Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Hey guys.checking in
For all those who were getting ready for exams extra hugs as life's curve ball has topped everything upside down.dd2 had pulled up in last round of mocks but is distraught and the uncertainty has her all but rocking in a corner
News that if D's echo completed he may have to school whilst 2 sisters at home is making for a nightmare situation here!

Please ensure a little time every day is spent on yourselves mum's.our batteries will need to be kept charged for the challenges ahead

Good morning all. Things have been quite up and down here. When the theatres shut this caused a great deal of distress with DD1 saying her life was over. She has times when she is coping quite well and others when she’s very upset. I really do think that it’s the uncertainty that’s the main problem. She’s refusing to even log on to the online learning whereas DD2 has her alarms set to mimic the school day and plans to do all her ‘lessons’ at the right time! DD1 always feels better when she makes a plan for herself so she has decided to plan lots of walks so that’s a good thing.

DH is working from home so in some ways the current situation has its advantages because usually he is working such long hours he’s never home for tea time/bed time. I work for the NHS in a prison so I still get to go to work 3 days a week so that will keep me sane I think!

Here’s hoping we get through the next 3 months with better relationships with our families having had more time together and less stress rushing to so many different places. I only hope it’s not to difficult to get them back to school after all this!

BigbusDd2 has already remarked it will be harder going back
I feel for those about to leave year 11.no celebrations to look forward to.dd2 sister has a cough so self isolating and won't get chance say goodbye,and her best friends just been told they're moving to Scotland Saturday(plan had been to leave her here with an uncle) and DD distraught won't be able see her before she goes
I've got mine little books and plan doing a covid diary,like living history?it's a chance for them to express how they feel/what it's like and some thing to reflect back on in years to come once it has passed

It’s been really up and down here, DD was devastated yesterday about the GCSE’s even though they stress her so much, but the uncertainty is really causing her anxiety to shoot up, it was the thought though of her whole school support system disappearing over night that really upset her, her mood really dipped.

Luckily today the school has contacted me to say that because of her mental health issues she is classed as a vulnerable child so can still go to school, this has helped her a lot, just knowing that some of that support is still there.

Plus the school has promised them that the Yr 11’s won’t miss out on all the end of year 11 activities even if they are later. I also phoned CAMH’s to check what was available in the form of support and they were helpful.

Bigbus, DD was also upset at the theatres closing, we had 3 shows booked as a post GCSE treat, I think it felt that at that point all the good things in her life that keep her going are disappearing

We’re just going to take one day at a time for now.

Hi everyone

Assume changes have bought lots new challenges plus lots added worries to us all and for our children

I hope you are all safe and now many are home are in a position to give yourselves even a moment to yourselves
Gratitude practise in full swing here as D's struggles see positives in anything and not impressed in bananas not being available constantly.
I took him to nature reserve near our home today (girls pass over it when school is open) and we took time to watch bees warm up to fly,marvelled at a very vocal blackbird and enjoyed beautiful blossoms against a deep blue sky.

Hi, we are living in strange times.

Dd’s anxiety has actually reduced due to not having to do actual exams (although she is having to do loads of work so teachers can use it to help with grading GCSE’s) and the fact I’m now working from home.

We’ll see what happens when I need to go back to work (whenever that may be)

I hope everyone is healthy and coping well in this new world.

indispair hope things are still ticking over ok

Roll school have lent D's a computer to do the online work set.i don't know whether to laugh or cry given they left him uneducated since dec2018....the work online way over his head so they've told us to look at Sam learning(revision tool) to see what missed and crack on.yeh right.dd2 I fear is becoming very depressed,she's not sleeping,eating habits getting very restrictive and hasn't bothered get dressed,or do school work last two days as highly anxious
Go try a family time weekend then if that fails ring camhs monday to see what they suggest

Zoo, it is worth ringing CAMH’s, if nothing else just to know they are there still, I rang them last week and they said they were available to talk to by phone for either myself or dd, here they are still running drop in sessions but by phonetic, although all group therapy sessions have been cancelled.

I’m finding the whole situation really stressful,but dd’s stress levels have reduced just by being home and not having to face going out, I have no idea how this will play out long term though, I guess it’s the same for everyone, just wait and see.

Indispairit's the uncertainty of it all isn't it?
I deffo go ring camhs today.been very chaotic here try get everyone homeschooling,and into some semblance of a routine.dd2 really not picking up,so it's time to ask what else I can do

Hope everyone else who has passed thru and may be lurking us doing ok

Remember it's ok to be scared,it's the way we respond to it that counts.

