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Original poster

Just started on Citalopram

502 replies

Nanabana · 30/01/2013 15:55

Have read old threads about side affects and quite worrying, but will give it a go. Hope it kicks in soon

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 07/03/2013 11:15

Citalobrain, thanks for asking. I'm a bit foggy, but okay. Having a day out in my favourite town- just coffee, a walk and a look around the shops. I try to get out of my town once a week, to different places. It keeps me just about sane.

Look after yourselves, everyone. Be kind to yourselves.

Original poster
Nanabana · 07/03/2013 11:30

thanks, that makes me feel better. It's the very people that I get all my love and support from that I am now in conflict with, I would have disengaged but i guess I became a bit too brave and gave my POV.

Hugs out to you all too..
I havent read the thread but Mechanical i'm so so sorry, hope you're doing ok.
i think we dont have to worry about being cheesy or soppy, we need the cheese xx

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 07/03/2013 16:12

Hi all,
how are you doing Mechanical?
Nanacome and feel the love Wink take care.
Bunny good to hear. Definately worth asking about diazepan.
Citalobrain thanks my DD loved her day at college today. It was very special see her start of the day v shy and by the end be walking around talking to the other students about their paintings. Grin

I was doubly grateful to my tutor as... after the kids were asleep last night my DP told me that he is being made redundant. Completely out of the blue. Both very shocked. I was a bit of a state last night. However today, once I got to college, was actually ok! I think the ADs must be kicking in a bit as I did feel more able to interact, despite this bombshell! I am SOOOOOOOO grateful that this didn't happen last autumn when my DP was in a deep depression and suicidal. He has responded v well to his ADs and CBT and is actually really strong now and I think will give them a run for their money in negotiating his redundancy package. I think I have poss been a bit manic today and expect not to feel like this all evening, but I did a good painting and interacted at college so I'm writing it down to remind myself in case tomorrow is not so good!
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} to all.

MechanicalTheatre · 07/03/2013 16:24

Colouring so sorry to hear about your husband's redundancy but glad that you are getting on better. I have been socialising a lot better too, I think my flatmates are wondering what's hit me! I wasn't able to get out of bed for lectures this morning. I'm going to ask if I can get an extension on an essay I have due, so got my fingers crossed because I really don't think I can manage 8000 words in two weeks.

Bunny I was told recently that if you make up a crisis plan, with diazepam as a part of that, doctors are more likely to give them to you. I really need them :( but they are very reluctant to give them to me.

Hi to citalo , CreamEgg , Samu , Nanna , A1980 , Looiloo , Linoleic , MrsShrek - hope I've not missed anyone.

I'm going ok today, I guess. I haven't cried. I keep checking my phone and emails, hoping for him to call/mail. I just want him to say that everything will be ok, he'll change, he's an idiot, he wants to be with me...and I hate thinking about him being sad too. I know I put a lot of pressure on him. I feel sick when I think about being alone without him forever.

But I know it's the right thing to do. We have tried to work through our problems and difficulties for seven years and it's been so hard. I love him so much. It felt like we were getting better at being together. But in the end, you just feel like a relationship shouldn't be that much effort.

I haven't told anyone IRL yet.

MechanicalTheatre · 07/03/2013 18:54

Oh God, finding this so hard. I started a thread in relationships about the split, but not had very good support at all. It's like people think "well, you split with him so why should you find it hard?" and someone saying you obviously don't really love each other or you'd be together. Well I do love him, but we just have very different ideas about relationships. The thread has made me feel worse and I wish I hadn't started it.

I haven't done a shred of work. Panicking.

And I'm having horrible anxious thoughts. One flatmate has her birthday today and we are all meeting for cake at 9. I know someone will come to my room to get me and I considered hiding in the cupboard so no-one knows I'm here and they don't know where I am and they can't find me. I know that that is crazy. I am thinking about running away somewhere where no-one can ever find me. I just want all of this to vanish.

ColouringInQueen · 07/03/2013 19:15

Oh Mechanical hang in there. Ignore the thread. Some are good, some aren't. You were together a long time, it will be hard for a while, but not forever, you just have to keep going in the short term and it will get easier. Try and find something to distract yourself from your anxiety and see how you feel about cake later.

I seem to have crashed now. Splitting headache and moving is like walking through treacle. Ho hum. Wine and chocolates in order I think...

MrsShrek3 · 07/03/2013 19:40

colouring yy to the walking through treacle thing - physically and emotionally.
hang in, MT. so hard just now but give yourself some kindness too Smile I won't do that cap about feeling better soon, sometimes it will feel ok and sometimes ten times worse.
we're stuck on emotional rollercoasters all round I think Sad

A1980 · 07/03/2013 20:55

I can't even find my pills...they made me too sick. I haven't taken them.

I am beyond treatment. I don't want to get better. I just want out.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 08:10

MT I'm in the mess I'm in because of a very upsetting split.

if you're struggling when you're the in who decided to end it, think how the one who is left behind with no choice feels...

