Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Keziah sympathies with ds - the similarities with dd at similar age are frightening, lol! You just will them to go to sleep don't you? I love your system for the strawberries - I'll be nicking idea thanks . How do tomatoes self seed? Do they need to have flowered? Mine are very small, as are my peppers. I noticed today that the latter look like they're forming peppers (I don't know if normal for size of plant because have never grown before).

Ah future sorry to hear about your flare up. Does stress make you more prone to flare up? You've certainly had much on your plate lately. Please take every opportunity to rest etc (that's an order ).

Today I am drained, physically (because I'm not as young as I like to kid myself and can't hack one night out on the town) and emotionally (dd issues at school, found out am losing my Support Worker as the provider she works for was unsuccessful at winning new contract from the mh trust. Don't even know what support (if any) I may be able to access as it isn't known yet what support will be available. It's terrible the lack of lead in time (next month) and I can only be thankful that I'm more than a year seeing her because had I found this out this time last year I would have been distraught. This also means that one of the groups I attend is also up in the air and even if it survives it won't necessarily remain on the same day/time. What a start to the week! Thanks for the mega-positive vibes future - shame I didn't "receive" them before the start of day (Keziah this week I'm attending a meeting with my employer more stress = just what I need!!).

Hope you both a little more relaxed.

(Oh and I got half way home from support worker appt and my bike tyre went flat so had to walk remainder of way grrrrr!!)

Night xx

Choc you don't want self seeding tomatoes (caused by tomato plant growing, flowering, producing tomatoes that go splat on the floor and not being picked up!) as they are growing like weeds for me - eek! You can grow tomatoes next year from the ones growing this year, thus saving buying seeds though. All you do is get a ripe tomato, squash the pulp and lay the seeds on a piece of kitchen type paper and let them dry. Then put the paper, when dry, in an envelope in a tin or plastic box till next spring. Then next spring get the kitchen paper and plant bits of it (I can't be bothered to separate seeds, just thin them out later) in pots of soil (or yoghurt pots or trays, whatever you use!)

Grrr at losing support worker. Great you had her for a year. Can you use remaining sessions to find out what support you can get? Have other workers kept their funding? Can you access a cpn through mh team? (Not that mine is any good at all, but my previous one was!) or another worker through the children's centre etc if they provide support?

at self-seeding toms Keziah - I see what you mean now. Great tip for growing new plants next yr - thanks .

I have no more sessions left but she was concerned about abrupt endings so offering to let call for a session if needed.

oh dear fell asleep whilst trying to post! Will try again tomorrow. Peaceful sleep to us all xx

Horrible rain... oh well, have learnt to use the rain cover on the pram now!

Choc hope you called for a session if you wanted one, at least to finish things off if you have to. I hate abrupt endings especially - for you.

Low week here, beginning to struggle. No idea why. Glad it is weekend, as less responsibility for the baby at least.

Sleep is good idea Choc!

at you learning to use rain cover Keziah. I could do with a decent set of waterproofs that neither require a new mortgage nor leak at the insiest bit of rain! Tbh I'm sick of the rain - it really isn't helping to improve my mood. Sorry to hear your week been a bit of a struggle. Exhaustion??? (perhaps you've psychologically become accustomed to the lack of sleep but body can't hack it so makes a fuss every once in a while. Plus you did have a really full on week last week. Hope wkend is better with some more help with ds.

This has ended up being a full-on week for me (think it's why I keep falling asleep!!). Spent much of today at A&E and at the hospital in general with dd. She's fine though but I was advised to get her checked over just in case. But it has been quite draining (plus means haven't got round to doing ANY housework this week . Yesterday morning after school run I thought oh I'll just lie and rest for a few minutes, only to fall asleep before being woken at around lunchtime by the phone ringing!) Quite a stressful week in all. Will pm you both about work mtg when I get the chance.

Hope you doing ok future .

Oh Choc sorry to hear about dd at A+E... they do like to worry us, don't they. Glad all ok.

My little reflux baby is going to learn to sleep in the coming weeks - as yes I can't cope with less than 10minutes a day to myslef, as no housework or time to do anything for myself. And more importantly babies need sleep and I can't cope with an overtired baby any longer.

