Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Zoo, Brick Church sounds brilliant. Well done to DS for going, he did better than mine. DH took DS2&3 to a sports session this afternoon and when they were getting ready DS1 announced he "was not leaving the house under any circumstance." DS1 and I have had a really lazy day, and I have spent far too long on here. Could you give DS some scripted conversation starters?

Masters, I don't know if you have heard of them, but SENCA is a charity that provides SEN advice in NI. The school should be supporting his autism and anxiety, if they did then his anxiety at home may be lower.

Didnt manage to get dd in for anything other than a meeting with SSO today. She wants to change class and thinks that will fix everything. They think she won't cope with the changes involved. Not sure I will get her in tomorrow.
Feel stuck.

Anne

Not great day here either-camhs basically blew dd2 out.our initial.assessment was about half hourand she seems only be interested if she self harm/suicidal thoughts as not she happy let school deal with it,despite complaining about potential quality of counselling and suggesting self refer local service
Put on (long) wait list anxiety group for me n her to do together
I was annoyed as she admitted her anxiety effects all areas of her life yet felt school could deal with it...
I wasn't expecting a miracle,but I was hoping for a safety net..she said we could ring and speak camhs clinician if very concerned.im very concerned NOW I wanted to shout at her,but I knew by look on face talking anymore was futile
Dd2 distraught and low

In other news D's did his vaccines today.was scared silly but did it bless him.he screw up face and crush my hand,second one slight groan escape lips

So we have had a bit of a win. Called them at lunchtime to say I was trying to get her in and they said well if you can get her in we have a new timetable for her new class her and we want to talk it through with her. Dd got going straight away. She is excited about the change and feels they have listened to her.
She is starting to worry about little things like will they sort the IT out :/ but they are going to spend the next 3 days introducing her to new teachers so hopefully she will be good to go after half term. Wish us luck!!!

Good news, Anne - wishing you luck!

Good luck Anne🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

DS visited outreach classroom today.iys a room with a u of tables iniddle facing whiteboards and round edge are "pods" desks with a board in front and wall at side.they are along two walls so you can only see children on one side facing into classroom.thry can decorate board in front as each pod is only used by one child.there were fairy lights around one,and pics pet dogs and drawing in another.he like look of a pod!we went after school was done for the day so was only a teacher,plus tutor he knows there
Quiet on way back,think bit under weather from.vaccines but he can neither grasp concept of what that means or verbalise feeling "odd/strange"he still wanted tea

Dd2 not had a good day.shes in frenzy without a phone she can text onand no tictok dancing to distract with things aren't good.it maybe a long night......

Dd2 new phone came yesterday.stressed as not a well known brand how to use it...
She spent most yesterday at school.in head learnings office.they did fill in a college application and she's encouraged her to sort 6th form one,they chatted options and with bit wrangling she filled it out today and I sign to go back as tutor needs to sign it off before half term.shes chosen history,English and psychology at school.criminology course at college
DS had camhs medic yesterday.hes been given sleep medsidea of take it as much as can convince him to but ok if not every day in bid boost sleep hoping that makes his capacity cope in daytime bit better
They want him on ADs too as progress is so slowhe's dead against idea. bit worried

Anne, how did yesterday go? I hope the move will help.

I'm sorry you didn't get anywhere with CAMHS for DD2 Zoo. Her school sound supportive. I'm glad the outreach visit went well. When will he start to transition there?

DS1&3 take melatonin. For DS3 it works well, his problem was waking in the night rather than getting to sleep. It isn't as helpful for DS1. His sleep is still dreadful (it was the reason I joined these threads), but it did improve slightly with melatonin - ADs help too. We are still looking for someone to help us with bedtime after running out of ideas to try and sleep clinics refusing referrals. Can DS articulate why he doesn't want to take it?

AD wise DS1 takes Mirtazapine, which is used for PTSD in specialist care. We tried Sertraline before the specialist trauma CAMHS team were involved - it didn't work. We saw much improvement in DS' swings from high to low and back and his self injurious behaviour reduced after reaching a stable dose. We are just thinking about changing medication.

Difficult week here. I visited a secondary MS independent school yesterday. I say MS but it has a number of pupils with SEND. It left me deflated. DS1 wouldn't cope in MS, even one that wasn't a typical MS.

one it's heartbreaking/soul destroying trying to find a good educational setting.you have my sympathies and support for that

Think he feels he's losing control takes something help him sleep,couple with might have side effects etc...

Surprisingly I've had a call from camhs about DD anxiety group.we are being vetted to see if we are suitable
Going in Thursday next week

I hope DD2 is accepted on to the group sessions.

Is DS able to rationalise that melatonin is a natural hormone that everyone produces? And that because of his ASD he doesn't produce enough for him to have sufficient, good quality sleep. And, taking the melatonin tablets/liquid will give him enough to improve his sleep, and if he does that he will feel better during the daytime too. If he's not able to rationalise giving it a go, for something like this I am not adverse to bribery.

I think we are going to have to go down the "incentives" route one he's not taking on board rational arguements...

Hi, just found this thread and as I have no one in real life to talk to it’s ideal.

