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Original poster

I am putting this here so it goes away. Please hold my hand

363 replies

hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 07:29

But at the same time I was going to name change but I don't want to because I want to be able to find this again if I need to in the future and because (on the back of the PND thread even though this isn't PND) I have nothing to be ashamed of.

If any of you recognise me in my previous names please don't out me on this thread.

I am going to ring the doctor and get an emergency appointment and see if they can give me antidepressants or something to help I am crying I can't stop I'm stressed I'm not sleeping and my DP told me last night I am over thinking everything and tying myself in knots and could I please go and do something

So I came home in a strop with him and in tears but he's right.

My ex is a head wreck and very difficult to deal with.

I'm a single parent.

I work part time and go to uni full time.

I am having gynae issues and bleeding out every month for 2 or 3 days to the point where I last an hour before I'm soaked through.

I'm so tired just so so tired and I can't sleep

I have a bad shoulder and it hurts all the time it's the hand/arm I use the most and I have to do tons of typing and sitting at the computer for uni and driving and it hurts and I am swallowing ibuprofen every day and they aren't helping

So I am going to ring the doctor this morning and get an emergency appointment and tell them how bad I feel.

I'm scared. Stupid stupid stupid scared.

OP posts:
only4tonight · 29/03/2012 08:18

You are not silly, or selfish, or self indulgent and I know going to see a to is scary and seems like admitting defeat. I have been there. But 10 years down the track I can, hand on heart, tell you that seeing my to that day was the start of a new and immeasurably better life.

Also your dp sounds like a keeper. Only those who really care for you will be that straight with you and still be around to pick up the pieces.

only4tonight · 29/03/2012 08:21

I was also a full time student, part time worker with a headfucker of an ex. I used to count down the mins to my breaks so I could disappear safely to the loo or home for a bit to cry.

only4tonight · 29/03/2012 08:22

Auto correct keeps turning gp to a to sorry. So read to as gp above

ssd · 29/03/2012 08:23

op, so sorry to read how crap you feel

you sound worn out, you wee soul

is there anyone else you could talk to, a tutor, someone at work?

I hope the doc is nice, cry in front of him/her and don't be ashamed. hopefully they will be kind and treat you respectfully/if not get an appt. with someone else. don't let this lie

all the best x

ssd · 29/03/2012 08:24

you are crying cos you're worn out and run down, just let it out

BIWI · 29/03/2012 08:26

Don't be upset about the row with your DP. Your DP has told you exactly what you needed to hear, and it shows that he really cares about you. Which is a good thing! Smile

Being a 'coper' means it's hard to accept the fact that you may need help, and it can also mean that it can be hard to accept that help.

But nobody gives you a medal for being a coper - honestly! You are not a bad or weak or stupid person because you need some help. You are a normal human being.

So be kind(er) to yourself. Tell your GP how you feel, ask for more time for your work (it may be worth asking your GP to write a letter for you to support your case), and take any help that is offered to you.

Very good luck - I hope you feel better very quickly.

NigellaLawless · 29/03/2012 08:29

Poor you, what a horrible time you are having. And I am in awe of you being a parent and having a job and being at uni, when I was at uni it was stressful enough and all i had to worry about was myself!

I'm sorry i'm in a rush to take DS to physio but I couldn't read and run, so sorry if I'm repeating things others have said...

I get a lot of pain in my shoulder and arm it started over ten years ago when i was doing my dissertation, I believe it was because i didn't have my PC set up ergonomically and i put tonnes of strain on the arm i used the mouse with. Over the years it flares up whenever i use that arm a lot, be it for cleaning (I worked in a coffee shop and was in agony clearing and wiping down tables) or painting or computer work. It is always much much worse when I am stressed too.

Have you made sure that your computer is set up in such a way as to reduce stress on your shoulder/arm? Are you using a laptop? Laptops are terrible for your arms/shoulders. If you are using one can you get a seperate keyboard/mouse rather than use the tiny one on the laptop, as this could help.

Your uni should have some counselling services that you should be able to access for free. Perhaps they can help with your current overthinking. THis might be faster than waiting for a GP referal to counselling.

I bet you are doing a great job in all aspects of your life but you are just judgiong yourself really harshly.

I will come back to this thread when I can today.

Thinking of you and offering lots of unMNy hugs and xxx

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:35

I actually have a separate keyboard I could wire up to the laptop so that might help a bit that's a good idea.

docs is constantly engaged

OP posts:
Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:36

And you're all being so nice it' smaking me cry Smile and I'm not even in their yet

OP posts:
Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:37

appt at 10.30 and I got the doc I like (pure accident it's an emergency apptmt)

OP posts:
BIWI · 29/03/2012 08:38

That's good!

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:39

There not their FFS

OP posts:
Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:39

I just know I'm going to cry buckets. I'm crying already thinking about all the shit in my head.

Fuckksake!

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Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:42

Well, I have to go now I've emailed my lecturer and told them I won't be in as I have an emergency doctors appointment.

OP posts:
Maryz · 29/03/2012 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 08:52

Do you lot have any idea how great you all are?

Seriously. I thought you'd tell me to catch a grip.

OP posts:
only4tonight · 29/03/2012 08:55

There are more people who have been where you are now than you could ever imagine. Admitting you need help and going to get it takes such strength of character.

only4tonight · 29/03/2012 08:57

There are more people who have been where you are now than you could ever imagine. Admitting you need help and going to get it takes such strength of character.

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 09:14

I feel very nervous and slightly sick.

OP posts:
tantrumsandballoons · 29/03/2012 09:18

I did the same thing as maryz
Walked onto drs
She said "how can I help you?"
I cried, and cried for 10 minutes.

You WILL cry OP but it's ok

CreepyWeeBrackets · 29/03/2012 09:19

All the best, OP.

And ask about that shoulder. I had Frozen Shoulder for a year and living with pain grinds you down massively. A cortisone injection from the G.P sorted it almost immediately!

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 09:21

I need an op on the shoulder really to sort it and that's another thing I've been avoiding dealing with I have torn/wrecked 3 out of 4 rotator cuffs in the shoulder

OP posts:
CreepyWeeBrackets · 29/03/2012 09:25

Oh no, how horrible for you. Pain and sleeplessness and everything else on your plate - no wonder it is all getting on top of you.

Hope you get the help you need x

Original poster
hathorinareddress · 29/03/2012 09:30

It's so stupid the pain in the shoulder means even doing normal stuff like hanging the washing out is really difficult - it's difficult to reach above my head and doing the pinchy thing you have to do to open the spring pegs hurts as well - although I bought some old fashioned pegs the dolly ones and they're helping a bit.

And the bleeding is a nightmare a total and utter nightmare. And my cycle is down to every 23 days so when you add that I'm bleeding for nearly a week and 4 days of those are flooding, I don't get much of a break from it.

Then add in an idiot ex.

A 13 year old daughter (need I say any more?)

P/T work.

Uni full time.

Driving to and from uni and assignments and tests and exams and and and

I have officially reached the end of my tether.

OP posts:
dearprudence · 29/03/2012 09:34

Good luck with it. So many of us have had to walk into the docs and tell them we're not coping and it is difficult, but it's an important step in getting yourself sorted out. Please don't hold anything back when you see them - and crying is fine! Let us know how you get on, if it will help you x