Operation sleep begins with .... ds having a 90 min sleep when looked after by dh!! grrr... never done that for me. Ah well, dh is having a day off next week to look after ds so if ds does it for 3 days, maybe and just maybe he will learn sleep is good!!

to Keziah and future. I couldn't wish for two nicer cyberfriends. I think I'm at wits end but don't want to wallow - you've given me some superb advice but I can't process any of it right now and I've really tried. So I'll try not to beat myself up. But everything is too hard. < choc wonders why there isn't a sob emoticon > I'm so worried about dd and the worst thing is I think it's all because of me . She wants to move schools. Says she's struggled to make friends because of her naughtiness during first term. According to her teacher behaviour's ok now (still has her moments like other kids though) but I still see the side of her that just flips out unexpectedly. The tantrums - I just didn't expect these to last so long. She's scarily unpredictable. If I move her and she carries on the same will things be any different? Sorry wasn't meant to ramble like this. Didn't want to leave messages unanswered but don't know when I'll be able to reply properly. Don't worry if I'm not around next couple of days. I really just need to get my head further above the water xx

Choc wrote a long reply, then Mumsnet went offline so lost it.... here is a shorter (be thankful!) version:

Choc so sorry to hear you are struggling. Am not surprised with all that is going on right now. It is absolutely ok to not be able to process things - when things are so hard, getting through each day however one can is the way to go, in my opinion!!

With dd, if you don't want her to move schools (not the easiest thing to do, could be further away etc), and as she has shown such insight into the consequences of being naughty, could you :

• Tell her that if she continues behaving and with the long summer hols coming up, things will be different in Sept
• Could you talk to her teacher about this and ask: (1) For her to move classes in the school if there are 2 or more classes per year group; (2) Ask the teacher to set up a friendship group, with circle time --- this is teacher talk, but means the teacher chooses suitable children and asks them to befriend her, and does circle time with her and those children to talk through the issues. If that worked it would be amazing (I would do it if her teacher!!)
• Ask your dd to choose some activities out of school she would like to do where she could make new friends. This could include free summer hol activities, maybe Rainbows (think that is for her age, like younger brownies!) or ballet/swimming? Then she could focus on making new friends who have similar hobbies that don't know she has been naughty.

Take good care of you and biscuits!!! xx

< awestruck by Keziah's wisdom but why did Mn have to crash when you'd just done long post . I wrote this uninspiring post last night , then fell asleep as was posting < wishes K and Choccould have this luxury >

Thanks for posting , Choc , and saying you're not likely to be around for a bit . I hope you can feel all the positive thoughts we're bombarding you with ! Sorry I haven't posted or come up with anything new in last couple of days, but very much thinking of you and dd .

Hope obviously that dd is doing OK physically . You must be exhausted and emotionally wrung out -hugs and.You are doing incredibly-except for thinking that hateful phrase "my fault" - where to begin with that ....

About it being impossible to process all the advice / issues - that probably makes it even more important to try to let your subconscious ( or is that unconscious ) mind work through the data you won't necessarily realise you have . This applies to dc too I 'd imagine , so probably dd's mind has been sorting through the situation in the background . I 'm clumsily trying to say that with bigger decisions , small people may be able to access the information as efficiently as we adults ? Sorry to ramble .

Keziah , so hope ds can find a way to cooperate with operation sleep so he can feel more rested and you get a chance to look after self etc...you know how we worry about you when can't get enough rest , and it's been a long few months of the long weedays on your own with him

< excitedly holds toy in front of baby boy to see if he wants to interact with it >

I've come back calmed down again. The positive thoughts must have worked future. And Keziah I feel so blessed to be on the receiving end of your wisdom. Thank you both . Good news is I think I have it sorted (for now). Forgot to mention that I'd already spoken with dd's teacher when I'd posted but I have now also spoken with the dep head whose sole purpose was to reassure me. Success! I also learnt more about the school in the process e.g. the classes change every yr due to mixed age group classes (except reception) so possibly dd could be in a class with year 2 children. This would be good as would mean new faces who hopefully won't know her reputation (or at least haven't experienced it first hand). Also, hope that summer hols means she'll 'mature' a little bit more too. Will find out new classes before summer break.