Its nowhere near as hard in the one that ended it ss they wanted out.

Bunnygotwhacked · 08/03/2013 09:01

A1980 do you have children? are you managing to get through the day ok do what you need to do? Someone said upthread about the samaritans if you are not getting support in rl and need to talk to someone in rl that could be an option. How about just typing out the whole story either here or on another forum you don't have to post but it might help you see how things are. You are ill please remember this the doctor can give you something citalopram didnt work out for you but you can go back and tell them and ask for something new. If you don't want to visit try over the phone

Bunnygotwhacked · 08/03/2013 09:09

Colouring I'm glad you and dd had a good day at the art class sorry to hear about your dh's redundancy but I am glad you are both feeling strong enough to deal with it.
Mechanical one step at a time hide that thread I know what you mean about hiding
I havent been out of the house since the panic on monday I keep telling myself that I'm waiting for the pills to kick in but part of me wonders if I'm not just making it worse by not going out but i can't force myself not even for the school run dp is doing all of it at moment.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 09:16

No children. Not coping with work. Late by an hour everyday doing nothing and I am going to get disciplined. I cannot.concentrate.

I'll try and find the thread. my life was bearable when I thought I was loved but now I've realised I really am all alone and too old to fix it.

Linoleic · 08/03/2013 09:22

A1980 you are not alone, please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about

A1980 · 08/03/2013 09:29

Here you go. It may sound trivial but factor in I have ni supportive family and no friends....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1622303-Think-its-over-need-hand-holding

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1640244-Mixed-messages-going-nuts

MechanicalTheatre · 08/03/2013 11:51

A1980 Look, we're both suffering. Your suffering does not "beat" mine. Yes, I ended it. And I will always wonder if I did the right thing. I understand the rejection is hard to deal with but I don't think it's very fair to say that you're suffering more than me.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 12:18

I didn't mean it to come across that way.

Its only because I am heartvbroekn that I can't understand how someone whip wanted to end it and has walked away and cut contact can be suffering.

I got the I'll probably regret this line from my ex buy he still did it. So does he want my sympathy.

MechanicalTheatre · 08/03/2013 12:23

Because he will never love me enough. He will never pay me enough attention. His work/family/friends/whatever will always come before me, because he knows I'll always be sitting waiting for him.

That has broken my heart. It is making me resent him and hate him. I have suffered for seven years in this relationship and if I want to get well, I need to cut contact with the person who is both the most supportive of me and also the one who causes me the most pain.

I have been ill since I was a child. I don't know if I will ever get better. But I know that the relationship isn't making me happy and I have to end it.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 12:31

Good god.....did we date the.same guy?

I got the same from mine....although when I blew up about the lack of attention he paid me he ended it.

It hurts so much to love someone who just pushes you away. that most have hurt so much

MechanicalTheatre · 08/03/2013 12:35

We have gone back and forth for years, I have told him a million times how I feel. Sometimes it's been better and generally it is better now. But it is still not enough. The final straw was when he arranged to do something in the holidays with someone else when we have seen each other for one weekend this year.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 12:42

One weekend? That's crazy.

So you didn't live together?

What's his history like? Is he like that with everyone he's been with?

A1980 · 08/03/2013 12:50

Did he ever split up with you and come back?

Looiloo79 · 08/03/2013 13:55

Change of plan. I'm not going back to work on Monday. Don't feel quite ready and the anxiety peaked at the thought of it. Doc signed me off for another week so hopefully back soon.

Slept alot better last nite - combination of kalms and changing the time of taking my pill. Am now taking it midday but feeling hyper at nighttime lol.

A1980 · 08/03/2013 13:56

Ok that's it I've flipped.

Sitting at my desk all day not able.to.work.

I just went.to.the.station.to.get some lunch.and.I.couldn't decide. Stood in so many queues but.the decision.of what to.get was too much.

started wandering around.crying am.now.crying.at.my.desk again. this is too much.

Sallystyle · 08/03/2013 14:14

I am having a really bad day. I have two lumps both sides on my jawline when I press really hard.

DH says they are both the same both sides and it's a normal part of my body and it feels like bone. My mum felt hers and have the same. However, I am sure it is cancer.

I have to go to my four year olds tea party in a bit but very panicky.

I was going to make a GP's appointment but my husband said very kindly that it would be wasting time again because tomorrow it will be something else. He promised me that if he thought I had anything to worry about he would tell and even with him feeling them and reassuring me it isn't working.

I was sure I had oral cancer 4 days ago. I think I do need to learn to not rush to the GP and listen to my mum and husband.

A190- I am so sorry you are struggling :( please keep talking and leaning on us for support

Have you seen your GP? please go see someone again. You sound so very low and you need to be seen :(

Loo I wonder if I should try some Calms? I never sleep well.

How is everyone else doing today?