Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Dd has just started taking vit d and iron as the paediatrician said she might have to have injections.
Need to wait and see what the test results say. I think she is malnourished. Same weight as a year ago really

Anne do you know how long wait for results will be?

How's everyone with the announcement yesterday

All hell's broken lose here is dd2 gone to bits idea multiple tests a week and masks all day.health anxiety is crippling her and she's had no contact from camhs in over a month(no support in over 2) time to accept we are on our own and hunt for a decent re commended book
Lil zoo sees no need return as excels at home and eats SOMETHING.return to school will be no food or fluids til 430 each day
DS freaking out about change timetable we got yesterday as school prepares reopening.chnge is very hard with him.and the fear grows closer he may have to return to a school environment.21/2 years in,I'm concerned his last couple of years of education are going to be most stressful of our lives fighting constantly.i do not have the strength for any of this

Hi there ladies. Long time since I’ve been on the thread. Had to focus on another child. Having a bit of a nightmare time. My ds is 17. Long crappy CAMHs story but he’s suffering from extreme anxiety snd depression. Depression caused by continuous OCD. He’s on Fluoxetine and BB. Had a real relapse, new counsellor and we feel they’re just not interested.I’ve emailed with my concerns and got an emergency appointment with his counsellor( who is a manager) and his psychiatrist. Just been told they want me to be in for the first 20 mins and then leave. The thing is he is practically mute in the sessions and doesn’t retain info at the moment. Want to know what is said re any change of medication.I also don’t trust the motive. Can they do that? Can I request to stay? Ds won’t care either way.

day I don't have answers,but didn't want to read and run.i suspect skip will know.
With doctors generally signed note agreeing to your presence/being able to help on their behalf is possible..I get very short shift from camhs if I try to speak when they ask a question.dd2 won't say how it is afraid of judgement(not that they bother.shes had no contact in 2months)
Have you got anyone to turn to in RL to offload it all.please talk with someone,us if you would rather not discuss it with those around you.its a huge worry to be trying to manage

Is it normal for really poorly 17 year olds to see the psychiatrist on there own?

Their

Day and scribbly - as our children get older they will be treated with more autonomy and medical professionals will expect to see them independently. My 14yo saw a psych partly on her own last year. It didn't work out because the psych didn't listen to the advice I gave about how to get through to her.
You can force a psych to do anything. You can make a request, with your reasons, but the child is the patient and they may feel that seeing them independently is better.

I used to go back in for 5 minutes at the end so the psychiatrist could tell me about any medication changes, inform me of the next appointment date/time and anything else he thought I should know. Maybe you could request the same.

As Anne and Roseau posted, it's normal for DC, even much younger DC, to have some or all of the appointment alone. Like Roseau, at F2F appts we rejoin for the last 5mins. Refusing may raise questions.

Remember day patients and inpatients meet without parents, and DC with long term physical health conditions are encouraged to take more responsibility in the years leading up to transition, including being seen alone for part or all of the consultation.

Zoo don't forget DS' EHCP can last until 25.

I'm unsure about the return to school. DS2 needs social contact and the longer DS3 is at home the harder going back will be. But, DS1 is shielding and DS2&3 wouldn't have been removed from the CEV list if they were adults.

@DayB1Day My DD is 13. We had the first CAMHS together (me, DD and counsellor) but DD didn't want to participate, she left the room after 5 minutes, I briefed the counsellor on the situation, and then the counsellor talked to DD 1:1 in the end as well for 5-10mins. From then on CAMHS offered a choice of counselling sessions with or without a parent present and my DD preferred to do counselling alone, which I am supportive of. We had an online grooming incident to unpack, sexual identity struggles and other stuff that's very private so I understand that having a parent in the room whilst discussing this stuff may actually be unhelpful. Our counsellor briefed me on things I should know about (such as suicidal thoughts) separately. I had no issues with this approach. It came across as professional to me, and in the best interests of the child.

It went well.

They spoke to us both first. Then ds alone for a long time and then me at the end.

Worked really well.

That's brilliant Day. It must be a relief.

I don't know about you but sometimes I overthink things in the build up to appointments.

Glad it went well day

Hope everyOne is having a good weekend.

How are your children feeling about going back to school? DD admitted last night she is scared in case she has a big panic attack. She had one so bad 3 weeks ago we had to take her to a and e. She was screaming and terrified. TBH I'm also concerned although trying not to show it.
I've told her that whilst we need to be concsious of her anxiety she needs to not be scared of doing things. God that sounds trite. I'm hoping we can phase her back in on a reduced timetable but she is Y11 so quite important that she is in school.
How are you preparing your kids? Do you have any tips for anxiety management whilst they are in class/school.

Not much advice I am afraid, DD13 also worried.
Spoke to school and they said for first week back they will still have the expectation she goes in 3 days a week 10.30-2 and be in the learning base (SEN area) rather than lessons, with the aim to gradually increase and reintergrate to class.
She isnt managing 3 days 10.30-2 atm so not sure how well it will go have to play it by ear, luckily school is supportive but we really need to try and get DD well enough so she can function within school and other areas of life, just seem to be treading water.
She had her first (virtual) appointment with CAHMS on friday for anxiety, they are going away to come up with a plan of action so not sure yet what help will be offered, I asked if she could see CAHMS child and adolescent psychiatrist to take over the medication that has been privately prescribed, but although they agreed her medication was essential to her and were aware of the private doctor she had seen and had worked with him previously they weren't sure if she could see one of their psychiatrists instead. I got the impression that actually they would be happy for us to continue to that route privately which was a surprise as I thought they would want it all "in house" but I suppose it saves them money- but not us! It is so expensive and we only went private out of desperation. They said they could ask the GP to continue her prescription instead but GP has already told me more than once he can't prescribe this sort of medication to under 18s, I'm sure he will if to directed by CAHMS but what happens if dosage needs changing or it stops working or she has side effects- Who would we go to then?
They also said she might not be ready for therapy so Im concerned they wont actually offer anything at all!