Out-of-school she currently does swimming lessons but I would consider something else (maybe ballet). It's cost-dependant though - not so much the lessons but the gear which goes with it and any performance costumes etc. I want to avoid her starting things that I then can't continue to fund. I've got my eye on 2 weeks worth of 'dance'/performance art activities but it comes with a £200 price tag. However it's the only way I can think of taking off the pressure (physically and emotionally) over the long hols.

Keziah I also took your advice regarding the biscuits and ate a whole packet of milk choc digestives. Yum yum oink oink! Ok will try to PM soon - not tonight as I'm struggling as is to keep awake. Yes future it is exhausting < choc too lazy to wash-up so decides to load dishwasher >.

Choc , s absolutely amazing you've sorted out so much - thaank you for update , which sounds so positive .

Sorry , hard day so can't post till rested but sendihope you can rest now .
The workshoppy thing in holidays sounds a lifesaver.

So sorry KeziahNOto have answered yourkind message of reply , which I missed till today - bet you're on tenterhookss for a reply but just to say in complete awe at all you've managed this week , and delighted at baby son's sleep

Choc so glad to hear the school is being supportive. Great that there is a good chance she will change the mix of children she is in a class with for Sept (knew that might be a chance as how many schools work thesedays) - and the fact you have said it would help means school are likely to facilitate that for you.

Great she is doing swimming. Ballet sounds very expensive. All depends on what is in your area that you can get too. I know here there are rainbows (second hand uniform easy to get, with a weekly sub cost) and cubs etc as well as ballet (thankfully have a boy so no ballet for me!!)

Had an awful day Wed, tough therapy first session to say the least followed by ds refusing to nap but screaming for hours for one!! At least this am he has had one nap so far (is in middle of nap) so hopefully will have less screaming. Even rang me cpn for help - now know why never try to contact her, as not in office as usual!!

Keziah , so sorry the first session was very painful . I know you were trying to prepare for them but I hope the emotional work will bring you what you've long needed . Sending love and all best wishes for baby son to settle down as too hard right now . You'd think with cpns there would be anothen extension to ring if problem can't wait o

Choc , sorry my advice and judgement rubbish atm . Am trying to be more circumspect until feel ing less overwhelmed myself .

Schoolmust be used to these scenarios , and is it right that the important thing is how HT and teaches deal with them ? I'd like to think passing the test well so far .

Will be absolutely great if classes are mixed up a bit , and might be good for dd if also gets chance mix with slightly older kids as her own age might be islightly behind her in some ways , and the older ones may have eally learned to use strategies for dealing with their emotions that adults can only try to teach ? < knows nothing >

Please don't think I was cheering on the expensive hobby[blsh]- more keen on the extortionate 2 week thing in hols to give you some breathing space . Agree costumes etc v expensive - have seen interestng threads on Mn about dance classes - and K's suggestions excellet as ever . at your thinking baby son won't be into ballet Keziah

Keep writing posts , dozing off , falling behind then other challenges crop up ( DH work and health - DM is a whole different thing ) Then I write on regular thread where it really worries me to be absent , and I look shifty for not replying at all on here . Please forgive lack of reply to kind PM , Keziah -have lost good RL friends for slowness of replies .

Won't post about DM situation on here as could be identifying or even triggering on MH board , but v difficult to limit its impact on home life and with extended family . DH amazing , as has always been with this- if I could be as patient with his DPs ..

Really hope today improves , Keziah , to say the least ...hope that you get some rest , Choc
< sending peaceful vibes >

Oh God, there I go with my out-of-touch rambling again- sorry Choc

Hey future do me kind to self, I NEVER worry about replies - quick, slow or otherwise - we are all recovering/struggling and accept that xxx

Oh thank you lovely Keziah - comforting me when you having such a hrd day . Helped a lot , but pc frozen till now . Hope you got some sleep and not feeling so raw from the first session , and baby son more settled since

Hope you've been able to rest , Choc , and will have some time in garden at weekend .

