Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part 2)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi everyone
Our original thread filled up fairly fast so I'm offering a second one
Anyone who cares for a child/teen with anxiety can join us as a comment,or hang around
Post your worries,your tips,ask for advice,rant about your day -we understand
Also feel free to share any small victories

For those "newbies" I started this thread as my D's (12 at the time)had a sudden downward spiral into acute anxietyhe has not attended mainstream school since early September and has been too unwell(signed off by occupational therapist at camhs) to attend even part time since January
He won't go anywhere without me,doesn't have any friends anymore and has constant panic attacks/fears.
I love him to pieces but it's hardwork caring for him, especially as I have 2 other children still young enough to be living at home
We were recently told he is very likely on autistic spectrum and will be put forward for assessment

Thanks for the new thread zoo. Nice to have a place of understanding people.

You found me

Sounds so dreadful for him and you still

lambuffy when I started first thread,waaaay back end September I thought it was a temporary problem we could "fix" and carry on.he had a massive panic attack at school that saw us summoned to collect him and take to see go as his face went scarlet and his pulse was a blur to try to take as was that fast and school had never seen anything like it
Back then he wasn't sleeping well(kept hiding phone in room and I stupidly thought it was just him wanting longer on u tube videos,feather than reality was distracting himself from thoughts)and seemed bit stressed but was functioning.that panic attack saw a spiral that within a month he was wearing ear defenders for the noise(kindly suggested by other parents on here) and struggling to do part time in SENCO unit at school.it was at Xmas a staff member said to me he's here but he's not fit for anything and he seems so defeated like he HAS to be here but clock watching to leave.maybe time ask gp/camhs if they will sign him off.he started camhs in January and was signed off straight away and here we are!he's taken a while to get to know o.t and they're starting to look at ways to help.he has to practise thinking of stop(he made a stop monster) and then move his thoughts to calming things(created a calm castle,like ruins with nature encroaching thru it)
His only social contact is church,where he can't face service due to noise/lots people so he sits in hall/Sunday school and vicar comes to him for a blessing when the others go in for communion)end of service.i also take him there on Tuesdays to wellbeing group in the morning.it has craft activities and jigsaws and one lady from church he knows well comes with her dog whom he loves as he often spends his time there playing with dog.we usually manage about 20-30 minutes....

My biggest regret is not stepping in earlier to help him manage his anxiety
In past 12 months relax kids has appeared locally and that would've been a great tool had it been in my area sooner.theyre looking at starting classes for teens soon(goes up to 10 years).my youngest did one set before she got too old as it was brilliant!

Can you link to the first thread I'd be interested to read it.

My oldest DD (15) has struggled with anxiety for a long time. She's been quite seriously self harming recently and I just hate watching her like this.

She's really bright and high achieving but was ill earlier this year and just stopped working properly, it's now 2 weeks to get exams and she's really struggling to find any motivation.

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult right now ninja
Are you and DD getting some support?
I'm crap at all things technical so I can't figure out links properly.thread had same name and is in mental health section

Ds2 did relax kids and loved it

Doesn't seem to have helped, though :(

The old thread is here Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread - www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/3379730-Parents-of-anxious-kids-teens-support-thread

Thanks eust for the link

Ninja; that sounds tough, I'm sorry.
Can you ask the school to ask the exam board for special circs consideration?

I recommened bbcbitessize for revision.

Thug notes online for English lit

If there are any subjects she doesn't need to go forward, sideline them.

Such a stressful time :( ds1 is doing his this year too.

Hello everyone, I posted about 3 hours ago but my computer seems to have lost it but apologies if it turns up and there are two post the same!

Zoo thanks so much for starting and maintaining this thread - it is such a lifeline.

Eust it really does feel like everytime we take a few steps forward something else comes along to bite me on the behind! DD1 has always had no issue with school work and never been stressed about it so this is all new. DD2 is in yr 6 so we'll have another secondary transition one year after the first. DS who is 7 bought a green ribbon at school today to wear to show his support for mental health week because of what DD1 is going through. I am aware of how it affects us all. Mostly I worry that he sees all the horrible stuff but I guess he is also learning compassion and understanding for people who have mental health problems too.

We are off to the seaside for the weekend which will be nice. Goodness knows how we will get DD1 to eat anything on Friday though...

Hope everyone's day is ok.

