The Lost Souls Lounge - falling through the cracks of the MH system

[swisscheesetony]

Been "escorted" to hospital by the police chasing your ambulance?

Been told by the psych team you're fine and there's nothing they can do?

Pull up a pew and have a w(h)ine. No judgement.

My name's swiss and I'm borderline. 2 weeks ago I was taken to hospital with a police escort and discharged 12 hours later. A follow-up appointment with the clinical director of the mental health services ticked a box or two but they've no plans to see me again.

I'm off to see my new GP tomorrow to ask for help (attention seek bien sur).

If you feel uncomfortable writing that then I should probably say I'm a MH professional.

But that doesn't mean I'm one that is frightened by, have a bad attitude towards people with BPD/EUPD.

In lots of ways, that diagnosis is irrelevant given all you're going through but I also don't want anyone to think I'm invading on their 'safe space' away from MH which is why I'm being honest.

So in many ways your previous diagnosis is irrelevant but it may possibly mean that you are more vulnerable to MH problems due to lack of sleep and stress.

So with all you've been through the last few months, most of that won't change in a hurry. No-one can solve all that or make it better so you shouldn't feel like you have to or feel you're a failure for not being able to just get on with it.

Let's go back to basics. To me, basics of MH is sleep, drugs and food. If you're not taking illegal drugs then it's sleep and food. If 'drugs' means prescribed medication then take as prescribed unless you have intolerable side effects - then speak to your GP/MH team.

Eat regularly and well. Even if you don't want to. Your body and brain can't function on little nutrition. Just a little snack every couple of hours. Toast, soup, beans, a bit of cheese, a couple of eggs or a piece of fruit. Something nutritional. Whether you want it or not, think of it as taking a pill - you don't want it but it'll be over in seconds. If you get into a routine of doing it, it won't seem such a hurdle.

Sleep. You need it. If your sleep is disturbed because of BF then reconsider BF. I know that's easier said than done but your baby needs a healthy Mum and if BF is preventing that then it needs to change.

I must be so worthless. Why do other much more ill people have loving partners yet i just have people who expect things of me and judge me? why arent i as good as everyone else? Even the MH team hate m and want me dead.

And I know that lots of people will say that's all nonsense and patronising and won't solve EUPD or the awful psycological pain that the poster goes through.

No it won't. I'm not saying it will. But when someone is so, so low it's basics that are needed. It's the next few hours or days.

And the fact that I've heard her and admitted I can't make it all better or make her be the (probably unrealistic) person she wants to be and thinks she SHOULD be and I disagree with her expectations should matter I hope.

I care. I can't make it all better. I can't heal all the pain from the past or the present.

It seems so small because it is. But it's what I can say.

Laughing I don't mind there are a few people who know this name and who I am I just worry about what people will think I do it all the time and lately I just write what's on my mind to much I've shut off from every where as I worry I burden everyone.
Since I got diagnosed with eupd I have to know what I'm feeling why and that is valid as I want to be ok for the dc and Dp I've been struggling the last few months to understand why I'm like this but I don't think it's down to just bf it did start off because dd wouldn't sleep but when she does I'm still awake even though I'm exhausted.
I'm on citalopram 20mg a non regular Dr put me on it 8/9 weeks ago but my GP says I've to come off it, I think it's helped stop the suicidal thoughts I was having a few weeks ago was going to attempt one that would have wiped me out but I don't want that now I just want to feel again but I'm scared I will get back to that place.
Dd is finally asleep I don't know for how long I'm going to try sleep I don't think I will I never do lately.
Thank you for all your input.

Element so sorry

Laughing I'd rather honest answers than fake sympathetic ones, you make sense I just wish I knew to start doing what you've suggested.

I agree with all you have said,laughing at weather. I think money needs to take really good care of herself and get in touch with her gp asap.

Monkey - BF is a brilliant thing that benefits both Mum and baby. But as a HCP I know that the benefits aren't so great that the health of the Mum should suffer.

I think a diagnosis of EUPD for some people means they question every emotional response they have. That's a good thing in lots of ways. E.g my friend cancelled our night out, I think she doesn't want to see me, I'm annoying and she hates me so it's confirmed - people hate me so I shouldn't be here etc. In that situation the EUPD diagnosis is useful - using CBT or DBT...
she might be ill, it doesn't mean I'm annoying or should self - harm etc.

It's not that relevant with an exhausted BF Mum.

You've doing a great job. You've given your baby benefits. Stopping now will not damage your baby in any way.

This isn't about you finding something difficult that most people with EUPD wouldn't - this is about you finding constant BF difficult as many women would.

You're not being crazy. This isn't about your PD. This is about you needing sleep (perhaps more than women with no MH diagnosis but that doesn't mean you're a failure or whatever, it means you have a medical condition which means you need different considerations or attitudes. The same as a Mum with diabetes or epilepsy for example).

Speak to whoever is involved in your care about how lack of sleep through BF is affecting you. That includes your DP.

Anyone still around? I'm really struggling with my risperdone withdrawal.

Bless you monkey dont worry about me you've enough going on atm.

laughing everything you've said makes sense, you are v v different to the professionals I've encountered.

Gosh, monkey, laughing definitely speaks sense! Forced myself to have some dinner (cheese and beans on toast, inspired by an AIBU thread) and feeling less shite now. I dont know how to advise you but please do keep posting and know that you are not a burden, you're just snowed under and exhausted atm.

One thing, I find it helps a lot... thats going outside briefly. Bung a coat on over my pj's and walk around the block, or to the corner shop (50 metres away), or just stand in the backyard and look up at the sky for a minute. I dont know why but it sort of 'resests' my brain. And helps me feel cosier and ready to sleep when I get back. Its a huge effort to do it and usually only happens when I urgently need something from the shop... but it always helps.