Dh beein lot of pain with abcess on torso despite treatment , been worried would need inpatient treatment ...still v pressured at work too < hmmm... a connection , perhaps ? > Phew , seems to be improving today
Scary task re DM , must get back to it .

< sun streams in to make us all feel better >

A quick wave from me . I wanted to post properly but guess it will have to wait. Hope things have been a bit easier today for both of you. Hugs all round xx

Waves bacy

Bad day today... seeing cpm tomorrow, hope she is more helpful than usual. But doubt could ask for help even if I knew what would help.

Ouch to dh's back future - hope it is much better now.

< waves to Choc and Keziah > Sorry you've had horrible day , Keziah .
I think caution is very wise when discussing this stuff , but obviously you need support ...sorry if that's npt what you meant .
Ufortunately for you, old dr city has long since retired but Choc and I will be glad to try and help if we can - hugs ,
and to you Choc - sorry , brain not coming up with what I'd been storing up to say , so will post when it does , and send good vibes in the meantime

Thanks Keziah - have been worried he'd need hospitalor worse.. , but touch wood mostly improving now . Was definitely due to my rubbish housekeeping on top of his work pressure s- needing immunity-boosting
food , clean landry ,meals available and not just at 1AM

Hope stops raining enough for us all to have time in garden - sun will shine soon !xxx

future glad improving. Try not to blame yourself, dh has responsibilities too for housekeeping, well that is what my dh tells me!!

Dh having a nap in his cot, phew! Took 10 mins to get him down, hopefully he will have 40mins, though tends to be nearer 30! 2nd week of him having naps in the day, which he always fights, but babies need sleep. We were given lots of toys for him for this stage yesterday, so thankful for as they only use them a bit before they seem to move on. I like the fact people pass things on, we certainly do - my maternity clothes already have been lent out to an acquaintance!!

Wettest June in a century means I don't have to water my plants, but my fruit is being eaten by slugs!

My cpn is nice, but other than a chat and discussing medication has not helped. My previous one years ago when I last had one helped me with strategies and thinking etc.... guess different skills. Coming soon, so will finish cup of tea

for us all as we don't have to water our gardens this am!!

at dh having a nap in cot, Keziah! That has really made my otherwise fairly miserable day. Starting therapy is tough so sorry you're struggling with it. Years ago I actually used to dread going and often came back worse than how I went . However I kept getting told that's normal < though now having read a bit about the Human Given's approach my brain is subconsciously challenging that idea >. Hopefully seeing your cpn will just "shift" things a little. I'd be glad to help if I can. Might take my mind off self.

Glad dh's back improving future. Yes I think you're right about it being related to stresses etc. One side of my neck came out in horrid bumpy rash last week and only just improving and I'm convinced it's due to stress. Oh gosh with your DM. I'm hoping it's not what I think it is (now wondering whether I read something from you on PM - if so, apologies my memory is completely even more than usual shot). Stressful times indeed. Hope you are coping ok.

Thanks for the suggestions for dd. I hadn't considered Rainbows but will do now. Dd is certainly into God at the moment having been given first Bible from DM . Ballet cost isn't coming in too badly at the moment (only one pair of shoes at a time, at price of tights though, leotard, wrap-over) and she's been talking about it again after choosing a ballet book at the library. Might just bite the bullet for Sept start. Will certainly check out the MN ballet threads .

at dh in cot , Keziah < passes liniment > That is amazing progress with ds's sleep < fireworks > ... am sure will be a lot of ups and downs , very hard on your health .

Sorry had miserable day , Choc .. glad nasty rsh cleared , v likely to be the upset of last week or two .. I had v bad eczema after a big shock and Dh has simila when emotionally upset .

Ah, the thread I was thinking of about girls & ballet was in AIBU and an eyeopener - will see if can find it but glad cossies not impossibly expensive ... ah yes , could use up energy Rainbows could be great too , but are you thinking in terms of dance etc to help with her confidence after hard time at school , rather than activities which might make her feel put on the spot abut teamwork etc ? -which she'll be fine at , just maybe a bit tiring after long school year.
. Aargh at God phase - can be very intense can't it - am sure you will enjoy good chats about possibility of afterlif , angels , earth spirits fairies

Thanks for explaining about cpn , Keziah - am really concerned at those who only advise on medication ..is this some sort of regressiveion in mh care , where no strategies let alone talking therapies are discussed ? Isn't the workload of cpns much heavier now , too ?