I have one dd who is 15 and in year 11 and since September her anxiety levels have been ramping up, she’s self-harming, I only know officially of two occasions she cut herself because she ended up in hospital as the second time was pretty bad, she had cut all down her arm about 20 times, that was the first time I found out about it, dd won’t talk to me about it at all, but I was called into the school this week because they are seriously worried about her they mentioned she is still cutting.

She also has total meltdowns at school, they called me in this week because she was called out of class to go to speak to the school counsellor and she refused to go, she started crying hysterically on her knees and scratching at the carpet in distress.

I struggle to imagine this as at home she is totally different, I don’t see the high anxiety, she spends loads of time with me and we do lots together, and yes sometimes she snaps at me but overall she’s easy to live with.

Additionally she is refusing to go to see her dad (we split up 4 years ago) so I am trying to be the go between there as well.

We’ve had an initial assessment with CAMH’s and they have referred her for group therapy and individual counselling but that’s not until May - after the start of her exams.

I live in absolute panic and fear at the moment, the school were talking to me about her accidentally seriously harming herself because her cutting is all round her wrists but CAMH’s didn’t seem too concerned, just said to put anything sharp out of reach. Next week is half term and she will be on her own revising while I’m at work so I will live all week in dread.

Sorry, that was long.

I should also say she has chronic fatigue syndrome, she’s had that for two and a half years, it makes her sleeping really bad and anxiety makes it worse and the it becomes a downward spiral.

indispairwelcome.sadly it's a sorry state of affairs with overstretched services not offering support so desperately needed
Do you have other children?my dd2 is 15,ramping up anxiety as exams approach.its very hard on them
I don't have answers,but there's always a listening ear here.if you are concerned for her safety you should have a number to speak to a camhs clinician,seriously concerned she's going to hurt herself badly take her to a+e.im sorry you don't have anyone to offload in RL.theres always someone here

1hop thanks for the advice re carers discount. I have phoned the council office to ask if I could get a discount because DD claims PIP and they didn't mention carers discount, but I'll call again next week and see if it is available where I live. I still haven't done the EHCP and DD has not been attending college. I do feel I've done all I can to encourage her and get her to understand why she should go, but get no where. So I have basically handed responsibility over to her regarding education. She is currently sleeping until lunchtimes, which means I get the mornings to work, which is OK. And she doesn't disturb me at night. But she's very reliant on me for food and doesn't cook because of her contamination OCD, so I need to make sure she eats enough in the time that we are both awake. She loses weight easily and lack of food increases her anxiety and she can spiral very quickly so this is something I still feel I need to be involved in.
Thankfully DD loves this kind of weather - the night she was born it was windy and the rain was lashing against the windows! I hope the weather this weekend doesn't cause too much anxiety for everyone.

Thanks Zoo, it is nice to find a community that will listen and help, even though it’s sad so many children are going through these things.

Welcome Indispair. If you ring the crisis team every time DD self harms or meltdowns like she did at school. It may get you seen quicker, and if it doesn't a) they will have a fuller picture, and b) they may give you tips on how to deal with situations. The school could also contact CAMHS to pass on how concerned they are. I understand the feeling of dread, and worry about whether you have missed moving something.

0ttilie, It is England and Wales wide, and has slightly different rules in Scotland. See here.

The discount is for you, not DD. It's a carer's discount. You become exempt, and because there isn't another adult in the house other than DD you get a 25% discount - like you would with a single adult occupancy. You can't get it until DD is 18 because it doesn't apply to caring for your own children who are under 18. If DD is also exempt because she's classed as a full time student then you would only pay 50%.

Would DD eat a meal you prepared and left for her to eat later? Even if all she will have is lots of little snacks. Or a milkshake you prepared.

Welcome whattodo
Are there other flashpoints that set her off?

Hi everyone
Been mad few days here,lots stress with them all tbh
DS is off to outreach class tomorrow for brief visit without me
Dd2 starts anxiety classes in march with me
Youngest suffering stress migraines
Not been fun

How's everyone getting on?

Welcome What. My DS has separation anxiety too, it can very intense.

Has DD seen SALT to help with her communication? Something like PECS may help if she struggles with speech.

I hope the outreach visit goes well Zoo.

We've had a busy couple of weeks. Some good days, some difficult. And some days that went OK, but I found difficult - I took DD2, DS2&3 to see a musical in London with a friend. DS1 went to respite that day. It all went OK, but it was saddening that DS1 missed out again.

Oh,what did you see onehop dd2 went London Sunday with dd1 to see sixth.loved it but found crowds and train hard

Been a really stressful few weeks, I was called into the school where they all but mentioned suicide, they kept mentioning the fact she might 'accidentally seriously injure herself', they advised me not to leave her on her own for half term (I work full time), luckily we had our appointment with CAMH's the day after I spoke to the school and after they had a long discussion with her they said it was fine to leave her, that it was school which was the real flash point for her self harming at the moment. So she was on her own for chunks of last week and at the end of the week she said she was the least stressed she'd been in a while. I did buy her arts and crafts supplies which kept her occupied.

However one of the things she has admitted to increasing her anxiety is the thought of being on her own so much over summer once her GCSE's have finished so I'm thinking of things she can do, I have some time off spread over the summer but she will have a number of weeks when she will be on her own during the day. Does anybody have any ideas, I need to take her CFS into account.