Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

[ThatVikRinA22]

control was totally absent last night. i got into the car, and drove, with no clue where i was going or what i was doing. i feel better today.

helles in many ways i wish i hadnt gone off sick , i now feel like ive gone down a road there is no coming back from. work wise ive blotted my copybook. i will always be seen as flaky and have a rubbish sick record. people will be wary of me. i will not be able to transfer. Where ever i go my history will count against me. it wont matter that ive never had mh issues before. on some level i knew that if i went off ill i wouldnt go back. but in the end my physical health put paid to me soldiering on.
it feels too hard to go back now, not even sure its the job. but walking into the briefing room again. sitting with people who i know will think i should just walk. i hadnt really established any friendships at work, no one has contacted me.
i will not be missed. i would imagine there is by now a fair old bit of resentment around me being off. no one has sent me any messages asking how i am or saying get well soon. MH issues come with stigma at work. im not sure how i will get over that. or how i will stop caring about it.

[HellesBelles396]

I know I was right to be off last time but I have only 4 days left til the easter holidays.

no doubt both of you, vicar and egg were right to be off. that first time through the door is horrendous because you build it up to be more than it is. I did, anyway. truth be told, though people were nosy, no-one was actually bothered that I'd been off. except me.

[EggwiniasRevenge]

Come on helles in 6hrs time you will only have 3 days left. You can do it.

Me I'm in bed. My shoulders really ache. Not sure why. No plans for yhe day but dtd1 really upset me and ruined my day 2 days running...so feel the need to punish her somehow...

[Lucyellensmum95]

Just checking in - struggling today, no plans - always gets me

[EggwiniasRevenge]

I have plans...hair to dye...house to tidy...roast to cook...

But I am in agony. Ive done something to the back of my neck between my shoulder blades and I can't move without being in excruiciating pain.

I never take painkillers for spine related stuff cos I figure that pain is there to protect you from further damage and injury. But I've had to give in and take something.

Dcs are winding me up. Dtd2 is cleaning out the guinea pig....which appears to involve sitting in front of the tv in her pjs .
Dtd1 is supposed to be help me wash up...which appears to involve sitting in front of the tv in her pjs

[Lucyellensmum95]

Ouch :( that is pants. I too have a roast to cook, i got a massive joint (of lamb!) from tesco i can't wait actually. I just need to get off my arse

[Queenofknickers]

Can I join in? Feeling crap.
Quick biog - had depression since childhood, some episodes severe some less, currently take fluoxetine, Valdoxan and diazepam. Have weekly psychotherapy (although cant at moment) and have had loads of other therapy CBT etc including training as psychotherapist myself for 2 years. Had last major episode over a year ago although daily battle to keep it at bay. However 4 weeks ago my beloved grandad died and I had major spinal surgery 2 days after funeral meaning have been bedridden. Feel awful. Just want to cry and cry. Some of you might recognise me from other threads - I feel better when helping/ advising others - just don't seem able to do it myself.

[Lucyellensmum95]

Hi queen - i hear you re the advising others, it all seems so crystal clear when it i someone else doesn't it? I am so sorry to hear about your grandad :(

RE the surgery, i was told when i had an aneasthetic and strugled afterward that the anaesthetic can cause people to be very down for quite some time? would this make sense? It sounds like you have so much going on - i hope that the surgery was a success xx

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi everyone,
welcome queen, sorry to hear you're having such a tough time and esp sorry about your Grandad. I know what you mean about advising others too.

Lucy get that oven on just imagine how yummy it will taste.
Egg shoulder sounds rubbish. Have you tried putting a hot water bottle over/under the most painful area? Does definately sound like a max strength ibuprofen day tho. Hope it feels better soon.
UA so pleased to hear you're dad's improving and that you've found the day place helpful. Hope the psychiatrist is helpful too.
Helles any way you can incentivise your getting through the next few days at work. For me it would be a creme egg in the eve - how about you? Hang in there.

vicar so sorry your work situation is making you feel so unhappy. I know its very hard not to automatically think people are thinking the worst. And as you know the culture, some/many may not have respect for someone will mental illness, but I'm sure there are others that would be sympathetic even if they're not big enough to say that out loud. Would it help to give yourself a timescale, if you do go back, of say 2 months and then you decide whether to stay or go? Sending {{hugs}}

Waving to anyone I've missed.