And as always few minutes trying to relax/give selves a break matters

We have been getting on ok - ups and downs. I finally managed to get DD1 to log on to her school work only for her to have lots of messages asking for late assignments which nearly sent her back offline but her form tutor kindly sorted that out. The problem is that she presents well at school (at great cost) so the teachers don’t quite understand. I do have to say she’s a bit less stressed in many ways but she really can’t cope with Zoom interactions - she had a complete meltdown when a dance teacher spoke to her on Zoom.

DD2 is struggling the most at the moment. She’s in year 7 and has been given so much work to do it’s ridiculous. She’s been ploughing in with it by herself but I hope when the holidays start she’ll get a chance to catch up. All the things we usually do to give her a break when she’s stressed - cinema, swimming, shopping - are out. She’s really grumpy at the moment. I’m not working today so I’ll think of something to do with her to get her off her screen. We’ve bought a scrabble dictionary!

DS is ok but he’s usually very active so it’s a challenge. DH still has lots of work to do from home but he sets aside time to do something with DS. DS was going to school 3 days because I am a keyworker but then they said only if you have 2 keyworker parents so now he’s at home. I’m hoping if things slow down a bit they might let him back after Easter.

I’ve been walking to work which is just over 4 miles so that’s been giving me a bit of space - I miss being on my own!

I hope things are not too bad with the rest of you

Good to hear from you@bigbus

Camhs were waste of time.seny couple links and chided me for my use of language as i trying to be upbeat and saying things like everyone is a bit anxious right now,and for some they never felt like this before and are finding it very hard but we at least understand what's happening and are learning eats to come.aparently "everyone" makes it catastrophizing and I'm making things worse

@Stilllivinginazoo that’s bizarre! I would have thought that explaining that everyone is feeling anxious/finding things strange at this time would be more reassuring than catastrophising. I tell the kids all the time that it’s normal for people to get grumpy/get on each other’s nerves/get anxious and fed up when stuck indoors together for so long. We’re trying to be understanding and let things go when one person gets cross. I did not have a good day yesterday - DH is holed up working all day which leaves me basically home alone with three kids and as far as I can tell when I am out at work he does the same so they are basically ignored all day. We had a chat last night and he admitted that he has no idea about the girls’ school work. He doesn’t even feed DD1 when I’m out. I’ve told him loads of times don’t ask her if she wants food - it’s a ‘rule’ that she has to say no. But I know I am lucky that he is around and reasonably engaged with the kids. And also very calm!

Sometimes you have to trust your own instincts, Zoo. You know your kids better than someone in the end of the phone. Did they give you a number to call if things get more difficult?

Just consultation line bigbus
She was up til 230am.woke at 9 by rest us crashing around(I'd have woken her then anyways)
Sat phone 2hrs I said find something to do,she's storm upstairs so need check what she's doing now
Argued about not eating lunch as she's complaining gain weight as only eating crackers,bread n lots butter etc but refusing eat fruit n veg which is on offer today
Feels like everything's going to be an argument so LOOOONG day ahead!

I hope everyone is managing as best they can.

Zoo, sorry to hear DD2's anxiety has increased, and you didn't find CAMHS helpful.

Indispair, I hope DD's reduced anxiety has continued.

For those missing the theatre Andrew Lloyd Webber is putting musicals on YouTube every Friday - last week was Joseph and yesterday Jesus Christ Superstar. Also, the National Theatre are putting a production online every Thursday.

Sorry for going AWOL. March is a difficult time of year normally.

We have created a fairly rigid school weekday timetable and a loose timetable for weekends and the Easter holidays, which helps. DS1 has regressed but is coping OK - he doesn't mind staying at home. Though he does mind being forced into the garden every day!

DS2 is the one struggling here. Normally he's very active with many sports clubs a week, the lack of face to face social interaction and not being allowed further than the garden has made him restless. Unfortunately, DS' fall into the extremely vulnerable shielding group so can't go for walks etc. We took DS2&3 out of school a week before they closed, today is day 29 (DS3 is counting) but feels like day 2900...

Aw,bless you onehop it's very hard isn't it
DS WONT stay outside anymore,struggle get him even into the garden.try get him move at all is growing increasingly hard
Dd2 horribly restless
My MH has took total freefall last few days.avoiding all news now and FB etc.i have two threads on MN(here and a housekeeping one I've been on years that's an escape). I've come to realise how socially isolated I am,that my only source interaction is usually chatting staff in shops each day.we try not go more 3/4 X a week now(I'd hoped for twice but after dd2 had meltdown on way home from Waitrose after an overzealous security guard kicked off she was with me(I did explain she has MH issues and I've left 14yr old ASD son with a 12 yr old sister as there no other adults in my house,plus I don't drive and have bad back so can't carry much he was so rude j was very upset couple of days over it all- we try only shop a small co op and Tesco xpress,as both open at 6/7 and we can slide in very early without queueing...
Means can't get all we need but we get by!hard providing the 2+ loaves a day but we winging it

Today's plan us potter in garden try and pull myself round

Hope everyone is planning something with DC this weekend!

