Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

vicar :( :( :( :(

Take some time to think. What on earth has happened? Is it really that serious that you have to leave here and now. In this weather?

Thanks Bugs good idea about sketch book

Dear vicar and Egg so sorry to hear you're having a bad day. It's rubbish, but as you say you haven't had one in a while and those whiles will get longer and longer. Hang in there. Be kind to yourselves.

Crappy weather.

Crappy illness.

Crappy Deputy County Commissioner.

Still about Vicar no sweat to talk at all . Just want you to know I am online .
and thinking about you.

Thinking of you too helles

Helles me too . Wish we could all live on same street .

I've gone but no where to go. Can't get hold of Sis , am in a lay by. Dh told me to get over myself and leave. So I did. I've Gita duvet and pillow - might be sleeping in car at this rate. I called a friend but she is going out. She called my dh. He doesn't give a shit my phones nearly out of charge.

vicar. Hang in there

Oh vicar.

I don't know what to suggest. Looks to bassett and mama for the wisest of words...

Vicar - i hope you are ok honey, i came here to offload my crap but I see that you are in a bad place - whts happened honey? You are one of my favourite posters on here, always supportive - have an unmumsnetty hug (like one of those man hugs where they bash each others backs afterwards)

Ok Vicar your Dh loves you .he does and will be looking for you , So many hurt words are said in distress. He will be looking for you . HE LOVES YOU .
Go home . stay safe .

This illness is crap. And we all say hurtful words and do stuff that somehow takes its own momentum and hurts badly . Not nice for him to do this or your dd.

Lovely lady .....go home please. You matter a lot to us here and we care hugely.

I have had some awful words said in the recent months with my OH . You are not alone .

Look - Vicar get yourself somewhere - even if its home, this is not the weather to be outside. Why are YOU leaving? go home, sleep in spare room, on sofa, somewhere warm, sorry i dont know what is going on, but im worried for you.

I agree please go home.

Go home to your DD.

I'm not saying don't leave. But don't leave now. Sleep on the sofa. Make H sleep on the sofa.

I'm sure things have been said in the heat of the moment. You have always lamented how supportive he is. Im sure this is a blip.

vicar this is not the weather to be travelling. This is not the weather to be sleeping in the car.

Go back to your beautiful bathroom. Lock the door and fill the room with bubbles.

Vicar please do go home even though there are so many reasons why it may not feel like the right thing to do.

From what I have gathered on MN and BBC and other websites, the weather in the UK is not good and sleeping in a car is not a good idea. If you really must not go home, then book into a hotel but please do not sleep outside.

I think you should go home.

You are suffering and still very much caught between caring for your family and your job and future possibilities. This has been going on for a long time and will take time and patience to rebalance.

From everything you have written on this post, you and DH care for each other. Anything I am writing is coming from this perspective. You are both feeling the long term impact of what you are going through individually and together.

Go home please Vicar. Let DH know you are safe. I think this is a storm you are both weathering. Sometimes things reach the point where we retreat from ourselves, from others or under the duvet.

Just acknowledge the tough spot, make each other a cup of tea or something soothing, and find some quiet spot for this to roll on from.

Let us know how you are; we are simply hoping to help you through this and want you to be safe.

Hugs to all; I have had a bit of a tough week and I am coming out the other end of it as irritable as ever. I am not in a position to write at the moment but I am well.... just a bit grumpy and looking for my own quiet nesting spot. I tend to be a quiet person; outgoing and lively with those I am secure in and with whom I feel free to be me. I have often been told I am a private person and I guess this is the most effective way for me to work through things. I do feel a bit rude wandering off though.

On the plus side, snow is still on the ground but it has been a beautiful bright and sunny day. DD seems much better but she is still recovering (currently taking a quick nap). DH has realised I need some space and has been kind about it. I have been thinking of plants for the garden and a parasol.

Basset many thanks for the compliment (plumps a cushion up). I have been suitably blushing; it was lovely to read.

I am sorry I haven't read through and commented to all. It sounds like we are working through different things at the moment. I am thinking of you all and hope that the next few days are kind and helpful.

PS Vicar sorry to be a nag but please do go home dear. I am worried for you.

This illness is so hard for everyone isnt it ? Mama you have said all we want to say in wise wise words .

it feels so lonely this illness . And our partners get frustrated and vent .If you are close then our partners get scared also with all the turmoil .
Vicar you are doing just fine . Go home and bet your family will be so relieved to see you . And then talk my love ...have a nice bath .

I said some appalling things the other day and wonder why I could say them to someone I love . We lash out .

sleep deeply tonight and dream of a lovely relaxed horse trek through the Dales.

So hope you are home and safe .

