The Lost Souls Lounge - falling through the cracks of the MH system

[swisscheesetony]

Been "escorted" to hospital by the police chasing your ambulance?

Been told by the psych team you're fine and there's nothing they can do?

Pull up a pew and have a w(h)ine. No judgement.

My name's swiss and I'm borderline. 2 weeks ago I was taken to hospital with a police escort and discharged 12 hours later. A follow-up appointment with the clinical director of the mental health services ticked a box or two but they've no plans to see me again.

I'm off to see my new GP tomorrow to ask for help (attention seek bien sur).

I'm alive just completely exhausted. Keep sleeping 11-12 hours, having constant vivid dreams, and waking up knackered. My whole body feels weak and floppy. I'm not even sure what's depression and what's physical now.

I'm really struggling I tried to make a list of my good points but couldn't think of one, I could for everything else I am.
I don't want to deal with anything tonight.
Here's my list
Pro
Con
Ugly
Fat
Horrible
Dumb
Cry baby
Stupid
Idiot
Selfish
Uncaring
Annoying
Burden
Pathetic
Bad mum
Bad daughter
Bad partner
Bad sister
Bad granddaughter

I'm really sorry to everyone else who is suffering.

monkey how are you feeling now?

I went back to my GP today who'd received some whoop-ass from the community nurse, he's agreed that it's "mental" (badoom-tish) that the psychiatrist took my diagnosis at face value without asking for evidence, so he's writing to my old team to get the notes sent. I want it in the system if that makes sense, rather than just "swiss says she's x, y and z". He also told me that he had a personal interest in psychotherapy for personality disorders so wanted to help in any way he could.

When he got home there was a letter from the mental health team which basically said "when we saw swiss she seemed fine and has good insights into her behaviour". Which makes it OK obv. Wankers.

Can any of you offer any advice in terms of benefits? I'm nowhere near ready to be able to work and right now am just getting tax credits. I can't claim for PIP until Feb (due to residency rules), I really don't understand how ESA works? Is it supposed to be an alternative to JSA?

Swiss do you have children of so what age.
So sorry your not really any further forward hopefully something happens soon for you.

I'm feeling a bit panicked we've just found out we move next week, I'm struggling to do day to day things never mind actually move a house with 2 kids.
I did make it to ds's nursery for a parents meeting and home again but I really struggled I don't see how I can cope with everything come up I want to hide.

Can I join in?

I am not from the UK and moved here in September, four days after coming out of an eleven week inpatient stay in a psychiatric hospital. I am still waiting to be seen in the UK and have been told it will be January. I cannot cope that long.

I have bipolar disorder and they have taken me off one of my meds because it isnt available in the UK and cannot prescribe me a mood stabiliser as it has to go through a psychiatrist (even though the GP agrees I need to be on one). So I am stuck here, low as you want and with urges of SH (which I have a history of when depressed) and am waiting for the GP to liaise with the psych as to whether they can start an antidepressant or not. In the meantime I am just on an antipsychotic and benzos. It is really affecting my work.

I feel terrible, the nights are really hard and it is taking all my strength not to hurt myself. The GP is good and is checking in with me every few days but is powerless to help me.

I have been told by a friend that I could potentially ask to be referred to the early intervention team as I have a history of psychosis in the last three years and am young enough. Anyone have any experience of this?

monkeybabies I do, come next summer they'll both be in school ft.

bigsister welcome, sorry you've had such a shitty start to your time in the UK. It's true, not all meds are prescribed in the UK... I remember having a good old stomp of my feet upon discovering I wouldn't be issued Adderall! I'm sorry, I don't know anything about early intervention... any fucking intervention would be nice.

I'm struggling team. Just finding it really hard to do all the things I need to do. The carpet needs hoovering. I've rowed with both kids this morning. One of them lost a tooth in the night and I didn't even notice until around 10am... because I'm so crap I don't make them brush their teeth in the morning. I need a shower. I think I've bounced a direct debit today because I couldn't bring myself to organise all "that shit" when the bank sent a new card through and then "forced" me to use it. 2pm and frankly I could sleep until sunday.

Swiss if they are under 5 atm you should me entitled to income support, child tax credits and housing benefit.
Do you have a cab nearby they should be able to help you.

Today is a bit better I managed to take dd to water babies I cried before and after but not in the pool like last time, I'm still feeling down and I'm panicking about how I'm going to get the whole house packed up over the weekend I'm don't seem to be catching up at all.

swiss as monkeybabies says - if your children are under 5 you are entitled to Income Support, child tax credits, and housing benefit. So if one (or both) children are under 5 put in a clam at the Job Centre Plus for Income Support. I take it you are a single parent? You should also be able to claim Housing Benefit to pay your rent. Are you in a private rent or social housing?

Once the children are 5, the DWP take you off Income Support. If you are too ill to work you need to claim ESA. There are 2 groups of ESA - 1 is the "Work related activity group" (where they call you in to do stupid things like writing a CV") and the other one is the "Support" group (where they leave you alone, but call you back every 12 months) You might have to do the Work Capability Test (which means they ask you loads of Qs and score you for each one - there are only a few that relate to mental health) and if you score under 15, you are "fit for work" - this means they put you on JSA and you have to jump through god knows how many hoops to get around £70.00 per week. It's important that your GP sends in a letter about your mental health. And yes CAB are good on welfare rights.

monkey well done for taking your LO to the pool. That must have taken a big effort. Can I ask why you have to move. Sorry I can't remember if you are a single parent. Can you get anyone to help you - seems like a mammoth task.

