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Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

996 replies

Stilllivinginazoo · 29/09/2018 17:19

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

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vikingwoman · 29/09/2018 17:41

Thank you for creating this thread Stilllivinginazoo. I followed your earlier thread with interest. My DS, 15, has been struggling with school anxiety, culminating in a traumatic event Thursday where the school called us as well as the police (he had mentioned harm and self harm) and was admitted to hospital for assessment. I know this is different to what you are dealing with but next step is figuring out an agreement with the school about attendance and modifying his classes. I've struggled with anxiety and depression myself and my son's situation has triggered my own mental health. It's awful - I really feel for your DS. How old is he? I am not in the UK but the good thing is that there is a lot more awareness than when I was in school. I wouldn't hesitate to try a medication if other therapies aren't as helpful.

Stilllivinginazoo · 29/09/2018 17:50

Welcome Viking I'm sorry to hear things have got so bad for your son.has his school been any use thus far?
my D's is 12,13 in Dec.we had a call from the school saying try again taking him in Monday for just 1.5 hrs a day.hes already freaking over it.i try take him to local shops this morning.he was screaming help me I can't breathe then flop to floor clutch chest like fainted(cept I knew he hadn't)he's been panicking at regular intervals all day and his heart does race as he keeps grab my hand and put on his neck..
Rescue remedy eases panic a bit but makes him feel odd as he knows he's panicky but isn't feel it as much iyswim...trying to persevere with it

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Chrysanthemum5 · 29/09/2018 17:51

Thanks for starting this. DD aged 10 (11 in a few weeks) has had a good day with no anxiety. I think it helps that she had a decent nights sleep.

Her sleeping isn't great she takes a long time to get to sleep and calls us if she wakes in the night. It's exhausting and I don't always manage to stay patient.

DD has been seeing a child psychologist (private as the waiting list for nhs was huge). If I'm honest it doesn't seem to help so far. DD comes out very positive, with ideas for tackling her anxiety - but when she's in the middle of an attack she finds it impossible to use the techniques.

We will just keep on trying!

Stilllivinginazoo · 29/09/2018 17:55

Hi chrysanthemum trying to ground them enough to use strategies is the hardest bit isn't it?I had massive parent fail and got cross whilst we were out as I have some anxiety issues myself and he was drawing attention to usSadI felt terrible afterwards but he seemed oblivious-dont think mid attack he takes on board what's been said(not that it excuses my lack of patience with him)he doesn't sleep well.
Getting to sleeps a non starter as he lays there worrying even if try read etc and that sets him up into a state.hes been nightwalker last week or so and cries out for me.i sleep badly already so I getting irritable and stressed from even less sleep.its very hard taking care of ourselves when time alone seems like a distant memory!!

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Stilllivinginazoo · 29/09/2018 17:56

*night waker

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Chrysanthemum5 · 29/09/2018 18:00

Yes it's so hard to stay calm when you're running on not enough sleep. I keep reminding myself that DD isn't enjoying the experience- but sometimes when she's crying because of something that seems so minor it's just hard.

Stilllivinginazoo · 29/09/2018 18:48

chrysanthemumFlowers

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Stilllivinginazoo · 30/09/2018 07:27

I've been woken so many times in the night I'm not sure who I am or what I'm doing.hes deffo getting stressed about tomorrow's 1.5 hours of school...

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NastyCats · 30/09/2018 07:46

Hello everyone. Flowers for you all - it's really tough, isn't it?
My dd was 11in the summer and has just started high school after a year and a half home-education as she was not coping with school. Like the PP's dd who has trouble sleeping she does too and is beyond exhausted getting up at 6.30 so we are working on that. Mornings can be horrendous.
Friday her HoY called to say she had become distressed at school. Also her anxiety seems to be coming out in stomach issues. Cahms have been zero help. The school has a good counsellor but dd refuses to try. She doesn't trust anyone and doesn't want to talk about her feelings.
Thanks for starting this thread. It is exhausting having a child with these issues and I often feel alone and, shamefully, embarrassed. I wonder if she is has an asd but without any school input cahms said they didn't have enough evidence to pursue it. It's too early to get the school to help yet as they don't know her well enough.