Very quick post as still on mob and it's out of charge. I went home. I'm ok. I will update properly later. thank you all for the support and sensible - ness. For a moment I lost my head. I thought they'd be better off without me. DD is always surly and dh wint back me up. Id had enough. I was well prepared for an evening in the car - I took a flask and a duvet. But I'm home now.I had no where to go. And I was scared if what I might do in the heat of the moment.

Thank goodness. Sometimes it's good to remove yourself from a situation - but on a night like this?

glad you are back in your home x

Glad you're home. Catch up later.

So glad you're home vicar. I've been reading your thread since nearly the start and really have so much respect and admiration for you. Sleep and post tomorrow xxx

Take care vicar. Very glad for the update and to hear that you are home. Be gentle with yourself. Is there anything that is soothing or mentally engaging?

Importantly, you have recognized what has just happened. Rest and then when you feel you can, come back to this. You are learning how to cope with a strong urge. It is a negative one, which I don't think is beneficial. It is part of what Basset so clearly described. I am sorry for your pain but you are strong even if it does not feel like it at the moment. We believe in you and we understand some of what you are going through. We are here. Take care, be gentle and forgiving to yourself, and rest.

I will be back later in the evening.

im so sorry everyone. i have worried a lot of people tonight.

over the last few days this has been building. DD suddenly decided to change what she wanted to do at college. she seemed more relaxed and stress free.

DH asked why she had changed and what made her choose what she had.

so i asked her. in front of him. she threw a strop with me for daring to ask - he sat and said nothing. nothing. he let me take the flak for his question. he didnt back me up on iota.
dd carried on the silent treatment of me for days. its been days and days and she wont speak to me.
i felt completely ganged up on and betrayed.
i took DH to task on it tonight and he told me to go. told me to get over myself.
so i went.
but i had no where to go.
i took a hosepipe and all my meds with me. sleeping pills, and 2 months sertraline. He let me go, knowing it was snowing, knowing i had no where to go, and knowing i am depressed. i had tried to contact dsis who is a good hours drive away but couldnt get her on phone. left msg after msg.

when i left i was sobbing. and he let me go. he didnt try to stop me and he didnt care. he knew the weather was bad, he knew i had no charge on phone.
i felt worthless and pointless and felt they would be better without me. i rang my friend but she panicked and got her dh to call mine, so i hung up and scarpered.

ended up in a layby. sat for ages. realised that hosepipe would not in a month of sundays fit the exhaust. felt stupid. felt like i had lost my mind. felt that just leaving life was an option at that moment. would be easy as long as no one found me.
but im a chicken. i couldnt do it. i was scared i might regret it and i saw all the people i have chased in similar circs in the job - felt mightily stupid. realised is had become the sort of person i deal with usually.

and i hate that. i hate it.
i went home because i had no where else to go. i had taken a pillow and duvet and flask. on some level i was quite well prepared to sleep in car.

i now feel stupid and pointless. my eyes are puffy. i want to not feel like this anymore. i thought i was getting better. i feel like i backed down. lost face.

dh is putting it down to me thinking about going back to work. ive tried to explain.
he has gone to bed. He never gets it. Im always the bad guy. i feel like dd sees him as her friend, while im the baddie. i feel ganged up on.
im so tired, and feel numb. i need to sleep.

Oh vicar.

We were worried. But we were mainky worried about the weather conditions. We had no idea about the hosepipe and meds etc.

Huge huge hugs.

Thing is (and with a little bit of experience) your DH Is also bearing the burden of your anxiety and depression. Except on the outside he will be staying strong. Hiding it. Not letting on. It just sounds as though he has burst.

It is tough. His burden is nothing like yours. But you feel that with medication and diagnosis you are allowed to let people (that are close to you) see you are struggling. Your DH probably feels he can't. Feels he has to be strong for you. Can't let you see that he has his own anxieties....so they build up and up...until he bursts with the accumulation.

But he doesn't realise the imoact that bursting has on you. I'm saying this as it is how I felt when Xp was depressed.

The main thing is of course that you are home. You seem to have a good insight into your thoughts and feelings. Try and turn it to a positive. How can you prevent feeling this low in the future? It sounds as though you have been bottling it up a bit. You haven't talked about these things that have clearly been major stressors for you over the last few days on this thread. That makes me worry that you haven't had an outlet for your concerns and feelings.

I'm ramblig again. I'm so glad you are safely home. You sound as though you truely need some rest. Talk to us when yoh are ready. Pm someone if need be. Talk to dd and dh. Please don't bottle it up.

Wishing you some peace and rest tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. And we will all be here yet again.

Huge huge huge hugs flying North through the blizzards to you.