runner if she has side effects to a med/issues you have to speak to the original prescriber,g.p won't have the clout to get involved as they cannot prescribe it without say so from those who have the authority

Five no way on earth dd2 going back yet.school have been fantastically supportive.they offering try continue live stream some lessonand whilst long term want her back recognise now isn't the time.also offered one to one tutor to help catch up sociology missed,which will just leave English to catch up independently

Had some good news toady, DD13 has been awarded DLA
Without this thread it would never have occurred to me to apply for it, so thank you everyone who posts here and offers support and advice, it does make a difference!
DLA will definitely help if we need to continue with private help as CAHMS seems so crap, still waiting to hear back from them with their recommendations from her appointment on Friday. Her early help worker came round yesterday and told me not to hold my breath as she said CAHMS will only offer 6 CBT sessions for anxiety and they need evidence that the young is ready to fully engage with CBT, which is a joke as if the young person was ready to fully engage they wouldnt be ill enough to get past the referral process-the last bit is what I think not what she said!
Anyway j
ust wanted to say thank you to whoever recommended DLA I think it was zoo, but may have been skip but thank you whoever you are!

@Runnerduck34 that's great news

@Stilllivinginazoo I'm glad your school is so supportive. We've had a zoom with head of year. They seem really keen on the slowly slowly approach which I'm pleased about. DD is going in for just mornings next week so we'll see how that goes.

Runner* that's fab news!
Five great to hear another school that's supportive.its so hit and miss,hold tight to a good one!

I've had a call from parent carers that I've been referred into.theyve now email me a load info what's on offer.if all I want us ring n offload occasionally that fine,or I can book this weekly,fortnightly whatever...good to know I've got another valve to let it out other than hereand head learning needs to go to head and discuss best approach forwards.i do not believe returnings currently in best interests,and a phased return when time is right will be necessary.ive had covid booking test times for both girls today.asdume systems just booked them in automatically

Zoo thats so good you now have a source of support, I really hope they can help.
Its good news your DC is finally in system for help with ED, but desperately sad there is a 3 month wait, usually the time you've got this far you've been trying to get help for ages, If DC loses any more weight/gets worse do contact them and see if they can bring appointment forward.

Runner brilliant news. Consider asking for a mandatory reconsideration if the award is lower than MRC/LRM. HRC would be a bonus. If the DLA award is at least MRC and you or DH earn less than £128pw after expenses you can apply for carer's allowance. If you claim CTC/UC or housing benefit inform them too. Also check to see if you are eligible for a family fund grant and apply for a carer's grant via your LA.

It is surprising CAMHS are happy with DD receiving private care alongside their care. Although I would be suspicious it's because they are planning on discharging using the excuse DD won't engage when it is really can't.

Push CAMHS to take over medication. If they accept DD needs medication she must be reviewed by one of their psychiatrists. Remind them NICE guidelines state medication alone should never be used in children and YP, it should always be alongside therapy. If DD can't engage they need their adapt to help her.

Did you apply for an EHCNA? MH provision can be included in EHCPs.

Five can DD visit this week whilst school is quieter. Does DD have a time out card? DD may feel less anxious if she knows she can leave a situation if she needs to. Does she have somewhere quieter to go at break and lunchtime? Prior warning of changes/what they will be covering in lessons. A key worker to go to when anxious. Noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders. Laptop. Copy of notes. Fidget/chew toy/elastic band on wrist. Think about where DD is sat in classes. Are there any trigger lessons? Exams may have been cancelled but if they are doing tests DD should have access arrangements. What are DD's organisational skills like? You should consider applying for an EHCNA.

DS1 has an EOTAS package but DS3 has ASD and an EHCP. Last week we met with his TA. They went through what going back to school will be like/the timetable for the first week and ran through the first days lessons. After that DS3 and the TA went to walk around the school and take some photographs. This week DS3 is going back to spend a hour with the 1:1 and teacher. Judging by September I'm expecting lots of tears and not spending much time in the classroom to begin with - too noisy/busy compared to home.

Zoo good news from parent carers. Have a look at the Masipan criteria, if DD is triggering any of the criteria ask the GP and EDS if that is OK - it won't be, they won't be able to give that reassurance or record that they are happy with DD3's presentation and it will trigger earlier help.

Oh and Runner you should ask for an assessment by the disabled children's team for DD and a carer's assessment for you. Model letters here and here respectively.

@Runnerduck34 - well done getting DLA. My employer mentioned it to me at one point but I dismissed it at the time, and probably for a good reason. Looking at this form now,...... and if I tried to fill it in when my DD was in a full-blown crisis, the form would have most likely killed me!

Did you get someone else to fill in the bit called "Statement from someone who knows the child"? I suppose you did. Just means it's quite a job, that form!

I just separated from my ex, is there anything there about the father of the child? I hope I can fill it in without his involvement.

My main worry is juggling work and parenting. Like most of us, I can't afford not to work or cut my hours but DLA could mean I can request some unpaid time off work when it's needed. If it's only one or two days a month, it'd be so worth it.

I think CBT is great but yes you definitely have to engage. I'm sure my DD wasn't able to engage in it last year, but I wonder if it's worth asking about it now when she's better. I know my counsellor was hoping for us to have family therapy but again at the time we discussed it, it was too early / not possible. I've not talked to DD's counsellor for ages because she was off sick with covid and then on phased return so had very limited availability since Christmas, so not really sure what her view on things is right now.

secret form asks nothing about dads who don't live at home