Life is certainly more challenging !!

Hi everyone, sorry for all the difficulties every one is having. It’s been really busy here, I’ve been working an average of 45 - 50 hours at home which is tough, it’s exhausted me and I’ve really needed this weekend off.

We’re doing a Marvel movie weekend and going through them in chronological order, currently on Ant-man.

Dd has been ok, but any thing that’s slightly stressful seems to set her back. Today it’s been her dad (who I’m separated from), he hasn’t seen her for months because dd finds it too stressful, today he texted asking if he could come and see her (from the bottom of our front garden so socially distancing), dd actually said yes and was he free then, he said no, that he was cooking dinner!!! He asked if he could come tomorrow instead.

But this is what stresses dd, all the thinking about it, now she’s already worrying, and will probably worry all night. I can’t decide if it is passive/aggressive manipulation of the situation or he’s really just that clueless (I’ve been keeping him up to date with dd’s mental health issues). Or maybe I’ve just lost perspective.

1hop thanks for the tips on theatre, I’ll look it up. We have shows booked for July and August so may still be on, although I’m not that hopeful.

zoo I’ve had to seriously reduce the amount of news I’m watching and also the threads I was reading on here, some of them made me so mad and stressed. Happy birthday to your DD, mine’s 16 in July.

Anxiety isn’t for life. You have to face what scares you enough to fight if. The only way to beat it is to remove the cause from your life or make peace. If you have the right mindset it’s possible to never have it agajn but it’s not cured by a crutch or someone carrying you it’s cured by the person with it fighting it. Teach your child that it’s an illness that it’s there because you were worried about something and it got so bad it does this. Treat it by dealing with the fear eliminating it and learning that there is nothng that bad it can’t be sorted or made to go away. Talking about it just makes it real. Realising it’s not scary it isn’t that bad means you can fight it. Facing the bad shit taking what it does then saying that’s the past means it won’t bite you

fabbychix i appreciate your right to a point of view but it's very easy to have an opinion of how it should be.and for what it's worth the implication that mindset means you can be rid of it for life you aren't taking into account many on this thread have children with ASD.this is a gentle supportive thread for those that are general exhausted caring for anxious children,often in conjunction other issues so if you intend post again please be mindful of this

Hello friends - just checking in. I’m sorry to hear how challenging life has been for everyone. No different here, I’m afraid. DC have been out of school since March 13 - some days are okay and some days are pretty difficult. I’m a city worker where I live and must stay home until early July.
Sending hugs to all xx

Fabbychix

"learning that there is nothing that bad it can't be sorted or made to go away."

That is, quite frankly, offensive. We can not turn the clock back so DD1 hasn't died. As much as I'd wish we could. We can not change the fact DS1 saw DD1 deteriorate and was in the house when she died. There is no cure for his LLI. I can't take away his PTSD. Changing his mindset isn't going to change any of that. We will 'carry' DS for as long as is needed, till he is in a position to be able to engage with EMDR. The fight/battle/warrior rhetoric is dangerous. Please stop.

You have to be in a position to be able to engage with support. MH illness is often not rational. Therefore, working through a problem as you suggest isn't a quick fix.

Zoo, I hope despite the current situation DD2 has a good birthday.

Indispair, could DD's dad communicate with you? Its difficult to know whether it is thoughtlessness or manipulative. I might have to steel your Marvel movie idea. That is something they'll all watch.

It's good to hear from you, Viking.

one hop I only wish I could do more to help lovely

Indespair having dad issues here too.he thinks kids should text him rather than him making effort.this us fuelled my suspected add/MH thinking and is causing lots probs dd,I feel like a stuck record bit nothing changes.ds happy making first move every day texting dad.youngest totally stopped bothering...

Viking lovely to hear from you.

Thinking of you all and wonder how you are managing...not only DC but our own MH. Sending hugs and chocolate xx

Hello Viking

I hope you are all ok. We are up and down. I work for the NHS so still get to go to work 3 days which definitely keeps me sane! DD1 is actually better in lockdown because there is less stress trying to figure out why people do what they do and what the rules are. DD2 is struggling though. DS is still going up school 3 days so that helps him.

I hope everyone is ok?

Viking lovely to hear from you,how's things?
Bigbus given how much anxiety most people have around lockdown/covid I find it very interesting how it's not aggrevating some of our children!dd2 hates be left alone so insists shopping with mebut doesn't find lockdown boring or stressful per se!
DS is now managing 2 solid hours of school work a day!a mix of revision tests,BBC bitesize and show my homework app for his role school,which we are allowed pick old work in topics he loves to tackle.this week hes done photography,art and english
Sleep right are starting phone consultation with us today

I do wonder how kids will be as restrictions slowly start to lift...