Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

[NanaNina]

Ah Vicar so sorry that this has happened to your son, just as you were getting back on your feet, but you aren't depressed any more, so you will be able to cope. Does your son have any special support with his work, given he has AS. My friend (who is an art therapist working with people who are mentally ill) also does some work for a Uni, supporting students with mental health issues. I know AS isn't mental health, but I would have thought he would have some help. My friend says her main task is to help students to get themselves organised and it sounds like your son is in need of that sort of help. Presumably all this work has to be completed by end of term, which is usually end June/early July isn't it, so the heat will be on. I think you are right to resist the urge to let him come home, as it would be a lot of work wasted.

I know you've had a crap day Lem and yes it would be a good idea to cut down on the booze (easier said than done I know) and lots of people with mental health difficulties self-medicate with alcohol, but as I'm sure you know it is a depressant, so you end up in a viscous circle. Sorry don't mean to lecture.

You ok snowymouse - haven't noticed any posts and I think you said a day or two ago you were not feeling too good, but as I'm sure we all know, fluctuations are the nature of the beast where mental health is concerned.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

Morning

Sorry. I am back in a zone where I can't see anything else around me :(

Sounds like lots need hugs tho :(

So far today...

:)
Put washing on airer
Put washing in machine
Made packed lunch for dd3 in 3mibs flat
Put bins out for bin day
Taken meds

:(
Feel sick (prob cos I have been erratic with meds)
Headache (prob because I haven't been eating and drinking properly)
Already back in bed
My phone is going on block mode. ..its a sunny sunny day and I'm hiding under my duvet.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Big fat unmumsnetty hugs to everyone thankyou basset and nina wise words xx
ed youre doing good it os a sunny day howlets anout a an cuppa on thete doorstep in thete sun then back to bed if youre want?

Im in a dark place but im hanging on just sat in costa with tears dowmy face onmy phone to dp given him heads up and he ist being great how embarrasing :( couldnt stop shaking this am trying tod dont dds lunch was a challenge andy if had promised tod ice cakes with her managed but was snappy gave her ggiant hug when shell went tod school


Enough of me im ok sending strength tod youre and your brave lad vicar

[LEMisdisappointed]

Bloody phone

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi everyone,
Ed you've done loads - great stuff. Is it poss to say you'll have say 3 hours in bed then will get half an hour of sun? Hope your headache clears soon too. Sounds rough.
LEM big hugs. Can you identify anything that's made you feel worse the last couple of days? I'm really glad you've got good support from your DP, and am hoping you can get home and sit quietly in the sun.
Vicar how are you doing?
Hi to Basset SPC and Nina and everyone else.

I am very tired again today and feeling rather weighed down by everything from yesterday. Wondering whether to switch ADs after DDs communion (but that's not til end June) but will another be any better? Trying to just see how the next three weeks go.

I feel like my head is like a cart that has slipped from the shallow "rut" I'd been travelling along which was coming closer to happiness, back into the deeper rut of exhaustion, pessimism, low self esteem etc. And its very hard to switch back. I think a fair bit of it is tiredness. Last week spending Mon & Tue on the sofa after D&V I think really helped make Wed Thur and Fri better... But I really don't want to live my life like that!

Anyhow, my dad's coming over and we're going to go out for a walk in the sun. I'm trying to work out if we can fit in a pub lunch...

Take care everyone x

[SnowyMouse]

I need to get stuff together to go out later.
how's it going for everyone?

[LEMisdisappointed]

CiQ - thats lovely about the walk and yes, i think you MUST have a pub lunch, tis medicinal - am thinking steak and onion bagguette washed down with a pint of something yummy :) You could actually still be feeling wiped out due to the D&V virus, you can get post viral fatigue - maybe take some vitamins (get me with my advice!) Enjoy your walk the fresh air will do you good.

Being out this morning helped me, i had to FORCE myself to do something and its helped. My trigger is not having a job and feeling useless and unsupportive of my DP, he works so hard and yet we still struggle, so i feel pressure to get some work but I can just about manage to do my DD's lunch :/ He said he wants me to get well and worry about work afterwards - what did i do to deserve a man like that??

[LEMisdisappointed]

Today I stood in the harbour, the tide was out - i was watching a seagull in the mud, he had a mud covered manky fish in his mouth, kept spitting it out dragging it around - then he managed to drag it over to a pool of water, cleaned it and gobbled it up - that was the best thing ive seen this week =- thought id share xx

[TheSilveryPussycat]

LEM please do not worry about getting a job atm - a SAHM is far from useless, even when DC are at school. I am old gimmer and know this, I loved being SAHM even though depressed much of the time, and stressing myself trying to write or do something that would use my brain. When you have got all your plates spinning nicely at home - well sort of! - is the time to start thinking how you can fit some work in.