Stilllivinginazoo · 30/09/2018 08:04

Welcome nastycats
It's very hard watching your child suffering,managing on limited sleep and (if you are like me) wondering if it's something I did/didn't do!!
Please come and vent with us anytime.YOU ARE NOT ALONE ANYMOREFlowers

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NastyCats · 30/09/2018 13:01

Thank you, Stilllivinginazoo! It's good to know!

vikingwoman · 30/09/2018 17:16

Flowers for you all.
It's good to at least not feel so alone. You're all wonderful parents. Those who have 10-12 year olds....my DS had a few psychotherapy sessions at that age but didn't like engaging so it did not really help. We have now restarted with it three years later and he is much more open to talking. Although it may not be helpful now, don't disregard it down the road as an option.

Stilllivinginazoo · 30/09/2018 17:35

Glad to hear just because wasn't ready then he is now Viking
I took D's out with my girls to local shops today.he struggled but having made him take rescue remedy before we left I felt he coped very slightly better.he has a tendency to feel his pulse as it races and he's scared heart will stop beating.we found conkers on the way and I told him put one in each coat pockets and fiddle with them...that distracted him for a bit!!
I'm making banana chocolate muffins to a) reward him for trying and b) baking helps me unwind and how doesn't like chocolate cakes right?!

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Mrscaindingle · 30/09/2018 18:33

Oh thank goodness some other people going through something similar, we have had a horrible week with DS2 who is 14 and has had anxiety for years. It always seems to really flare up at the start of the school year, he has health anxiety which seems to be getting worse.

We had CBT through CAMHS from November to May this year with a really good psychologist but he just hasn't done the work needed to soothe himself. When he's feeling OK, which is always from May to August he doesn't want to do it as he wants to get on with his life and when he's feeling highly anxious he is too far gone for them to be effective.
Don't feel bad Stilllivinginazoo I got really angry with DS in Tesco yesterday as he started saying again that he was having a heart attack. I'm just so worn down by it as he wants reassurance which I'm not supposed to give but then end up doing so because he will essentially bully me in to it by not going away until I do it. And it doesn't actually work anyway.
Back to the GP this week I think Sad

Mrscaindingle · 30/09/2018 18:33

Oh thank goodness some other people going through something similar, we have had a horrible week with DS2 who is 14 and has had anxiety for years. It always seems to really flare up at the start of the school year, he has health anxiety which seems to be getting worse.

We had CBT through CAMHS from November to May this year with a really good psychologist but he just hasn't done the work needed to soothe himself. When he's feeling OK, which is always from May to August he doesn't want to do it as he wants to get on with his life and when he's feeling highly anxious he is too far gone for them to be effective.
Don't feel bad Stilllivinginazoo I got really angry with DS in Tesco yesterday as he started saying again that he was having a heart attack. I'm just so worn down by it as he wants reassurance which I'm not supposed to give but then end up doing so because he will essentially bully me in to it by not going away until I do it. And it doesn't actually work anyway.
Back to the GP this week I think Sad

Mrscaindingle · 30/09/2018 18:34

Sorry for double post Blush

Stilllivinginazoo · 30/09/2018 18:45

Sorry to hear you are having a rough ride mrscaindingle I hope your GP is helpfulFlowers

I decided I needed to pull back and carve in a bit(rare) me time so I washed my hair and made some muffins.then I sat and coloured with D's for a bit.feel bit more human and have some patience restored

Hope everyone gets a bit time to do something,even just a few minutes,which helps gird the loins for the week ahead!!

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NastyCats · 30/09/2018 19:21

The muffins and me-time sound lovely!

We have a very difficult relationship with my in-laws and dh took the girls over today for a rare visit which my in-laws completely hijacked with their own agendas leaving both girls unsettled. These visits usually prompt some kind of fall-out with my elder dd so I am somewhat holding my breath while absolutely seething that they treated dh and the dds so appallingly. It's a shame as dh and I each spent fantastic quality time with a dd yesterday and everyone was feeling so much calmer and happier after the school incident on Friday. Now I just don't feel ready to face another week...

I hope the GP can help, Mrs Dingle. Good luck!

