I am putting this here so it goes away. Please hold my hand

[hathorinareddress]

But at the same time I was going to name change but I don't want to because I want to be able to find this again if I need to in the future and because (on the back of the PND thread even though this isn't PND) I have nothing to be ashamed of.

If any of you recognise me in my previous names please don't out me on this thread.

I am going to ring the doctor and get an emergency appointment and see if they can give me antidepressants or something to help I am crying I can't stop I'm stressed I'm not sleeping and my DP told me last night I am over thinking everything and tying myself in knots and could I please go and do something

So I came home in a strop with him and in tears but he's right.

My ex is a head wreck and very difficult to deal with.

I'm a single parent.

I work part time and go to uni full time.

I am having gynae issues and bleeding out every month for 2 or 3 days to the point where I last an hour before I'm soaked through.

I'm so tired just so so tired and I can't sleep

I have a bad shoulder and it hurts all the time it's the hand/arm I use the most and I have to do tons of typing and sitting at the computer for uni and driving and it hurts and I am swallowing ibuprofen every day and they aren't helping

So I am going to ring the doctor this morning and get an emergency appointment and tell them how bad I feel.

I'm scared. Stupid stupid stupid scared.

Op please don't be scared.
I haven't got much time but couldn't read and not post.

You are doing the best possible thing by going to the doctors, it's the first and most important step to feeling better.

I'm sure someone wonderful will be along soon with good advice.
Good luck

I'm pathetic it's pathetic shite shite shite

Thank you btw It's me I know it's me but oh SHITE

I've never had a row with BF/DP before and we had a row last night and that's upset me too which is stupid because real people have rows right? But we never row not ever and he ticked me off big style.

As that's a lot on your plate. Hope someone will come along with better advice but in the meantime,could you be anaemic with that much bleeding. The tiredness sounds like I have felt with that.

Iron tablets will make every difference if you are.

I take a multi-vit with iron in it because I'm sure I'm anaemic but I don't think it's enough iyswim - but at the same time I can't take iron tablets they make me sick

I have started the liquid one you buy in boots,it's been better for me than tabs. When you see the doc, mention it too. I'm sure there are diff types of iron tabs they can give. It's brave to get help during a difficult time. Certainly not pathetic. Good luck x

I should add. I have coursework due tomorrow that I need to read over and just tidy up. I didn't do it last night.

I have exams coming up.

I have other coursework due just after Easter.

I should be in uni today and I feel bad that I'm not going because of feeling like this - but I know I need to go to the doctor.

Was in uni on Monday and had to come home after an hour as I'd only brought one change of trousers/knickers and I'd used them after the trip to get there. Felt so pathetic saying to the lecturer "I have to go I'm sorry"

Could you try Spatone?
Hope you're feeling better soon :)

Thank you all so much for responding to such a self-indulgent post

I think that an appointment is a good idea. Be gentle with yourself, you have a lot to deal with.

Also Spatone was the only iron supplement I could stomach. It's little sachets you add to orange juice and I felt much better after a week or two.

Good luck with the doctor today

if you could at least start tackling one thing, hopefully you will soon start to feel better

I thought you'd all tell me I was being stupid and I needed to face up to things and you haven't

And get on with things I mean.

Oh you know I mean "man up" but I don't want to say that

Good luck at the doctors.

You sound like you have a lot on your plate anyway and your gynae issues are not helping your energy levels.

Im sure they will be able to help you.

But you can't just "man up" when you have depression! You have an awful lot to deal with in anyone's books!! Depression is an illness like any other, your body is lacking a vital chemical. Think of a diabetic, they need insulin to live and so it is with antidepressants! That's what my doctor told me when I was diagnosed and I was saying but I should be able to make myself happy other people manage!. They obviously don't make all your problems magically disappear but do make them seem more manageable!

Good luck and hope you get your bleeding sorted too!

As an aside, have you considered any complementary therapy such as reflexology?

Virtuous I've tried complementary health supplements and massage and acupuncture but nothing is helping.

DP said last night I had an imbalance of chemicals in my brain - same as you said. He said the diabetic thing as well.

Sigh.

8.30 I have to start to ring them.

Have you also spoken to your uni? I heart some of them are really good at helping students who are suffering with depression, maybe worth a go, you could potentially get extended deadlines for coursework and help with exams.

I hope your dr apt goes well.

Contact Student Services, explain that you are very unwell, and ask for an extension.

Hope things go well at the doctor's: see if they can give you a line for Uni as well.

If the doctor laughs at me or tells me to man up I will seriously cry buckets.

I'm scared they'll tell me it's just life and get on with it.

And I know, as DP said last night, people get help with a lot less going on and it's nothing to be ashamed of. But I'm ashamed. I'm a coper, a getter on-er with I don't buckle. Not ever.

I don't want to extend the courseworks - I just want to get them in and done and out of the way - the one due tomorrow if I sat down for an hour it would be finished, but I tried last night, gave up and went to DP's instead because I just couldn't concentrate.

I feel so bad for missing lectures I never miss anything

Don't call yourself that. You aren't stupid, at all. And if the doctor said anything like that, it would be very surprising as they should be used to seeing people feeling like this. If that was their attitude it would be their problem and would warrant retraining and a slap.

The fact that you're a 'coper' means it is very likely that you've been doing exactly that untill you've reached overload. You're certainly tired, likely anaemic, and these factors plus stress may have tipped you over the edge into a depression.

'Cope' by continuing to seek help, as you are doing. You won't feel this way for ever, even if it feels like it.

Re: the coursework. It might be worth doing the one for tomorrow, once you've had some rest, as it may help you feel a bit better.

There is NOTHING wrong in taking a bit more time for the rest, as you are genuinely ill. How would you feel if you didn't do as well as you could have because you didn't take the time you were entitled to?

I am crying already.

What the fuck?