Will post more to others later - thinking of you all :)

[TheSilveryPussycat]

*not that I didn't use my brain with the DC, eg answering the question Why, and for myself, postmodern critique of Sesame Street etc. Kid's progs can be v metaphorical for adults, and therefore helpful at all levels, makes it nice to watch together (for the first few time )

[LEMisdisappointed]

See - i just find innuendo rather than metaphors

[ThatVikRinA22]

hey guys.

well. i have only just emerged from my bed. but in a mo im going to get dressed and walk the dog.

i have a cracking head ache. im going to eat some cereal and take something for it.

i feel like the pills are making me weirdly detached from whats happened to ds, but im speaking to him frequently and going to go and bring him home for the weekend. (ill be back at work but at least he will get out of his room for a bit)

i need to do some job hunting. i cant cope with shifts. i feel half dead again already with tiredness. will scan jobs later. im supposed to be going to the stables tomorrow but no guarantee i can ride, so not sure about that now. i enjoy going but now im back at work i dont want to just go and skivvy....plus i need to mind my back.

all feels a bit crappy again at the minute and before i know it my days off will be gone and ill be back at work again, wading through that particular brand of treacle.

will sort a new thread out later too....anyway. must go and sort this headache out. lem i need to stop drinking too. i lost track of how many glassess i had last night. not good. no wonder ive got a head ache....

hang on in there ciq

you sound much better snowy - i need to get out for some air too. nothing heavy - just a pooch walk to the park. i look dreadful but dont care....sometimes i wish i could just stick a bag over my head and go out.

[SnowyMouse]

Thanks vicar. I hope DS and you find the weekend helpful. You're right, the riding stables should be a pleasure rather than a chore, do take care of you (schedule it in if you have to).

I've got a meeting friday, hope they will take me off the section.

Will be thinking of you and yours.

[LEMisdisappointed]

Hi Vicar - It could well be a good thing that you are detached from what is happening to your DS as you will be able to give him much more objective advice - he is so lucky to have you for a mum!

You are bound to be tired after returning to work, your sleep patterns will be all over the place and now this with your Son, do give yourself some time to settle - don't expect too much of yourself just yet.

I hope you feel brighter after the dog walk - I was inspired by Edwina to do some washing and put that on the line

I have volunteered for a local foodbank Having a OMG what have i done feeling but i think it will be good for me and its voluntary, i can be flexible. I also was contacted by my friend who i did some voluntary work for last year and there may be a possibility of picking that back up - I have to think about it, its pretty brain challenging but hey, at least i would be back among the spiders that im now so fascinated by - i might even ask for a tarantula as a form of payment. I have to be careful at that oen though, i still had an attack of the shakes trying to load the dishwasher so I don't want to screw things up for my friend - or get bitten by a big hairy spider.

Feeling brighter - hope the rest of you are feeling a bit better, i felt so low this morning, surprised i feel better, but i do, we can do this!!!!

[SnowyMouse]

Volunteering is great to do, good luck with it LEM

I'm feeling a bit unsure about the long weekend, does anyone have plans?

[TheSilveryPussycat]

Hi all, am in work mode so quick one.

vicar vulnerable people like your DS and me (and I do count myself as having been v vulnerable in the past, but lucky ) are made even more vulnerable because we don't always recognise that we are vulnerable. It speaks voulumes for you and DS that he is able to confide in you and has reported.

Hugs to all. (Will reply soon NN!)

[Catmint]

Hi there, just popped in to say hello and that I am sending you all my very best wishes.

I had a bit if a scary dip a few days ago, spent most of day resting and in silence( should have been in work) which bought me enough head space to carry on. Feel ok again now.

Lots of love xxx

[SnowyMouse]

Glad you're taking care of you, catmint

Good night all.

[NanaNina]

Hello to everyone! Oh Vicar as others have said going back to work (especially shift work) after so long off sick is going to take it out of you. I used to feel washed out and unable to concentrate at work after 2 weeks annual leave, or even 1 week, and you have been off for several weeks/months even? Are you doing reduced hours, sorry I've lost track a bit.

I so agree with SPC about vulnerable people not realising they are vulnerable which makes the world a very unsafe place at times. I know we are all vulnerable to a greater or lesser degree, but thinking of people with special needs really. I think the fact that you are no longer cinically depressed means that you are able to be more objective, and not feel so overwhelmed by your son's problems. I think it's this rather than being "wierdly detached" I remember some of your earlier posts when the depression had really taken hold when you were understandably overwhelmed with your son's difficulties.

You don't need me to tell you that you need to monitor yourself about feeling over-tired, stressed at work as this could lead to a relapse, and at least you will recognise the signs this time, though sometimes relapses can manifest themselves in a different way from the first episode - just another little trick dep/anx likes to play on us. Pity it's so difficult to get jobs these days. Don't know where you are but I'm in the West Mids which has the highest unemployment figures in the country especially for 18 - 25 years.

Booze - I think when you have lost count of how much you have drunk it's time to face up to the fact that you are abusing, rather than using alcohol to relieve stress whatever. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh Vicar but I think it needs saying. I used to work for Aquarius for problem drinking (different approach from AA) and they are still and are the front runners in helping people with this problem in my opinion, but you have to be motivated, which goes without saying doesn't it. I think it's when we doing anything to excess, be it drinking, eating, smoking, excersising (even) that it becomes a problem.

