Hmm I wasn't going to mention booze again Vicar but since you have brought it up I guess it's ok. It's difficult to understand why your DH is as you say an "enabler" without knowing either of you, or the dynamics of your relationship. Does he maybe feel that alcohol makes you more relaxed and that make life easier for him .....I don't know. If you think about it you might be able to suss out the reason behind his "enabling" He clearly recognises that this "I really must stop drinking" is said without any resolve really and so disregards it.
Where is DH in the evening - though to be honest Vicar (and since you don't seem to be offended by my frankness) I think that's possibly something of an excuse. How would DH being around be a help to you. Anyway I think it's a really good idea to talk things through with him. Do you reckon you need to give up altogether or could you cut down to something that gives you pleasure but is more moderate than at the present. You say you want him to support you, but I think you need to be specific with him what you want him to do, not buy the wine with the shopping, or what?
I think the interesting phrase in your post is "I don't know what the hole is that drinking fills" - because I think you're right, we do sometimes do things to excess eg drinking, eating, smoking, to sort of "self medicate" our emotional needs. On the other hand you may be like many people who find alcohol relaxing and loosens inhibitions and giving a mild feeling of euphoria. It's difficult for me because I don't drink alcohol - not that I have anything against it - my DP drinks, (and has in the past been on the brink of alcohol abuse) as do all of my friends. I just can't tolerate it, in the sense that 1 glass of wine would give me a terrific hangover - really. A family friend is a scientist and says that alcohol is broken down in the body in 2 stages, and people who are intolerant to it, lack the enzymes that break it down in the 2nd stage. That must be me. It doesn't relax me because I am worrying about how I am going to feel the next day!
This thing about "I will stop drinking when I get a horse, when my DH is home in the evening, when this that or the other happens! You are an intelligent perceptive woman Vicar and you know that you will only stop when you are motivated, regardless of horses or anything else. Right?
It's up to you to find the motivation (or not) and I think you will as you are giving it a lot of thought which is a good sign. You have to cut the crap though and face up to the fact that you are risking your health. People often talk about "IF ONLY this that or the next thing happened I wouldn't drink so much" or "I'll stop WHEN this that or the next thing.
It's called being human really but it doesn't get us anywhere.
Some people have an addictive personality and will be more prone to getting addicted to booze or fags or junk food or whatever. You may be one of those people but you've also demonstrated remarkable resolve in the past to quit smoking, as nicotine is a hugely difficult drug to give up and its addictive component is totally underestimated. I started smoking in the 60s when I was in my teens and stopped when I was pregnant and bringing up my kids, but started again when I started social work, and was on around 40-60 a day (Players No 6!) but did manage to give up many years ago but it was a hard slog.
Hope whatever you decide is right for you and your family. You've come through a nasty depressive illness and tremendous work stresses that are on going, but have also come to realise that your drinking is getting out of hand. I think you've taken the first step.................