Sorry can't "reach out" to others - feeling crap.

Nana hope your ok.

We are moving from. 2 bed to 3 bed new build council house that has some adaptions for our ds with asd.
Dp i am hoping will look after the dc whilst I pack as he doesn't pack well, I just really don't have the strength to get it all done I just know I have to.
I'm starting to get some bad thoughts worrying if the electrics will be done right or the gas lines are ok, I know I'm being unrational but it's taking whatever joy I have out of moving I used to be excited about this new home.

Can I join please? I'm new here, but on home leave with htt coming in after a month on a locked ward. I'm struggling with changing meds ( crazy side effects) and feel very scared and lonely as I don't even remember much of my stay.im wandering round my house like a stranger with no confidence or concentration and keep crying.

muddledup How are you feeling today? Are you feeling any more confident within your own walls?

monkey I hope the packing has gone OK and you're getting there... although I don't suppose you'll be able to respond if you're in the thick of it!

I do get HB right now, and I'll figure it all out. Tbh I feel a little fraudulent claiming for PIP... ridiculous I know, but the reason being I "look" OK and when I'm on form I'm quick and capable. And then there are the days where everything is foggy and I can barely make a cheese sandwich. My A-game is great... but that's few and far between. I can't guarantee to be efficient and clever. Bah!

Thank you nana - the doc will be fine, saw him out bird-watching today as we were both stomping over a remote hill!

Thanks for asking I am alright but was awake most of last night which is when I find it hard to stay safe.
I have very blurred vision which I think is caused by the Abilify so I'm struggling to distract myself with iPad etc. Does anyone else find that they are desperate for the day to be over? I just want to go to bed at 7 pm as I feel like I'm done with the day.
Htt didn't help by telling me that feeling suicidal is selfish, and I couldn't seem to explain that I can't help my feelings but it's the doing which is selfish which is why I'm so desperate.
I hope everyone else has survived the weekend.

Yes. I'm fed up with today, but don't really want to go to bed as then I'll be a step closer to tomorrow - which will also be shit.

I'm here, still a burden to my friends. I've made one friend's depression worse as she's been looking after me and not herself, she also SH today after she hadn't for ages, probably because I do and it's not fair to her for me to do it when she's around and struggling. I'm just shit.

I'm fed up of not having typical emotional reactions. I'm fed up of wanting to die. I'm just tired of it all, I have nothing left but have to keep going.

I wish people could be held to account after a suicide. People have hurt me so much, why are they allowed to get away with it? Why do people help them? Wht the hell am I supposed to do with nowhere to turn? The people who did this should pay.

I tend to agree with you, but society en masse dishes out platitudes instead "you can't blame yourself", "there was nothing you could've done". I call bollocks on that one!

I was very low last night, didn't SH which was a bonus. My head is spinning full of bollocks though.

Think I killed the thread. So up to me to revive it.

I've had the joy of being suicidal and in crisis for two days (not actively suicidal now) with the crisis team suggeting i join a gym. Helpful.

My privae therpist really hurt me today, by saying id 'rejected help'. Think my gp had said it to her or something. But Ive been through so much and my life so wrecked by being refused help, so that sentence seemed like she hadnt listened to a word i've said and was taking the liars' narrative as the truth. Feel like i've been condemned as a crap evil person by how services treated me in the past, and forever condemned as only i know the truth and no one would believe me. It probably sounds ott but the things they did to me and the experiences i had cos i coudnt get help and ws criminalised and stuff, its all really affected me. Arghhh. Sorry.

In general I feel like i'm doing time for a crime I didnt commit, and only i know the truth.

Hmm this probably wont revive thread. Sigh. How are you all doing?

Hello Joins resuscitation effort
I am labelled with BPD. Struggling atm but you all know how it is, I'm just labelled 'badly behaved', attention-seeking etc. Been tearful tonight. Not coping. Can't really see a way forward.
I'm sorry others can relate but it makes me feel a little better that it's not just me iyswim.

I'm sorry others can relate but it makes me feel a little better that it's not just me iyswim.
That statement proves (imo) how little it takes to actually make a difference, how little us 'troublesome demanding BPDers' actually need.

The way the system treats humans who are hurting is vile. Why does a BPD label mean your pain is invalid? Why does someone with apparently random depression (for eg.) deserve more compassion than someone who's been through abuse? BPD is victim blaming.

I wrote this on another thread but thought I'd share here:

I was thinking about something I read in a Terry Pratchett book, about prisoners about to be hanged being put in a cell with a loose brick. They can gradually loosen and then remove the brick... only to find there is another brick behind it. But apparently it's so that every death row prisoner has the hope of freedom. No chance of actual freedom, but they get to experience the hope...!

Mental health services seem like that. So much of it is assessments, people referring you to other people, making appointments to make appointments, someone telling you to look forward to the next time someone tells you to look forward to... etc, etc. It all seems to be people looking busy and a flurry of activity with very little actual substance! The hope of treatment.
!!

ps. I'm sorry you're feeling so shite Broken. I do understand x

I'd had a few good weeks but I think I'm falling again.

My GP has written to my old psych team to ask for my notes and has a personal interest in psychotherapy for PD's... he seems nice but I feel I don't need nice, I need a head which works properly.

I'm sorry others are having a shit time right now too.

It's ok swiss that's why the thread is here...

When you say your GP has a personal interest... do you mean he's trained, himself? Or that he wants to make sure you get psychotherapy?