a lot of adjustments in place for them. Individual risk assessments. The arrival/pick up arrangements are so they don't come into contact with others. DS2&3 are positioned in class so they aren't as close to others as some seats. The school will let me know if anyone in the school tests positive, whereas normally it would just be their bubble... But I am still anxious.

I'm also waiting for the comments from parents that DS2&3 shouldn't be in school because they have a cough. They cough because of their medical condition and wouldn't be in school at all if absent for their normal coughs.

DS2 had a tantrum last week because I wouldn't let him go to a sleepover. 6 boys, 3 other family members, 4 bed house. Too big a risk in my view, not to mention against the rules, but he thinks I was unfair.

DD2 is going back to university too which has made me even more anxious.

I have a counselling session this week. Not solely because of school, as I said I find this time of year difficult (DD1's birthday), but I do plan on discussing it. I'm still trying to tell myself we live with risk every day and this is just an extension of that.

No doubt many think I am overanxious but they don't live my life. When they live with DC with a LLI and have already buried a child then they can judge me.

Sorry that was really long and rambling .

skip I think you are responding much better than I would to the circumstances you live in every day.i don't doubt you love you family with everything you have and do what you think is best for them.id be terrified to let them out of my sight right now,I have moments like that already and mine don't have LLI.you have every right to be anxious and I'm glad you are looking for outside support
Is September her birthday,may I ask how old she would be this year?(obvs if it's too painful please ignore me) I find talking of those I've lost has become very important as I was not allowed mention my mum after she died and now 30 years(in Dec) later I barely remember anything and that hurts so much

Well mediation was ok.mediator step in and warn LEA (as they were harping on about why I'd not made these specific comments previously) we had agreed not to argue historic differences and concentrate on moving forward.IASS spoke predominantly for me and the action plan is for LEA go back ed psychologist who wrote report the plan was written around and as her be more specific in both her assessment and recommendations as we have neuro assessment Wednesday,with possible outcome phone call in under 14 days,we been given 28days submit the report to LEA to consider how that will change things.
They(LEA) query whom was doing test and was indignant wasn't someone they knew and demand know where was based.luckily Sen support has spoken to them and could say where was based and is new.
Clearly LEA don't like be on either back foot or not 100% in control.oh well.hard cheese!

Dd2 still not managing well.snapoed all weekend at me,between massive panics and tears.we NEED THOSE BLOODY ADs.camhs really do take me over the edge and back again...youngesthas

had gut issues resurface.spoke paediatric nurse at our doctors today.she look her notes and comment on be assess ASD and increase anxiety does mess gut signals.shes restart laxido and mix other meds so no school few days whilst tweak them.also doesn't help refuses drink til evening as won't use a school loo.EVER.never has

Today's meet has really set D's on edge.

Looking forward to just wrap myself in blanket later and try sleep as at least a little break from it all

I hope you manage to get some sleep.

You are so right! LAs hate being challenged and on the back foot. They like parents who accept what they say and go away, being challenged means they may have to part with more £££. I am pleased the LA are going to ask the EP to tighten their report, it should have been done before now. Section F can only be as specific and quantified as the reports that inform it. I hope the neuro appt has the outcome you want. Is that to get the ASD diagnosis?

Fingers crossed altering meds helps lil zoo. Gastro issues are often a comorbidity of ASD. Can you probe what it is about the school toilets she doesn't like? Would it help to be allowed to go during lessons &/or using the disabled toilets?

DD1 would have been 26 last week. The lead up to it and the period afterwards are difficult. As time has passed others move on and fewer people mention DD. Her friends are now working, getting married, buying homes, having children... all things DD1 never got the chance to do.

I am sorry you never got the chance to speak about your mother and share memories. I love hearing others memories of DD1, there's always the hope of hearing something new - which is very precious. I'm never sure I get the balance right. DS1 can not cope with talking about DD1 but DS3 in particular does mention her.

DS' and DD2 need to live a normal a life as possible. As much as I wish I could wrap them up in cotton wool I can't let my anxiety hold them back. For a start DS2 would rebel. We live everyday life knowing DS' may pick up an infection that could cause just as much, if not more, damage as Covid19. I try to rationalise that the judgements we're making about Covid are just the same as the ones we make for other potential infection risks day in day out. Evidence is limited but suggests children with their condition aren't at as high a risk as first thought.

DS3 spent hardly any time in class today. It was too noisy and annoying apparently. So long at home is going to make reacclimatising to a noisier, busier environment difficult for him. We need to make sure being out of the classroom doesn't become habit. DS3's response when his 1:1 was telling me was "I don't mind."

Zoo hope the appointment goes OK.

DS3 has had difficulty transitioning into school yesterday and today. He hasn't been too bad once settled in school and has spent more time in the classroom, but drop off and the initial settling in period have been tough.

Brotherly tensions were running high this morning after DS2, brimming with compassion as ever , scowled at a crying DS3 to "stop being pathetic and just get over it" when getting out of the car this morning. We will be having words this evening!