I am hanging in there today. Yesterday had a v anxious day, nauseous this morning, so think I am feeling the effects of the fluoxetine increase. Met with GP and she agreed with me to do alternate days of the higher dose for a week or so to help me get used to it more gradually. Despite feeling pretty zonked I did manage to go out for a walk in siberian winds and have a coffee with a friend. So I guess that's good! But no nap as DH home so not looking forward to the afternoon too much!

Take care everyone x

[Bugsbasset]

Hello all

Welcome from me also Queen , a tough time indeed .How is your mobility now? So sorry to read about the loss of your grandad. Hope you stay with us

I went doolally [sp] and got three legs of lamb from Asda yesterday Lucy .
A brainstorm but they were well priced and will see us through the years high spots . Now got no money left daft mare . Adore lamb . Hope you enjoy the roast . So tasty and so much to do with leftovers . Lovely to see your name pop up .

UA can only imagine how relieved you must be about your dad and his improvement . So pleased . I have never looked into charity support so thank you for the tip. A friend who just gets "it" is precious and sometimes more help than the pills .....well a good ally anyway . Lovely to see you back on thread .

Colouring High Five [just typed Hugh five wtf? ] for walking in this Arctic weather . Bet the coffee was like manna from heaven when back in the warmth. Exercise is an absolute must for anxiety and depression as we all know so well .But hey this winter is making it hard for sure .
Glad you saw your doc and have plan in place . The retching and spacy feelings are so nasty first thing .I find green tea/lemon and ginger tea helpful .At last resort soda water to make me burp [sorry if tmi] .Dry toast .

Helles keep going if you can . Try some imagery . Get up and do your toiletry things . Put kettle on and then open back door and let the fresh [frankly freezing air ] blast you ...take some deep breaths slowly and look around /listen /smell .
Have a lovely cuppa of your choice and a banana ,yoghurt /toast .
Set off for work with the mental image of us all here on your shoulder . You have understanding and comfort and gentle hugs from so many people here .
We are with you every step of the way to get over the hurdle of getting to work . I hope you get my drift . This has helped me through recent "dont want to do it times " . I know you are all there with me somehow. I sat on the bus and pondered on how you all looked and your lives .

Crikey the power of the internet in such a lovely way is to meet you all online .

[ColouringInQueen]

Bugs lovely wise words thank you . Enjoy all the lamb

Completely agree about the wonderful support here - it does reassure me about the kindness of people - of strangers in fact. You're all amazing.

I think I have PMS at the mo.. been reflecting on these last couple of days how I've been soooooo irritable and it builds during the day. Last month didn't get it - unusually & thought the fluox had killed it off - but seems I just had a lucky month. Anyone else find their hormones make things worse? I'm having to work hard not to loose it with DH and DCs now. Youngest is complaining he doesn't feel well and all I can think is - well you have to go to school cos I'm seeing the counsellor tomorrow hoping he can make it through til 12...

Hope everyone had an OK day x

[NanaNina]

Hello all (those that remember me anyway) as I can see quite a few new people on the thread. I think now there are too many people for me to keep track of (not meant as a criticism just an observation) and there is a huge amount of support for everyone and many of you who can keep track!

The other thing is that I know there are others on the MH threads that are not getting as much support as they need, so I thought maybe I would respond to other some other posts. I have enjoyed meeting you all and I think the level of support on here is second to none. Many of yu can recall so much about everyone else and this is a really positive thing for everyone. Oh lord I'm trying to say "au revoir" and sounding all stilted. I won't be able to resist popping back from time to time to see how yu all are.

The person I am worried about is you snowymouse though I know you chip in when you are able. Anyway I am going to start a thread for you and you can respond or not as you like.

Stars for excellent posts as far as I'm concerned are Vicar Ed mama
and bassetfeet (I know some of you have changed to Easter names.)

My HM has been asleep for a reasonably long time so I have had some respite and I have a tiny glimmer of hope that the added meds will give me more benefit.

Lots of Love to you all. NNxx

[ColouringInQueen]

Thanks Nana I've seen your great advice on other threads too.. Hope the HM sleeps for 100 years. But you know we're here for you when you need support too. Take care x

[EggwiniasRevenge]

Yup. Use the thread as you wish nana. No-one is holding you here. But you and your wise words will always be welcome.