Mrscaindingle · 30/09/2018 19:33

Thanks everyone, I think Viking I am now at the point of asking for medication now just to try and get some relief for all of us.

Hope everyone has a better week Thanks

Stilllivinginazoo · 30/09/2018 19:48

nastycats what a nightmare.do they have form for this?if so can you limit the damage/fallout? difficult with family dynamics I know must be extra hard on the back of what sounded like a really positive Saturday
I hope the fallouts not to demanding

Mrscaindingle you know your child best and if you think time has come for another prong to the approach I would like to think professionals will be in agreement and that it gives you some respite.it is very draining supporting an anxious child and unless you are in the trenches with it can be difficult to get across just how much it impacts everyone in home life,but especially primary carer which almost always falls in mum...

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mintymellons · 01/10/2018 14:29

Hi all,

DD 1 is nearly 13 and has been suffering on and off with anxiety for the last couple of years really. I think it kicked off around the same time as hormonal changes/early puberty coupled with a genetic predisposition to worrying.
She goes through phases of worrying obsessively about seemingly stupid things. She cannot see the wood for the trees once she gets into this mode. She jumps on small things that she overhears or reads about and then thinks they must apply to her. She has worried about all sorts of things including: if she's a lesbian (her school is very big on LGBT issues/awareness), if she's cheated on a test because she accidentally looked at another child's paper (she's very conscientious and very bright and hated to think that she hadn't achieved something on her own merit), and her current one is an all consuming fear that she might want to hurt/kill someone and what the consequences would be. She hates if she can't remember something that has passed through her mind and often searches back over things she's said or done or thought about, looking for possible errors or wrongdoing of some kind.

After dealing with it ourselves for the last few months, I finally cracked a couple of weeks ago and took her to the GP and also sought support from school.

The GP basically said to look at a couple of websites and to go back in six weeks for a review. The school have been very helpful and she is now starting counselling sessions to give her some coping techniques (hopefully).

We are very proactive at home, doing workbooks, online activities, taking supplements etc, but when she is in the midst of a worry, she is all consumed by it.

We're using a great book about dealing with unwanted intrusive thoughts (this is recognised as a form of OCD), and it is helping, but it's early days.

Stilllivinginazoo · 01/10/2018 15:33

Welcome minty
Feel free to share any recommendations of things that are working for you and your family

Bad day here with D's.wobbled all way to school.they sent us back and said chivvy cahms....oh and not to worry he's missing 3weeks of school."it's not like it's year 10-11"😒😒😒😒trying again tom 30 mins so I basically have to walk in youngest,drop him,walk round block couple times then pick him up

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vikingwoman · 01/10/2018 23:17

Mrscaindingle I agree with Stilllivinginazoo, you know your child best.
Stilllivinginazoo, so sorry it was a bad day. I'm sorry if you've already mentioned this, but has your DS had any therapy? Children's agencies should have suggestions for you. My medical clinic has a youth walk-in that supports mental health and is a warm and informal place for young people.

Stilllivinginazoo · 02/10/2018 05:33

Viking we are on waiting list at cahms(children adolescents mental health services)four weeks til we get app

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NastyCats · 02/10/2018 09:33

Hi everyone, sorry to hear everything everyone is going through. It's really good to have somewhere to chat about it. In RL people keep asking me how DD is getting on at high school and I can't say things like well, okay sometimes, but on Friday she hid under a table...

Yes, ILs are a constant cause of issues. It sounds over-dramatic but MIL is a very controlling, manipulative person and I no longer have any contact. My DDs are aware that they are not her favourite GC and the way she treats them, my Dh and me causes them stress so we try to limit visits. They continually ignore the boundaries we have had to put in place to protect us all emotionally.

DD didn't have a great day yesterday - last week she had done something enormously brave and tried out for the school play despite not really having done any drama before and being very shy. She loves Shakespeare so she wanted to try. She had a very difficult audition piece that required her to be very proud and angry (she is petite with quite a high voice) and I was amazed she even tried. She didn't get a part but her friend (who has drama lessons) did - she was very pleased for her friend but disappointed. I was really proud that she handled it all so well.

I hope that everyone gets some results soon with GPs, waiting lists, therapies and so on. Hang in there!