Lem can I just ask if you are on ADs and how long as I don't know your back story. I felt soooo much for you yesterday thinking of you crying in Costa Coffee. Mornings are always worse for me, and it seems like that's the case for you too, but sometimes we can feel so much better as the day wears on, and I am almost always much better by evening. I think it's these fluctuations that make the bloody illness so much harder to bear though really, because this doesn't happen with physical illness. Catmint sounds like you suffer from these fluctuation also. It's so hard for people to understand when we are fine one day and the next we are hiding from the world (or trying to) for those of you with small children.

Oh wondering if I dare press "send" or whether you will be angry at my post! Oh well hope not, so hear goes.

[bassetfeet]

Have just lost huge post and am spitting . So ...........

Hi to Nana. Know that feeling of pressing the send button . But we care and share experiences and wisdom and real concern here . Not just platitudes . Love your input and way you write . How are you doing ?

Lem your story of the seagull was so nice to read . I love birds and watching them . Your help with the food aid is so useful ....I am in the middle of badgering by e-mail a large supermarket to put out trolleys for food bank donations . Mails going back and forth at the moment .
You sounded so down yesterday . Mornings are the pits . Think it is to do with the stress hormone Cortisol being at its peak first thing . Horrid .x

Vicar thinking of you and your son . Thinking of you re work . Wish I had a way to make life easier for you . Tread water for now lovely and take each day as it comes if you can .
Went to Pets at Home today ......so many lovely rats snoozing in their high rise beds . DH says I must wait until my birthday in the summer . He isnt keen [but I WILL sort that ].

CIQ did you get your walk in the sun with your dad and have pub lunch? hope you are feeling better and less tired . The fatigue is for me the worst symptom . Please dont feel like you are letting your family down ......xx

ED Where are you ? You are so valuable on this thread with your honesty and humour . WORRIED .

Snowy weekend here will be as usual . I hope your support is not too far away over the Bank Holiday . These long weekends can be difficult .

SPC I bought some clothes online today with that one click thing. Work of the devil I tell ya . Hippy chick crumbly style .

Catmint this illness seems to be 2 steps forward and 1 back . Pleased to read that you feel better now x

helles are you ok ?

Good news again today re Dhs blood tumour tests . Treatment is working for now thank goodness . Always a worry that they are going to rise as they will one day but for now that is fabulous news .

[LEMisdisappointed]

Hi everyone - a better day for me today, get this, because i htink i have a tummy bug so i felt justified in taking to my bed with my book :) Nina - im on citalopram 20mg been on them a few months, i was on them before for about two years, i think i should have stayed on them really. Yesterday morning was grim - but there was improvement as the day went on and i even managed a good tidyup. Today i have allowed myself a day off but had a reason because i have a poorly tum!

Basset - excellent point about the cortisol - i should know this, but its like a coin slotting into place - thats why i wake up anxious - I wonder how to counter that? Glad you liked the seagull story, it was very funny to watch. I love seagulls

Yes Edwina where are you love?? I hope you are OK and that you are not here because you are out enjoying the sun?

DP home with fish and chips now, will post more later - hugs to all.

[SnowyMouse]

Hope everyone's doing ok...

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi everyone.
Bassett thanks I did get out for a walk and a little lunch with dad yesterday which was nice. Commiserations re: lost post. I have taken to copying the text in mine before I hit the post button...

Really interesting about the cortisol too. I am def worse in the morning.

LEM that food bank volunteering sounds like a great idea - not too big a commitment, but doing something constructive. Good for you. Liked the seagull too

Nana your comments about fluctuations really resonate with me today. And its good to read your very real advice.

I wasn't great yesterday afternoon (ended up having to escape to bedroom in pm and leave dad with the DCs). Decided last night not to go to college today as I couldn't face doing a self portrait all day. It was a good decision, I've really struggled today, feel like I've gone backwards. So exhausted, feel like lead. Slept til 10. Very anxious this morning. DH had to literally help me get into the garden as I had been hoping to do a bit of gardening in the sun. No appetite, real stomach ache. Spent an hour in garden pottering, had a sarnie, then had to go back to bed slept 2-3.30. Felt a bit better by 4, and got a chunk of weeding done and cooked dinner. But I feel soooo spaced today, head feels really weird, struggling to feel like I'm getting anywhere this week. Was end of last week a blip cos I spent mon and tue on the sofa? sorry I think I'm repeating myself.

catmint sorry to hear about your dip. Apol I can't remember your back story - are you on ADs - how long have you been suffering?

snowy how's your day been?

Hope people got on OK today, vicar, SPC, Ed, Helles and anyone I've missed out. Take care.

[bassetfeet]

ciq So sorry to read you have been struggling so much .Truly think you need a different med more suited to anxiety/depression combo.
Cross tapering with a good doctor support is manageable I have been told
I realise you want to wait until your daughters communion . Maybe consider switching sooner ? take care x

[ColouringInQueen]

Thanks Basset I have an appt in three weeks with GP, might bring it forward a week and give myself these last 10 days to review and make a decision. DS birthday end of May too. Is there an anxiety scale like the depression one so I can try and assess myself? I'm not actually shaking or having panic attacks, but clearly not right! Hope you got some sun today x