Choc, I read a PM of you sent me at the time ( you were in hospital , Keziah , during your pregnancy )- your advice was amazingly helpful & stopped me just in time from alienating DM irreperably .
Of course, after thinking through your advice the other day I then went to an agency with the problem and have again lost her trust ... really going to take us to the limit , and one support org has been v hkind but she and I need counselling from women's group -still trying to get ..

As to the experiences you've both had after therapy , me too ...horrifically hard even with the lightbulb moments you get when your mind allows itself to
certain issues , Haven't heard of , Choc - will look up ( or is the HG a MNer )

Eeeek , owe PMs ... sorry , been zonked still , but Dh's wound healing , though pretty ill still . Thread nearly up to its end ... I couldn't think up up a decent title as you suggested , kind Keziah ( was waiting for you to be around Choc so I could check ) < dozy future >

< tries to pass on sleepiness to K's baby son >

Ok cyberaunties little ds has now initiated and played himself the game "peep oh" - which we have never played with him! He giggled so much as he kept turning away and then looking at us, each time was a new discovery for him - he did it a dozen times!!

Yes I currently have a cpn who is purely a care co-ordinator, who comes to see the scary consultant on me and sees me every so often. Plus a therapist who I like and wish I could have had years ago and yet I am scared of having my sessions used up and started things and then getting stuck.

Lots of stresses for me at the moment -so baby son is a good destressor. Too anxious to get out much, but need to otherwise I get stuck in my negative thoughts. Tricky. Dm very ill, long wait to see a consultant, am concerned how ill she is and can do nothing.

future - sorry difficult situation with dm, hope you get the support you need for her.

Right - nearly 10pm and ds not asleep - oh dear (dh putting him down, he is better than I am!!)

(((((( Keziah ))))))at anxiety and great worry for your Mum -
Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal at cybernephew*'s Peek-Oh

I'd love to see him covering his eyes , then peeking precocious little -thank you Keziah !chap

I was wittering to Choc n my last post that with dd going through aher bfirst big God phase is opportunity to muse on spirit .. could baby son's guardian angels be playinteaching him a new game ?

Perhaps some of our angels s are the same age as us , growing up alaongsde< < pictures cehrubim gisggling loudly >

So sorry your DM so unell with consultant not seeing her for some long time yet ... my scariest in life , loved one needing urgent med attention but not receiving . < racks brain ... there can't be anything your formidable mind hasn't already thought of , such as have you her permssion to wuld she allow you to talk to her GP and ask them if theymight ring contact consultant's office ?
Is there a good forum you feel up to asking on -your DMhe probably has a set of complications / inter - related conditions < love and prayers >

Thank you - DM coming round today and I can hear from what she says on phone that she is going to reject miy & DH 's view (over almost 20 yrs ) of the situation - no chance of me managing a relationship with her without support and counselling . Victim Support have been lovely .

< waves to Choc , hoping peaceful week and some time outdooers >
Sorry not finished , DM due any moment

Ok ds decided with his last feed of the day he could prolong bedtime again with a game of peek - oh/peek aboo or whatever it is called writted down. Bless him, it did indeed delay his bedtime!!

My dm's health care is something that makes me go grrrrrrrrrrrrrr over, and my parents don't and will not ever challenge or ask as they seem to think dr's know best. Mm.... am just hoping that my brain that always catastrophises things is indeed just doint that, thinking the worst and that is all it is. But it will not go away until appointment, however much I consciously avoid thinking about it. If that makes sense. If not don't worry.

Gosh, hope dm visit ok for you future - and that if she doesn't want a relationship then hope you can have peace about that. Glad victim support have been so lovely for you.

Rain, rain, rain due but gorgeous sunshine today here!! Had lovely walk by a lake with ds and a friend today, which he slept through - and needed to sleep!

Good sleep to all xx