Thanks everyone.

Element I do hope your ok.

Never are you ok what sort of things are you experiencing.

I'm awake (obviously wouldn't be typing if I wasn't) will reread what you've all wrote when I can focus, I am getting some sleep I feel my self dosing in and out but I'm seeing every half an hour tonight I think. Dd is still asleep as is ds so there doing well again.
I think I'm coming down with tonsillitis happens every winter, my throat hurts to swallow my heads pounding and I feel like I'm coming down with a fever just what I need before Dp goes away for 2 days.
Dp is finishing work I text him he says he will stop by Asda for painkillers and ibuprofen selfishly I'm feeling really sorry for myself tonight.

Ask him to get some of their cold/flu relief sachets. I get flu like illness a lot and find them really helpful and comforting.

You're absolutely entitled to feel sorry for yourself right now. Maybe try to to think about it like you were someone you were looking after - what would you say and do? Talk to yourself kindly, tuck yourself up in bed etc. I hope you can get some sleep.

Oh monkeybabies, you don't sound well either mentally or physically. Not selfish, I hope your DP is looking after you.
element more hugs, I wonder why I don't have a partner too...it sucks...it's nothing wrong with you, promise. And no-one wants you dead (although I know my saying that won't help and I am more than a bit hypocritical as I have those thoughts too).
Agree laughing talks sense - this thread isn't bashing MH professionals - just the crap ones. And a lot of it is the system/ lack of resources.

As is obvious, I can't sleep. Watching How to get away with murder. No, not for tips although I am one of those evil BPDs. Crying intermittently. Whoever said she has that punched in the stomach feeling...me too. Tried phoning crisis line but the guy sounds so bored...think they have me down as one of those difficult evil BPDs too. So and bad TV until I can sleep I guess. And hope I don't have nightmare. Which CMHT don't believe I have. I am just so worn down by it all. Sorry for venting but I am.

I can't sleep either. New meds render me wide awake.

Oo butterfly so sorry your still up to and feeling bad aswell

Element due to bf I can't take
Cold and flu tablets, I'm so sore now I've been tossing and and turning all night. Dd only woke at 1.30 so that's good I'm amazed she's sleeping better in general.
I feel really broken,i don't cope well when I'm ill I hate this.

I'm sorry you both can't sleep either

I'm just coming to the end of anti psychotic withdrawal as I'm changing meds. It's been absolutely horrendous ; not sleeping for days brain zaps,dizzy spells, fainting and throwing up. I'm only just recently starting to feel human. So I know what you mean about being ill monkey

Element - thank you for saying I seem different to a lot of professionals you've encountered, I've read your threads and you've definitely come across some shit ones!.

But there are lots like me that are around (I know because they're my friends and colleagues!).

And you're right about getting outside for a few minutes too, even if it's the last thing you feel like doing. I do it at work if I have a few minutes and come back in feeling 're-set'.

Laughing

Can I ask your professional opinion? I've had anti psychotic withdrawal and now I'm suffering the side effects of my new drugs....how long does it usually take to settle down? I can't move off the sofa at the minute and I'm feeling in good spirits, but it's starting to get to me a bit.

Never I hope your ok.

I made it out I had to go to out of hours in now back in bed in pain all over with antibiotics and a throat spray.
I don't know how I'm going to cope on my own for 2 days ds will stay off nursery I can't take him.
I cried the whole time I was out the house the Dr is going to write on the thing the GP gets about my mood as all I did was cry :/.
I feel really dizzy and worn out now.

Hi monkey

You sound really low. Is there anyone that can take your ds to nursery ? Can you speak to your dp about how you are struggling with it? I think it's good that the Dr is going to alert your GP about your mood. Do you think there's anyway you could get to the gp sooner rather than later?

I've gone through the withdrawal and am now suffering with the side effects of my new meds. Just in bed drinking herbal tea and thinking about the masters work that I need to do :)

I had some sleep so things are looking brighter.

Dp left last night for two days and the only possible person who lives close by that could do the nursery run is stuck in Egypt.

I do feel low I can't take ds and dd to the Drs I don't drive Dp does and it would involve a bus ride and ds has asd and struggles while out and the last time I took them both the GP asked I don't again as we struggled to talk about things.
I still feel ill, I feel guilty I keep thinking I will take him then crying at the thought of actually moving to do it.

You sound very ill. You need to call some one. Have you got a cpn? GP on home visit? Please get yourself some help. Even if it means getting you and the kids in a taxi to a n e, I think you need help now. I'm a single mum and have been where you are the crying will ease but right now you need help. Please give some one a call. X

I got him there I ran to the toilets and cried made an excuse (well not an excuse as its true) that I'm ill it's only a 3-4 minute walk I felt like everything bad was going to happen like trees and lampposts would fall down as its windy I put ds in his buggy he normally walks it as I thought he would run out and get hit by a car, I don't know how I'm picking him up I don't want to (I want him home but not me getting him).
I don't feel really ill like that i do with the tonsillitis I know I'm really low but not suicidal or harming so they can't help I'm scared to ask for help as I've asked so many times the last few months I don't want to look like I'm looking for attention ect I know how they think about people like me.
The cpn discharged me she says I need sleep and maybe an ad with a sedative effect the GP is going to take me off my ad he doesn't want me on anything.
The GP yesterday was concerned I did try and not cry but I couldn't stop I'm glad 111 wrote what I told them on the phone down so he read the symptoms I had I nodded and cried trying to answer he says I've to rest and he will let the GP know about it.

Are your thoughts spinning? Sounds like they are. Please get an emergency GP app. today.

I've just been given anti-sickness medication and sleeping tablets as I'm reacting to my anti-pyschotics.