Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Secret look at the Cerebra guide for help completing the DLA form. In some areas there will be services/charities that can help fill the form in. Your ex need not know you have applied or if DD is awarded it.

You don't have to get a statement from someone else. If you do, make sure it does not harm your claim. It needs to 100% support every aspect your claim, otherwise the DWP will use it against you and it would have been better not to have had one. Do not fill the form in, give it to someone else and let them post it off. You must read their statement first. Don't delay returning the forms waiting for a statement either. I have previously sent statements from specialist nurses, hospital social worker, respite carers, school TA's and HTs. But I have also not sent one with some forms too.

If DD can't engage in CBT the HCP should be adapting their support and offering something else. Sometimes they need reminding it is can't engage not won't, and is unlikely to change without support.

DS1 can't engage in trauma focused CBT or EMDR so professionals offer other help.

never, ever again.

Secret I have just realised DD is in Y11, if she is already 16 it is PIP she (or you if you apply to be her appointee) would apply for.

Actually ignore that, it's not your DD that's Y11 but Five's DD. I need more .

Is pip for those out of education?dd2 is struggling,doesn't sleep well,doesn't go out alone,need lots prompting to get things done.wakes me at least one night a week with bad panic attacks.shes trying to keep up with at least some 6form workshes 17 in april

@1jumpforward2back, thank you for additional info, yes I am very frustrated by CAHMHS and psyching myself up for a fight, but maybe it wont be necessary -who knows! I will definitely mention nice guidelines.
will look at disabled childrens team, I have never heard pf them before, what do they do, are they helpful?

@secretofchange the form is a nightmare, as every form Ive ever had to fill out for DD13 are (cahms,nelft etc)
I should have applied for oldest DD when she had anorexia but never thought of it and didnt know I could, but the form would have definitely finished me off at that point, it requires resources and reserves you dont often have when you are caring for a child with MH problems.
Top tip, download the form and SAVE IT before entering any info, I downloaded spent a couple of hours filling it out but didnt finish it went to save it and it wouldnt save the information I had completed just a blank form so I lost everything (including my sanity) so download and save form before completing.
I did it in a couple of goes, think of worse case scenario, worse day, it can be a bit depressing. Read the guidance notes shown before the form as they are really helpful in getting you think about what extra help you give DC sometimes it becomes normal and you just dont think of it.
I got her early help worker to supply a supporting statement, that took a couple of weeks as she had to check with her manager etc
I also sent any letters or reports I had from cahms, early help, private psychiatrist. Form and supporting docs have to be printed and posted- weighed at post office for posting its so hefty! Another bind, you cant apply online.
Cant remember having to enter anything about her dad.
It is time consuming to apply but worth it.

Juggling work and caring for DD is a constant source of stress, its not easy.

Runner Secret don't use the online DLA form. Phone for a paper copy, then the claim will be backdated to when you called whereas if you do it online it only starts from when DWP receive the form. You can still type up your answers.

Runner the disabled children's team is part of Children's Services. Whether they are helpful or not depends on the team, person within the team and how much you push. Unfortunately, like with CAMHS and the LA, those with parents who know what should be done, can navigate the system and fight get better support. They can provide direct payments for support and access to respite. DS1&3 get direct payments for PA hours and we get some overnight respite for DS1.

Zoo PIP is what replaced DLA for working age adults. Nothing to do with being in education or work. DD2 (or you if appointee) has nothing to lose by applying. It is based on different criteria to DLA. It would be very difficult, but not impossible, to get mobility, but she could get care. Your problem may be supporting evidence. IMO you are more likely to get DLA for DD3 than PIP for DD2.

Without an EHCP the LA don't have to provide education to those out of education who aren't compulsory school age.

Thanks for the tip to call and request a form @1jumpforward2back . I was thinking of doing it (don't have a printer right now - just moved house) but wasn't sure it's the right thing to do to bother the Very Busy People The backdating point is a valid and useful one - I should have filled in that form about a year ago so not keen to be losing even more time due to how long it takes to write a documentary they require!

Online form is not an option right now. "The form to fill in online to claim Disability Living Allowance for children is temporarily unavailable." (From gov.uk website)

Thank you @Runnerduck34 and @Stilllivinginazoo for your support and advice also

Secret DWP rely on people putting off applying and thinking they aren't eligible. You are and you should apply. When you have completed the form if possible photocopy it before posting, it's helpful for renewals and incase it 'gets lost'.