Did anyone watch Monday's BBC panorama? It is a blood boiling (and a little disappointing because there's so much more that could have been included in a longer episode) watch for anyone with a DC with an EHCP, going through the process or thinking about applying.

I didn't see it skip
Hope the brotherly love is simmered down a bit tonight

App went ok,she needs do a second one next week as curious I didn't spot many things like return smiles as a baby were ok,and some eye contact but it failed off as got older

Zoo they are determined to prolong DS' assessment aren't they? Panorama is worth a watch. I hope DD2&3 are gradually finding school slightly easier each day.

Once settled DS3 had a good day at school. Everyone is asleep now so can't have been too bad a day.

skip will have to see how dd2 is today.she was really struggling last night as she didn't eat all day at school and had 2 lots propranolol.wasvery dizzy which increase anxiety.she spends all day to appear ok,exhausting herself too😔

Btw Lea are refusing offr schooling saying schoolthey name in plan responsible.sen support emailed them.no response.if they fail offer anything for the 14 days of new term will they then have broken law?

Hello. I am just going to post quickly to introduce myself and will catch up with the thread later as I need to get ready for work. I posted in teens but didnt get much response.

Dd aged 14 was u der CAMHS last year for self harming. Tested for ASD which came back as 'Traits'. We all moved on as she seemed to have stopped it. This week all hell has let loose with the return to school. She is self harming every day and her arms look awful. She has admitted that she has daily thoughts if suicide and has for years. Also that she attempted to kill herself last year when she was seeing CAMHS bit did not tell anyone. My GP was great and is trying to get her seen again. I feel like I am on a knife edge as no idea how to handle it.

I suspect she has OCD, with the intrusive thoughts being the obsession. The compulsion is the self harm. I dont know, but just trying to work it all out.

Hi Sara2000 I’m sorry to hear your DD has been struggling so much. My DD 9 wasn’t considered for CAMHS as her anxiety wasn’t considered serious enough (believe me, it was) but we have found excellent help privately with a child psychiatrist and therapy sessions with a child psychologist. There are some very knowledgeable Mums on this thread with lots of experience of CAMHS for their D.C.

Sara welcome.thay sounds very hard indeed and I can totally understand how stressed you are right now
If you are concerned she is likely to try suicide again imminently please take her to a+e for assessment.have you access to CAMHS crisis team or the camhs lines at all?
Many anxious children have found the return to school extremely hard as during lockdown most of their triggers are not causing daily stress and it's been a huge shift having to deal with others again,busy environment,lack of constant control,noise etc
In amongst all of this it's very very important to slot in a few minutes for yourself.you plug in you phone to keep it running,don't neglect yourself.i realise this is hard.i have three DC with varying levels of need and live alone with no real support except an older DC who lives her partner,whom I don't like to lean on.since I started this thread I've learned the value of me time.for some that's reading a book,having a bath,exercise.even 5mins locked in bathroom with favourite chocolate bar can lift mood and keep up ticking over.
Do you have to support?have you any other DC?

Sara welcome. I echo what zoo said. If you think DD is at risk or you can't cope take her to A&E and if needed use the crisis line. And don't forget to look after yourself.

Was DD assessed for ASD by someone experienced in assessing girls?

Roxie I hope DD is continuing to improve.

Zoo, the LA are already failing to meet their statutory duty. The ultimate responsibility for providing what is in the EHCP and educating those not in school lies with the LA. If you haven't already done so threaten Judicial Review. If you have you will need to send a pre-action letter. SOSSEN may be able to help you with that.

I hope DD2 doesn't feel quite so dizzy today.

Another difficult transition into school for DS3. I pre-warned DS2 that if he commented he wouldn't be allowed on the x box this weekend. DS1 is a ball of anxiety this morning too, didn't say a word to the tutor or physio, and I haven't worked out why yet.

Thank you all. CAMHS called today for an initial assessment and she has been referred to tier 3 CAMHS. They gave me some emergency numbers if I need it. I am hoping things might settle down a bit. I dont think she will do anything, but I don't know as she is stressed and I am worried about her flipping out. I will have a proper read of the thread later.

Hi everyone
Sorry i have been missing for a while. I can see everyone is coping / not coping as best they can.
DD started a new school. They have been really good. She is still struggling and she has attended around half her lessons. Every morning is like groundhog day but some says she has come out and it hasn't been so bad so I think that is actually good progress. She has enjoyed some things.
She even picked up a book last night rather than a switch which is the first time I've seen her read in a very long time.
So, babysteps.
New medication has really helped. As has a new puppy.

skip big love and hearts 💕 for your daughter. Grief is a lifelong thing that can impact in many ways.

Waves at zoo

Hello all. Things have not really calmed down much here. Dd cur her arm yesterday and today. I finally told DH rhe extent (with DDs permission) and he has rather unhelpful stormed off into another room. Hes impossible to speak to as his default is to her angry and walk away. He thinks we should skip CAMHS and get DD seen privately. Have any of you done this? How do you find someone and should it be a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

I am also more convinced DD has ASD. She was tested last year and they said she has traits, but I really think that's it.