Hi everyone, hope I’m ok to join. DS1 has Aspergers and is in Y7. He’s finding secondary hard and was stressed about it for a large part of Y6. Academics are fine except for homework but he worries a lot about tiny things like his library book being due back in a week and what if he’s not finished it by then? This affects his sleep which impacts on his mood, ability to cope etc. Have tried various counselling and considering a CBT course.

Dd had an anxiety meltdown about going to school today. Had to contact student support and warn them she might be with them most of the day :(
Not sure what kind of day she will have had.

taswama welcome
I'm moving into new territory trying to figure out how asd spectrum changes the way supporting anxiety works.are you under camhs/support network?have you other children/any support for yourselves?it's very frustrating watch them sweat the small stuff so badly

Bigbus thanks for the kind words,but alas I fear I run this thread for the sanity of myself as much as others
Having a small band of others who KNOW what it's like trying to handle a situation that others

We don’t have camhs, no. I have friends who have used it locally and the attitude seems to be autism = anxiety so there’s nothing we can do!
I have another DS who also has autism and is finding school very difficult at the moment, we are trying to find an alternative but there aren’t many options when he doesn’t have learning disabilities but I don’t think he’d cope in mainstream with a base either.

Taswana: ds2 has his first appt at cbt tomorrow.
I'll keep you updated.

I've been told by occupational therapist anxiety and asd go hand in hand but if it's over and above "expected perimeters"(whatever that means) it's an issue.ds has it above and beyond into orbit levels apparently.....

Fun and games here on Thursday as I have dd2 parents evening and no one to sit with D's.this means taking him into a school environment for first time in over 4months surrounded by year 10 girls(all girl's school) and their parentsI cannot entrust youngest at 11 to care for him at home,that's way too bigger ask for over 2hrs (she plays Xbox with him as distraction sometimes whilst I escape to local shops with dd2 for up to an hour but there's constant chance phone call we need to return,and can be home in ten mins if he's freaking out,whilst try talk him down on the phone)
The plan is to take DS Nintendo with them and play Mario party games in same room at back to distract,if he gets too stressed to move it out into the grassy areas around school that are quieter so I'm still very nearby and am hoping this will be enough...plan b is I e asked dd1 any chance can join us after work and tag team helping with D's and ask questions/taking notes with dd2 if he needs only mum
Anyone wondering where "d"p is in all of this he doesn't live with meand has his own MH issues(anxiety and depression same as me but was raised by a mother who thought he should totally focus on his own needs and it's been very very hard work trying to work around her ideals)and he will be at work and has refused ask go in late or take holiday to come along.as it's mock GCSE year I see that as a very poor show as i feel she needs to feel we are interested in how hard she works/what we can do to help her with her education.but there we are,it is what it is

Thanks zoo. She managed 2 lessons. :(
I've got her to eat something now though. That was part of the issue as she hadn't eaten since breakfast yesterday.

That's an awful long time with holding urge to cook at,you must been going out if your mindeust

*eat not cook at

She says she isn't hungry, has tummy ache. She actually got the shakes from not eating :(
So much going on in her little head. And it is 6 weeks until her first psychiatrist appointment. Too long..

Hi everyone,
I’ve been reading this thread for a while, first time I’ve posted.
I have a 17yr old DD who has been struggling with school anxiety since about year 9. I have had morning battles with her for so long now that I im exhausted. We managed to keep her attending, although with many many battles, and she achieved a reasonable set of GCSE results, but now she is at a different school and in sixth form it has all come to a head.
She has, just yesterday evening , been for her first session with a counsellor, but I am not really sure what to do for the best, I haven’t actually managed to get her to attend school at all since Easter, since Christmas it has only been 1 or 2 days a week. She is really upset, wants to go in, wants to get her A levels, prepares herself to go every evening, but then when it comes to leaving the house she is shaking and feeling ill, which doesn’t stop until we agree to leave it and I ring the school.
I am now so worried about things, and dreading the mornings, that I am not sleeping well ( worsened by the menopausal hot flushes  ). I am also really worried for my DS (14), who every day just gets up and gets himself to school and seems to just blank out all the rubbish happening around him.
My DP is not being at all supportive, he says he has now ‘given up’ on the DD, wants her to just pull herself together and get on with it.
Has anyone any advice on how to cope? Should I carry on trying to get her to go? Should I just suggest she leaves school and looks for an apprenticeship or something that makes her happier? All her issues seem to do with school, she is still seeing friends outside of school, partaking in hobbies etc.