@1jumpforward2back thanks for all the tips. DD does have a time out card but there is nowhere quiet to go to as the spaces are all COVID determined now. I've also asked about someone she could go to but it seems if she shows her timeout card , she can step into the corridor then someone from SLT will come to her. I have got her lots of fidget toys. I've got a feeling Biology might be a trigger lesson. I'm keeping an eye on that.
3 questions?
What fidget chew toy would you use( she liked chewing gum as a distraction but obviously not allowed in school).
What do you mean by access arrangements re assessments?
What is PIP? DD is y 11 and 16.

@SecretOfChange I also worry about juggling work and parenting. I worried I'm going to be constantly called to pick her up. DH has a new job and seriously busy. He's very good at sharing though.

DDs CBT is fortnightly starting next week. She has developed a stutter when anxious and a twitch. I suppose it's like a TIC.
I really hope school is okay once she's there - more thought than deed. She's definitely in a better place than 3 months ago but woke up depressed this morning. She didn't sleep well and that seems to bring her down swiftly.

Everything all of you post here is so helpful and supportive.

Five Even with Covid the school should be providing somewhere and someone for DD to go to when anxious. What if DD is overwhelmed at break/lunch/lesson changeover? The corridor isn't appropriate. How will SLT know DD needs assistance and if it's not the same SLT member whether it is the third time she's been out of class that morning or it is the same lesson 3 weeks running that's causing a problem?

You will probably have to try a few chew toys to get one that works for DD. A softer/stretchier type is likely to be closer in texture to chewing gum. If DD wants something that won't stand out as much a pen topper or bracelet may be best. DS1&3 have a pen/pencil Lego brick topper and a Lego brick necklace - although I cut the cord on DS1's as it is a safety risk. DS3 also has a fiver spitfire toy that he chews.

Exam access arrangements include rest breaks, separate rooms, extra time, laptop. Pupils should have the same adjustments for in class tests because it must be their normal way of working. Even more important if the tests are used to determine their final grade.

PIP is what replaced DLA for working age adults.

Dd2 has the Lego brick necklace.ive not seen pencil toppers,will have a look out for those!she has quite a selection of fidget toys too,and used take quiet ones in to fiddle with in class

My pp should say fidget spitfire toy not fiver .

Zoo there are loads of pencil toppers. Lego bricks are the favourite here, but there are many types - robots, hockey sticks, chess pieces, stars, people and various plain sticks. Anything to try to stop DS' chewing their clothes.

Dd2 is a nervois wreck,has been all weekend.hrr year group retuen to school today,she isn't tho
Lil zoo back tom
DS freaking as his lessons all change again,and next week it will drop back to 11/2 hrs lessons a week

How's everyone else doing?

*11/2 hours of lessons each day that should've said

I'm so relieved kids are back in school - I almost can't believe it actually happened. DD didn't want to go and would have preferred to keep hibernating from home given a choice, but I think she'll be fine and being in school will do her good.

Secret I hope DD's day wasn't as bad as she feared.

I agree, sometimes DC can't see something is in their best interests and need pushing. Given the choice DS1 would never leave the house.

There were tears from DS3 this morning. He didn't spend much time in the classroom as it was too noisy for him. Rather expected and will hopefully settle. He was exhausted by the end of the day.

Zoo what does DS' EHCP say? It should include more than 1.5hrs/day. You can challenge it if more is included in the EHCP.

We only have 6 more posts til thread goes poof
I will set up a new one and if someone with tech skills can link over to the new thread I'd be much obliged

Hello @Stilllivinginazoo, I found you. Will get reading now and join you for thread 4.

Thanks all. For those who want to carry on the conversation or to join our friendly support group, we're now here: Parents of anxious kids/teens Part 4

Thanks for opening a new thread Zoo, and for the link secret.

Welcome Pen. Feel free to jump in without reading back if you prefer.

Thanks for the link secret see you al in the new thread!

Hello everyone!
I am new to this forum and I see that there are so many posts already written that it is quite easy to get lost.. It seems all of you are so knowledgeable and doing so much to help your kids! Supermoms!
I am originally not from the UK so I am not really familiar with the system here. What is the process you normally follow if the child has anxiety or other mental health issues? Do you go to GP and ask for referrals or there are other ways which are more efficient? Do you use any applications which help you to help your kids? Want to understand how the system works here. Thank you very much for your guidance!