I'm heading to bed soon. Feeling really ill. Neck really hurts. Headache. Nauseous. Busy day tomorrow. Will catch up tomorrow.

[Bugsbasset]

Ed have you a wheatpack to put in the microwave ? Or the hotty suggested by Colouring . See the doc wont you if concerned . Often see mine and get reassured re its the tight muscles sending shooting pains into my head and sickly feeling . But best to check .
You sound so low . Hope you sleep well and have peaceful dreams. Thinking of you .

Nina I completely understand . You are a giver of comfort . Your vocation in the workplace and now here . I love your advice and compassion .
I think our paths will cross over the threads hopefully . You have been a huge help to me .Call in for a virtual cuppa now and then lovely dear lady .
And long may that damn headmonster stay in a coma . Easter in Ireland ?
Ah ...........the spring and family eh? Take good care and enjoy . x

[ThatVikRinA22]

evening everyone.

firstly nana i really hope that it is au revoir and not adios.....you are like the mummy of the group and i will miss you terribly if you dont post. i hear what you are saying, but you are my security blanket....all of you are, but you are a wise old owl (ok less of the old) and i wont feel right if you dont pop in when you can. no pressure of course. but i hate losing people. virtually or otherwise.

UA im so glad you found us here. so pleased to see you. Am heartened by your post and so glad your dad is improving.

knickers a very warm welcome. i wonder why we cant take our own advice....

hugs to everyone else....helles the last few days before some time off are always the hardest to get through.....its like the end of a marathon.....you can do it. i know you can. count down those days my lovely....

egg im so sorry you are in pain. Rest up and do what you need to do. Sorry the kids are making things difficult at min....

colouring well done on the walk.....its brass monkeys out there. i walked pooch today to park....i had a silly hat on and tied it under my chin - probably looked about 5 again. but was warm! so dont care!

and lucy enjoy the lamb.
i cant eat it lately....

big waves and massive hugs to anyone ive not mentioned - its not personal - its just my very very dodgy memory!

Today for me....
level 3. with bonus points. hair - tick. make up - tick. ear rings - tick. perfume - tick.
had my lovely pal not dragged me out i would have been in bed. She knew. She came and took me for a lovely morning out mooching around some lovely lovely shops, then we had a lunch out.

she told me some home truths. She told me that i cant change the people around me - i can only change how i deal with them. She is so sensible and im so glad i have her in my life. she is very dear to me and has been where i have been.
she was the first person i rang on Saturday night.

then she took me to meet her new puppy and i had puppy squidges.

im at GP tomorrow with strict instructions to tell GP of blip....not a bit of a blip - a full on meltdown blip. i will do as told!

also am heartened by fact i had asked for opinion on a police forum - i was so scared to go back and look at the replies - but they are all positive and lead me to think its not me.....
im feeling slightly better about that. It seems i work in a place that is ever so slightly (!!!!!!) behind the times....(the word 'dinosaur' has been used!)

i feel that there is value in asking for a completely fresh start.
im sticking with my plan B - the other job - but im going to ask for a move, and give it 6 months if i dont get the other job.
im putting my faith in fate.
whatever will be will be. i trust it will be right.

i have my other lovely friend coming tomorrow. i called her tonight and told her abut saturday and she was very cross that i hadnt called her. she is my mummy figure. i love her dearly. i didnt want to burden her though - she is having her beloved dog pts on weds.....i felt she had enough on her plate. our boys are the same age with the same condition. i am the exact age her DD would have been if she lived (she died at the age of 7) and she is the mum i never had. i could never fill the hole her dd left, her boy did that, but we are united in our struggles with our sons and she is very very dear to me. i love her to bits.

i need to call occy health tomorrow. im going to ask for another sick note until case meeting is sorted.
im going to stables on Weds now instead of tomorrow but going early for my horsey fix.

i feel more in control again today. am going to meet my friend who i went out with this morning again next week. I will look forward to that.

im trying to relax a bit. will write some stuff down for gp tomorrow.

goodnight all. hope tomorrow is a good day.

[Lucyellensmum95]

Vicar - am glad you had a "good" day today, you deserve it. I hope you manage to sort your work out i really do - you have so much to give.

The lamb was yummy I can't remember the last time i had a whole joint of lamb and didn't have to scrimp with it. We invited my mum round for dinner which seemed to cheer her up a bit. I think she suffers from depression to, but she would never admit to it - just not of that generation.

I am seeing my counsellor tomorrow - very mixed feelings about that as i have had a better day today (maybe the meds are starting to work?) so i don't want to have a navel gazing slip, if that makes sense.

Egg I hope your pain is giving you some respite

[ThatVikRinA22]

lucy thank you. the navel gazing blip makes perfect sense to me.....but maybe counselling will bring clarity.

i realised i had forgotten to name check dear basset and mama....as the thread gets more posters i get more brain addled....

i need a spread sheet

love to all. off to bed soon. could have a wee bit of a lie in tomorrow....

[Bugsbasset]

Vicar .......so so relieved you are feeling calmer .
Ah good friends are precious . It works both ways and you must be as precious to them also for your care of them when troubled .
Dont start me on puppies ! Animals always press my buttons but young ones send me into a netmum sort

I wondered about the responses you got from the police forum . excellent that you got positive response from those who KNOW .
Speak candidly to your doc tomorrow about your distress at the weekend . You need another sick note . Now is not the time to return to work yet .
Yes life will pick up Vicar . It will .

Off to put grand dog out for his last wee . My sons dog who I look after while he is out sorting the mad,sad and bad . Think with the freezing cold he may worm his way under my duvet tonight .
Thoughts for your mummy friend with her poorly dog Vicar.

[Bugsbasset]

ok we dont need name checking do we ? just adds pressure .
lovely place to write our feelings and thoughts . Sometimes add a message to one of us who is struggling or who has helped us.
I have been here for a while and just know if I write differently or sound upset that one of you will hear me . As I will you . Know you are all there if I need you .
like to have a bit chat also mind .

[TheSilveryPussycat]

That's it exactly, basset :) takes the pressure off.

Catch up later, am enjoying Ireland v much :)

[ColouringInQueen]

Morning everyone. so pleased you're spending time with lovely friends vicar and glad the lamb was good Lucy like you my mum has been depressed - I think for most of her life, and last week she finally admitted it!

Quick question - I have been loads more irritable the last couple of days and am wondering if its increase in meds or PMS - do any of you find your hormones make your depression worse? Thanks x

[Lucyellensmum95]

colouringinqueen I have been thinking along similar lines and had a similar conversation with DP yesterday. I have a mirena coil (which i am aware can cause depression but my doctor insists not!) and have had it for a long time, quite a palava getting the last one out, involving several doctors and a condom - true story! So i mentioned yesterday to DP tht i often wonder about the sodding contraption and his reaction - an emphatic DO NOT have that thing removed! The reason is that I don't APPEAR to suffer from PMT, because i don't have any periods at all since it was inserted. He said the thought of me having PMT on top of my depression actually scares him as I do get very aggressive with PMT. He wasn't joking! But heres a thing - i may not have periods but this past week my nipples have been really sore - to the point that if DP touches them he is likely to get lamped.

Today not so good - probably due to having to go to the counsellor for assesment. I have had a bath though which is a step forward

Does anyone else struggle with doing even every day things? I find that i procrastinate so much because everything seems a challenge - this is causing issues. I am even talking washing up as i get confused over the logistics of the whole thing.

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi Lucy I can def imagine you're questioning the coil as I have heard it can cause depression too. Worth getting opinion from a diff GP? I know what you mean about PMT - I get depressed and The Rage! But your hormones do sound a bit out of kilter re: the sore nipples.. (I think that can be a PMS sympton too?)

Sorry to hear you're not so good. I really really struggled to get up today but did get to counsellor and feel better for it. It is so easy to give advice rather than take it - I got home and have had a manic 40 mins hoovering downstairs, putting washing in machine, spot cleaning kitchen floor, removing all cups and glasses from my bedroom!!! But I am now going to sit on sofa (knackered) for a couple of hours and not feel bad about it.

I do struggle with cooking - seems I can manage the washing up - but cooking a meal takes me ages due to poor concentration and difficulty following recipe/doing things in the right order - we keep eating very late... so sending sympathies.

Hope you get on OK at the counsellor x